Heteroromantic Asexuals: Are They "Straight"?

[ColdFish]

Anon notes:

I would honestly rather be gay than asexual. I'm a huge romantic at heart

Ah. And you know, it's almost - almost - fashionable to be LGBT, any of those initials.

But if you say "ACE," you get accused of "sexual repression," or "trauma" or "what's wrong with you?" like it is an illness instead of an orientation. DSM: "Sexual Arousal Disorder" "Sexual Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" Dysfunction, disorder, blah blah blah. It's what I've been thinking about myself for a decade now. Geez, have these surgeries, and my experiences of tantric abuse FINALLY gotten to me and shut down my orange svadisthana chakra? Maybe I was a lesbian all along, but "went with what was normal" because that's what I understood? What is WRONG with me?

If I told a doctor that I didn't want sex again ever - they would load me down with drugs trying to kindle something that's not really there. And it would be the same for my mother, and my birthmother, too. "If you aren't horny as heck, you must be ill!" Seems to be the cultural norm.

Gay started out this way. Now it is a "natural orientation." Sure, there is still global resistance to the "lifestyle." But it's almost fashionable to be gay - so much so that I worry that young people are making choices based on peer pressure, rather than their natural inclinations. Likewise, if their natural inclination is NOT/Ace - that should be respected, and they shouldn't be made to feel something is wrong with them.

I think that's how piggybacking on the LGBTA can be helpful, because, look how far they've come in the past 50 years. Thing is, how many initials can we add to the moniker before it becomes a meaningless classification? How many Trans' identify with LGBT? Some of them, are certainly "straight," even if they don't identify with the gender of their body - Trans is not about "orientation," it's about gender identity. But they get lumped in with the "Q's".

It's like the difference between androgynous and asexual. They can be related, but not necessarily?

[ColdFish]

Sgt Salt:

but in other parts of the world, it's still illegal to be gay.

Whoa. Good point. I doubt there will be any arrests for not participating in the sexual antics of others.

Though you could get sectioned for "being ill" - as I pointed out before.

Ms Frankenstein notes:

While most people think heterosexual = heteroromantic, for us it doesn't.

Wow, true, true! I could be considered homoromantic, gosh how nice it would be to have my partner be a woman instead of a man! How often I've thought it would be more coherent with a woman. I guess I might be "pan-romantic." or "bi-romantic."? But it didn't work out that way. I almost felt like it was my spiritual duty to explore the "other." The other sex, the other person - and that I wanted to try and cross that majestic and infinite bridge between male and female. I used to think that sex would assist. Even tantra could teach me about the merging, the two becoming one.

Maybe it would, except I don't want that anymore than I want celery sticks (blech). But that was the path I chose, some 30 years ago, and I pretty much stuck to it.

[scarletlatitude]

Anon notes:

I would honestly rather be gay than asexual. I'm a huge romantic at heart

Ah. And you know, it's almost - almost - fashionable to be LGBT, any of those initials.

But if you say "ACE," you get accused of "sexual repression," or "trauma" or "what's wrong with you?" like it is an illness instead of an orientation. DSM: "Sexual Arousal Disorder" "Sexual Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" Dysfunction, disorder, blah blah blah. It's what I've been thinking about myself for a decade now. Geez, have these surgeries, and my experiences of tantric abuse FINALLY gotten to me and shut down my orange svadisthana chakra? Maybe I was a lesbian all along, but "went with what was normal" because that's what I understood? What is WRONG with me?

If I told a doctor that I didn't want sex again ever - they would load me down with drugs trying to kindle something that's not really there. And it would be the same for my mother, and my birthmother, too. "If you aren't horny as heck, you must be ill!" Seems to be the cultural norm.

Gay started out this way. Now it is a "natural orientation." Sure, there is still global resistance to the "lifestyle." But it's almost fashionable to be gay - so much so that I worry that young people are making choices based on peer pressure, rather than their natural inclinations. Likewise, if their natural inclination is NOT/Ace - that should be respected, and they shouldn't be made to feel something is wrong with them.

I think that's how piggybacking on the LGBTA can be helpful, because, look how far they've come in the past 50 years. Thing is, how many initials can we add to the moniker before it becomes a meaningless classification? How many Trans' identify with LGBT? Some of them, are certainly "straight," even if they don't identify with the gender of their body - Trans is not about "orientation," it's about gender identity. But they get lumped in with the "Q's".

It's like the difference between androgynous and asexual. They can be related, but not necessarily?

While this is kind of off topic -- you make a good point. Not that long ago people who were homosexual were treated as mental patients. Today, if you told a doctor you are asexual, you would be treated like you have a medical condition. Hopefully things turn around for we asexuals.

[Ms.Frankenstein]

Anon notes:

I would honestly rather be gay than asexual. I'm a huge romantic at heart

Ah. And you know, it's almost - almost - fashionable to be LGBT, any of those initials.

But if you say "ACE," you get accused of "sexual repression," or "trauma" or "what's wrong with you?" like it is an illness instead of an orientation. DSM: "Sexual Arousal Disorder" "Sexual Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" Dysfunction, disorder, blah blah blah. It's what I've been thinking about myself for a decade now. Geez, have these surgeries, and my experiences of tantric abuse FINALLY gotten to me and shut down my orange svadisthana chakra? Maybe I was a lesbian all along, but "went with what was normal" because that's what I understood? What is WRONG with me?

If I told a doctor that I didn't want sex again ever - they would load me down with drugs trying to kindle something that's not really there. And it would be the same for my mother, and my birthmother, too. "If you aren't horny as heck, you must be ill!" Seems to be the cultural norm.

Gay started out this way. Now it is a "natural orientation." Sure, there is still global resistance to the "lifestyle." But it's almost fashionable to be gay - so much so that I worry that young people are making choices based on peer pressure, rather than their natural inclinations. Likewise, if their natural inclination is NOT/Ace - that should be respected, and they shouldn't be made to feel something is wrong with them.

I think that's how piggybacking on the LGBTA can be helpful, because, look how far they've come in the past 50 years. Thing is, how many initials can we add to the moniker before it becomes a meaningless classification? How many Trans' identify with LGBT? Some of them, are certainly "straight," even if they don't identify with the gender of their body - Trans is not about "orientation," it's about gender identity. But they get lumped in with the "Q's".

It's like the difference between androgynous and asexual. They can be related, but not necessarily?

While this is kind of off topic -- you make a good point. Not that long ago people who were homosexual were treated as mental patients. Today, if you told a doctor you are asexual, you would be treated like you have a medical condition. Hopefully things turn around for we asexuals.

I agree with this. I also find its funny (in a not very amusing way). I have a libido, when I was younger a very high one (not so much now that I'm approaching 30). Most any medication a doctor could give would be to INCREASE libido (no doc, that's not it) or therapy to become comfortable with your sexuality (not it again. All the mindfulness and dildos in the world won't make me want to boink somebody).

Which just goes to show, they have no concept of what asexuality actually is.

[abacct]

In my opinion? Heteroromantic asexual people are straight. Tagging on the "ace" at the end is how you prevent from erasing your asexuality.

The issue on tumblr right now is straight ace people trying to claim they are allowed to use the word "queer" when they're not (unless they're trans). They're straight. They can't use the word queer.

Discrimination against gay people isn't based on what they do in bed. No homophobic person sees two gay people holding hands and think, "But maybe they're really asexual and just homoromantic, I should lay off." The assumption with any couple is that they're having sex, and although that is a wrong assumption, it still does not change the fact that gay people, whether they're homoromantic or homosexual, are the target of discrimination. Not straight people.

It doesn't matter if someone has had sex with their partner or not. In a homophobic world like ours, doing something as minimal as holding hands can trigger terrifying consequences. Of course, in countries like America, it's gotten considerably better within the last 50 years, but in other parts of the world, it's still illegal to be gay. And it does not matter if you're homoromantic asexual, the mere fact that you experience any form of attraction towards the same gender automatically labels you as gay and you are now at risk.

I identify as a gay asexual. Saying that "straight asexual" isn't correct erases the experiences of people like me (I've personally never been a relationship, but I still have felt hostility towards the fact the identify as male and am attracted to men). There are far more important things than to be sitting around debating over whether or not it's okay to call heteroromantic asexual people straight or not when your homoromantic counterparts are suffering from homophobia - even though they are ace.

Being asexual isn't a trigger for violence a large majority of the time or legal discrimination. Erasing asexuality is frustrating, yes, but it doesn't change the fact that society is far more comfortable with you never having sex with your partner of the opposite gender than you just having a partner of the same gender in the first place.

Coming back to this thread to thank everyone for their input and the dialogue it's created, but also to thank Sgt. Salt in particular. You've really put the matter into perspective for me; something tumblr has failed to do. Thank you for the response.

I'm glad I could help! That's the thing that frustrates me about Tumblr "discourse," as they call it - they never really bother to help others understand.

[Vincisomething]

TW: brief mention of the q-slur.

There is a lot of discussion on tumblr about asexuality; specifically, heteroromantic asexuals. The discussions on that site are mostly negative and quite mean, and I don't recommend searching the tags for anything related to asexuality. Firstly, an argument was posed that (cis)heteroromantic asexuals cannot identify as/reclaim the word "queer" due to its historic target audience when used as a derogatory term (gay and trans individuals). Secondly - and the argument this topic is about - is that heteroromantic asexuals are straight asexuals.

As a het ace, being called straight is a nightmare. I don't identify as straight. I don't feel the sexual attraction necessary to be straight (to my own understanding this is heteroromantic heterosexual). Therefore, I am not straight. Perspectives on straight people in the LGBTQIAP+ community are already negative due to heteronormativity, heterosexism, etc. I don't want to be lumped in with a group with entire straight privilege. While I absolutely acknowledged that I have straight-passing privilege - like many other people in the community do, depending on how they present and the gender of the person they date at a given time - I still don't consider myself straight. The argument for het aces being straight seems to be that the definition of "straight" is exclusive attraction to the opposite gender. Does this include solely romantic attraction? sexual attraction? For me, it's absolutely both.

Countering the het ace =/= straight argument is a question of whether or not a homoromantic asexual is gay or not. In my own opinion, however they identify is what matters. I would call them gay myself, and in that regard I can see where the assumption comes from. This person is strictly "into" their same gender. And yet, that tricky, illusive "asexual" comes into play, and the question becomes whether or not they identify themselves as gay, or as asexual, or as something else entirely. Thus, the issue - and answer - comes down to self-identification and the invalidation asexuals experience from within the community on a daily basis.

I can see and understand why people say het aces are straight, but the entire discussion is full of bullying and disrespecting labels. Perhaps I'm taking it too personally because I associate straight as not good within the community. However, the discussion is also, yet again, a prevalent issue of whether or not asexuals are oppressed enough to "count"; and those who have established places in the queer community, distinguished from heterosexuals, continue to label asexuals and talk about their place in the community without consideration of asexual opinions. All in all, the issue is full of problems. Being called straight over and over by users on the website actually caused me to break down crying a few times the other day, and now even seeing it mentioned on that site gives me an anxiety attack. I want to have a civil conversation there, but I know it won't happen. So, like most ace issues, I come to you all.

What are your opinions? Are het aces "straight" asexuals? Can you be "straight" and be in the LGBTQIAP+ community? What do you think of the homoromantic asexual situation, and can the same logic be applied (heteroro = straight, homoro = gay)? What do you think about the community's treatment and discussion of asexuals and asexuality, namely do you see a problem with how the topics are approached?

I only consider myself self in the romantic sense, since I am heteroromantic. However, I really don't think asexuality is "straight." It doesn't really make sense. If I were straight aka heterosexual, I don't think I would be really participating in this community.

[R_1]

Let me ask every one of you. Okay, you meet in the street, and you wanted to know if I like women, and I respond. You know that I am cis at that point. That being said, how I respond is on the line of...

"Well, I like looking at women, and I also like the beautiful voice of some women. I can adore looking at their hips, their chest, and I am attracted to them from a aesthetic perspective. But all, in all, I am not a man that participates into sex or romance, and I like them strongly from a distance and it can be as strong as any heterosexual man would like a woman. I don't mind a platonic relationship which can be seen as sexual to the outside viewer with a woman, and I have been there, and we been obviously looking at each other up and down that way even if she was near her boyfriend. "

Would you think of me as straight? Would a random person think of me as straight?

I dunno what "a random person" would think, but I would certainly not consider you straight if you told me that. To be straight, you'd need to feel a desire to boink these women.

The question is why it is prerequisite for one to desire to boink the opposite sex/gender to be straight? What about homoromantic heterosexuals? Are they straight?

[noparlpf]

I have a good post about historical acephobia and how we have historically been "queer" to the straight cis population bookmarked somewhere. Maybe I'll try to find it later. The gist is that asexual men were often lumped in with closeted gay men and treated as queer too, and asexual women were treated as some kind of horrible thing because if women don't let men use them as sex objects the patriarchy could fall apart.

Suffice it to say that straight people are not happy when somebody doesn't want to have sex at all, even if they don't explicitly want to have sex with the "wrong" gender.

[Guest]

The question is why it is prerequisite for one to desire to boink the opposite sex/gender to be straight? What about homoromantic heterosexuals? Are they straight?

I'd probably consider them straight, yes... just in a somewhat unusual way. Straight has always meant heterosexual, and I doubt that non-sexual "bromances" (is there even a female term for that?) of a straight person who prefers their sex romance-free would change that picture for me.

[Ms.Frankenstein]

I have a good post about historical acephobia and how we have historically been "queer" to the straight cis population bookmarked somewhere. Maybe I'll try to find it later. The gist is that asexual men were often lumped in with closeted gay men and treated as queer too, and asexual women were treated as some kind of horrible thing because if women don't let men use them as sex objects the patriarchy could fall apart.

Suffice it to say that straight people are not happy when somebody doesn't want to have sex at all, even if they don't explicitly want to have sex with the "wrong" gender.

I was always thought to be gay. My (supportive) family kept trying to get me to stop hiding, come out and embrace my homosexuality. Because they were supportive (but wrong) I find it hilarious, however if they hadn't been it would have been tragic.

[R_1]

The question is why it is prerequisite for one to desire to boink the opposite sex/gender to be straight? What about homoromantic heterosexuals? Are they straight?

I'd probably consider them straight, yes... just in a somewhat unusual way. Straight has always meant heterosexual, and I doubt that non-sexual "bromances" (is there even a female term for that?) of a straight person who prefers their sex romance-free would change that picture for me.

But, where is the evidence that straight=heterosexual? And with the advent of asexuality being more known and assuming you are right, is it possible that straight could be a catch-all terms for experiencing at one form of attraction to the opposite sex/gender and only to the opposite sex/gender.

[noparlpf]

I was always thought to be gay. My (supportive) family kept trying to get me to stop hiding, come out and embrace my homosexuality. Because they were supportive (but wrong) I find it hilarious, however if they hadn't been it would have been tragic.

I have a good sense of irony so it's pretty funny to me that my mum would be more accepting if I were gay. She doesn't get asexuality. And especially not anything in the grey area. What's funniest though is that for asexuality "you never know, maybe you haven't met the right person" but straight and gay aren't "maybe-bi". *sigh*

Oh yeah, and back when I was like 12 the kids and counsellors at summer camp were super "supportive" and kept trying to get me to come out as gay. I was like, "Okay, so I said I'm not interested in girls, but I'm also not interested in boys. Can you please just let me play Pokémon in peace?"

[Guest]

But, where is the evidence that straight=heterosexual?

Common use of a term is the only evidence there ever can be for what a word means. There is, and can never be, any "scientific" definition of "straight", if that's what you look for (unless you count in the sciences of liguistics and sociology), as it's nothing but a colloquialism.

And it's pretty obvious that noone outside of marginal subcultures *cough*like AVEN*cough* uses "straight" in any other meaning than "heterosexual", when referring to orientations.

[scarletlatitude]

The prefix "hetero" means "different". When you stick it on "-sexual", that essentially means that you want to engage in sexual activities with a different sex.

In a way, "hetero" does apply to you if you are interested in people of a different gender than you. However, given all of the different societal meanings of "hetero", it is easy to see how you would not want that label applied to you if you are not sexual.

[KendraPM]

Sgt Salt:

but in other parts of the world, it's still illegal to be gay.

Whoa. Good point. I doubt there will be any arrests for not participating in the sexual antics of others.

Though you could get sectioned for "being ill" - as I pointed out before.

This wasn't always the case. Europe, in particular, had laws against aces. Men and women who weren't married, and who showed no inclination towards it where arrested and even kicked out of some countries. They were labeled as being a threat to the population because they didn't desire a "healthy relationship" with anyone. I can't remember the quote, but there was even a something in a textbook about how not experiences any sexual desire was a threat to society and would lead to the down fall of the country.

I'm not trying to deny that LGBT+ haven't been discriminated against horribly, and yes, probably worse than aces and certainly for a longer period of time, but saying asexuals have never been arrested or killed because of their lack of sexual attraction is simply not true.

[Ms.Frankenstein]

Sgt Salt:

but in other parts of the world, it's still illegal to be gay.

Whoa. Good point. I doubt there will be any arrests for not participating in the sexual antics of others.

Though you could get sectioned for "being ill" - as I pointed out before.

This wasn't always the case. Europe, in particular, had laws against aces. Men and women who weren't married, and who showed no inclination towards it where arrested and even kicked out of some countries. They were labeled as being a threat to the population because they didn't desire a "healthy relationship" with anyone. I can't remember the quote, but there was even a something in a textbook about how not experiences any sexual desire was a threat to society and would lead to the down fall of the country.

I'm not trying to deny that LGBT+ haven't been discriminated against horribly, and yes, probably worse than aces and certainly for a longer period of time, but saying asexuals have never been arrested or killed because of their lack of sexual attraction is simply not true.

I believe in Russia it's still that way. Asexuals aren't permitted to drive I believe, I don't know about thrown out of the country or in jail.

[NothingMuchToDo]

I just made the mistake of looking through the Tumblr tag. Don't do it guys.

[(A) & A]

Part of the problem is you're on Tumblr. A lot of people on there that are involved with "social justice" often put politics before people.

All asexuals are queer. We don't fit in with the hetero-normative spectrum. It's true, in some cases a heteroromantic ace can blend in a bit better, if people think they are only repressed. If you think that's the case, they you might actually believe that I'm not human at all and my avatar is actually my actual photo.

Come gather 'round for storytime. Trigger warning, I'll likely be dropping the other f-bomb at some point. Maybe some other nasty words, too, but profanity will serve a point.

So, I went to a lovely high school where quit a few people loved the Confederate flag. I would like you to keep in mind, I live in Michigan. It's only deep south if you're Canadian.

Anyway, I didn't identify as an asexual in high school, because I didn't know it existed. I knew that I didn't want to have sex with people though. While I was attracted towards females, romantically and aesthetically, I knew that I never wanted to fuck them. So, I did what any normal person would do in their situations. I avoided relationships and anything that could start one. Things were a little awkward at times, however. "So, who do you want do you want to have sex with?" "No one, really."

What does that mean? Well, if you don't want to stick your cock between a woman's legs that could only mean one thing where I came from; you were a f*****. And you know what a bunch of teen-aged boys that fly the Confederate flag from their pick-up trucks do to f*****s? Thankfully, I knew how to fight back. But I took my fucking licks.

Somehow, I doubt my situation is isolated.

[KendraPM]

Sgt Salt:

but in other parts of the world, it's still illegal to be gay.

Whoa. Good point. I doubt there will be any arrests for not participating in the sexual antics of others.

Though you could get sectioned for "being ill" - as I pointed out before.

This wasn't always the case. Europe, in particular, had laws against aces. Men and women who weren't married, and who showed no inclination towards it where arrested and even kicked out of some countries. They were labeled as being a threat to the population because they didn't desire a "healthy relationship" with anyone. I can't remember the quote, but there was even a something in a textbook about how not experiences any sexual desire was a threat to society and would lead to the down fall of the country.

I'm not trying to deny that LGBT+ haven't been discriminated against horribly, and yes, probably worse than aces and certainly for a longer period of time, but saying asexuals have never been arrested or killed because of their lack of sexual attraction is simply not true.

I believe in Russia it's still that way. Asexuals aren't permitted to drive I believe, I don't know about thrown out of the country or in jail.

I don't remember all of it, but I remember that England almost passed a law at the time that any unmarried woman over 30 was be to moved to Australia. There were others that went so far as to actually kick them out.

But back on topic. The idea that "straight" automatically means "heterosexual" is...off. Coming even from a societal stand point, "straight" means "dates only opposite gender." Yes, sexual attraction to traditionally assumed to be part of that, but then again so is romantic. So saying that an aromantic heterosexual is straight, but a heteroromantic asexual isn't doesn't hold a lot of weight since both people in general are assumed to feel both romantic and sexual attraction. All the broad terms (gay, lesbian, straight, bi, etc.) are assumed to feel alloromantic and allosexual attractions. The assumption is off, but that doesn't change the definition, by societal stand point, that straight means "dates only oppisite gender." As long as a person falls under that definition, they can consider themselves straight.

[crazyllama]

Ok so I'm very new here still and learning so go on me easy if I get this wrong please. I was thinking about this other day. I was wondering why I was thinking of myself as a straight hetro ace,wouldn't it be just hetro ace? Then I realized I don't think of myself as completely straight but I don't really identify with the LGBTQA community. Relationship wise I'm hetro(can't really imagine being with a girl) and I tend to lean either towards "manly"man or Bi-feminene boys for some reason. I'm Bi-aesthetic. I'm very physical in that I like cuddling,holding paws,flirting,co sleeping ect with guys or girls but I don't know if that is considered sensual, romantic,platonic (what would that even be considered,where is the line drawn?) I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl ever but would that erase the bi part on the other things? I don't really know. I'm not out yet so I haven't experienced any discrimination yet, but I'm sure it will be there later on. I'm not sure how to answer if people ask if I'm straight but I can see where one would get straight privileges

tl;dr I don't think I think hetro aces are completely straight, but who I am to judge what they want to consider themselves.

[KendraPM]

Ok so I'm very new here still and learning so go on me easy if I get this wrong please. I was thinking about this other day. I was wondering why I was thinking of myself as a straight hetro ace,wouldn't it be just hetro ace? Then I realized I don't think of myself as completely straight but I don't really identify with the LGBTQA community. Relationship wise I'm hetro(can't really imagine being with a girl) and I tend to lean either towards "manly"man or Bi-feminene boys for some reason. I'm Bi-aesthetic. I'm very physical in that I like cuddling,holding paws,flirting,co sleeping ect with guys or girls but I don't know if that is considered sensual, romantic,platonic (what would that even be considered,where is the line drawn?) I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl ever but would that erase the bi part on the other things? I don't really know. I'm not out yet so I haven't experienced any discrimination yet, but I'm sure it will be there later on. I'm not sure how to answer if people ask if I'm straight but I can see where one would get straight privileges

tl;dr I don't think I think hetro aces are completely straight, but who I am to judge what they want to consider themselves.

Not dating girls doesn't erase the "bi" label on other attractions.

Of the physical attractions, there's:

Sexual-to want sexual contact with a specific person

Sensual-to want sensual contact with a specific person (cuddling, carressing, etc.)

Aesthetic-to want to look at a specific person

Keep in mind these are general definitions and don't take into consideration things like a general desire for cuddling, but not wanting to cuddle with anyone in particular, which is not sensual attraction, but rather sensual desire. I don't want to confuse you, lol, so sorry if I do.

Then there's the emotional attractions; romantic and platonic. Basically who you develope a crush on and who you want to be friends with.

Not being romantically attracted to girls does not erase any of the other forms of attractions you have towards women. I myself am homoaesthetic, but heteroromantic. I don't consider myself bi, nor does my dating only men automatically negligate my attractions to women. It's all up to how you feel. :) Good luck.

[Guest]

I always considered myself as straight untill i heard about the term asexuality, i realised that it suits me better to call myself asexual instead of straight because if i say to the people in my enviroment (especially at work) that i am straight they assume i want a boyfriend and a sex life while this isnt the case. I dont feel romantic attraction let be sexual attraction to people and it doesnt matter what gender they are i can feel like: Hey i would love to be friends with you! but people often mistake that with: Oh i want a long romantic relationship with you and maybe a sex life too! I guess that is because people dont know the difference between romantic and sexual attraction and i often find it difficult to explain to others about how i think and feel especially to those who have never heard about these terms before.

I can see the problems hetero romantic people experience when trying to stand theyre grounds i have been there too, Try to tell people around you that you only feel romantic attraction towards others of the opposite gender, let be that you would love to have a queer platonic relationship with someone someday and see how many are going to laugh at you because thats not normal because they say that you can only have a healthy relationship when you jump on eachother at least twice or 3 times a week, you cant have a sex less relationship, believe me how many times i have had these answers when they asked me why i still am a single some even tried to get me interested by telling me sex jokes and doing the sex talk just because they thought they could convert me and i often felt disguisted so i just kept my mouth shut thats why i understand that some just keep it to themselves that they are hetero romantic or LGBT+.

Thats why i sometimes feel part of the LGBT+ community because how weird it sounds i feel the discrimination from others who are fully straight towards those who arent like them its so hard to stand your grounds when you are surrounded with people who have other ideas then you and assume everyone else has them too.

I would definetly say that hetero romantic people are like straight people but the difference between them is that hetero romantic people feel romantic attraction and straight people feel both romantic and sexual attraction towards the opposite gender but yeah i usually just keep things to myself because im tired of these annoying discussion with others about whats normal and what isnt.

[Ms.Frankenstein]

Part of the problem is you're on Tumblr. A lot of people on there that are involved with "social justice" often put politics before people.

All asexuals are queer. We don't fit in with the hetero-normative spectrum. It's true, in some cases a heteroromantic ace can blend in a bit better, if people think they are only repressed. If you think that's the case, they you might actually believe that I'm not human at all and my avatar is actually my actual photo.

Come gather 'round for storytime. Trigger warning, I'll likely be dropping the other f-bomb at some point. Maybe some other nasty words, too, but profanity will serve a point.

So, I went to a lovely high school where quit a few people loved the Confederate flag. I would like you to keep in mind, I live in Michigan. It's only deep south if you're Canadian.

Anyway, I didn't identify as an asexual in high school, because I didn't know it existed. I knew that I didn't want to have sex with people though. While I was attracted towards females, romantically and aesthetically, I knew that I never wanted to fuck them. So, I did what any normal person would do in their situations. I avoided relationships and anything that could start one. Things were a little awkward at times, however. "So, who do you want do you want to have sex with?" "No one, really."

What does that mean? Well, if you don't want to stick your cock between a woman's legs that could only mean one thing where I came from; you were a f*****. And you know what a bunch of teen-aged boys that fly the Confederate flag from their pick-up trucks do to f*****s? Thankfully, I knew how to fight back. But I took my fucking licks.

Somehow, I doubt my situation is isolated.

I'm sorry that you went through that. I'm not surprised at all, sadly.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and thinking about how to articulate what pisses me off so much about some of the comments I've heard, especially regarding the use of the word "queer" by asexuals. While I understand where some people within the LGBT community are coming from, just no. You (in general) do not get to tell someone how they can identify. The idea that I need "permission" to refer to myself in a certain way is absolutely ludicrous. I don't, and neither does anyone else who does or does not choose to identify as queer.

No one gets to define another's identity for them.

[demiandproud]

[ESL-rant]

I do not consider myself 'straight' nor have I ever, because that brings up mental images of me as a road, me as a ruler, me as part of a comedic duo... I've always thought I was heteroseksueel, colloquially, hetero. Also, words for gay/queer/homosexual are confusing and being PC is hard for non-native speakers and English-language pop culture does NOT make it easy, with all its jokes in bad taste.

[/ESL-rant]

Having said that, I consider myself to have been straight-by-default until two years ago, and I will likely be labeled heterosexual by others if I'm labeled at all.

Now I consider myself demisexual, part of the asexual community, and working through the ignorance that privilege dumped on me. It's not pretty and sometimes scary to keep writing about my sexuality, because I feel I use the wrong words and have the wrong ideas before I get to the right ones. But then, that is how learning a language works too, doing it badly before doing it well and gaining confidence.

I do not consider myself heterosexual anymore, because my sexuality works so very different from that 'default' option. Nevertheless I prefer people from the opposite gender if at all. Neither do I consider myself queer, and I have trouble calling anyone else that, because the word to me still means 'eerie, strange, weird' and people aren't, really, except when they're being exceptionally prejudiced and then I prefer to call them idiots.

I believe heteroromantic to have little to do with "straight" and "queer", words for a sexual orientation.

I believe that a lot of problems can be avoided, especially by people using jargon as ham-handedly as me, if people can label themselves and others abide by that self-sorting system. So that's what I'm sticking to.

I say I am, therefore I am demisexual. Not straight, or queer. If you say you are, then you are.

[Ace of Cakes]

As long as a person falls under that definition, they can consider themselves straight.

Yeah, I completely agree that someone can consider themselves straight if they like, but I think the issue is with other people considering someone straight when they don't consider themselves as such. If a heteroromantic ace sees themselves as straight, great. But if they don't and someone else tells them they are, that's not okay.

[Ms.Frankenstein]

As long as a person falls under that definition, they can consider themselves straight.

Yeah, I completely agree that someone can consider themselves straight if they like, but I think the issue is with other people considering someone straight when they don't consider themselves as such. If a heteroromantic ace sees themselves as straight, great. But if they don't and someone else tells them they are, that's not okay.

This exactly.

[noparlpf]

Whether somebody is ace first and heteroromantic second, or straight first and ace second, depends on the individual and can only be determined by the individual.

[KendraPM]

As long as a person falls under that definition, they can consider themselves straight.

Yeah, I completely agree that someone can consider themselves straight if they like, but I think the issue is with other people considering someone straight when they don't consider themselves as such. If a heteroromantic ace sees themselves as straight, great. But if they don't and someone else tells them they are, that's not okay.

I agree. I've stated previously that I go by what labels a person gives themselves, if they give one. But I've noticed out in the "real world" if you will, people don't usually have other labels besides the big five. So I default people to one of the five big ones until I'm told by that person otherwise. Example: I have a friend whose hetero-demisexual hetero-grayromantic and I consider her straight. If she were to tell me she prefers to not be labeled as such then I won't consider her straight anymore, but since she's never indicated being against the label or that she prefers anything else, that's what I consider her.

[scarletlatitude]

[ESL-rant]

I do not consider myself 'straight' nor have I ever, because that brings up mental images of me as a road, me as a ruler, me as part of a comedic duo... I've always thought I was heteroseksueel, colloquially, hetero. Also, words for gay/queer/homosexual are confusing and being PC is hard for non-native speakers and English-language pop culture does NOT make it easy, with all its jokes in bad taste.

[/ESL-rant]

English is hard. Even some of the native speakers are not very good at it. :P If you ever feel like you get in trouble for not knowing the PC words, just let someone know that your native language is not English. I think everyone on AVEN could forgive that. (This goes for anyone who is not a native English speaker too.)

[Tunes]

I would say that you are indeed a straight asexual, for the simple fact that you are not a gay asexual or a lesbian asexual or a bi asexual. You are a straight asexual. But ignoring the 'asexual' part of that label is definitely an issue. Are you just "straight" in the way the term implies? No. Because the term implies straight sexual. You are straight asexual. That missing letter makes a world of difference. And no; you do not fit in with the straight-privilaged group. So that being said, if you can find a way to emphasize the asexual part and minimize the straight part, it seems like that would be ideal.

Personally, I do not see how you could do that, other than to refuse to tell them your romantic inclination at all or to lie and tell them that you are attracted to the same gender, thus are not straight. Either way, it's misleading. The best way to approach it (while keeping it accurate) is to tell them that you are asexual first and if they ask, you can inform them that you are heteroromantic - and phrase it that way. If they use the word "straight", then correct them by telling them that yes, you are a straight asexual. Just reiterate the "asexual" part every time "straight" is used without it. That's my best suggestion. But of course, that's all my own opinion. I stay very far away from discussions like the one you are mentioning...