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I think my daughter is asexual.


Trephena

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I don't think you should worry about her thinking she let you down. She might not think that at all. She might just not want to talk about her sexuality with her mom...I never did...I don't talk about it with my siblings either (and I'm sexual).

So much this. I'm only a 24 year old daughter, but my mom doesn't know. It's just not something I would want to talk about with her. I'm not even that open about it in general - though I'm trying to be moreso now. My mom and I are super close, but this just isn't really a topic that seems appealing.

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Blinkin, DaveB and Plectroplanax, thank you for the advice and comments (and Dave, I had a few pieces of cake lol). I love that this site is a very supportive one and not one to knock others down. I am definitely seeing things a little differently based on some of the comments especially about the loneliness...maybe it is my hang up and not something I need to worry about with her. In my defense (not saying I need to give one) I imagine that as human beings we are inclined to color life by what makes us happy/sad etc. which does not always correlate to those around us. On that note, I will work to be more open minded in regard to what makes her happy even if it doesn't necessarily work for me. I am blessed that we have a very healthy and strong relationship but I am truly glad you guys reached out and I will read up on the link you posted Blinkin. Have a wonderful weekend and I will check in periodically to see what's going on and keep educating myself. Hugs to all.

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Blinkin, DaveB and Plectroplanax, thank you for the advice and comments (and Dave, I had a few pieces of cake lol). I love that this site is a very supportive one and not one to knock others down. I am definitely seeing things a little differently based on some of the comments especially about the loneliness...maybe it is my hang up and not something I need to worry about with her. In my defense (not saying I need to give one) I imagine that as human beings we are inclined to color life by what makes us happy/sad etc. which does not always correlate to those around us. On that note, I will work to be more open minded in regard to what makes her happy even if it doesn't necessarily work for me. I am blessed that we have a very healthy and strong relationship but I am truly glad you guys reached out and I will read up on the link you posted Blinkin. Have a wonderful weekend and I will check in periodically to see what's going on and keep educating myself. Hugs to all.

You rock.

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To "concerned mum" - there is another forum on here started by another mother who similarly shares your concerns called "mum of asexual" -it is currently to be found on page 2 of the topic list. You may find it a helpful read. Most asexuals still have mothers out there, just our hopes, fears and reactions may differ slightly according to our particular situations and circumstances but hopefully we all share one thing - love of our kids and want them to be happy

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Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

Wow, I haven't read the whole topic, but it seems like 'advice' has turned into 'judgement day'. Please play nice, I don't like it when we all argue :(

Seems to me that the advice requested is on asexuality, being supportive, and coming out. Not the very complicated area of psychology that is parent-child relationships.

So I will give my advice, it applies to me, because my experiences are all I know.

I am 23 and had no idea what asexuality meant till like a year ago. It was horrible not knowing. If someone had told me what it was, that would have been wonderful. I am really close to my parents and once I knew I was ace I couldn't keep it secret long, even though i was scared of how they (my homophobic dad in particular) would react. It was fine, we don't talk about it much.

For me, talking is always the best option, and I am good at saying nope too, if i don't wanna talk about something, it sounds like your daughter is too, which means iff she wants to shut a conversation about it down, then he can.

My main advice/thought would be you know your daughter, you know yourself and deep down, somewhere in your subconcious, you now what the right thing to do for the two of you is.

I will also add that while yes family relationships grow and change, they are often life-long, and they can be as different as the people involved. I knoww that sometimes my mum is my mum and sometimes my friend, and sometimes I mother her, relationships are never cut and dried, for anyone. My mum and my nana still have a healthy mother-daughter relationship. The point is a question about someone who means alot to the asker, not about how that relationship should be defined.

Also I am planning to have a baby in maybe 5 years or so, by doner sperm. Believe me, if your daughter is ace and wants a baby she will probably have a plan, but support is always a wonderful thing. Good luck

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Whis my mom was like that. Im an teen and i really would like to for her to give me suport. im so alone with this, but she has rejected it, absolutely anything about it, i dident Even the chance to defend myself before she shot it down.

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Blinkin, DaveB and Plectroplanax, thank you for the advice and comments (and Dave, I had a few pieces of cake lol). I love that this site is a very supportive one and not one to knock others down. I am definitely seeing things a little differently based on some of the comments especially about the loneliness...maybe it is my hang up and not something I need to worry about with her. In my defense (not saying I need to give one) I imagine that as human beings we are inclined to color life by what makes us happy/sad etc. which does not always correlate to those around us. On that note, I will work to be more open minded in regard to what makes her happy even if it doesn't necessarily work for me. I am blessed that we have a very healthy and strong relationship but I am truly glad you guys reached out and I will read up on the link you posted Blinkin. Have a wonderful weekend and I will check in periodically to see what's going on and keep educating myself. Hugs to all.

You could not have a better attitude. Really. Good on you - your daughter is a lucky person.

Whis my mom was like that. Im an teen and i really would like to for her to give me suport. im so alone with this, but she has rejected it, absolutely anything about it, i dident Even the chance to defend myself before she shot it down.

You, not so much. Perhaps she needs some time to come to terms with it, perhaps her mind is full of misconceptions. Either way, I hope you can find sufficient support at other places for the time being [AVEN at least, if nothing else - :cake: ].

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Blinkin, DaveB and Plectroplanax, thank you for the advice and comments (and Dave, I had a few pieces of cake lol). I love that this site is a very supportive one and not one to knock others down. I am definitely seeing things a little differently based on some of the comments especially about the loneliness...maybe it is my hang up and not something I need to worry about with her. In my defense (not saying I need to give one) I imagine that as human beings we are inclined to color life by what makes us happy/sad etc. which does not always correlate to those around us. On that note, I will work to be more open minded in regard to what makes her happy even if it doesn't necessarily work for me. I am blessed that we have a very healthy and strong relationship but I am truly glad you guys reached out and I will read up on the link you posted Blinkin. Have a wonderful weekend and I will check in periodically to see what's going on and keep educating myself. Hugs to all.

You could not have a better attitude. Really. Good on you - your daughter is a lucky person.

Whis my mom was like that. Im an teen and i really would like to for her to give me suport. im so alone with this, but she has rejected it, absolutely anything about it, i dident Even the chance to defend myself before she shot it down.

You, not so much. Perhaps she needs some time to come to terms with it, perhaps her mind is full of misconceptions. Either way, I hope you can find sufficient support at other places for the time being [AVEN at least, if nothing else - :cake: ].

Im not to sure really, for now she just thinks im imature ( im not) and that the boys around me havent become "attractive enought" ( Theres like 1000-2500 boys at my school, none is attractive, nobody is). She thinks that this is just beacuse im not taht used to being around so much people ( i went to an small middle school). And she wont change her mind until i had multiple boyfriends and "tried it out" ( im sex-repulsed wont be happening) so i really only have AVEN here. I dont have friends close enought to me to tell. (Thanks to starting high school where i knew nobody, not that middle school was any better)

But anyway its nice to see the parents taht acually take their childrens fellings seriousely.

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Winter rose - I don't want to sound patronising but it can be hard for many people to get their head around asexuality. Although I am sexual, I myself felt uncomfortable around boys until I was 18 or 19 so when one of my daughters showed similar uninterest I just assumed she was like me AND at that time no one had really identified Asexuality as a sexual orientation. (I bet if you did a poll and asked people the vast majority would not know what it was). So maybe the problem is your mom has yet to realise that you are indeed different from what she knows as "normal". With my daughter I just thought she was simply not ready to date. She was always an A grade student so I reasoned that she wanted to put her efforts into her studies instead. After her first term at Uni she cried on my shoulder and said she hated it, always felt left out and didn't 'belong' - I doubt she at that time (2003) had really heard of the concept of Asexuality so probably didn' t know how to express how she felt. So I thought it was just a social problem as she had had a close knit circle of friends at high school which she had left behind. Slowly she did manage to make a few friends there and seemed more settled. When still no guy appeared in her life I thought it was because she wanted to focus on her course. And that's kind of how it went on until I stumbled on a radio interview or article in about 2008 or 2009 when I finally heard about Asexuality as an orientation. FINALLY I realised that perhaps as there had never been a significant other in her life and she was in her mid-twenties with a successful career she probably was ace. So maybe just maybe, your mom thinks you are 'worrying' about something that is not going to happen (as far as she is concerned), she assumes you are sexual like her and possibly either has no idea about Asexuality or thinks you are trying to categorise yourself too early.

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