MesMis Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I'd like to start this by pointing out just about the coolest thing I've seen on aven: Asexuals who are mature, confident, and self-assured enough in themselves, and passionate enough about the well-being of their partners, to come out frankly and tackle a mixed relationship with honesty and transparency. When I think about the staggering number of obstacles that could stand in the way of that kind of dedication to communication, it blows me away each and every time I see aces who truly take their own needs and the needs of their partners seriously. Thank you so much for sharing and setting such a great example. To anyone who knows themself to be asexual or is questioning if they might be, my plea is simply this: please, please, please follow and/or continue following in the footsteps of those who have devoted so much effort to understanding and embracing aesxuality. I know this is easier said than done, especially when devoting any level of energy to thinking about sex may seem like a huge drain and waste of time, and especially when the world around is so opposed to the whole concept. I ask it anyway, knowing also that it might never actually bring you tangible benefit. For the sake of anyone else who may in any way be affected by your sexual orientation, please take/continue taking the time to embrace ownership of it and learn to communicate clearly about it, as so many here do so well. I would, of course, recommend all of this to anyone of any orientation, but this request I can plead personally, in a way that perhaps I could not for other situations. Link to post Share on other sites
JumpingJay Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 That's so kind of you to say :o ^_^ . Really a lot of people aren't even accepting. Some are accepting, but hold resentment. Your post is the first like it that I've seen. I know it happens a lot, but I really like it when people care strongly about problems that affect people that don't apply to them. I'm not the type of asexual you mentioned in the first paragraph because I'm not dating, but I'm sure I would be if I was in a mixed relationship and it feels nice that you are thankful of people who are like that when (at least for me) it isn't expected of you. I remember in another thread you stated you mentioned being in a mixed relationship feeling a plethora of bad feelings (only to be expected). Your reaction has been so unexpectedly wonderful. You really care so much about asexuality and if you had never made a post stating your relationship situation, I wouldn't have even guessed that you yourself were struggling in a mixed relationship. I don't know if I shouldn't have mentioned that and sorry for being really sappy , but I really appreciate your post. That's so kind of you to say :o ^_^ . Really a lot of people aren't even accepting. Some are accepting, but hold resentment. Your post is the first like it that I've seen. I know it happens a lot, but I really like it when people care strongly about problems that affect people that don't apply to them. I'm not the type of asexual you mentioned in the first paragraph because I'm not dating, but I'm sure I would be if I was in a mixed relationship and it feels nice that you are thankful of people who are like that when (at least for me) it isn't expected of you. I remember in another thread you stated you mentioned being in a mixed relationship feeling a plethora of bad feelings (only to be expected). Your reaction has been so unexpectedly wonderful. You really care so much about asexuality and if you had never made a post stating your relationship situation, I wouldn't have even guessed that you yourself were struggling in a mixed relationship. I don't know if I shouldn't have mentioned that and sorry for being really sappy , but I really appreciate your post. Link to post Share on other sites
butterscotchwm Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Thanks! We try ^^ And yes, of course I will continue to be open about my asexuality to potential partners. Honestly, I would have an open plea to anyone who's not asexual who ends up in a relationship with an asexual person to be open minded and understanding. I didn't really come out / come to terms as asexual until after 4 months of being in a relationship with my boyfriend, but he was SO accepting and understanding it blew my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
MesMis Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Some are accepting, but hold resentment... Oh I hold a great deal of resentment, did you see my reasons to be pissed off with society? Haha :) My resentment is directed at every cultural obstacle that makes everything I listed above even more difficult than it already is. And it's not that i think the things I'm pleaing for would solve all mixed relationships; it's that I think these measures would lead to fewer and healthier mixed relationships. If all aces came out, fought for themselves, overthrew the stigma, then they would be able to freely identify each other, which I think would be awesome. And when mixed relationships happened, they would happen with full disclosure on both sides; those feelings of being caught, tricked, cheated, lied to, trapped, switch and baited, whatever would have no room to exist. I see a few examples of these couples already; may there be many, many more. (What's totally unfair is that sexuals basically start in that "out" position by default. Aces don't have that luxury. Let's work to change that.) Link to post Share on other sites
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