Enlighten me on this

[Guest]

Im curious because all the woman that have ever been interested in me have resorted to try to use sex appeal to get my attention.

All woman do not do this.. Unless, I do not understand what sex appeal is. I do not think that woman are the problem here. <_< Come back to reality not all woman want you.. EARTH to Jade.. This is not the first time I've heard such a thing.. I guess I do not have what you have to make all these woman want you..

[Guest]

Rept, girls hit on guys all the time. My partner has been asked for a hook up several times at work, even though they all know he's married and not interested. He went into a bar to ask for directions when we got lost once and some woman hit on him. If I am single, I flirt, it's fun.. but I only do it with people who are OK with it and it's typically just for fun. If I am interested though, I make it clear. :p

It's just... not quite as common. Women are supposed to be "docile" and get told if we make the move, rather than just hint at our interest, we can scare a guy off. Which is silly. But, it's the gender role you're SUPPOSED to follow. Men do the asking, women do the hinting / subtle flirting. Blergh. A lot of women are fine just asking though.

[Guest]

Men do the asking :o I had no idea.. <_< WOW that is news to me. I do not remember the last time someone flirted with me. I guess that I do not notice those things IRL.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Ok, from now on I will have my questions/doubts more parameterized to avoid further misunderstandings.

@ Cali

I did say that the ones that have been interested in me (which I think by defaults rules out ALL the others) have resorted to this. I didnt say that all women do this with me, that would be a nightmare.

I dont know what attracts them but I would gladly give that away to avoid situations that arise because of this.

[Guest]

Ok, from now on I will have my questions/doubts more parameterized to avoid further misunderstandings.

@ Cali

I did say that the ones that have been interested in me (which I think by defaults rules out ALL the others) have resorted to this. I didnt say that all women do this with me, that would be a nightmare.

I dont know what attracts them but I would gladly give that away to avoid situations that arise because of this.

What do you do around them? Give us example of how you act.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I have no clue. Im just me, Im usually quiet and try to not be too overly rude as I would appear like if I didnt greet people and such. I hate being overly affectionate, definately not the type who likes kissing (on the cheeks mind you as its cultural) as a form of greeting to the women which got me quite the few odd looks and criticism.

I avoid most mainstream discussions unless it spikes my interests and unless people engage first, I will usually not even want to talk much. Heck if at work I know the procedures, unless I have an major question, you will not notice me there. Many times the coworkers joke about how im too fast because I usually take half the time they do in finishing something.

I hate incompetence, both in others and especially in myself which is in part why I ask questions alot and especially if it comes to these types of social behaviour. All of thid obviously through a filtered form of communication. I want the information not to deal with the people.

[Telecaster68]

They're just intrigued by you because you're a bit different, and quiet, is my guess, and most guys would react well to flirting. If it distresses you, they'll be fine with you politely asking them to back off. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, just go about your business politely and they'll get the message after a while and probably give up. It's just common or garden human interaction that most men would find flattering, to be honest.

[Guest]

@Jade

I do not hang out females.

I avoid talking with them. I only interact with them online. Females, never never flirt with me irl. I am lucky to not have what most females are searching for. I've never dated and still am a virgin 35 years old.. I can on but the choices I made have kept me single and away from people irl.

[Lord Jade Cross]

@Telecaster

So basically the comic strip that was posted earlier?

[Telecaster68]

Am I reading this right:some girls are flirting with you, you're not interested. Just don't flirt back, and they'll drop it after a while when they realise you're not interested. Where's the big problem?

[Lord Jade Cross]

@Jade

I do not hang out females.

I avoid talking with them. I only interact with them online. Females, never never flirt with me irl. I am lucky to not have what most females are searching for. I've never dated and still am a virgin 35 years old.. I can on but the choices I made have kept me single and away from people irl.

Im around women because they are around work so its not possible to avoid them there. Once out of work, theres no problem as I dont hang out with anyone.

[Guest]

@Jade

I do not hang out females.

I avoid talking with them. I only interact with them online. Females, never never flirt with me irl. I am lucky to not have what most females are searching for. I've never dated and still am a virgin 35 years old.. I can on but the choices I made have kept me single and away from people irl.

Im around women because they are around work so its not possible to avoid them there. Once out of work, theres no problem as I dont hang out with anyone.

Could it be that you are miss understanding them?

[Lord Jade Cross]

Am I reading this right:some girls are flirting with you, you're not interested. Just don't flirt back, and they'll drop it after a while when they realise you're not interested. Where's the big problem?

The problem is that their not taking the hint even when im not flirting back, unless you tell me that being quiet is a sign of flirting in which case Im screwed. I believe that the think that being cordial is a sign on interest.

Its not like im complimenting them on looks, invite them to lunch or overly do anything that screams interest/flirting, unless the only way to get them to back off is by being a total asshole which would put in jeapordy my job so I cant do it.

[Lord Jade Cross]

@Jade

I do not hang out females.

I avoid talking with them. I only interact with them online. Females, never never flirt with me irl. I am lucky to not have what most females are searching for. I've never dated and still am a virgin 35 years old.. I can on but the choices I made have kept me single and away from people irl.

Im around women because they are around work so its not possible to avoid them there. Once out of work, theres no problem as I dont hang out with anyone.

Could it be that you are miss understanding them?

You mean like that theyre flirting just to be recognized and Im thinking they mean something more? If they didnt go out of their way, well the recent one since shes the one whos bothering me, to find me, wait for me, get too touchy with me even when I dont return the gesture, I would be glad that it was just a misunderstanding.

[Guest]

People do things for many reasons.

[Lord Jade Cross]

People do things for many reasons.

What would they be?

[Guest]

Ask them. Why try and be open with people.

[Telecaster68]

It's a workplace. People assume that socialising makes the time go more pleasantly. What are they actually doing? If they're just talking to you, then all you can do is ask them not to. They'll assume your boundaries are the normal ones unless you explain otherwise.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Ask them. Why try and be open with people.

Im not trying to be open with people.

[Lord Jade Cross]

It's a workplace. People assume that socialising makes the time go more pleasantly. What are they actually doing? If they're just talking to you, then all you can do is ask them not to. They'll assume your boundaries are the normal ones unless you explain otherwise.

I thought body language spoke the boundaries.

[Telecaster68]

It can do. Sometimes you have to be explicit, particularly if the boundaries aren't the usual ones.

[Lord Jade Cross]

It can do. Sometimes you have to be explicit, particularly if the boundaries aren't the usual ones.

so what would be an explicit form of body language that does not double or isnt misunderstood as flirting/interest?

[Philip027]

I wasn't really just talking about dress. I was talking about getting dressed up, going to a place to meet singles, flirting, carrying on and making yourself stand out in every way... then the wrong person looks, so you complain. Just a tad hypocritical. No matter how you're dressed, people are gonna check you out if you're attractive anyway, so it's kinda part of life you have to live with.

I know, I was just (jokingly) stating what many people could have potentially responded to you with (as in, playing the nothing-is-even-partially-my-fault victim blaming card)

If I didn't make it obvious, I find their particular stance ridiculous

[Guest]

No. There is no explicit body language (well, flipping them the finger maybe...)

Look, this isn't that big a deal. People talk to people, people are interested in people... if you don't want to play along, don't. Tell her to stop if you have to. But really... people are going to try to connect with other people and it isn't such a big deal that 15 threads need to be devoted to it.

[Telecaster68]

so what would be an explicit form of body language that does not double or isnt misunderstood as flirting/interest?

Blanking them, turning away, physical violence? Probably consistently for a few days. Really, there's a reason humans find words useful. They're way less ambiguous and quicker.

[Telecaster68]

Here's the script: "I appreciate you're just trying to be pleasant, but you're making me feel uncomfortable. Please don't talk to me any more, or I'll consider its sexual harassment."

Then, if they don't stop, report them for sexual harassment.

[Autumn Season]

Maybe less harsh (and less assuming that everyone knows there is onesided flirting going on):

"I appreciate you're just trying to be pleasant, but it makes me uncomfortable to receive attention from others. This is not personal, but please stay away from me more. Thanks for understanding."

[Lord Jade Cross]

No. There is no explicit body language (well, flipping them the finger maybe...)

Look, this isn't that big a deal. People talk to people, people are interested in people... if you don't want to play along, don't. Tell her to stop if you have to. But really... people are going to try to connect with other people and it isn't such a big deal that 15 threads need to be devoted to it.

Maybe, but for me, people wanting to get close or violating personal space creates a suffocating feeling. I would be willing to put up with having to be aroubd others (kind of have to unless I want to be jobless) so long as they keep their distance and any sort of romantic/sexual interest as far away from me as possible.

[Guest]

Here's the script: "I appreciate you're just trying to be pleasant, but you're making me feel uncomfortable. Please don't talk to me any more, or I'll consider its sexual harassment."

Then, if they don't stop, report them for sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment is a legal issue that doesn't apply in this case.

[Cimmerian]

It's a workplace. People assume that socialising makes the time go more pleasantly. What are they actually doing? If they're just talking to you, then all you can do is ask them not to. They'll assume your boundaries are the normal ones unless you explain otherwise.

I thought body language spoke the boundaries.

That's one of the biggest mistakes I think people make when dealing with others; I think at least half of the people I run into either can't read body language, don't care much about it, or dismiss/overrule body language signals because you're still talking to them.

If body language doesn't work pretty quickly then you have to tell them. Bluntly. Say what you're not comfortable with or what you'd like them to stop (including polite additions such as please).