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ASF13957

Sex-repulsed vs. indifferent - confusion

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ASF13957

Apologies if the answer to this is obvious - I looked about and researched on my own and failed to findanswers, but I might have missed something.

Anyway, what I'm wondering is, where is the line (if there is a line) between sex-repulsed and sex-indifferent? I know what the two terms mean, generally - repulsed means you are actively repelled by the idea of engaging in sexual acts, indifferent means you don't really care about it (and I guess favorable means you're interested in the act while still not being attracted to a person). My issue is that there are a lot of types of sex act, and it's quite possible (and probably common) to feel very, very differently towards different types of act.

For example - I've previously described myself as sex-indifferent, because in some situations, under some very specific conditions, I'd be okay having sex. I don't especially want to have it, and without external motivation - e.g. a partner wants to have it - I wouldn't choose to have it, but under those specific conditions, I wouldn't be repelled by it.

That said, those 'specific conditions' are really, really specific. And any sex act which doesn't meet them is out of the question for me, as I'm repelled by the thought of engaging in it. The conditions are so specific that I probably will never have sex, just because I honestly think it would be easier for me to find someone who is okay with a non-sexual relationship than someone who does want sex, but is okay only having it under those very specific conditions.

Some TMI about the conditions in the spoiler:

I'd only be comfortable having sex if I could remain pretty fully clothed (minimum, at least wearing boxers (w/fly open) and t-shirt - my partner can be nude, I don't care about that), and ONLY perform penetrative sex on my partner (as in, I top), or maybe frottage-type stuff, or, possibly, manual sex on them, and possibly even use an artificial penis rather than my natural one, to minimise contact so to speak. If there is a power differential, I am only okay with being the dom, or foregoing the differential entirely. I'm not okay with oral, in either direction. I'm not okay with being on the receiving end of penetration. I'm not okay with recieving manual sex. I'm not okay removing those last pieces of clothing. I'm not okay with being a sub. I could go into the kinks I am or am not okay with, but that would make this way too long. It's not that I am ideologically opposed to any of that stuff, I am just repulsed by the idea of doing it, so much so that if I make an effort to picture it vividly in my head I feel slightly ill. And I probably wouldn't be okay having sex more than once a week, tops.

So, all of that means there are a lot more sex acts I'm not willing to do than ones I am. It's like being Grey-A, except instead of only feeling attraction once in a blue moon, I'm only remotely okay with sex once in a blue moon. Does this mean I am a repulsed asexual after all? Or am I somewhere in between labels? Or was I right originally, and am an indifferent asexual? I don't care that much about labels in most contexts, but since this is an asexual discussion forum it'd be nice to be able to fit into one group or another, and mention this when responding to relevant posts.

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x54880

Often when someone identifies as sex-indifferent or repulsed, they mean they're overall indifferent or repulsed towards having sex. However, the dividing line isn't always clear, since someone can be indifferent to some acts, and repulsed by others, or even favorable towards others.

It's up to you to decide which label feels more useful to you, but it's okay if neither of those labels feel like they fit you. There are others, including some whose situation is similar to yours, don't feel like they fit into the indifferent, repulsed or favorable categories.

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KendraPM

I think it has to do with how you feel towards the majority of the acts. I say I'm sex-indifferent because I enjoy certain sexual acts but since I identify "sex" (for me, even if I don't consider it sex for everyone) as PiV. And since I don't care for sex by that definition and only do it for my partner, I consider myself sex-indifferent. I'm not opposed to it, it doesn't gross me out, turn me off, or repulse me in anyway. I just don't find it very enjoyable. It's more awkward than anything. As for sexual contact, which I believe can be considered sex even if I don't usually mean that when I say "sex," I enjoy it. I don't neccessarily want it or anything, but it's fun and creates an feeling of emotional closesness I like that makes me seek it out in romantic relationships.

So, what this all comes down to, is that the line is more about the majority. Are the majority of sexual actions repulsive to you or indifferent? That sort of thing.

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Star Bit

Sex-favorable/sex-positive just means they positively view it, it's not about haveing interest it. And i think the terms aren't about yourself ingaging in it but how you feel about sex as a whole. Yah, i agree with the others, you can go by a one of those specifics if you're predominantly so.

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PurplePr1nc3ss

I'm sex indifferent. I couldn't care less about sex. I'm not particularly interested in having it, except maybe just to try it once. I have an extremely low libido so sex isn't something that has to happen for me.

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ASF13957

Alright, thanks for the input, everyone. It's a topic I haven't heard discussed much, as for most on this site sex repulsion seems to be an all-or-nothing affair. I guess I'll just stick with plain 'asexual' and bring up any repulsions as necessary.

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Lixt

For me, indifference, repulsion and positivity is really contextual, I can't say I'm something in particular, I'm all those things, in different contexts. I'm sex positive because I want the attitude about sex to change. No more sex shaming, toxic masculinity, misogyny and rape culture. I'm sex repulsed because the idea of someone I don't love making any sort of advances at me makes me want to scream. But if I love and trust them? I'm okay with sex, and willing to share that with them, if certain conditions (respect of my limits) are met. I already talked about it here, but I feel I haven't found the correct identity yet. Bi/panromantic asexual is the closest I could find, but it still misses something I feel is important, and doesn't accurately represent my experience and how emotional bond actually changes something in my sexuality - but not attraction. I'm not demisexual, but the demi- really resonates. The other day I semi-joked I was "demi sex indifferent". Panro demi sex indifferent ace would make the identity really fit, but I don't know if there's a proper word for that.

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