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butterflydreams

I saw your question when I was getting a new tire on my car. I looked around and said... yup, I could ask any one of these guys and they'd fuck me in the back room right now, probably.

I can't believe this hypothetical was more interesting to you than tires. :lol:

But to the question being posed, I have no idea. I think I used to think a kind of variation of that a long, long time ago. That feeling is long since gone. By the time I was late in high school, I had shifted to my present philosophy that we're all people, and life is tough for everyone. The best thing anyone can do is recognize that fact within others.

And if I put myself into that position, being a girl, and having this alleged power to bang at will, would I? No. I'd feel weird. Creepy. Not myself. For me, maybe that's the result of lots of other things, but if I wouldn't do it, then what's the point? Who cares? If other women out there have this ability, that doesn't affect me.

Not to TMI it, but I don't see the difference in being able to bang anybody I wanted to in a tire garage waiting room (lol) or just getting myself off. It's the same thing IMO, and one is a hell of a lot easier to do and poses far, far fewer risks (i.e. none). But that's just me. Your experience may differ.

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Not to TMI it, but I don't see the difference in being able to bang anybody I wanted to in a tire garage waiting room (lol) or just getting myself off. It's the same thing IMO, and one is a hell of a lot easier to do and poses far, far fewer risks (i.e. none). But that's just me. Your experience may differ.

and if what you wanted was to get off, doing it yourself is a much better way to go about it... casual sex is notoriously bad for female sexual pleasure.

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dandelionfluff

If women could really get anyone they want I would be shacked up with a millionaire right now LOL. How can I use my super sex powers to seduce one? Please instruct me. This student loan debt isn't going to pay itself...

original.png

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butterflydreams

Not to TMI it, but I don't see the difference in being able to bang anybody I wanted to in a tire garage waiting room (lol) or just getting myself off. It's the same thing IMO, and one is a hell of a lot easier to do and poses far, far fewer risks (i.e. none). But that's just me. Your experience may differ.

and if what you wanted was to get off, doing it yourself is a much better way to go about it... casual sex is notoriously bad for female sexual pleasure.

God...the things I learn on AVEN :P

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Someone Else

Young women on okcupid can get dozens of offers very quickly with only a photo and a blank profile.
If okcupid allowed nudes, they'd just hundreds of requests almost right away, I suspect.

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Not to TMI it, but I don't see the difference in being able to bang anybody I wanted to in a tire garage waiting room (lol) or just getting myself off. It's the same thing IMO, and one is a hell of a lot easier to do and poses far, far fewer risks (i.e. none). But that's just me. Your experience may differ.

and if what you wanted was to get off, doing it yourself is a much better way to go about it... casual sex is notoriously bad for female sexual pleasure.

God...the things I learn on AVEN :P

Article # 1:

Why Women Don’t Reach Orgasm During Hookups

By Laura Berman, PhD

Published Nov 16, 2013

Casual sex might not be ideal when it comes to female sexual pleasure.

Casual sex and random hookups are a ubiquitous part of modern sex and dating. However, when it comes to these fly-by-night affairs, people often wonder if women are getting the short end of the stick. Not only are women more likely to branded with a scarlet letter (or at least misogynist insults such as “slut” and “whore”), but they are also the ones who primarily have to deal with possible consequences such as birth control failure and unintended pregnancies.

As if that wasn’t enough, now a new study from the Kinsey Institute finds that women often don’t even reach orgasm during these casual encounters. The researchers found that women are two times more likely to have an orgasm when they are in a relationship as opposed to a causal affair. They are also much less likely to reach orgasm during a hookup when compared to men—80 percent of men report reaching gratification after a casual sex encounter, as opposed to only 42 percent of women.

Why casual sex can lead to one-sided pleasure

There are many reasons why women might not reach orgasm during casual affairs. First, the female body can be very mysterious, even to its owners. That means that reaching an orgasm isn’t always easy, especially when you are with a new partner who doesn’t even know your last name, let alone your favorite position or your preferred method of kissing. All of this can mean that you will be less likely to reach orgasm.

Additionally, when you are enjoying a random affair, the man involved might have less motivation to help you reach orgasm. Unlike a committed, long-term partner who will likely want to fulfill you, a casual sex partner might be more selfish and focused on his own needs. Perhaps he might not even realize that you aren’t reaching gratification, especially if you seem to be enjoying yourself…and especially if you are faking it!

It’s also important to note that great sex can rarely occur when people feel inhibited and out of place. And first-time sex encounters (even with someone you know and love) can be quite awkward. When it is with someone you barely know, it can put you even more on edge. You won’t be able to open up and be vulnerable, let alone tell him what you want and need in the bedroom. All of this can add up to a decreased likelihood of orgasm, at least on your part.

Is casual sex worth it?

However, just because women don’t always reach orgasm during causal sex doesn’t mean that they aren’t having fun. In fact, many women don’t reach orgasm during sex with their regular partner each and every time. The purpose of sex isn’t to have an orgasm (although they are wonderful), and many people enjoy other aspects of sex just as much—such as the thrill of the chase, the powerful feeling of being desired, the pleasure of being touched and touching in return, and the excitement and spontaneity that first-time sex can bring. In other words, even though women don’t always reach the big “O” during casual sex doesn’t mean that they aren’t having a good time, and it doesn’t mean that they aren’t highly aroused and satisfied by their encounter.

That being said, casual sex (like all sex) does come with risks, even when you practice safer sex. With a random hookup, you won’t be able to know your partner and truly have his background and his sexual history, let alone be sure of the last time he got tested for STDs. And vice versa. For some women, the risk of casual sex simply isn’t worth it, especially if the big “O” isn’t promised to them in the end. However, many women can do and like having casual sex, orgasms or not, as long as they practice good self-care and do so safely and responsibly…I say, enjoy!

Article # 2

For women looking to achieve an orgasm, a random hookup might not be their best bet.

New research reveals that women are less likely to climax when having a casual sexual encounter than they are in a relationship.

"We have been looking at this orgasm discrepancy between men and women within the hookup context, and realized it's not an ideal situation between men and women," study co-author Sean Massey, an associate professor of women, gender and sexuality studies at Binghamton University in N.Y., told CBSNews.com.

Researchers talked to 600 college students and asked them to take a 3-item scale that rated their attitudes towards casual sex, with "1" being the most traditional and "5" being the most liberal. Traditional sexual attitudes meant that the person felt that sex and love should go hand-in-hand.

About 36 percent of surveyed women and 12 percent of men scored 2 or below which reflected more traditional views, while 13 percent of women and more than 40 percent of men reported very liberal attitudes with scores of 4 or above.

Participants were also asked how often they climaxed during sex in a relationship and a random encounter. The researchers found that both men and women were more likely to orgasm when they were in a relationship than when they were hooking up with someone.

When it came to casual encounters, women overall were half as likely to orgasm from oral sex or intercourse compared to other women who were in a relationship. Women who were more traditional in their views about sex were less likely to climax compared to those with more liberal scores on the survey

.

Men were shown to have similar rates of orgasm regardless of their traditional or liberal views towards casual sex.

"Men seemed to not be affected by that pro/anti-casual sex attitude," Massey said.

He believes that women may not be as comfortable as men in telling their random partner what they want and need from their sexual experience. Because of the sexual double standard, women may feel they aren't entitled to feel pleasure or interfere in the experience.

"If your partner doesn't know you, you don't have an opportunity to communicate your desire or your needs," Massey explained.

On the other hand, men may not be as concerned about pleasuring their partner if it's just a fling, Massey said.

The New York Times reported that a previous study of 24,000 students at 21 different colleges revealed that only 40 percent of women had an orgasm during their last casual encounter. A whopping 80 percent of men experienced climax.

"The notion of sexual liberation, where men and women both had equal access to casual sex, assumed a comparable likelihood of that sex being pleasurable," said Kim Wallen, a professor of neuroendocrinology at Emory University in Atlanta who was not involved in the study, told the Times. "But that part of the playing field isn't level."

Massey acknowledged that the study did qualify that a casual encounter was a sexual experience with a person that the participant was not in a committed relationship with, the researchers defined a hookup as a short-term casual sexual encounter. They did not qualify which activities that included, which could range from a make out session to intercourse. Most of the people qualified a hookup as more than kissing, and the researchers did not restrict it to kissing.

The research is currently in review for publication and was presented in 2013 at the International Academy of Sex Research and Annual Convention for Psychological Science annual meetings.

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@SM, thanks for more fun reading :D It is mind blowing..

TMI

Reason why.. As a person who looks to pleasure the other person. Causal sex is not a good idea.. As it is not always needed. I always try and find out what makes a person reach the big O. That is what gives me most pleasure. As a giver I take great pride in that. I wonder how this applies to homosexual relationships? SM, do you know if any studies about causal sex and homosexuals?

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Feral_Sophisticate

My question is the following..

TMI.. Beware!!

Do females really have the power to have sex if they really wanted any time? Is this true?

As a virgin male I find it hard to understand that females have such a power. Some say that they can always post on CL[Craiglist] or what have you and find someone. Or visit a bar or a club.. And thus find a male or female for sex..

Yes, they really can.

As a sexual male, I see it all the time - and they generally have the flexibility of choosing who, what, where and why. A guy can have a degree of control in that, but at the end of the day, the one with the "innie" plumbing has the final say.

Don't believe me? Make an account on a dating site, and say you're female. Fill it with relatively meaningless information. Watch your inbox implode with messages (of varying degrees of entitlement and creepiness). Do the same, but make an account where you say you're female. Watch your inbox fill with chirping crickets and dust bunnies.

In the bar scene, it's largely the same. A girl (and attractiveness really isn't a huge factor, as there's always a guy who'll do anything with a hole and a hearbeat) who dresses provocatively, or who makes it otherwise clear that she's available will get laid. It's inevitable.

For guys, though, there's more effort involved. For one, you need to be really authentic (and that takes time to establish, so there's no way to do that quickly, really), or really smooth (ie. a player). In either case, you have to "play the game" a lot more as a guy.

Oh, and regarding "playing the game"? The women make the rules, the rules can change at any time, and that's just the way it is. Those who refuse to understand that are often very single, very lonely, or have to lower their standards to get lucky.

That - in a nutshell - is how the "dating game" works.

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Let's not forget there are a lot of insecure women out there who will do most anything asked of then... it's definitely not true that all women are in control of all dating relationships.

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Funny, this thread is talking about a lot of the things I've been thinking about lately, as indicated by the thread I just recently created.

Women (and generally, referring to them as "females" is often seen as disrespectful)

He's not using the word "females" to refer to women. He's using it to refer to, well, females, including those too young to generally be called "women". I guess the concept of a 16 year old engaging in the act of sex is just too gruesome for you to consider?

But yeah, making it clear to a girl that you're mad at all the girls who didn't want you... not a good way to find someone.

I disagree. If you want to find specifically someone who's not like that, it seems a good idea to express this. Like, say you're really fed up with catholic girls and have no interest in them anymore, this seems like a good thing to mention to a potential partner, because if they're compatible with you, they'd probably at least understand where you're coming from.

And if I put myself into that position, being a girl, and having this alleged power to bang at will, would I? No. I'd feel weird. Creepy. Not myself. For me, maybe that's the result of lots of other things, but if I wouldn't do it, then what's the point? Who cares? If other women out there have this ability, that doesn't affect me.

Yeah, but you're asexual. I think this is the charm about asexual people, that they don't care about this kind of advantage, that it's not an advantage at all for them. There are many women out there who do make use of it and whose personalities have been shaped by it, in a manner that makes them really unattractive to me.

If women could really get anyone they want I would be shacked up with a millionaire right now LOL. How can I use my super sex powers to seduce one? Please instruct me. This student loan debt isn't going to pay itself...

original.png

So.. you're being sarcastic about something that has a high chance of being literally true? Millionaires aren't that rare, it's basically any middle aged guy who's had a decent job for 20+ years. Has a large, modern house, a nice car, some money on the bank for harsh times. I live near one of the economic centers of Germany, so there are plenty of those around here. As an attractive young woman with some vital social skills, you'd have a pretty good chance of marrying one of those if you put your mind to it, and yeah, at that point your financial troubles are over. Would it be worth it? I have no idea, but at least it's an option, and males don't have that option.

Once I was at a mental health institution where the chief doctor flat out told a (very attractive) girl there: "If you really don't want to get a good education, you don't have to get it. With your looks, you can just marry a rich guy once you grow up. It's on you." And this doctor (she was a woman) was one of my best psychologists yet; She was radical and didn't mind saying controversial things to her patients, however she was also very knowledgeable and accurate. Come to think of it, she reminds me of Skulls a bit in the way she used to give harsh, yet helpful advice all the time.

Yes, they really can.

As a sexual male, I see it all the time - and they generally have the flexibility of choosing who, what, where and why. A guy can have a degree of control in that, but at the end of the day, the one with the "innie" plumbing has the final say.

Don't believe me? Make an account on a dating site, and say you're female. Fill it with relatively meaningless information. Watch your inbox implode with messages (of varying degrees of entitlement and creepiness). Do the same, but make an account where you say you're female. Watch your inbox fill with chirping crickets and dust bunnies.

In the bar scene, it's largely the same. A girl (and attractiveness really isn't a huge factor, as there's always a guy who'll do anything with a hole and a hearbeat) who dresses provocatively, or who makes it otherwise clear that she's available will get laid. It's inevitable.

Yup, all of this.

For guys, though, there's more effort involved. For one, you need to be really authentic (and that takes time to establish, so there's no way to do that quickly, really)

I'm not sure what you mean by "authentic". I can assure you that my authenticity isn't attracting anyone, so you're probably talking about something very specific.

In either case, you have to "play the game" a lot more as a guy.

Yeah, you must be talking about something else. To me, "authenticity" means "consistently being myself", which in turn means not playing someone else's game. That's a weird way to use the word "authentic".

Oh, and regarding "playing the game"? The women make the rules, the rules can change at any time, and that's just the way it is. Those who refuse to understand that are often very single, very lonely, or have to lower their standards to get lucky.

Alternatively, find a woman who's not an asshole? I mean, those do exist, though not as common as the asshole ones. You know, I know so many people, on these forums and elsewhere, who ended up in completely terrible relationships with some jerk, and I think it's mostly because they played by "the rules". Me, I've never played by the rules, never compromised on my ideals just to get a partner, and every partner of mine, without a single exception (there were only 3 or 4) was a decent human being who treated me with respect. What's the point of "playing the game", if all you'll get out of it is superficial relationships with an extra helping of grief and hurt?

Let's not forget there are a lot of insecure women out there who will do most anything asked of then... it's definitely not true that all women are in control of all dating relationships.

Well, the "unlucky" women end up in bad relationships, whereas the "unlucky" men end up with no relationship at all. That's the gist of the difference. It sounds impossible at first, but the reason this works out is because the kind of asshole guys that seem to be "most desired" will often (usually secretly) have more than one partner.

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I have no idea. Just glad it was never with me, and they would be disappointed.

I would assume there is a big size of male population that are panting for any female company, so i would assume females mostly get what they want. But i doubt they always do.

Most people are sex maniacs, i just ignore them all. What ever they do or get upto on the net or elsewhere i could not care about.

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Let's not forget there are a lot of insecure women out there who will do most anything asked of then... it's definitely not true that all women are in control of all dating relationships.

Well, the "unlucky" women end up in bad relationships, whereas the "unlucky" men end up with no relationship at all. That's the gist of the difference. It sounds impossible at first, but the reason this works out is because the kind of asshole guys that seem to be "most desired" will often (usually secretly) have more than one partner.

Men can also end up in a "bad" relationship.

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Autumn Season

Alternatively, find a woman who's not an asshole? I mean, those do exist, though not as common as the asshole ones. You know, I know so many people, on these forums and elsewhere, who ended up in completely terrible relationships with some jerk, and I think it's mostly because they played by "the rules". Me, I've never played by the rules, never compromised on my ideals just to get a partner, and every partner of mine, without a single exception (there were only 3 or 4) was a decent human being who treated me with respect. What's the point of "playing the game", if all you'll get out of it is superficial relationships with an extra helping of grief and hurt?

^ This.

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But yeah, making it clear to a girl that you're mad at all the girls who didn't want you... not a good way to find someone.

I disagree. If you want to find specifically someone who's not like that, it seems a good idea to express this. Like, say you're really fed up with catholic girls and have no interest in them anymore, this seems like a good thing to mention to a potential partner, because if they're compatible with you, they'd probably at least understand where you're coming from.

Why would a potential partner care about how you feel about Catholic girls? Or any other specific group of women? They might understand where you're coming from but it wouldn't do you any good with them.

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But yeah, making it clear to a girl that you're mad at all the girls who didn't want you... not a good way to find someone.

I disagree. If you want to find specifically someone who's not like that, it seems a good idea to express this. Like, say you're really fed up with catholic girls and have no interest in them anymore, this seems like a good thing to mention to a potential partner, because if they're compatible with you, they'd probably at least understand where you're coming from.

Why would a potential partner care about how you feel about Catholic girls? Or any other specific group of women? They might understand where you're coming from but it wouldn't do you any good with them.

Not to mention that's not what we're talking about. Just being mad at girls who end up not diggin' ya... that's not a "type", that's just being mad at people for acting in their own interests... makes a person sound very controlling to bitch about girls not reciprocating interest, and I promise you guys... we're not idiots, we know if you're mad at every other girl who turned you down, it's only a matter of time til that turns to us.

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To answer the original question... yes, if I went out into a bar and said "OK. Who wants sex?" I would probably get offer just that easily. A lot of guys are willing to just go with a girl cause she's willing, if I wasn't picky and actually wanted sex.

Getting the person you WANT though. That's hard for everyone, regardless of gender or genitals. And yeah, being angry with people who rejected you, just because they weren't into you, does give off some red flags.

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My question is the following..

TMI.. Beware!!

Do females really have the power to have sex if they really wanted any time? Is this true?

As a virgin male I find it hard to understand that females have such a power. Some say that they can always post on CL[Craiglist] or what have you and find someone. Or visit a bar or a club.. And thus find a male or female for sex..

Yes, they really can.

As a sexual male, I see it all the time - and they generally have the flexibility of choosing who, what, where and why. A guy can have a degree of control in that, but at the end of the day, the one with the "innie" plumbing has the final say.

Don't believe me? Make an account on a dating site, and say you're female. Fill it with relatively meaningless information. Watch your inbox implode with messages (of varying degrees of entitlement and creepiness). Do the same, but make an account where you say you're female. Watch your inbox fill with chirping crickets and dust bunnies.

In the bar scene, it's largely the same. A girl (and attractiveness really isn't a huge factor, as there's always a guy who'll do anything with a hole and a hearbeat) who dresses provocatively, or who makes it otherwise clear that she's available will get laid. It's inevitable.

For guys, though, there's more effort involved. For one, you need to be really authentic (and that takes time to establish, so there's no way to do that quickly, really), or really smooth (ie. a player). In either case, you have to "play the game" a lot more as a guy.

Oh, and regarding "playing the game"? The women make the rules, the rules can change at any time, and that's just the way it is. Those who refuse to understand that are often very single, very lonely, or have to lower their standards to get lucky.

That - in a nutshell - is how the "dating game" works.

I think the above comment only applies to women who quite literally want and enjoy casual sex with almost anyone, and don't need an emotional connection before they desire and enjoy sex (lets face it, many, many women - and plenty of men too of course - need some form of emotional connection before they can desire sex with that person)

I disagree with this this part in particular: ''As a sexual male, I see it all the time - women generally have the flexibility of choosing who, what, where and why. A guy can have a degree of control in that, but at the end of the day, the one with the "innie" plumbing has the final say.''

I could walk down to the local bar and get sex from some of the guys there, yes. But I don't want to have sex with any of them, ew. I also don't want to have sex with any of the multiple guys who message me on OKCupid. Or on FetLife (I get like 40 pms a day minimum on there, that's what nude pics will get you, haha) ..I myself (same with many women) don't want sex with any random guy that will take me.

Now as for men who I do want to fuck, and have actually made moves on.. I have been turned down, by both my exes (yes they were both on the ace spectrum, but I would only ever go the extent of what they both want, they are grey-A like me, so they do want some stuff, buuuut... not with me..) And I wanted one other guy also grey A who I never would have even brought it up with, he was that uninterested in me.

I started researching this online, as this was uber-confusing for me (can't a woman get the guy she wants, especially if he's a loner who pretty much just sits in his room and plays on the computer all the time? - why oh why I am attracted to loner computer guys I have no idea - but like seriously, how hard can this be?!) Sooo many men would have sex with you (just because you have a pair of tits, and in my case, very big ones) but the ones that you choose don't want it and aren't interested. BLERGH.

So anyway what I found after doing some online research, is that this isn't by any stretch of the imagination something that just I have experienced.. There are thousands upon thousands of accounts online by women who say yes, they could get any man at a bar, but the man they want (usually the one they have developed feelings for) often just isn't interested.

It seems to me that for a woman, getting sex off the man she actually wants (emotionally as well as sexually) can almost be as hard as a man being able to get sex off any woman (and just as painful being turned away, I might add)

Okay. just saw Serrans comment. She said exactly what I am trying to say, just with less words.

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Feral_Sophisticate

I disagree with this this part in particular: ''As a sexual male, I see it all the time - women generally have the flexibility of choosing who, what, where and why. A guy can have a degree of control in that, but at the end of the day, the one with the "innie" plumbing has the final say.''

I could walk down to the local bar and get sex from some of the guys there, yes. But I don't want to have sex with any of them, ew. I also don't want to have sex with any of the multiple guys who message me on OKCupid. Or on FetLife (I get like 40 pms a day minimum on there, that's what nude pics will get you, haha) ..I myself (same with many women) don't want sex with any random guy that will take me.

Well, that's true, you don't want to have sex with any of them (and a lot of single women who aren't asexual don't, either).

All I'm saying is that the women do have the power to make the decision on the where, when and who - plus the "if".

Men - by and large (and obviously, among the sexually-driven portion of the population) - don't have the same influence and sway (or degree of power in deciding the where, when and if) as women do.

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An Angler's Analogy...The fisher[wo]man is out in the bay in her dingy. Sees a school of attractive looking fish and casts her line in with bait on the hook. Whoa...it takes only a few seconds and a male tuna takes the bait and gets hooked. She reels it in; yanks on the line a few times to make sure it's well hooked. Piece of :cake:; the desperate, starving, fish virtually jumps on board. Its inexperience shows.

The angler checks its length. Satisfied with its appearance, she fillets the fish and flings its remains back over-board. There is no appetite for its head, bones and fins. Only the meaty fillets and attractive skin will do.

It only takes thirty minutes to catch her quota...after throwing the under-aged and/or under-sized, or unattractive species back over-board.

Satisfied with her 'catch' of healthy, attractive, male tuna, hook-line-and-sinker, fisher[wo]man starts-up the out-board and heads back to shore.

PS...After a simple fry-up; it took only a few minutes to devour each fillet. Meanwhile, she plans her next trip...to catch a massive, manly, marlin. It should be a piece of :cake:. :ph34r:

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Batman's Ace

Let's not forget there are a lot of insecure women out there who will do most anything asked of then... it's definitely not true that all women are in control of all dating relationships.

Well, the "unlucky" women end up in bad relationships, whereas the "unlucky" men end up with no relationship at all. That's the gist of the difference. It sounds impossible at first, but the reason this works out is because the kind of asshole guys that seem to be "most desired" will often (usually secretly) have more than one partner.

Men can also end up in a "bad" relationship.

Women can also end up with no relationship at all.

Seriously, the number of women I know who are desperate for a partner and constantly single...

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