Wonderment Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Not too sure where to put this or what to name it, really.. Ahhh Cuddles and snuggling and falling asleep with, all that stuff... For me, I've always associated wanting to do those sorts of things with people I have crushes on, and nothing less. I'm not talking about hugs, because anyone can hug anyone, to me they're part of a normal friendship, and they're great. But I don't want to cuddle etc my friends, I just find that weird. If I have a crush on someone, though... That's when I want to be able to do those things. I feel like I have to, and I get sad if I don't. I'm pretty sure it's a crush... right? I find it confusing when people say they cuddle or want cuddles from their friends, when they have no romantic attraction towards them at all. Tell me your thoughts and reasonings, wonderful people of Aven... Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Well, I'm not romantically attracted to anyone, can't think why I would want to kiss someone or touch them in that way. I can only feel extra strong platonic attraction, and if I trust them, they may have permission to touch my person. I grew up touch adverse from physical punishments so I don't know who to trust, but once I do, I just about 100% trust them. I just want someone to care about me, not just people who I'm not close to hearing the story and saying "I care about you". I want action. So I was pretty indifferent about hugs before, and I told people that. Now I really wish someone would give me hugs. And I'm one that believes that everything must have significance. So the words have to be meaningful, the actions must be meaningful, the hugs have to absolutely meaningful. I have trouble feeling in general, but a meaningful hug can really melt me. (Wow that was an awkward thing for me to say.) I haven't gotten close enough to anyone for a high frequency of touching, but I think it'd make me feel really good. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Some people just like the physical sensation and don't necessarily need to feel romantically toward the other person. Same thing goes for sex, for instance. Some people needs to be intimately connected with the other person in order for it to feel right, while others care less and limit it to just people that they know, while others care even less and could just go for casual hookups with nearly anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Unlabeled Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Not too sure where to put this or what to name it, really.. Ahhh Cuddles and snuggling and falling asleep with, all that stuff... For me, I've always associated wanting to do those sorts of things with people I have crushes on, and nothing less. I'm not talking about hugs, because anyone can hug anyone, to me they're part of a normal friendship, and they're great. But I don't want to cuddle etc my friends, I just find that weird. If I have a crush on someone, though... That's when I want to be able to do those things. I feel like I have to, and I get sad if I don't. I'm pretty sure it's a crush... right? I find it confusing when people say they cuddle or want cuddles from their friends, when they have no romantic attraction towards them at all. Tell me your thoughts and reasonings, wonderful people of Aven... Because we've discouraged physical intimacy in our culture, many positive expressions have been associated with sex, like cuddling. If you and your parent cuddle together in bed is that "sexual?" If not, why would it be with a friend? Different people respond differently to different things. "Sometimes a cuddle's just a cuddle" Freud would say. :) Link to post Share on other sites
SilentDaisy Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Personally, it feels different when it comes to friends vs relationship cuddles I love cuddling up with a friend to watch a movie, play games, or read some books together and there are times we'd fall asleep like that but Its comfortable to the same degree as cuddling up to my pets except better because its a comfort you're sharing with another person. In a relationship its a different kind of feeling, It means more and doesn't feel as nonchalant If i'm cuddling up to a boyfriend or a girlfriend it feels more important and close I guess you could say there's more focus, attention, and care given to the other person :) Both are fun and nice but with friends it just doesn't mean as much Hope that makes a little bit sense ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
.,. Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Sometimes i just love my friends so much, and feel so much affection that I want to cuddle them, and with the female ones its socially acceptable, and then I DO IT! I cuddle them. It happens when I feel that overwhelming amount of affection, and its very similar to romantic attraction, but it's not cause I don't want anything romantic at all. Though it is borderline romantic, kinda, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
DoctorsCompanion Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I guess it feels different for every person. Personally i don't have to feel a romantic attraction towards someone in order to want to cuddle with them or kiss them. On the outside it seems like there's not much difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship in my case, but i if i love someone i care about them on a deeper level, even though on the outside i wouldn't do anything more than i would do with a close friend. Link to post Share on other sites
.,. Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 edit://double.post.com/sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Akira Jumps Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Romantic, platonic, and sexual intimacy are definitely a topic of interest in our case. Each person's idea of intimacy is different from another's. Most sexuals would think that love = sex; but as an asexual, I know this to be untrue - or at least a half truth. Love can coexist with sex, or exist without sex. My point being, everyone's idea of romance are different as well. Some people assume sexual interaction is necessary for romance. What people gage as specifically sexual is also different person to person. One might feel kissing is sexual, where as others do not. Everybody's different. I think that cuddling can be anything from platonic to romantic to sexual. It depends on the understood relationship between the two people. I might cuddle with my sister because we only have one couch in front of the TV and we're both cold and we don't want to go and get a blanket from one of our beds. I might cuddle with a romantic partner because I want to show through physical intimacy that I approve of/appreciate their presence. Sexuals might cuddle to show their sexual intimacy through close proximity. Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I feel the same as you, OP. I only want to cuddle and snuggle and fall asleep with my partner. To me these are deeply romantic gestures. It tends to weird me out when say my mum cuddles me. I'm okay with hugging her and even putting my head on her shoulder, but that is about as far as I can go without tensing up and feeling weirded out. Link to post Share on other sites
Losange Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I don't feel romantic attraction but I want to find a deep friendship where I could cuddle and fall asleep with someone. :) Link to post Share on other sites
oskietje Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Different people have different levels of comfort. I used to think that I couldn't do that either, but my opinion has changed. A cuddle is just one way of expressing comfort in another person (platonic or otherwise). Actions are largely based on what their intent is. Link to post Share on other sites
ByAnyOtherName Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I like cuddling just to feel close to someone. It can be romantic, but mostly it's a general companionship thing. I come across as very... uh, physically aloof? I guess that's one way to say it, haha. And I constantly feel a little bit distant from even my best friends. But actually I really enjoy contact with people I care for. So it's comforting when my friends just suddenly decide it's cuddle time. :) Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Cuddling is more of a sensual attraction for me. I want to cuddle people I'm sensually attracted to, but can, do and enjoy cuddling just about anyone I like (platonically, romantically, or other). Emotional bonds make me want to cuddle more, but there are times when I just look at someone and think "they'd be awesome to cuddle and kiss," without any other attraction involved. Link to post Share on other sites
VindicatorPhoenix Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Cuddling is more of a sensual attraction for me. I want to cuddle people I'm sensually attracted to, but can, do and enjoy cuddling just about anyone I like (platonically, romantically, or other). Emotional bonds make me want to cuddle more, but there are times when I just look at someone and think "they'd be awesome to cuddle and kiss," without any other attraction involved. I totally agree with this. ^_^ I personally like to consider romantic attraction and sensual attraction two different things, although they can sometimes go together. I like to hug and cuddle but emotional connection increases my desire and enjoyment. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I feel the same as you, OP. I only want to cuddle and snuggle and fall asleep with my partner. To me these are deeply romantic gestures. It tends to weird me out when say my mum cuddles me. I'm okay with hugging her and even putting my head on her shoulder, but that is about as far as I can go without tensing up and feeling weirded out. Same. Link to post Share on other sites
Losange Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Cuddling is more of a sensual attraction for me. I want to cuddle people I'm sensually attracted to, but can, do and enjoy cuddling just about anyone I like (platonically, romantically, or other). Emotional bonds make me want to cuddle more, but there are times when I just look at someone and think "they'd be awesome to cuddle and kiss," without any other attraction involved. I totally agree with this. ^_^ I personally like to consider romantic attraction and sensual attraction two different things, although they can sometimes go together. I like to hug and cuddle but emotional connection increases my desire and enjoyment. Does that mean one can be demisensual? I don't like being touched except from people I'm close to. Link to post Share on other sites
oskietje Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I think it's probably vexing for people because normally it's associated with sexual intercourse, which is a broad term that most allosexuals don't differentiate. Physical intimacy almost exclusively refers to sex, and so when you're brought up in a society that is heavily focused on that, it's no wonder that a reaction is somewhat negative for something that is simply intimate, not necessarily sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Tunes Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I agree with the OP. I mean, I guess I can see how friends might want to, because when I was little, I always wanted to curl up and lay my head on my grandma's lap and have her pat my head. It was the most comforting feeling in the world. (Actually, it was not just when I was a kid; it just got less common as I got older. But up until she died a month ago, I would still do this.) But she seems to just be an exception, because I don't even feel comfortable cuddling too much with my dad. I mean, if we are watching a movie, I will lean against him, as it is comfortable. But I don't really count that as cuddling. I definitely am not comfortable doing anything that could be considered cuddling with random friends. The really awkward thing is that people in my family all have this thing with kissing each other on the lips as a greeting. O.o This always bothers me significantly... "Sometimes a cuddle's just a cuddle" Freud would say. :) Would he really? The main stuff I heard from Frued (besides the basic "there are things in our subconscious that we don't know about consciously", which he supposedly came up with - or at least popularized) was that he claimed that all (or most) people are born with a subconscious sexual attraction to their parent of the opposite sex and jealous of the parent of the same sex... I also heard that he would prescribe his patients cocaine... I always saw Freud as a nutcase who happened to be right about some things... Purely coincidental, in my opinion... Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Cuddling is more of a sensual attraction for me. I want to cuddle people I'm sensually attracted to, but can, do and enjoy cuddling just about anyone I like (platonically, romantically, or other). Emotional bonds make me want to cuddle more, but there are times when I just look at someone and think "they'd be awesome to cuddle and kiss," without any other attraction involved. I totally agree with this. ^_^ I personally like to consider romantic attraction and sensual attraction two different things, although they can sometimes go together. I like to hug and cuddle but emotional connection increases my desire and enjoyment. Does that mean one can be demisensual? I don't like being touched except from people I'm close to. I don't see why not. It's an attraction just like sexual/romantic. So there can be various forms of it. I think it's probably vexing for people because normally it's associated with sexual intercourse, which is a broad term that most allosexuals don't differentiate. Physical intimacy almost exclusively refers to sex, and so when you're brought up in a society that is heavily focused on that, it's no wonder that a reaction is somewhat negative for something that is simply intimate, not necessarily sexual. I think it depends on several factors. I'm a highly tactile person, and highly sensual, so touching is an everyday occurance with me and I've only ever once ran into someone who assumed my cuddling/carressing meant I wanted something sexual (and there were other factors involved). Even the allosexual men I've dated haven't assumed something sexual when I got sensual with them. But again, I'm an established toucher; I lean on people, cuddle up for movies, touch arms and grab hands, play with people's hair, throw my leg over their's if we're sitting close, etc. so that may play a big role in people assuming I don't mean anything sexual by it. Link to post Share on other sites
.diva plavalaguna. Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I don't care for being touched at all, especially without permission. I couldn't imagine cuddling with a friend, and especially not with a parent! Just writing that weirds me the heck out. I only want to be touched by someone I'm romantically attracted to...I'd say sensually, but I don't feel like I grasp that concept quite well enough yet. >.< Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.