Jump to content

Older Ace virgins over 40


newgirl

Recommended Posts

@Muledeer Even my thinking before I found out about asexuality defaulted to heterosexual. I had to be straight because I wasnt't 'into' guys.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Asterion Orestes

Guess this thread has been here a while; I apparently hadn't looked at it.

 

My sexual(?) status remains the same, though now I'm 62--the age at which my father died after bringing up his five sons. Three of my four brothers remain unmarried (including the youngest, who has Down syndrome) & two of them live amicably with me & my mother on the same property. There's no further evidence that any of them are truly Ace. We've all either failed to escape our hometown or come back to it.

 

Nearly as fat as ever, I'm dealing with type II diabetes. Obviously there are worse maladies.

 

I've at least imagined an asexual relationship since I was 13, but so far this remains an unfulfilled goal.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...
20 hours ago, newgirl said:

@Podsnap

 

What month is your birthday? I'm going to try to give all the shout out to  people turning 50 in 2020 (1970)

April 😛

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Podsnap said:

April 😛

Are you an Aries or Taurus? I'm an Aries (March 1970).

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • 3 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest sagausten
On 10/25/2015 at 8:49 PM, Ida1974 said:

I am 41 today and a virgin. It's really nice to know I'm not alone.

YES. I've always felt like a freak! It's really really nice to know that : )

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...
On 5/1/2020 at 4:13 PM, bsly54 said:

I’ve been so virgin shamed that I had trouble even posting here where I’m accepted.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. I'm glad you felt comfortable posting here!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna
On 5/27/2020 at 10:30 PM, newgirl said:

@Podsnap

 

 Happy belated 50th birthday.  I guess  the coronavirus  has ruin everybody birthday

Happy 50th birthday to all my 1970 peeps! My 50 clock flipped in January, right around when I first started posting here (finally).

 

I was born 3 weeks early in raging snowstorm. As a hard-core middle child, my mother doesn't remember much about my first words or first steps. But she remembers the day of my birth, all right. 🌨❄ 😁

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
On 5/31/2020 at 12:59 PM, Diana DeLuna said:

Happy 50th birthday to all my 1970 peeps! My 50 clock flipped in January, right around when I first started posting here (finally).

 

I was born 3 weeks early in raging snowstorm. As a hard-core middle child, my mother doesn't remember much about my first words or first steps. But she remembers the day of my birth, all right. 🌨❄ 😁

Thanks!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna
2 hours ago, newgirl said:

To 1969/ 1970 chicks:

 

We should stay in touch  @Diana DeLuna @Podsnap @fuzzipueo. we have  age, asexuality and  virginity  in common

Personally, I think that's a super idea. 🖤♠️🤍💜💚🤍💛😊

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, newgirl said:

To 1969/ 1970 chicks:

 

We should stay in touch  @Diana DeLuna @Podsnap @fuzzipueo. we have  age, asexuality and  virginity  in common

Kids these days. I turned 9 in '70 LOL

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/3/2020 at 3:51 PM, sallimae76 said:

No, I am an ace virgin at 44 with little to no friends. 

This coronavirus lockdown is very hard if you don't have a friends

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/29/2020 at 11:09 AM, newgirl said:

Am I  the only older  ace virgin at 50 without any friends/ acquaintance?

No, you aren't. 💜 I live alone and have some friends, but they're all allo and in relationships that are more important to them than a friendship is with lonely old me. Moreover, most are long distance and I hear from them a couple times a year, so that hardly counts. A lifetime of invalidation and erasure will do things to a person's self-esteem.

 

Now that I understand how deeply being AroAce has hurt my life in the past, I want to make up for lost time with new Ace or Ace-accepting people, in spite of my ingrained social phobia.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@newgirl, @sallimae76, @Diana DeLuna... I'm right there with you. I live far away from most of my "real life" friends, and have actually never had a conversation with any of them about being ace. Keep thinking I should, but it feels scary. At 46, you would think it wouldn't matter... But I just sometimes want to have a real open conversation about it without making it like a "coming out" moment.

Edited by mxmeli
Typo
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, mxmeli said:

@newgirl, @sallimae76, @Diana DeLuna... I'm right there with you. I live far away from most of my "real life" friends, and have actually never had a conversation with any of them about being ace. Keep thinking I should, but it feels scary. At 46, you would think it wouldn't matter... But I just sometimes want to have a real open conversation about it without making it like a "coming out" moment.

My only "real" friend disappointed me. She said, "You don't want to have sex at least once?" Even for a sexual, your first time isn't orgasams coming out of the gate. I only ever had ONE PERSON ever say to me, "It doesn't feel good the first time, that's why you have to find someone who is crazy about you." To give you the incentive to want to keep doing it. Curiosity, and not wanting to be different is not enough of a reason for me to want to lose my virginity. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

The one thing I will say is "Never say never". 

I had always been more than content with staying a virgin for life, same as I'd been more than happy identifying as aromantic for life. 

But it's not impossible that things change. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

The one thing I will say is "Never say never". 

I had always been more than content with staying a virgin for life, same as I'd been more than happy identifying as aromantic for life. 

But it's not impossible that things change. 

I think the older a person gets the less likely a person is going to seek a sexual partner even if it was for 'one time encounter'.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, will123 said:

I think the older a person gets the less likely a person is going to seek a sexual partner even if it was for 'one time encounter'.

Sometimes things happen when you're not even looking for them 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I contemplated intentionally seeking out a partner (an old friend) to lose my virginity to when I was in my 30s, but I totally freaked out and backed out. Since then, I just haven't really thought about it much... and now that I've internally embraced an ace identity, I think about sex/virginity even less. I'd still be interested in a romantic relationship with another ace but have no idea where to meet people in my area.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/18/2020 at 12:31 PM, sallimae76 said:

My only "real" friend disappointed me. She said, "You don't want to have sex at least once?" Even for a sexual, your first time isn't orgasams coming out of the gate. I only ever had ONE PERSON ever say to me, "It doesn't feel good the first time, that's why you have to find someone who is crazy about you." To give you the incentive to want to keep doing it. Curiosity, and not wanting to be different is not enough of a reason for me to want to lose my virginity. 

How infuriating. 😡 I was told things like that my whole life:  "Sex is complicated for women. It takes a lot to turn women on." Etc. There were a barge-load of messages like that in my undergrad psych courses and the pop science literature I consumed so voraciously in the 1990s.

 

So I just assumed my lack of interest was because I was...well...complicatedly female. But never was I motivated to test my assumption. I was always sex-repulsed AroAce but didn't have the vocabulary to express and defend myself. 

 

My friend (he was never a "real" friend--I know that now) ignorantly thought he understood the "spectrum" before I did. So while he was doing his level-best to convince me to have sex with him, he confused the hell out of me by commenting, "Asexuality occurs on a spectrum. If you don't have sex, how do you know where on the spectrum you fall?"  I didn't understand this at all, and my lack of ability to get this through to him put me off-kilter and handed him all the leverage in our "friendship." 

 

People are ignorant: It's not the HAVING SEX that makes you asexual. HOW YOU FEEL IN THE INSIDE--in your core--what your attractions are.  I'm not innately sexually attracted to anyone. I didn't feel it when I was 11, not when I was 15, not at 20, not at 40, and not now at 50. I don't "need to have sex" to know that.

 

And woe betide any ignorant jerk who tries that gaslighting shit on me again. 🤬

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...