• Announcements

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

alliemcc15

How do I stop being asexual?

Recommended Posts

alliemcc15

Because its ruining my life. Who's gonna want to marry a girl who doesn't enjoy it at all when you're having sex? It's ruined every relationship. ..every guy I've been with thinks he can cure me...but nothing changes and at first they're confused, they've never met a girl like me. Then they are disappointed. It puts a huge strain on me to pretend all the time, make the right noises. It never ever feels natural. I feel like a child inside this adult body, and I dont understand sex at all. Is there some pill or cream that might help me...or can I like increase my testosterone somehow? I don't want to be asexual! I want to have a boyfriend! ! And I'm pretty so that's not a problem lol I could find a guy...but who's gonna stay with my problem? :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Member1121245

Brain changes is the only way. There's 0 chance that intentional brain changes can help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ellii

Go to your doctor, explain this, get your hormone levels checked out. Go to therapy.

being asexual doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MissLunarWolf

I'm just going to name off some possibilities..

Have you had your hormones checked by a doctor? Because there is a chance you're not entirely Asexual, you could be in the Grey-Asexual zone, or there's a chance you aren't asexual at all... Check this out, if you haven't already seen something like this: link

Not "enjoying" sex, doesn't make you asexual. Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction. Perhaps you haven't had good sex? :huh:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83

Asexuality isn't a desease or disorder that you can take something to fix. You could, if you really want to, test and see if your hormones are balanced and work with that if they aren't, but most asexuals aren't unbalanced in their hormones. I'm sorry you're having trouble in your relationships, that seems to be a problem for a lot if us, but there are guys out there who will accept you as you are

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Philip027
being asexual doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex.

True, but at the same time, trying to force enjoyment in something that you simply do not enjoy (and there is *nothing* in the world that everyone enjoys, so the whole "anyone can learn to enjoy sex" standpoint that many people adopt is simply not true) isn't going to work either.

Regarding the whole hormones subject, mine are (were?) messed up. I was on testosterone shots for a while. They didn't do anything. I might be an exception to the rule, but if you're really not sexually inclined at all and haven't ever been, I have a hard time believing that hormone treatments are suddenly going to change that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nidwin

"Can't fix something that ain't broken baby. I'm ace-aro and i find your sex stuff and romantic shizz as boring as a live cricket game."

Don't know what to say allie, but I hope it will work out well for you. :cake::wub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Qloshae

Because its ruining my life. Who's gonna want to marry a girl who doesn't enjoy it at all when you're having sex? It's ruined every relationship. ..every guy I've been with thinks he can cure me...but nothing changes and at first they're confused, they've never met a girl like me. Then they are disappointed. It puts a huge strain on me to pretend all the time, make the right noises. It never ever feels natural. I feel like a child inside this adult body, and I dont understand sex at all. Is there some pill or cream that might help me...or can I like increase my testosterone somehow? I don't want to be asexual! I want to have a boyfriend! ! And I'm pretty so that's not a problem lol I could find a guy...but who's gonna stay with my problem? :(

Well, first off. Asexuality is not a problem anymore than being short is.

Secondly, people having problems with you being sex averse can be due to age.

Thirdly, there are quite a few sites for asexuals who want to find another asexual such as http://www.ace-book.net/

There is no way that I know of to become sexual anymore than there's a way to make yourself taller.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Erasmvs

"Can't fix something that ain't broken baby. I'm ace-aro and i find your sex stuff and romantic shizz as boring as a live cricket game."

Don't know what to say allie, but I hope it will work out well for you. :cake::wub:

Where did you get that quote from?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Erasmvs

Also, I'm sorry. I don't believe you can change your sexuality. Unless the people above are right and you're not even asexual just have libido problems. You should definitely see a doctor. You can also have trauma and maybe that's why you don't like sex. Are you scared of sex or just find it boring? Visit a therapist and find out! But if it's not that, then I'm sorry, you're asexual and you'll have to accept it. You can't change your sexuality by your own will, just like a gay man can't force himself to be straight. It's just not how it works. But fortunately for you there are websites like AVEN where you can find people similar to you. Not wanting sex is not wrong, it's a preference. I'm sorry your relationships were ruined, but it's not your fault. I'm sure you can find a man who will understand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alliemcc15

Thanks everybody for your helpful answers. I had my hormones checked once but Im going to another doctor to get a second opinion and see if there's anything else that can help me. Maybe therapy? Idk. I have never experienced sexual attraction before. I've tried boys/girls and it's all just meh. Sex does nothing for me. It's really awkward actually, unless I'm drunk lol then I can pretend a little easier. Kissing is wierd. I am pan romantic and want more than anything to get married and have a family. So it's really important for me to change....I've literally never met another asexual person in my life. This is so hard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

So it's really important for me to change....

No, it's not. If you want a fulfilling relationship, the only way is to find someone you're compatible with. You can't "make" yourself be compatible with someone you are not. And yeah, I know, it's scary hard finding someone compatible, but that's true for everyone. A lot of people take "filler" relationships just so that they have any, but I don't think such a relationship would be worth forcing yourself to enjoy sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CMV

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual.

You can be asexual and still get married and have children.

Being asexual doesn't mean you can't love someone or can't

have sex with someone, it just means you don't experience

sexual attraction.You experience romantic attraction,so you

may be demisexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Erasmvs

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual.

You can be asexual and still get married and have children.

Being asexual doesn't mean you can't love someone or can't

have sex with someone, it just means you don't experience

sexual attraction.You experience romantic attraction,so you

may be demisexual.

Demisexuals are people who DO experience sexual attraction, but only after they got close to them emotionally. Asexuals can feel romantic attraction, but don't feel sexual. Demisexuals do. They're practically called "half-sexual", because "demi" = half. Asexuals can be heteroromantic, homoromantic or biromantic/panromantic. You're not demisexual if you feel romantic attraction only.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Keels

Thanks everybody for your helpful answers. I had my hormones checked once but Im going to another doctor to get a second opinion and see if there's anything else that can help me. Maybe therapy? Idk. I have never experienced sexual attraction before. I've tried boys/girls and it's all just meh. Sex does nothing for me. It's really awkward actually, unless I'm drunk lol then I can pretend a little easier. Kissing is wierd. I am pan romantic and want more than anything to get married and have a family. So it's really important for me to change....I've literally never met another asexual person in my life. This is so hard.

Not to be too dramatic here... but for the sake of all the rest of us romantic asexuals, many of whom had no clue about it at the point in our lives when it could have mattered... Please please PLEASE go out and find yourself some asexuals to date.

I mean... I have a good life, and I'm not sure I would go back and change anything; but that life also contains seemingly intractable and fairly scary marriage problems at this point. If I had had the chance to have an asexual relationship... oh man, it just blows my mind.

Anyway... my two cents.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KendraPM

There are men out there who don't like sex just as much as you don't. Finding an asexual man (or woman, since you're panromantic) to be with is your best bet. There is nothing wrong with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Autumn Season

If you insist on being with a sexual partner though, then you can at least try to find somebody who doesn't care much about penetrative sex. (I am assuming this is what you find most uncomfortable.) You could try touching in ways that both of you like and both find (sensual or sexual) satisfaction from. Also, before entering a relationship it is good for both you and your partner if you tell them that you are asexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lenika

Because its ruining my life. Who's gonna want to marry a girl who doesn't enjoy it at all when you're having sex? It's ruined every relationship. ..every guy I've been with thinks he can cure me...but nothing changes and at first they're confused, they've never met a girl like me. Then they are disappointed. It puts a huge strain on me to pretend all the time, make the right noises. It never ever feels natural. I feel like a child inside this adult body, and I dont understand sex at all. Is there some pill or cream that might help me...or can I like increase my testosterone somehow? I don't want to be asexual! I want to have a boyfriend! ! And I'm pretty so that's not a problem lol I could find a guy...but who's gonna stay with my problem? :(

Well, first off. Asexuality is not a problem anymore than being short is.

Secondly, people having problems with you being sex averse can be due to age.

Thirdly, there are quite a few sites for asexuals who want to find another asexual such as http://www.ace-book.net/

There is no way that I know of to become sexual anymore than there's a way to make yourself taller.

Platform heals.... they make you taller.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lenika

There are men out there who don't like sex just as much as you don't. Finding an asexual man (or woman, since you're panromantic) to be with is your best bet. There is nothing wrong with you.

I love this idea!!! Now why in the heck cant I find one??? :blink: :( I'm biromantic, but most bi or lesbian girls I know are also very sexual. It seems impossible to even meet another asexual, let alone one you get along with.

But it is a good idea, just hard to find I guess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CMV

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual.

You can be asexual and still get married and have children.

Being asexual doesn't mean you can't love someone or can't

have sex with someone, it just means you don't experience

sexual attraction.You experience romantic attraction,so you

may be demisexual.

Demisexuals are people who DO experience sexual attraction, but only after they got close to them emotionally. Asexuals can feel romantic attraction, but don't feel sexual. Demisexuals do. They're practically called "half-sexual", because "demi" = half. Asexuals can be heteroromantic, homoromantic or biromantic/panromantic. You're not demisexual if you feel romantic attraction only.

I was just saying in general that asexuals that experience romantic attraction may experience sexual attraction later on. (Demisexuality).Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Erasmvs

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual.

You can be asexual and still get married and have children.

Being asexual doesn't mean you can't love someone or can't

have sex with someone, it just means you don't experience

sexual attraction.You experience romantic attraction,so you

may be demisexual.

Demisexuals are people who DO experience sexual attraction, but only after they got close to them emotionally. Asexuals can feel romantic attraction, but don't feel sexual. Demisexuals do. They're practically called "half-sexual", because "demi" = half. Asexuals can be heteroromantic, homoromantic or biromantic/panromantic. You're not demisexual if you feel romantic attraction only.

I was just saying in general that asexuals that experience romantic attraction may experience sexual attraction later on. (Demisexuality).Sorry for the misunderstanding.

It's okay. I was just making sure OP didn't misunderstand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CMV

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual.

You can be asexual and still get married and have children.

Being asexual doesn't mean you can't love someone or can't

have sex with someone, it just means you don't experience

sexual attraction.You experience romantic attraction,so you

may be demisexual.

Demisexuals are people who DO experience sexual attraction, but only after they got close to them emotionally. Asexuals can feel romantic attraction, but don't feel sexual. Demisexuals do. They're practically called "half-sexual", because "demi" = half. Asexuals can be heteroromantic, homoromantic or biromantic/panromantic. You're not demisexual if you feel romantic attraction only.

I was just saying in general that asexuals that experience romantic attraction may experience sexual attraction later on. (Demisexuality).Sorry for the misunderstanding.

It's okay. I was just making sure OP didn't misunderstand.

Okay that's cool.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Member 92789

That is exactly how I feel. I've never really understood sex. It doesn't come natural to me. When someone mentions it, I get very very uncomfortable. I have never had sex, but have masterbated. It felt good, but eventually you get tired of it. I don't know how sex feels..so I don't have too much experience. I feel just like you..I feel like a child in a adult body. Like I have a kidish mindset. I like to have romantic relarelationships with guys and nothing else..it is hard to find someone that just wants that type of relationship. I hope you can find someone like you, Im sure you will one day!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tarfeather

Not to be too dramatic here... but for the sake of all the rest of us romantic asexuals, many of whom had no clue about it at the point in our lives when it could have mattered... Please please PLEASE go out and find yourself some asexuals to date.

I mean... I have a good life, and I'm not sure I would go back and change anything; but that life also contains seemingly intractable and fairly scary marriage problems at this point. If I had had the chance to have an asexual relationship... oh man, it just blows my mind.

Anyway... my two cents.

I resent that. > :( IMO I'm a better partner for my asexual girlfriend than any other asexual ever could be. And she's a better partner for me than any other sexual could be. Relationships aren't necessarily all about sex, and I say that as a sexual person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Erasmvs

Not to be too dramatic here... but for the sake of all the rest of us romantic asexuals, many of whom had no clue about it at the point in our lives when it could have mattered... Please please PLEASE go out and find yourself some asexuals to date.

I mean... I have a good life, and I'm not sure I would go back and change anything; but that life also contains seemingly intractable and fairly scary marriage problems at this point. If I had had the chance to have an asexual relationship... oh man, it just blows my mind.

Anyway... my two cents.

I resent that. > :( IMO I'm a better partner for my asexual girlfriend than any other asexual ever could be. And she's a better partner for me than any other sexual could be. Relationships aren't necessarily all about sex, and I say that as a sexual person.

^This.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
.Lia

Moved from Asexual Q&A to Asexual Relationships

Lia

Asexual Q&A Co-Moderator

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Keels

Not to be too dramatic here... but for the sake of all the rest of us romantic asexuals, many of whom had no clue about it at the point in our lives when it could have mattered... Please please PLEASE go out and find yourself some asexuals to date.

I mean... I have a good life, and I'm not sure I would go back and change anything; but that life also contains seemingly intractable and fairly scary marriage problems at this point. If I had had the chance to have an asexual relationship... oh man, it just blows my mind.

Anyway... my two cents.

I resent that. > :( IMO I'm a better partner for my asexual girlfriend than any other asexual ever could be. And she's a better partner for me than any other sexual could be. Relationships aren't necessarily all about sex, and I say that as a sexual person.

Well, good for you then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KendraPM

There are men out there who don't like sex just as much as you don't. Finding an asexual man (or woman, since you're panromantic) to be with is your best bet. There is nothing wrong with you.

I love this idea!!! Now why in the heck cant I find one??? :blink: :( I'm biromantic, but most bi or lesbian girls I know are also very sexual. It seems impossible to even meet another asexual, let alone one you get along with.

But it is a good idea, just hard to find I guess.

There are asexual dating sites, but beyond that, the only way to tell is to ask. Which I personally have no issue with, but for some people that may be an issue. It's hard, I totally get that, asexuality is more rare than the other sexualities, but that shouldn't stop anyone from looking for a low sex to sexless romantic relationship if that's what they want/need.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KendraPM

If you truly prefer a sexual partner, I'd recommend finding one with a low sex drive or low libido. There are people out there who don't want sex often or can go without who aren't asexual. People who are indifferent to sex would have no issue to you not wanting to have sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
D-Ace

Being young and attractive can be difficult when you are an ace because it seems to me that most sexuals who are initially interested in you see beauty as sexy and think that should equate to intimate. I find that I used to compromise myself and act how the sexual world wanted me to act because they thought I fit nicely in their bubble BUT my past few relationships with sexuals have been sexless and while neither turned out to be the right fit for me I found that being strong in my beliefs and not compromising myself made the people who were worthwhile respect me more for it. Don't give up and don't force yourself to do anything you are not comfortable with or the relationship will never feel great. Be honest with yourself and your partners and give an asexual dating site a shot! You cant find someone who loves you for you if you are not being 100% yourself. Good luck girly!

Best wishes ~ D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites