BobRossRules Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 i just think human to human /in person contact is in trouble right now I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Yes, I am feeling better today. Maybe it was returning to being alone, along with having no one to go home to. But even when the family returned home, including lifelong out of state friends I sat among them still feeling lonely. They tried to engage me, but I was like meh. HaI'm glad to hear you're feeling better. I can totally relate to the feeling of loneliness having no one to come home to. I do not miss the sex part of a relationship, but I do miss things like having someone else to think about, to come home to, to be with. Even little things, like having someone who comes to mind when you see something - you know the feeling where you think "they would love this, or be interested in this". I do believe that the internet, social media, and such can indeed be a hindrance for getting out there for some people. However, if it weren’t for the internet and places like this, many people (at least people like me) would still stay home. They just would invest more time with model airplanes, videogames, watching television, and reading. For myself, I am very shy and as I mentioned before, an introvert. I can be silly but only in situations where I feel comfortable or if I know no one is around. Until AVEN, although I had a Facebook account, I never used it (0 friends). I only have it for accessing business accounts and the like. I never was part of an online community, never chatted, never PM’d people, and I have never been a part of a listserve. Still, I stayed at home. My alone time is the same as it was before I was hanging out with all the fine AVEN folks online. It’s nice to realize I’m not broken and to communicate with others like myself. I’m more comfortable initiating a PM or making a post, then I would be to initiate contact with a real live breathing human. Of course, I want to be more social and I like the idea of “getting out there.” But when it comes down to actually doing it, I chicken out. As much as I like museums, I personally do not think I would enjoy going to one by myself. I’d rather stay home and hang out with my meowzers and woofers. I think for those who really struggle with social situations, the internet does give these people a sense of belonging and companionship, albeit virtual. Mind you, I am referring to my personal experience. If I do by chance actually meet someone, then I would be more likely to get out in the real world doing neat stuff. The problem is actually meeting someone. I would be more comfortable meeting asexuals, such as at a meetup, but there is none around me. It’s not realistic for me to drive 5 hours for one. I can relate to a lot of that. Before the internet I didn't go out and meet people (or go out and not meet people). The only real difference in my life is now I can connect with people online at least. I can find people who share some of my hobbies and interests. I can find people who share some of my traits, like asexuality. I can have "conversations" with other people that I would never have met in analog space. For me, the internet doesn't push away a social life. It enhances it. And a lot of younger people I know, who grew up with the internet, do just as much socializing offline as they probably would without the internet. They use the internet to connect with people and to be more spontaneous about getting together, for example. I bet there was a time where people said the same things about the telephone that some of you/us are saying about the internet. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I think people under 40 especially 30 would probably go MAD if he or she had to contact people via phone or in person only. These kids today can't live without social media . People over 40 , we know how to live without social media. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 You say that like it's something to brag about. To me it sounds like the stereotypical "older person" comments about "kids these days". :P Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Sometimes stereotypes about people ,places and things are true. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I went to a work-related Christmas party last night. I tend not to do well in large groups or party type situations. I’m either super quiet and sitting in a corner, or I try too hard and say something weird. I’ll attempt to “mingle” and I’ll walk around, but I end up just standing there lost or eavesdropping on a conversation – I feel a bit like a creep. I’m typically the only one not doing shots or drinking. I’m also on diet restrictions, so food can be awkward. There were a few folks in my department, however, that I felt more comfortable around and I did well hanging out with them. All in all, it was a good night. I stayed for 3 hours!! I was glad to get home though. :) Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Faraday- that's great. In our world I would consider that a great success. Agreeing to go in the first place was a big step. I totally relate to all your scenarios. Being lost, walking aimlessly and especially the listening to others in conversation. It's nice that you found people you were comfortable enough with to sit, listen, and not feel creepy. It was certainly easier when I was part of the drinking crowd (never shots though) because they all just kind of stand around in groups and babble and take no notice if you are speaking at all. I'm no longer really part of that crowd, so kind of back to square one. My father once gave me some advice on the subject. He had as long as you had a drink in your hand, nobody would notice if it was the same drink all night or not. (Of course in high school they damn sure did keep track of your drink intake). Three hours is a long time. Yay Faraday :) Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I have a work party coming up next week, but it's at work during work hours. They're making a big deal about it being expanded this year. As if more people makes things better. :P Anyway, it won't/can't go on too long. And hopefully there will be some decent food - although it's potluck tis year, which means there will probably be lots of food I don't like. Previous years they just got a bunch of various kinds of tamales from a local Mexican restaurant. That was always good. I can only hope someone brings something I like. If not, I won't stay at the party long and will go home for something to eat. I'm not a fan of parties where you're expected to stand around and drink and talk with a bunch of people. I'd rather do something like play board games with just a few people. Good for you, Faraday, for staying 3 hours and having a good night! I "get" the rest of your post, too. Why can there be so many of us like this around here, but in the analog world everyone seems to not be like that? I mean, to the point that things like "the more the merrier" is not just the default opinion, but often the only one you hear. :P Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Almost 30 and I don't have any tips but I'm also dealing with these things. I've brought it up in therapy but it's not a magic fix. FB has helped a little but I'm still at home too much. It sucks but most of the people I know have families now. I can't wait to get a job which would help me be around people. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Good for you, Faraday, for staying 3 hours and having a good night! I "get" the rest of your post, too. Why can there be so many of us like this around here, but in the analog world everyone seems to not be like that? I mean, to the point that things like "the more the merrier" is not just the default opinion, but often the only one you hear. :P We're easy to spot on the internet world, because we have this place to gather. So, why aren't there a bunch of introverts at a party? Because they are at home. :P My company's holiday party was last week and we had a fake casino setup. So, the focal point was on "gambling" which made the evening go by pretty quick. Everybody had a great time, despite the cheesiness of forced singing of the twelve days of Xmas. It does get awkward when everybody around you is drinking and you're not. I often get asked why I don't drink, and it's simply because it makes me feel crappy. I tend to get bad hangovers and it just wasn't worth it anymore. Now that I see, from a sober perspective, how people act when they drink, I get really turned off by the whole scene. I'm also much more comfortable with a small group of sober friends playing board games or watching TV. I'd like to add another loneliness busting tip. If the weather is decent, I'll just get in my car and go for a spin with the radio up loud. I'll try to get lost and explore new roads. Kentucky is beautiful, and there's always somewhere I haven't been before. And then, more importantly, stop for some ice cream. Times like these remind me that I actually enjoy the freedom of being single. I can go wherever I want without getting nagged. I can order a large Blizzard without getting nagged about my diet. I get full control of the music too! If the weather is bad, then I'll use the time for creative hobbies, such as writing music, or indoor exercise. When I get a nice chord progression going, it reminds me of using a talent for others' enjoyment. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I think many of us, especially us who grew up in the pre Internet era, basically deal with party situations the say way now as we did before. I don't believe the Internet plays any roll in making decisions of going or not going to a party. Yes it is certainly nice to be able to go online if your choice was to stay home, but not a deciding factor. I have used the random local road trip strategy many times this past warm weather season. The stereo blaring is a must for me, and a great distraction from feeling lonely. Although CT is a tiny state, there is still plenty of opportunities to get "lost" taking crazy side roads and coming across or finding discoveries you would have never known about otherwise. I don't search for ice cream, but I now know where all the rest rooms are along certain routes. Of course not such an issue for guys anyway. Although it's cool to get lost, it is always comforting to select "home" on the gps when the time arises. I will say the Internet is a nice resource when looking for the best scenic routes to take. That being said, thanks sleigh for putting "blizzards" in my head at 8:30 am :) Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Alcohol was never my thing. I had a gnarly experience when I was 8, so I learned my lesson quite young. :o Being the only sober one (usually), I too get put off by people getting drunk. This year people behaved, but last year many people got wasted. One guy threw up (so gross!!), but most would get obnoxious, loud, and invade personal space. In idaho, there are plenty of roads to explore. It’s a good central location and access to desert roads, foothills, mountains, and even forests. Off-roading is fun in the non-snow weather. There is a gas station market that is very well known by the locals that sells square ice cream. So when people go on trips, it’s tradition to stop. I live near a nuclear test site and that’s fun to explore, and the itty bittiy town near by has a famous joint (a hole in the wall) that cells atomic burgers – they’re pretty good. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Maybe I'm weird or maybe it's where I live, but I don't enjoy road trips/driving, especially when I'm by myself (which is usually the case). Here it seems you often end up in heavy traffic, which I don't find conducive to peace or relaxation. I also feel more lonely out on the road for some reason. And driving seems to trigger my migraines. Maybe that's from the stress, or the motion of driving. I've never been a "car guy", and didn't even start driving until I was nearly 30 and it got to be more of a necessity (especially for getting to and from work and college, which were far enough apart I couldn't live close enough to both to make bicycling practical). Up until then I biked most places I needed to go, or tagged along with friends who drove for the odd occasions out to some event. I'd be thrilled with a real self-driving car. If I have to drive a long distance I generally prefer to drive with someone I like being with, and share the driving (or let them drive if they love to). But that doesn't happen much. I do like bicycling and find it more relaxing, but not in heavy traffic (who does?). Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Dave that's not weird especially if driving can trigger migraines. When I lived in the city (Hartford), driving was a nightmare. I know so cal is world famous for traffic, so again I totally get why going for a drive is so low on your priority list. When I had my bad illness earlier this year, I did not (mentally unable to) drive for 6 months. Getting a new car equipped with a top of the line audio system, I now pretty much look for excuses to drive. I'm in my own little world. If your travels ever bring you to CT, I'd be happy to play chauffeur. :) Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Maybe I'm weird or maybe it's where I live, but I don't enjoy road trips/driving, especially when I'm by myself (which is usually the case). Here it seems you often end up in heavy traffic, which I don't find conducive to peace or relaxation. I also feel more lonely out on the road for some reason. And driving seems to trigger my migraines. Maybe that's from the stress, or the motion of driving. I've never been a "car guy", and didn't even start driving until I was nearly 30 and it got to be more of a necessity (especially for getting to and from work and college, which were far enough apart I couldn't live close enough to both to make bicycling practical). Up until then I biked most places I needed to go, or tagged along with friends who drove for the odd occasions out to some event. I'd be thrilled with a real self-driving car. If I have to drive a long distance I generally prefer to drive with someone I like being with, and share the driving (or let them drive if they love to). But that doesn't happen much. I do like bicycling and find it more relaxing, but not in heavy traffic (who does?). Cities are horribly non-conducive to relaxing driving/road trips. When I was in college just south of Boston, I lamented constantly that there were just no open, lonely roads where I could just let it rip. Sure you could go head to head with the lunatic drivers on 4 cramped lanes of I-95, but that's no fun when you have a crappy car (like I did in college). Driving for me has historically been the one thing that calmed me down, made me feel ok again and not lonely at all. I'm one of those people who takes a Porsche-attitude to driving. No radio. No A/C. No creature comforts. Just me, the car, the road, and the sound of the wind and engine. I find that to be an incredibly immersive experience. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Maybe I'm weird or maybe it's where I live, but I don't enjoy road trips/driving, especially when I'm by myself (which is usually the case). Here it seems you often end up in heavy traffic, which I don't find conducive to peace or relaxation. I also feel more lonely out on the road for some reason......I do like bicycling and find it more relaxing, but not in heavy traffic (who does?). I personally do not like driving and to be honest, I'm not a very good driver (so watch out for me). I do enjoy off-roading when someone ELSE is driving. I like looking out the window, getting out and exploring, and spending time with someone. I was a member of an off-roaders club and we went on trips at least once per month. But since I've been single, I have not once gone out. It's not as much fun alone. I hate traffic and remember what it was like living in southern California as a child. I'm sure it's even worse now. Where I live, there is no rush hour traffic - I mean NONE!! So it's pretty easy getting out of town to your destination. When the weather is nice, I have a tricycle that I take my dogs out. Actually, they take me for a ride...it's like urban sledding! This is a neat solution for loneliness. People will stop and ask if they can pet my dogs, and I get a chance to interact with my neighbors, which I typically don't do otherwise. They also have questions about my "rig." Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-Alex Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 Im on the road every day and being out and about. I have an old car as well that I've had for 25years and have done many shows with. You meet plenty of people but there is always this family/couples theme. In recent years I often feel like a spare part. I can go to a museum or such happily on my own, as I can take my time and look in depth at everything. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Im on the road every day and being out and about. I have an old car as well that I've had for 25years and have done many shows with. You meet plenty of people but there is always this family/couples theme. In recent years I often feel like a spare part. I can go to a museum or such happily on my own, as I can take my time and look in depth at everything. The family/couples theme is much more prevalent with us older single folk, and I especially notice it more. I wish I could go to museums or other events alone and feel comfortable. But something stops me....and I never go out. Gee...kinda pathetic Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Im on the road every day and being out and about. I have an old car as well that I've had for 25years and have done many shows with. You meet plenty of people but there is always this family/couples theme. In recent years I often feel like a spare part. I can go to a museum or such happily on my own, as I can take my time and look in depth at everything. The family/couples theme is much more prevalent with us older single folk, and I especially notice it more. I wish I could go to museums or other events alone and feel comfortable. But something stops me....and I never go out. Gee...kinda pathetic Faraday-you are not pathetic at all. I have never been able to go out on my own either. I've never gone to a restaurant by myself, not even a fast food place (I've sat alone in the parking lot eat tons of times) I keep telling myself I should go to the movies. I mean in the middle of the afternoon, who would even notice, yet I can't bring myself to go. I was having a real good day (loneliness wise) until my 27 yr old nephew received a female caller. I could hear them in his room, they were just chatting, laughing, breaking each other's balls, never a break from conversation. Meanwhile bro came home, went right to bed with his wife, the downstairs couple snoring away in peaceful bliss (yes I can actually hear them both snoring) and then there's me, sitting in my stupid red chair refreshing AVEN for new posts and ya that's about it. At least I stopped pretending I was watching tv and put on the classic rock channel at minimal volume, just waiting until 11:30 so I can go in my room, put on Fallon and switch from iPad to iPhone and ya peruse a few sites until 1:30ish just so I can get up tomorrow and do it again. I've got to find someone to do things with. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact this will not happen locally either. Oh well I'm ready for a trip somewhere anyway. lol Edit: Oh great-they just went out to get stoned, came back in, shut the door-sexytime. Oy Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 I don't understand why we need someone to go to movies with. I have maybe gone to the theater alone one time. But if you go with somebody, it's not like you can even talk during the movie. You can discuss it afterwards over a meal I suppose. Why must you watch it synchronously? Tase, have you tried any types of art? I have found a lot of pleasure in writing music and sharing it with others. Even if they are strangers over the internet, I feel like I have a little fanbase waiting for the next tune. And my friends keep asking me about my next album too! I guess you could say, I'm married to my music. :) Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 I don't understand why we need someone to go to movies with. I have maybe gone to the theater alone one time. But if you go with somebody, it's not like you can even talk during the movie. You can discuss it afterwards over a meal I suppose. Why must you watch it synchronously? Tase, have you tried any types of art? I have found a lot of pleasure in writing music and sharing it with others. Even if they are strangers over the internet, I feel like I have a little fanbase waiting for the next tune. And my friends keep asking me about my next album too! I guess you could say, I'm married to my music. :) That's excellent DJ Ace, congrats. I have no artistic abilities. I'm really good at listening to music, I mean I thoroughly enjoy it. I definitely need to find hobbies, at this point a single hobby would be nice. Sadly Pinterest makes you choose five and I think I had to make up four. I know it's time to look outside my comfort zone. Anyway I guess it's time to move from chair to bed and be ready to battle again tomorrow. (I do think after the initial excitement dies down, I will go see Star Wars) Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 I don't mind going to the movies alone, although I usually try to go during a weekday after the movie has been out for a while. I have yet to learn to be comfortable going to a sit down restaurant alone. I will go to take out places (and usually take the food out somewhere or back to my hotel room). But I usually only do that when I'm traveling. At home I just prefer to make my own food. I also don't mind going to museums alone, because I love museums! And bookstores. And zoos. I don't go to theme parks/amusement parks alone. Those are something I'd want to share with a friend. I tried going to a Ren Faire alone, but it wasn't as fun as going with friends. There are some things I can enjoy on my own, but would be happy to share (museums, bookstores) and other things I want a friend to share the experience with (Disney parks, concerts, Ren Faires, restaurants, to name a few). I think one of the reasons I can enjoy some of those things alone is because they are the kinds of things where I like going at my own pace and being able to stop when I need to. Other things are ones where I just want someone beside me, even if we aren't talking to each other during the event (like a movie). I guess most people have some things they prefer as shared experiences and other things they might enjoy alone. I think it's great to find hobbies and interests. If money is a consideration not all hobbies are expensive. And any number of hobbies that cost little or nothing. My trouble is there I don't have enough time and/or energy after working all day or week to do all the projects I want to do, read all the books I want to read, watch all the movies and videos I want to watch, and learn all the things. I hope to improve that situation once I can retire. :) Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 You're a good man daveb. That's great you feel comfortable doing so many things on your own. Maybe some day we'll find people to do couple things with. (If that's what you want) I really don't even have the work or money excuse. I just need to find some ambition. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 .....came back in, shut the door-sexytime. Oy Ew. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 BTW, I know I'm not pathetic...I was just being silly. I work long hours, and during most weeks 6 days. So I'm exhausted when I get home. I play with my dogs, watch something on TV that may cause me to drop a few IQ points, and just relax. And of course, more recently, hang out here on AVEN. I welcome time alone. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Yeah. While I do want someone I can share things in analog space some of the time I also find that sometimes I get all of the human interaction I want at a given point in time online in forums like this and hobby blogs and such (and then I miss that when something happens like a forum going down). Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 .....came back in, shut the door-sexytime. Oy Ew. I made sure I turned the tv on right away and put up the volume so at least I wouldn't have to listen to sexytime. I did hear a car leaving not too too long afterward. Today's not too bad. I did receive a Christmas card from an avenite. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Today's not too bad. I did receive a Christmas card from an avenite. I had a really nice time last weekend writing out and sending christmas cards to the handful of people I know (siblings, parents, one friend). I would recommend doing it. It was nice, a "tradition" I can do on my own, and I liked telling my friend and brother how much I appreciate them. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 That's great Hadley! I posted today in the "older" thread that I wish to participate in next years Christmas card exchange that apparently several members do every year. There was a brief discussion with the mods a couple of months ago about permission to do a secret Santa gift exchange. Permission was granted, some guidelines were set in place. I offered to lend a helping hand, and that was the last thing I heard. Maybe next year. I was part of another online community several years back and we did one and it was really fun. Shipping worldwide was an issue here, along with privacy issues. Maybe next year. I have purchased a lot of nice gifts this year, it's been fun. I guess I really caught the giving spirit this year. I think there will be many smiles Christmas Day. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 This is what I gave out to people at work, my neighbor, and a few other folks that I know :o I actually do not drink, but I thought it was funny. As far as I know, it won't melt or go bad. :D EDIT: the booze that is, not the chocolate...it can melt. Link to post Share on other sites
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