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Older Ace virgins over 40


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On 2/25/2022 at 7:32 PM, Sandy830 said:

I’m 56 and am a virgin. I honestly thought I was the only one lol 

 I created this thread to show  support for  asexual virgin born before 1973

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I’m 57 - again I thought I was the only one.  It’s the last taboo, isn’t it, if you tell anyone it’s ‘what is WRONG with you?!’  Even if they don’t say it, you can see it in their faces

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I'm  52 and I don't have the energy to deal with sexual men. I  already dealt with 1 sexual man and never again.

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On 4/2/2022 at 4:15 AM, ivyolddog said:

I’m 57 - again I thought I was the only one.  It’s the last taboo, isn’t it, if you tell anyone it’s ‘what is WRONG with you?!’  Even if they don’t say it, you can see it in their faces

When I have come out to a few friends, I have told them that I'm a virgin. Only one questioned me on that because it was a common thought (make that a misconception) that I'd had sex with a female friend back in the 80s (we spent a lot of time together).

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On 2/25/2022 at 10:32 PM, Sandy830 said:

I’m 56 and am a virgin. I honestly thought I was the only one lol 

  I think there are more adult virgins out there than people want to admit.  

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Will be turning 45 this year and have only recently begun to be fine with being a virgin.  I'm still sort of curious sometimes, still have thoughts of maybe meeting a guy I'd be ok with trying it with some day.  So I haven't totally ruled it out.  I am a bit vain about my looks, so I do sometimes have the passing thought of "maybe I should do something with this body before it all sags" LOL ... but it's a quickly passing thought.   For years I berated myself that I'm just insanely too picky about men, too terminally lazy to "get out there and date", a weirdo for hating online dating so much, missed my chance when I was younger and waited too long to just "get it over with" ... but more and more I think I just don't really need or want sex and don't care to seek it out.  

 

It's funny, because as a kid I was always very into the idea of romance.  My parents were happily married, so I just assumed I'd fall in love, marry, have kids.  I was very into romantic movies and watching soaps after school.  I couldn't wait to start kissing!  Then I hit junior high and actually started kissing.   I.   Was.   Horrified.  I just did not enjoy it, and none of what came after was too appealing, either.  Even the guy I had the maddest crush on in high school ... I would try to enjoy the make-out/groping sessions in his car and it was just ... such a chore.  

 

It did not help coming of age in the 90s, when women were supposed to be "sex positive" but that really meant trying to please men (unfortunately, some of the guys I knew in college would make fun of girls behind their back if they decided you were awkward at sex, especially if you were bad at blow jobs - I know I know, not all, or even most men are like this! But it was so alarming / anxiety-inducing to find out men could be like this).  And the 90s is when guys got SUPER INTO blow jobs (performing oral sex is not an option for me -- I have a terrible gag reflex, at least once a dentist visit the hygienist thinks I'm choking to death / having a panic attack, and we all have to stop and sit up for five minutes LOL).  For a long time I assumed I was just working myself into a state of anxiety and should force myself to try.   

 

I just never, ever, have really enjoyed dating -- even though I love parties, love socializing, love to laugh and talk with new people, love going out to eat.  I'm definitely an introvert who needs a ton of alone time, but I still love going out and always assumed being a social butterfly meant I'd be great at dating and romance some day.  Nope.  🤷‍♀️

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@Koala Cara Welcome to AVEN :cake: and great post . For a short period of time in my 30s I considered doing something to lose my virginity. This was a few years before I found out about asexuality. After that, it wasn't a concern being a virgin.

 

The last paragraph is similar and I understand.

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hudsonvalley76
On 4/24/2022 at 4:56 PM, Koala Cara said:

Will be turning 45 this year and have only recently begun to be fine with being a virgin.  I'm still sort of curious sometimes, still have thoughts of maybe meeting a guy I'd be ok with trying it with some day.  So I haven't totally ruled it out.  I am a bit vain about my looks, so I do sometimes have the passing thought of "maybe I should do something with this body before it all sags" LOL ... but it's a quickly passing thought.   For years I berated myself that I'm just insanely too picky about men, too terminally lazy to "get out there and date", a weirdo for hating online dating so much, missed my chance when I was younger and waited too long to just "get it over with" ... but more and more I think I just don't really need or want sex and don't care to seek it out.  

 

It's funny, because as a kid I was always very into the idea of romance.  My parents were happily married, so I just assumed I'd fall in love, marry, have kids.  I was very into romantic movies and watching soaps after school.  I couldn't wait to start kissing!  Then I hit junior high and actually started kissing.   I.   Was.   Horrified.  I just did not enjoy it, and none of what came after was too appealing, either.  Even the guy I had the maddest crush on in high school ... I would try to enjoy the make-out/groping sessions in his car and it was just ... such a chore.  

 

It did not help coming of age in the 90s, when women were supposed to be "sex positive" but that really meant trying to please men (unfortunately, some of the guys I knew in college would make fun of girls behind their back if they decided you were awkward at sex, especially if you were bad at blow jobs - I know I know, not all, or even most men are like this! But it was so alarming / anxiety-inducing to find out men could be like this).  And the 90s is when guys got SUPER INTO blow jobs (performing oral sex is not an option for me -- I have a terrible gag reflex, at least once a dentist visit the hygienist thinks I'm choking to death / having a panic attack, and we all have to stop and sit up for five minutes LOL).  For a long time I assumed I was just working myself into a state of anxiety and should force myself to try.   

 

I just never, ever, have really enjoyed dating -- even though I love parties, love socializing, love to laugh and talk with new people, love going out to eat.  I'm definitely an introvert who needs a ton of alone time, but I still love going out and always assumed being a social butterfly meant I'd be great at dating and romance some day.  Nope.  🤷‍♀️

We have VERY similar stories. I am a 45 soon to be 46 year old virgin. I too assumed I was like everyone else. I assumed I would get married one day and have children. I loved romance. Had a subscription to Soap Opera Digest. Loved loved loved the film, the Bodyguard! But when it came my time to date, I was touch repulsed. I HATE French kissing and I don't like my breasts or genitals touched. I use to masturbate (not with fingers but by thrusting pillows while fully clothed) and was looking forward to sex, but the real thing felt AWFUL. I have to accept that this is who I am, although it gets lonely sometimes.

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On 4/25/2022 at 3:46 PM, hudsonvalley76 said:

We have VERY similar stories. I am a 45 soon to be 46 year old virgin. I too assumed I was like everyone else. I assumed I would get married one day and have children. I loved romance. Had a subscription to Soap Opera Digest. Loved loved loved the film, the Bodyguard! But when it came my time to date, I was touch repulsed. I HATE French kissing and I don't like my breasts or genitals touched. I use to masturbate (not with fingers but by thrusting pillows while fully clothed) and was looking forward to sex, but the real thing felt AWFUL. I have to accept that this is who I am, although it gets lonely sometimes.

Do you still love watching soap opera  now? I love watching soap opera after 41 years  and  still  subscribe to Soap Opera Digest. As a kid. I live  my romantic adventure fantasy through Luke and Laura.

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hudsonvalley76
9 hours ago, newgirl said:

Do you still love watching soap opera  now? I love watching soap opera after 41 years  and  still  subscribe to Soap Opera Digest. As a kid. I live  my romantic adventure fantasy through Luke and Laura.

Unfortunately the soaps I liked have all ended. I liked One Life to Live, All My Children, and to a lesser extent As the World Turns and Guiding Light. I still like romance, but not as much as before. I use to be obsessed with romantic comedies, but now my interest is only once in a blue moon.

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On 5/1/2022 at 5:58 PM, hudsonvalley76 said:

Unfortunately the soaps I liked have all ended. I liked One Life to Live, All My Children, and to a lesser extent As the World Turns and Guiding Light. I still like romance, but not as much as before. I use to be obsessed with romantic comedies, but now my interest is only once in a blue moon.

I'm still a hardcore soap opera fan General Hospital

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I'll be 70 in Sept. 2022 and am interested in meeting in-person (outdoors or taking Covid precautions) with aces in the general area of Olympia, WA (western Washington State). I don't visit this website often, but you can check out my profile and email me at homestead14520@yahoo.com.

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On 10/21/2020 at 3:47 PM, Diana DeLuna said:

their kissy-fucky lover people

🤣

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Geekykitty
On 4/25/2022 at 6:56 AM, Koala Cara said:

Will be turning 45 this year and have only recently begun to be fine with being a virgin.  I'm still sort of curious sometimes, still have thoughts of maybe meeting a guy I'd be ok with trying it with some day.  So I haven't totally ruled it out.  I am a bit vain about my looks, so I do sometimes have the passing thought of "maybe I should do something with this body before it all sags" LOL ... but it's a quickly passing thought.   For years I berated myself that I'm just insanely too picky about men, too terminally lazy to "get out there and date", a weirdo for hating online dating so much, missed my chance when I was younger and waited too long to just "get it over with" ... but more and more I think I just don'

Yeah same, sometimes I think maybe I should just try sex to see what all the fuss is about. But then I try to imagine it happening and I feel all gross and start getting anxious.

 

On 4/25/2022 at 6:56 AM, Koala Cara said:

And the 90s is when guys got SUPER INTO blow jobs (performing oral sex is not an option for me -- I have a terrible gag reflex, 

🤮 I can't understand why anyone would want to do this. The thought makes me feel absolutely sick and disgusted. Why would anyone want to put their mouth on someone else's genitals? Its unfathomable to me. Sometimes I think I've woken up in some bizarre dream world and nothing makes any sense. Its your mouth , going onto a body part thats used to go to the toilet!  Think of the germs - yuck 🤢

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BuckeyeChick

56 year old female here and I still have my "V" card, lol. 

Always liked people for their personality and companionship... however the heavy breathing, getting naked stuff never interested me. 

Not sure why people act like it's so important.

I personally think sexual people are either bored by life, easily entertained or it's some combination of the two.

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MidnightStar
On 4/24/2022 at 4:56 PM, Koala Cara said:

It did not help coming of age in the 90s, when women were supposed to be "sex positive" but that really meant trying to please men (unfortunately, some of the guys I knew in college would make fun of girls behind their back if they decided you were awkward at sex, especially if you were bad at blow jobs - I know I know, not all, or even most men are like this! But it was so alarming / anxiety-inducing to find out men could be like this).  And the 90s is when guys got SUPER INTO blow jobs (performing oral sex is not an option for me -- I have a terrible gag reflex, at least once a dentist visit the hygienist thinks I'm choking to death / having a panic attack, and we all have to stop and sit up for five minutes LO). 
 

I relate to this. I legit threw up on someone i was attempting to give my 1st blow job to. I tried a few after that. Friggin disgusting. Why would I want to put THAT in my mouth. I felt equally the same about being on the receiving end. Why would I want someone’s face in there? Anyone who hasn’t had sex, you aren’t missing anything.  I spent close to 20 years having sex I didn’t want to please other ppl. I envy you who did soul searching earlier in life but then again if I had known about asexuality sooner I wouldn’t my kids. So I guess I found out about it all when I was suppose to 

Edited by MidnightStar
I’m sorry, my reply went in your quote and I can’t figure out how to fix it. My reply starts at ‘I relate to this’
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Ace_Reporter

I'm 53 and am over telling people about it for fear of them thinking I'm weird.

 

Was anybody else bothered by the movie "40 Year Old Virgin"?

 

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Skycaptain
4 hours ago, GrACEFully said:

I'm 53 and am over telling people about it for fear of them thinking I'm weird.

 

Was anybody else bothered by the movie "40 Year Old Virgin"?

 

I didn't enlighten my social circle as to the accuracy of the title 😋, but having not seen the movie I can't comment on it's content 

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18 hours ago, GrACEFully said:

I'm 53 and am over telling people about it for fear of them thinking I'm weird.

 

Was anybody else bothered by the movie "40 Year Old Virgin"?

 

I was definitely bothered by that movie. The main character was constantly bullied by his "friends" -- but apparently that's OK when the goal is encouraging someone to have sex for the first time. There are more issues with it, but that one does stick out for me.

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I was given the DVD years ago, but never bothered to watch it.

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Til this day, I haven't watch the movie "40 year virgin". the movie clips look like a stereotype. I'm 52 year old  and  I don't feel weird

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Diana DeLuna
On 4/3/2022 at 6:33 PM, newgirl said:

I'm  52 and I don't have the energy to deal with sexual men. I  already dealt with 1 sexual man and never again.

Me too. Word for word.  I fended off countless sexual men through my life, but only really had to "deal with" one particularly stubborn, ace-phobic man who wouldn't let it go. Had he succeeded in "getting the girl," (i.e. me) it might have been the cute, basic plot of a romance novel, But my revulsion and sense of intrusion made it not a fun situation at all. Especially since he failed to convert me to straightness anyway. So yeah. I'm not just done with allo men; I'm done with allos period!

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reallymzungu
On 4/24/2022 at 1:56 PM, Koala Cara said:

Will be turning 45 this year and have only recently begun to be fine with being a virgin.  I'm still sort of curious sometimes, still have thoughts of maybe meeting a guy I'd be ok with trying it with some day.  So I haven't totally ruled it out.  I am a bit vain about my looks, so I do sometimes have the passing thought of "maybe I should do something with this body before it all sags" LOL ... but it's a quickly passing thought.   For years I berated myself that I'm just insanely too picky about men, too terminally lazy to "get out there and date", a weirdo for hating online dating so much, missed my chance when I was younger and waited too long to just "get it over with" ... but more and more I think I just don't really need or want sex and don't care to seek it out.  

 

It's funny, because as a kid I was always very into the idea of romance.  My parents were happily married, so I just assumed I'd fall in love, marry, have kids.  I was very into romantic movies and watching soaps after school.  I couldn't wait to start kissing!  Then I hit junior high and actually started kissing.   I.   Was.   Horrified.  I just did not enjoy it, and none of what came after was too appealing, either.  Even the guy I had the maddest crush on in high school ... I would try to enjoy the make-out/groping sessions in his car and it was just ... such a chore.  

 

It did not help coming of age in the 90s, when women were supposed to be "sex positive" but that really meant trying to please men (unfortunately, some of the guys I knew in college would make fun of girls behind their back if they decided you were awkward at sex, especially if you were bad at blow jobs - I know I know, not all, or even most men are like this! But it was so alarming / anxiety-inducing to find out men could be like this).  And the 90s is when guys got SUPER INTO blow jobs (performing oral sex is not an option for me -- I have a terrible gag reflex, at least once a dentist visit the hygienist thinks I'm choking to death / having a panic attack, and we all have to stop and sit up for five minutes LOL).  For a long time I assumed I was just working myself into a state of anxiety and should force myself to try.   

 

I just never, ever, have really enjoyed dating -- even though I love parties, love socializing, love to laugh and talk with new people, love going out to eat.  I'm definitely an introvert who needs a ton of alone time, but I still love going out and always assumed being a social butterfly meant I'd be great at dating and romance some day.  Nope.  🤷‍♀️

Are you me? I mean, like, exactly me? Same age, same experiences, same dislike of kissing, same gag-reflex concerns, same theoretical interest in romance but lack of interest in sexual acts.

 

Anyway, 45-year-old woman who has never had sex. Hi.

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3 minutes ago, reallymzungu said:

Are you me? I mean, like, exactly me? Same age, same experiences, same dislike of kissing, same gag-reflex concerns, same theoretical interest in romance but lack of interest in sexual acts.

 

Anyway, 45-year-old woman who has never had sex. Hi.

Welcome to AVEN :cake: I found out about asexuality when I was 44 and I'm 60 now. I'm also a virgin.

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On 6/29/2022 at 7:43 AM, Diana DeLuna said:

Me too. Word for word.  I fended off countless sexual men through my life, but only really had to "deal with" one particularly stubborn, ace-phobic man who wouldn't let it go. Had he succeeded in "getting the girl," (i.e. me) it might have been the cute, basic plot of a romance novel, But my revulsion and sense of intrusion made it not a fun situation at all. Especially since he failed to convert me to straightness anyway. So yeah. I'm not just done with allo men; I'm done with allos period!

By me excluding sexual men, I won't have a dating life. Most asexual men over 50 aren't looking for a girlfriend or wife

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Diana DeLuna
On 5/24/2022 at 6:13 PM, Geekykitty said:

Yeah same, sometimes I think maybe I should just try sex to see what all the fuss is about. But then I try to imagine it happening and I feel all gross and start getting anxious.

 

🤮 I can't understand why anyone would want to do this. The thought makes me feel absolutely sick and disgusted. Why would anyone want to put their mouth on someone else's genitals? Its unfathomable to me. Sometimes I think I've woken up in some bizarre dream world and nothing makes any sense. Its your mouth , going onto a body part thats used to go to the toilet!  Think of the germs - yuck 🤢

I am sooo with you. I never really thought that much about the mechanics of sexual intercourse, or kissing, until I found out I was AroAce a couple years ago. The more I've thought about it since then, the more grossed out I am. Also the more alien it sounds, which makes me realize how alien I've been all these years. Now I feel both pride and fury over it every day. FREE HUGS FOR ALL, but kisses never.

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jay williams
On 7/22/2022 at 10:52 AM, Diana DeLuna said:

I am sooo with you. I never really thought that much about the mechanics of sexual intercourse, or kissing, until I found out I was AroAce a couple years ago. The more I've thought about it since then, the more grossed out I am. Also the more alien it sounds, which makes me realize how alien I've been all these years. Now I feel both pride and fury over it every day. FREE HUGS FOR ALL, but kisses never.

I am with you. It was stuff to try when I was many years younger, and when I had quaffed numerous alcohol laced beverages. But screwing and kissing has below zero appeal to me now that I am older and not out drinking!
I think we are more common out there than we are told!

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REBOOT "Trend"

 

1.Sologamy or autogamy/self marriage is marriage by a person to themselves. 

 2. self-uniting marriage is one in which the couple or person are married without the presence of a third-party officiant

 

California allows "non-clergy marriage" by "members of a particular religious society or denomination not having clergy for the purpose of solemnizing marriage or entering the marriage relation," provided that specified forms, including the signatures of two witnesses, are properly completed and filed

 

Colorado, District of Columbia ,Illinois ,Kansas, Maine ,Nevada ,Pennsylvania ,Wisconsin

 

https://www.brides.com/story/sologamy-why-women-are-marrying-themselves

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