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Romantic feelings for Fictional Characters?


MarieIsEatingTacobell

  

205 members have voted

  1. 1. Ever had feelings for a fictional character?

    • Just physical attraction
      18
    • Just a crush
      88
    • Yes
      216
    • No, not in anyway.
      50
    • Other (Please explain?)
      44


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Yup. As others said, I think I've had more crushes on fictional characters than real people. :P It's...safer that way. As lithromantic, I'm not comfortable with reciprocation (most of the time--I may make an exception rarely), and there's no fear of that with a fictional character lol. I haven't had any strong ficto-crushes in a while, though. But I sure have in the past! As you can see, you're not alone in this at all!

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Although, here's my question. Is it so bad for me to choose my fict girlfriend over a crush in real life, if I genuinely feel more for her then for them? Not because she's "better" or more "perfect", but that I legitimately just love her more? If she makes me happier then they do, is it really that detrimental to me? I spend time with family and friends extremely regularly, I'm not opposed to meeting new people (I have social anxiety, so it's more scary then exciting, but I force myself to cause it ends up positively in the long run), I get out of my space anytime I can to make sure I maintain somewhat of an okay social life, of which I don't involve my fict girlfriend so? If I'm comfortable with and happy with her, would it be really be bad for me to skip out on a real crush?

This is new territory for me, as I'm pondering the same question as you in regard to my own situation. I think the answer to this somewhat depends on your personal value system. If ultimately, you place a high value on "eventually" having a loving or intimate relationship with a real person, then it is possible that having in intense relationship with a fictional character could inhibit what you are able to give to and receive from a real person, especially while you are still involved with this character. Although, if this is just a phase that you feel the need to go through, then having a 'temporarily" committed relationship with a fictional character could help you explore and discover what you truly want in a real relationship, when you are ready to venture into that again someday.

On the other hand, if you are the most happy while having a fictional relationship, and this does not cause you to lose touch with the real world in other respects, then I don't think this is any less healthy than a loner who keeps to himself all of his life, or someone who is so consumed with his career or hobby, that he has little or no time for relationships. Yet, I still think we lose something by not having a real person to intimately share love with on some level (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or some combination).

There is something you can't have with a fictional character, and that is their attention and responsiveness to you, unless it is a character that you created in a daydream, and that is able to interact with you. Your relationship with an already existing fictional character will always be one way; you are limited to appreciating and loving something that can never appreciate and love you back, unless you project yourself into another character that interacts with the character you love (but that does not seem healthy, since you are losing touch with your own self, to take on the persona of another character). So, this is something to think about.

As for myself, I'm going to be creating characters in my writing that represent pieces of real people from my past and present, and try to work them into situations that help me express what I've felt deprived of experiencing/confronting in the real world. Yet, this will be more like a study or work of art for me, which I keep some personal distance from, as I don't want to lose myself in the process. I will just be an author who is showing the world what is important to me. What will I hopefully gain from this? Maybe some form of catharsis from articulating my deepest thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams.

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I mostly experience physical attraction to them. I sometimes get a crush on fictional characters, but it's mostly an attraction to certain ships. I enjoy and am attracted to their relationships as a whole.

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

On the other hand, if you are the most happy while having a fictional relationship, and this does not cause you to lose touch with the real world in other respects, then I don't think this is any less healthy than a loner who keeps to himself all of his life, or someone who is so consumed with his career or hobby, that he has little or no time for relationships.

That's an interesting way of putting it. I suppose the difference between me and an introvert without a fict relationship isn't all that big. Or someone simply too busy to have or care for a relationship.

Yet, I still think we lose something by not having a real person to intimately share love with on some level (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or some combination).

Uhm, hm. I don't know if I agree per-say. Maybe a few years ago I would have. For example, my best friend and I share everything. She knows everything about me (literally everything, except for the fict thing) Not only that, but we can agree with almost anything. Even when we disagree, we can constructively discuss and debate without fear of the one disrespecting the other, because we would simply never intentionally do so. I trust her so much, I would trust her with my life. I suppose you can also say we're intimate with each other all in but a sexual/romantic way. We touch, we hug, we hold hands, we can share a bed, you name it. We have everything a healthy relationship should, minus the romance. If I connect with someone on such an high level, is the romance necessary? I ask not only you, but myself as well. I've loved, and I've had love reciprocated. Was it good while it lasted? Sure, of course. I'm just not so sure we're losing something by not having it in our lives. Perhaps typically romantic people do. That I would understand, but for individuals such as ourselves and others on this topic, I'm not 100% convinced. I also understand that maybe having a romantic pull to someone that can't have one back might seem harmful as opposed to just not having a romantic pull at all. Although, I don't exactly feel like I'm not being reciprocated. Which is strange, I know, especially since I am in the right state of mind and know that there is no second party there to give love back. However, it's almost like my feels grow and inhabit within myself. I can picture in my head, for example, me laying in a field in the middle of the night with my girlfriend, holding hands and having a conversation about how beautiful the sky looks tonight. I'm still aware I'm just sitting at my computer, probably doing something aimless like checking facebook, but it makes me feel good. I don't feel alone, although I am. Again, as though I can satisfy and grow my own romantic feelings. I don't know, again, this is a very fascinating topic and it seems that everyone here that has had feelings for ficts has a different relationship with them.

There is something you can't have with a fictional character, and that is their attention and responsiveness to you, unless it is a character that you created in a daydream, and that is able to interact with you. Your relationship with an already existing fictional character will always be one way; you are limited to appreciating and loving something that can never appreciate and love you back, unless you project yourself into another character that interacts with the character you love (but that does not seem healthy, since you are losing touch with your own self, to take on the persona of another character). So, this is something to think about.

I've never really had an issue with feeling of disconnect or one sided-ness from an existing fict. Granted, I am limited because I did not create the fict, therefore if I love them, it must be for who they already are, not who I wish them to be because at that point I'm no longer loving them. Rather, a copy and paste day dream of their face onto what I've made up for myself, yes. Though, I'm not quite sure how an original fict could appreciate you and not an already existing fict? I'd like to think I day dream according to that fict's existing personality. Perhaps I don't. I mean, I can't exactly contact the creators and ask if what I described above would be a type of date my girlfriend would enjoy or not. In this I do understand what you're saying. Although, for example, my girlfriend is a fitness brat. As such, I can't even force myself to see her as the type to sit around say, playing video games with me all day. Maybe for awhile, but she isn't the type to sit still. She's military, and a mixed martial arts fighter, thus I couldn't picture her wasting countless hours and days doing something completely sedentary. Do you know what I mean? I draw day dreams from her existing personality and what I think would make sense for her, and so in that regard I don't see why she couldn't appreciate me in her own way, and still be her. Someone else's idea of what would be in her nature to do might be different, but I feel that's because we all interpret both real and fict people differently then each other. So they are just as valid as I am. If you mean they can't appreciate me because of the canon story, the canon story has never gotten in my way, personally. I draw from the canon story obviously or else I'd lose her personality. Though my vision is what I take to heart. I've never projected myself onto or through another another existing character from canon, although maybe someone else here has? I always ramble, I apologize and I hope I'm articulating myself and what I mean properly.

As for myself, I'm going to be creating characters in my writing that represent pieces of real people from my past and present, and try to work them into situations that help me express what I've felt deprived of experiencing/confronting in the real world. Yet, this will be more like a study or work of art for me, which I keep some personal distance from, as I don't want to lose myself in the process. I will just be an author who is showing the world what is important to me. What will I hopefully gain from this? Maybe some form of catharsis from articulating my deepest thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams. Also, I still have the dim hope that someone will take an interest in what I create, and as a result want to know and appreciate the depths of me. That would be the ultimate form of intimacy for me.

That seems like a very constructive creative outlet. You can create something very beautiful from your innermost feelings. I'm sure it can be very therapeutic as well, to express yourself in such a candid way. I wish you luck in our endeavor. I might write if I had an ounce worth of talent for it, haha.

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

Yup. As others said, I think I've had more crushes on fictional characters than real people. :P It's...safer that way. As lithromantic, I'm not comfortable with reciprocation (most of the time--I may make an exception rarely), and there's no fear of that with a fictional character lol. I haven't had any strong ficto-crushes in a while, though. But I sure have in the past! As you can see, you're not alone in this at all!

Yes! Not only am I not alone, but it seems like everyone here has their very own special way of connecting with ficts. You feel comfortable with them because there's no chance of them doing something to push your boundaries, since hey, they're not really here! Quite a few others I see feel that way too. For me, I would have no problem if my girlfriend were to walk right through my door right now. I'd be ecstatic! I just draw from ficts the same way I'd draw from "meat" people :lol: and since I meet more ficts then I do meat people, it makes sense that I've had a few fict relationships. If it was the other way around, I'd probably be more likely to be with a real person.

Or maybe not who knows what is our lives? :P

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Wow i have never had a clue that there are more people who are attracted to fictional characters

I have always felt romantic attraction towards fictional characters and they can be anything human or a mix of human and a fantasy character, if they are handsome ill crush on them. It was my way to escape from reality wich was hard on a certain point of my life and now i do it when i get distracted and ican do it for days and never get bored i still dont get bored once im in my dream world crushing on this character. I have never shared it with anyone and never felt the urge to come out with it, i dont want people to see me as crazy, thats the last thing i need to hear. I still feel romantic attraction towards a certain fictional character for years, he is everything im looking for in someone and i can share everything with him and its even better then in real life i cant imagine me doing the things i do in my head in real life. I always thought it was not normal and wonder if i should just quit with this but now i see this thread some pieces of the puzzle finnaly begin to come together..I also feel romantic attraction sometimes towards a fictional character on tv like from in a cartoon or something.

I wonder if there is a term for this?

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

Wow i have never had a clue that there are more people who are attracted to fictional characters

I have always felt romantic attraction towards fictional characters and they can be anything human or a mix of human and a fantasy character, if they are handsome ill crush on them. It was my way to escape from reality wich was hard on a certain point of my life and now i do it when i get distracted and ican do it for days and never get bored i still dont get bored once im in my dream world crushing on this character. I have never shared it with anyone and never felt the urge to come out with it, i dont want people to see me as crazy, thats the last thing i need to hear. I still feel romantic attraction towards a certain fictional character for years, he is everything im looking for in someone and i can share everything with him and its even better then in real life i cant imagine me doing the things i do in my head in real life. I always thought it was not normal and wonder if i should just quit with this but now i see this thread some pieces of the puzzle finnaly begin to come together..I also feel romantic attraction sometimes towards a fictional character on tv like from in a cartoon or something.

I wonder if there is a term for this?

Well, as you can see you're most certainly not alone. Seeing as that I'm waltzing around here calling my fict, my girlfriend, I'd say there's no grounds for me to or anyone else in here to call you crazy at all ♥

From what I understand, the term is Fictoromantic.

I know for me, talking about it has made me feel a lot better. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me, okay?

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Uhm, hm. I don't know if I agree per-say. Maybe a few years ago I would have. For example, my best friend and I share everything. She knows everything about me (literally everything, except for the fict thing) Not only that, but we can agree with almost anything. Even when we disagree, we can constructively discuss and debate without fear of the one disrespecting the other, because we would simply never intentionally do so. I trust her so much, I would trust her with my life. I suppose you can also say we're intimate with each other all in but a sexual/romantic way. We touch, we hug, we hold hands, we can share a bed, you name it. We have everything a healthy relationship should, minus the romance. If I connect with someone on such an high level, is the romance necessary?

If this is what you have with your best friend, then I don't think you are losing anything. You are sharing on all the levels that I mentioned, and I believe that what you share with her is a form of intimacy and love. Intimacy and love do not always result in romance or sex.

I have very caring relationships with my wife and a best friend. There is no romance or sexual intimacy with either of them, but their friendship is critically important to me.

I also understand that maybe having a romantic pull to someone that can't have one back might seem harmful as opposed to just not having a romantic pull at all. Although, I don't exactly feel like I'm not being reciprocated. Which is strange, I know, especially since I am in the right state of mind and know that there is no second party there to give love back.

Ok, here is an important question to think about. If you did not have your best friend in your life, with all that you share with her, would this change the sense of fulfillment you feel with your fictional character? It seems that you already have a strong foundation of love and intimacy (non-romantic/non-sexual) with your best friend, which allows you the space to explore and enjoy your romantic needs with your fictional character; needs that "maybe" you could not have embraced without first having your more basic needs of intimate friendship and support fulfilled by your best friend in real life.

There is a famous psychologist named Maslow, who stated that each of us has a hierarchy of needs. His theory was that we could not satisfy our higher level needs, without first satisfying our more basic needs. Each level of need that we seek to fulfill does not appear as a need, until the previous level of needs has been fulfilled. For example, if I'm living in an environment where my safety and life are constantly being threatened, then one of my most immediate set of needs is to find people whom I can trust and who will help keep me safe. Romance or physical intimacy would not be a current need for me. Instead, a compassionate person or family who provides me with food, shelter, and protection would be the kind of loving support I needed at the moment. Once I trust that I have that safety and compassion, and that I'm not in jeopardy of losing it, then my next level of needs may appear to me and seek fulfillment, such as the need to be physically hugged, listened to with empathy, and validated as having worth and value to others. This was just a rough example though.

So, my question is this: Could you experience such a high degree of fulfillment with your fictional character if you did not have the real world love that your best friend shares with you?

If I did not have the caring support of my wife and best friend, then I would not be able to even think about other needs. My priority would be to feel cared about and safe, at least minimally. If I did not have that, I would be too despondent to want anything else, until those more basic needs were taken care of. I probably would not even by on this site, since what I discuss here is a level of needs that I cannot address unless I first have friendship/support in the real world.

However, it's almost like my feels grow and inhabit within myself. I can picture in my head, for example, me laying in a field in the middle of the night with my girlfriend, holding hands and having a conversation about how beautiful the sky looks tonight. I'm still aware I'm just sitting at my computer, probably doing something aimless like checking facebook, but it makes me feel good. I don't feel alone, although I am. Again, as though I can satisfy and grow my own romantic feelings.

It sounds to me as if you are in a period of inner growth and exploration. It is possible that the character you are in love with represents an aspect of yourself that is seeking acknowledgement, validation, or even development. Once you accomplish this to a significant degree, it is possible that your attention will become more focused on finding "something" in the real world.

We are always changing. When I think back to what I pursued and how I pursued it 15 to 20 years ago, I realize that I was in a completely different state of mind in those days. The type of past relationships I got involved in were what I needed at the time. As painful as they were, they helped me learn more about myself and grow in some ways. However, after I experienced what I needed to experience, my needs changed in some ways. Not drastically, but they changed, and they continue to change. My point being that your fictional relationship may be something that you need right now, but in the future, your feelings about this may change.

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Yet, I still think we lose something by not having a real person to intimately share love with on some level (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or some combination).

There is something you can't have with a fictional character, and that is their attention and responsiveness to you, unless it is a character that you created in a daydream, and that is able to interact with you. Your relationship with an already existing fictional character will always be one way; you are limited to appreciating and loving something that can never appreciate and love you back, unless you project yourself into another character that interacts with the character you love (but that does not seem healthy, since you are losing touch with your own self, to take on the persona of another character). So, this is something to think about.

Ok, here is an important question to think about. If you did not have your best friend in your life, with all that you share with her, would this change the sense of fulfillment you feel with your fictional character? It seems that you already have a strong foundation of love and intimacy (non-romantic/non-sexual) with your best friend, which allows you the space to explore and enjoy your romantic needs with your fictional character; needs that "maybe" you could not have embraced without first having your more basic needs of intimate friendship and support fulfilled by your best friend in real life.

There is a famous psychologist named Maslow, who stated that each of us has a hierarchy of needs. His theory was that we could not satisfy our higher level needs, without first satisfying our more basic needs. Each level of need that we seek to fulfill does not appear as a need, until the previous level of needs has been fulfilled. For example, if I'm living in an environment where my safety and life are constantly being threatened, then one of my most immediate set of needs is to find people whom I can trust and who will help keep me safe. Romance or physical intimacy would not be a current need for me. Instead, a compassionate person or family who provides me with food, shelter, and protection would be the kind of loving support I needed at the moment. Once I trust that I have that safety and compassion, and that I'm not in jeopardy of losing it, then my next level of needs may appear to me and seek fulfillment, such as the need to be physically hugged, listened to with empathy, and validated as having worth and value to others. This was just a rough example though.

So, my question is this: Could you experience such a high degree of fulfillment with your fictional character if you did not have the real world love that your best friend shares with you?

If I did not have the caring support of my wife and best friend, then I would not be able to even think about any romantic or sexual needs. My priority would be to feel cared about and safe, at least minimally. If I did not have that, I would be too despondent to want anything else, until those more basic needs were taken care of. I probably would not even by on this site, since what I discuss here is a level of needs that I cannot address unless I first have friendship/support in the real world.

Sorry for the massive quote, just wanted to reply to all this at once in this one reply (which has to be quick because I have a lot of cleaning to do) Oh and even though the questions/comments were not aimed at me specifically, I still felt the need to give my own opinions and experiences regarding this.

For me, a fictional character I love, is a partner the same way as any meat person would be. I do not develop feelings for meat people while in love with a fictional character, I am not looking for a meat partner while I have feelings for a fictional character, and on the other hand, if I have a meat person for a partner, even though for me fictional relationships are more satisfying emotionally, I will not let myself get close to fictional characters as I view it as a form of emotional cheating (just my opinion personally) .. A mere crush isn't cheating of course, but I develop full romantic relationships with fictional characters, and spend my spare time interacting with them in ways anyone would react with their romantic meat partners, so that would obviously be cheating on a meat partner if I was to do it while with them.

No this doesn't detach me from reality or anything, it's no different than someone enjoying gaming or watching tv or anything else in their spare time.

A fictional relationship is in no way one-sided for me, no matter who the character is. You can interact with them in the same way you would interact with any meat person, they have their own emotional responses and beliefs etc, their own ways of speaking, which you learn through interacting with them through the source material, then let them do their own thing in your mind when you are alone together (or around other fictional characters from the source material). To me, this is actually superior to meat relationships (for me personally, I don't mean for other people) in that 1) if what they are doing becomes too painful, leaving is physically easier (though still very difficult emotionally of course, you just don’t have the issue of shared possessions etc to deal with) and 2) if there are certain things you desire, certain scenarios or whatever, they are much easier to bring about than with a meat person.

The only thing such a relationship is ''missing'' is having someone physically touching your meat body, but if you are someone who doesn't need physical touch, then you aren't missing anything at all. I don't need meat people to touch my meat, for me to be happy. I'd rather have mental and emotional interactions, with no physical body involved at all (ie no body present at all, my own or anyone elses) ... I achieve this through fictional relationships, which is something that can never be achieved through meat relationships (even in online relationships, you are still stuck with your own body, if that makes sense? probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me lol)

To have a fictional relationship, I create a fictional person who fits into the world of my fictional romantic partner perfectly. I study the religions, the geography, the customs, the histories, the occupations etc of the fictional world my character is based in, and use these as guidelines to create my own character’s beliefs, backstory, family history, everything. I make them as real and solid as any meat person, minus the actual physical body. Then I slot them into the story-line that my romantic interest exists in, and allow my character to interact with the character I am interested in, and other characters from the story etc etc (in the ways meat people all interact with each other). I experience emotions and thoughts etc through the character I have inserted into the plot, and that is how I conduct a fictional romance (this happens all in my mind by the way, I very, very rarely write any of it down). I have full emotional, mental, and physical interactions with my fictional romantic interest, through the body of the other.We have conversations the same as one would have with any meat person, we do things together (only things the story char would actually do, never things that would be too out of character) .. all sorts. This I find more satisfying and emotionally rewarding than any physical interaction I have ever had with a meat person. It is deeply pleasurable and rewarding for me.

I have been doing this (having fictional romantic relationships) since I was very, very young (around age 8 I began I think) I have loved uuuuuuum maybe erm, around 11 fictional people? some much longer term than others, some for years at a time, some only a few months (the same as many people's regular romantic lives in the meat, many meat people have a lot of relationships throughout their lives) .. I have only had one meat partner that I physically interacted with, one meat partner who I never met or voice called or video called with (just interacted with text for 15 months) and have another meat partner now who I have not yet met in the meat.

No, this is not unhealthy in any way. Not ‘’normal’’ does not equal unhealthy. It’s only unhealthy if the person (ie me) is suffering because of it. And believe me, I do not suffer. I am an extreme introvert, yes, but I would not have it any other way.

Yes, you can have a fictional characters attention and responsiveness.

And no, some people (ie myself) lose nothing by not having a ‘’’real’’’ (hate that term) meat person to interact with on a loving, intimate level. I could have meat people to interact with if I chose (physically) I just don’t want that. I get no pleasure from it. And I can happily be ‘’meat-single’’ for years on end, and not interact with ‘’friends’’ (which I chose not to have) or anything like that, and never once feel like I am ‘’missing’’ anything. Fictional chars give me all I need and more.

To me, a meat body makes an interaction no more ''real'' or ''satisfying'' than no meat body. It's just a body, it means nothing. Just because that is not a ''normal'' experience, does not make it an unhealthy one, as I pointed out already. I just don't need people, and that's all there is to it.

So, my question is this: Could you experience such a high degree of fulfillment with your fictional character if you did not have the real world love that your best friend shares with you?

My answer to this is outlined fully above. To me, meat people are just not necessary. I do not need them to be fulfilled and never will (and that is regardless of whether or not I have a fictional char in my life at the time) .. I do communicate with people online (though have happily gone for years without communicating with meat people in any meaningful way in the past) and I talk to my current meat partner (whom I have not met physically) every day on the phone. I just don't need that interaction, it's something I do, and even enjoy, but wouldn't miss it if I didn't have it.

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

For me, a fictional character I love, is a partner the same way as any meat person would be. I do not develop feelings for meat people while in love with a fictional character, I am not looking for a meat partner while I have feelings for a fictional character, and on the other hand, if I have a meat person for a partner, even though for me fictional relationships are more satisfying emotionally, I will not let myself get close to fictional characters as I view it as a form of emotional cheating (just my opinion personally) .. A mere crush isn't cheating of course, but I develop full romantic relationships with fictional characters, and spend my spare time interacting with them in ways anyone would react with their romantic meat partners, so that would obviously be cheating on a meat partner if I was to do it while with them.

No this doesn't detach me from reality or anything, it's no different than someone enjoying gaming or watching tv or anything else in their spare time.

I won't quote you're entire reply as to not make the response any bigger, but yes. A thousand times yes to everything you said regarding your relationship to fict people. We differ a bit on real life friendships, but I could not agree with you more on everything else.

I just don't think physical romantic relationships are essential to someone's quality life.

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Yes I get it too with the fictional couples sometimes! Like I don't want to personally be a part of it but I get obsessed and giddy with thinking about their relationship. I'm also lithromantic in real life so it makes sense - it's the most fun to crush on people who have no danger in actually liking me back. I've also had this feeling with real life couples that I was friends with twice, feeling they were safe and unattainable, but BOTH times one or both of them developed feelings for me and it screwed the whole thing up! (I swear I'm not all that, but I guess they could tell I had a crush) :o

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I just don't think physical romantic relationships are essential to someone's quality life.

There are people who are severely depressed because they don't have physical intimacy or a romantic partner in the real world. This is a reality that cannot be disputed. The opposite situation is valid as well, which is that some people with asexual tendencies are highly distressed because they feel pressured to be physically intimate with a partner, even though this conflicts with their asexual nature. So, we need to accept that both extremes of the spectrum exist here. Quality of life depends on what our inner nature wants from life, and this is highly variable between different people.

For you, physical romance is not essential to you, at least not at this point in your life. However, for me, I've felt painfully deprived of physical intimacy during my entire adult life, and this has been highly distressing for me for various reasons. It has severely impacted my quality of life in many ways.

My evolving asexuality is very much a result of this perceived deprivation and the pain/sadness I've suffered over it. I needed a physical connection to the real world, but was not able to obtain it. This has affected my feelings of worth and value in the world, as well as making me feel as though I'm not fully present in the world. My conscious decision to spend the rest of my life pondering and creating fictional relationships, is a sad necessity for me, rather than something that I enter into with joy. If I want to feel that I exist, and that what I think and feel matters, then I will need to create this through my fiction writing. I don't have any other options anymore.

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

There are people who are severely depressed because they don't have physical intimacy or a romantic partner in the real world. This is a reality that cannot be disputed. The opposite situation is valid as well, which is that some people with asexual tendencies are highly distressed because they feel pressured to be physically intimate with a partner, even though this conflicts with their asexual nature. So, we need to accept that both extremes of the spectrum exist here. Quality of life depends on what our inner nature wants from life, and this is highly variable between different people.

For you, physical romance is not essential to you, at least not at this point in your life. However, for me, I've felt painfully deprived of physical intimacy during my entire adult life, and this has been highly distressing for me for various reasons. It has severely impacted my quality of life in many ways.

My evolving asexuality is very much a result of this perceived deprivation and the pain/sadness I've suffered over it. I needed a physical connection to the real world, but was not able to obtain it. This has affected my feelings of worth and value in the world, as well as making me feel as though I'm not fully present in the world. My conscious decision to spend the rest of my life pondering and creating fictional relationships, is a sad necessity for me, rather than something that I enter into with joy. If I want to feel that I exist, and that what I think and feel matters, then I will need to create this through my fiction writing. I don't have any other options anymore.

I don't dispute that there are individuals who need intimacy. Individual needs differ from person to person. I was speaking in a general sense, I wasn't meaning in any way to invalidate you or anyone else who have genuinely needed that in their lives and not gotten it. I sincerely apologize if I conveyed myself that way.

I do feel though, that we are taught from society that we are incomplete without a typical relationship, no matter the circumstance. We feel such a pressure to get married, have a family, and have someone to grow old with that people who can't find relationships feel like lesser people, and people who don't feel they need one to begin with, feel broken. It's a toxic frame of mind for everyone, I think. So when I say "I feel physical relationships aren't essential to a quality life", I say it in contrast to the generalization that for everyone, it is. It's like when we're taught and told that all ciswomen will at one point want to birth children. I say no, kids are not necessary to be happy. I say that in a sense that it's not necessary for every woman, not that it isn't necessary to for any women.

Again, I apologize for conveying myself poorly. I hope I've cleared that up for you.

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My answer to this is outlined fully above. To me, meat people are just not necessary. I do not need them to be fulfilled and never will (and that is regardless of whether or not I have a fictional char in my life at the time) .. I do communicate with people online (though have happily gone for years without communicating with meat people in any meaningful way in the past) and I talk to my current meat partner (whom I have not met physically) every day on the phone. I just don't need that interaction, it's something I do, and even enjoy, but wouldn't miss it if I didn't have it.

I have one foot in one extreme and one foot in the other. I desire both enormous amounts of space from people and intimacy with them at the same time. Because of my introversion, I've lived primarily within my daydreams for most of my life, but yet I've craved to have presence and intimacy in the real world as well. The conflict between these two forces has drained me and kept me in a state of ambiguity, which has caused me much anxiety.

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I don't dispute that there are individuals who need intimacy. Individual needs differ from person to person. I was speaking in a general sense, I wasn't meaning in any way to invalidate you or anyone else who have genuinely needed that in their lives and not gotten it. I sincerely apologize if I conveyed myself that way.

I do feel though, that we are taught from society that we are incomplete without a typical relationship, no matter the circumstance. We feel such a pressure to get married, have a family, and have someone to grow old with that people who can't find relationships feel like lesser people, and people who don't feel they need one to begin with, feel broken. It's a toxic frame of mind for everyone, I think. So when I say "I feel physical relationships aren't essential to a quality life", I say it in contrast to the generalization that for everyone, it is. It's like when we're taught and told that all ciswomen will at one point want to birth children. I say no, kids are not necessary to be happy. I say that in a sense that it's not necessary for every woman, not that it isn't necessary to for any women.

Again, I apologize for conveying myself poorly. I hope I've cleared that up for you.

There is no need to apologize, but I appreciate the gesture anyway. :)

I completely understand what you mean and I agree. As you pointed out, the problem is that alternative lifestyles are not well tolerated in this society.

Anyway, it has been an enlightening experience discussing and reading about the different varieties of fiction based relationships. I hope to continue the dialog. At some point, I will reveal more about my own personal experiences with fictional relationships.

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For me, a fictional character I love, is a partner the same way as any meat person would be. I do not develop feelings for meat people while in love with a fictional character, I am not looking for a meat partner while I have feelings for a fictional character, and on the other hand, if I have a meat person for a partner, even though for me fictional relationships are more satisfying emotionally, I will not let myself get close to fictional characters as I view it as a form of emotional cheating (just my opinion personally) .. A mere crush isn't cheating of course, but I develop full romantic relationships with fictional characters, and spend my spare time interacting with them in ways anyone would react with their romantic meat partners, so that would obviously be cheating on a meat partner if I was to do it while with them.

No this doesn't detach me from reality or anything, it's no different than someone enjoying gaming or watching tv or anything else in their spare time.

I won't quote you're entire reply as to not make the response any bigger, but yes. A thousand times yes to everything you said regarding your relationship to fict people. We differ a bit on real life friendships, but I could not agree with you more on everything else.

I just don't think physical romantic relationships are essential to someone's quality life.

I cant agree more with all of the above, being with a fictional character is my way of escaping reality of living the dreams i always wanted to live without having to experience them in real life.

I am aromantic and asexual in real life but in my dreams i can be panromantic and demisexual and that feels nice too. Its my dream world and my safe haven and my way of experiencing things i always wanted to experience without having to do it in real life. I am very touch averse and sex repulsed so you can say that this really is way more statisfying both emotional and pyisical then to have a relationship with a real person , i cant imagine for the life of me to experience that what i dream about in real life with a real person. I dont feel like im not missing out on everything at all.

Thanks for telling me the exact term for what i think and feel i have never heard about it before Yay for being fictoromantic! Its like a whole new world is opening up for me and i like it!

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

Thanks for telling me the exact term for what i think and feel i have never heard about it before Yay for being fictoromantic! Its like a whole new world is opening up for me and i like it!

No problem at all! It's very liberating, isn't it? Glad I could be of some help!

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Ms.Frankenstein

There are people who are severely depressed because they don't have physical intimacy or a romantic partner in the real world. This is a reality that cannot be disputed. The opposite situation is valid as well, which is that some people with asexual tendencies are highly distressed because they feel pressured to be physically intimate with a partner, even though this conflicts with their asexual nature. So, we need to accept that both extremes of the spectrum exist here. Quality of life depends on what our inner nature wants from life, and this is highly variable between different people.

For you, physical romance is not essential to you, at least not at this point in your life. However, for me, I've felt painfully deprived of physical intimacy during my entire adult life, and this has been highly distressing for me for various reasons. It has severely impacted my quality of life in many ways.

My evolving asexuality is very much a result of this perceived deprivation and the pain/sadness I've suffered over it. I needed a physical connection to the real world, but was not able to obtain it. This has affected my feelings of worth and value in the world, as well as making me feel as though I'm not fully present in the world. My conscious decision to spend the rest of my life pondering and creating fictional relationships, is a sad necessity for me, rather than something that I enter into with joy. If I want to feel that I exist, and that what I think and feel matters, then I will need to create this through my fiction writing. I don't have any other options anymore.

I don't dispute that there are individuals who need intimacy. Individual needs differ from person to person. I was speaking in a general sense, I wasn't meaning in any way to invalidate you or anyone else who have genuinely needed that in their lives and not gotten it. I sincerely apologize if I conveyed myself that way.

I do feel though, that we are taught from society that we are incomplete without a typical relationship, no matter the circumstance. We feel such a pressure to get married, have a family, and have someone to grow old with that people who can't find relationships feel like lesser people, and people who don't feel they need one to begin with, feel broken. It's a toxic frame of mind for everyone, I think. So when I say "I feel physical relationships aren't essential to a quality life", I say it in contrast to the generalization that for everyone, it is. It's like when we're taught and told that all ciswomen will at one point want to birth children. I say no, kids are not necessary to be happy. I say that in a sense that it's not necessary for every woman, not that it isn't necessary to for any women.

Again, I apologize for conveying myself poorly. I hope I've cleared that up for you.

I agree with this. There are so many things that we are taught that we NEED to be happy, sane, healthy. The truth is, we're all individuals with different needs. Society doesn't respect that.

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

I agree with this. There are so many things that we are taught that we NEED to be happy, sane, healthy. The truth is, we're all individuals with different needs. Society doesn't respect that.

Right, exactly. If it did, people like us wouldn't feel ashamed, or crazy. I mean, thank goodness for safe spaces like this where we can find and connect to one another, but as it stands we spent a lot of time, and so will others, feeling crazy because they feel for ficts. We aren't hurting anyone, and a lot of us are not practicing this in a way that's hurting ourselves, yet we'd probably be chewed up and spit out by the general public because we're not building our perfect little family behind a white picket fence. It really is a shame.

I just hope the others like us can find at least one other person to understand them. Being alone in this can be so depressing.

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IvoryStardust

Simply put - yes. I've had the same experience of falling truly, madly, and deeply for a fictional character. And while I can separate fantasy and reality, and never confused that they were, indeed, not real... it didn't make my feelings for them any less intense. Also, like OP said, I would find ways to connect with them, like wearing a piece of jewelry or clothing that they have, etc. While in this relationship, I would consider myself taken, because I am incapable of having feelings for more than one person at a time (romantically, anyway).

I would "sleep" with them at night - at least in my mind, as the internal relationship progressed. Sometimes even in a semi-physical way if there were, say, plushies of that character to be had, or whatnot. It's been awhile since my last fictional character relationship, but I'm sure it won't be my last. >.> I've also had situations arise where I was head over heels for a character (one in particular, from a manga/anime series)... then it faded after time, and we "broke up", someone else came along... but a few years later, I re-read/re-watches that series and we "got back together".

I've always thought I was just slightly insane for this! My irl friends all look at me a bit askance when I would tell them, so I don't anymore, so it's pretty awesome to see I'm not the only one!

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I've fallen in love with too many fictional characters to count. I suppose it's due to both the skill of the writer and my being an empath...it's usually the most emotionally complex characters that I fall for. To me it seems that we connect with fictional characters on a deeper level than with "actual" people, because we are more privy to the inner thoughts and crises of a fictional character. The person standing in front of me is a scary mystery, unless I put forth a lot of effort into getting to know them (ugh, effort!)

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

Simply put - yes. I've had the same experience of falling truly, madly, and deeply for a fictional character. And while I can separate fantasy and reality, and never confused that they were, indeed, not real... it didn't make my feelings for them any less intense. Also, like OP said, I would find ways to connect with them, like wearing a piece of jewelry or clothing that they have, etc. While in this relationship, I would consider myself taken, because I am incapable of having feelings for more than one person at a time (romantically, anyway).

I'm so excited, it sounds like we process our attraction the same way!

I would "sleep" with them at night - at least in my mind, as the internal relationship progressed. Sometimes even in a semi-physical way if there were, say, plushies of that character to be ha, or whatnot.

I do the same! Oh my goodness! I like to pretend I'm cuddling up to my girlfriend at night. I've developed a lot of problems with my sleep as per my anxiety and asthma, but before my health became a huge problem, "sleeping" with my partner genuinely comforted me and helped me sleep.

I've always thought I was just slightly insane for this! My irl friends all look at me a bit askance when I would tell them, so I don't anymore, so it's pretty awesome to see I'm not the only one!

I give you credit for telling IRL friends. I could NEVER even play around like that. The one other person I told before I made this thread is an online friend.

Mini story time!

My best friend might as well know, because at this point she thinks I've reached a level of fangirl that only tumblr sees :lol: We used to talk a lot about my ex because she was a fan of his too and we're both huge into the series he's from. So, I just kind of got used to having these "fangirl" conversations with her. Now though, since I'm used to just blabbing without thinking to her, I have to physically stop myself from my mentioning my girlfriend because my friend doesn't know her and she's only kind of familiar with the series. I thought I was doing a semi-okay job of hiding how much I feel for her, but I don't think I am, lol.

Turns out I've ever hid my feelings well! I remember when she first saw my phone background of Cassie (my girlfriend, FYI) and I told her who she was, she was like "..Oh, that's like, a thing with you isn't it?" "What thing?" "The cute smartass in a uniform thing." (Cass is military, my ex was a cop, and they're both huge smartasses for sure.) and I was SO mortified. Again, I thought I was good at hiding myself, but obviously im so transparent she even sees my TYPE OF FICT. I just- jesus I'm a mess, hahahaha. I might as well just come right out and say "Look, you caught me. I date ficts. Kill me now." She has a degree in psychology though so I don't know how well that would go over, lol.

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

I've fallen in love with too many fictional characters to count. I suppose it's due to both the skill of the writer and my being an empath...it's usually the most emotionally complex characters that I fall for. To me it seems that we connect with fictional characters on a deeper level than with "actual" people, because we are more privy to the inner thoughts and crises of a fictional character. The person standing in front of me is a scary mystery, unless I put forth a lot of effort into getting to know them (ugh, effort!)

"ugh, effort!" Is exactly how I feel about traditional relationships, hahaha.

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IvoryStardust

I've always thought I was just slightly insane for this! My irl friends all look at me a bit askance when I would tell them, so I don't anymore, so it's pretty awesome to see I'm not the only one!

I give you credit for telling IRL friends. I could NEVER even play around like that. The one other person I told before I made this thread is an online friend.

Turns out I've ever hid my feelings well! I remember when she first saw my phone background of Cassie (my girlfriend, FYI) and I told her who she was, she was like "..Oh, that's like, a thing with you isn't it?" "What thing?" "The cute smartass in a uniform thing." (Cass is military, my ex was a cop, and they're both huge smartasses for sure.) and I was SO mortified. Again, I thought I was good at hiding myself, but obviously im so transparent she even sees my TYPE OF FICT. I just- jesus I'm a mess, hahahaha. I might as well just come right out and say "Look, you caught me. I date ficts. Kill me now." She has a degree in psychology though so I don't know how well that would go over, lol.

I have terrible chronic insomnia, but it always helps me sleep to have my "partner" there, so I totally get that.

I really had no choice in telling them. lol. My best friend has known me for 12 years, and I tell him everything. I was epic-fangirling over my (at the time) bf, and without thinking called him that. My friend looks at me, tilts his head, and deadpans, "About time you admitted it."

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MarieIsEatingTacobell

I really had no choice in telling them. lol. My best friend has known me for 12 years, and I tell him everything. I was epic-fangirling over my (at the time) bf, and without thinking called him that. My friend looks at me, tilts his head, and deadpans, "About time you admitted it."

OH GOD. I can 100% see that happening, that's why I physically stop myself from talking about Cass. I'm glad your friend reacted that way instead of super disapproving or adverse, though. Sure, he's not exactly throwing you two a wedding but- it's better then a lot of other ways people tend to react to this stuff!

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IvoryStardust

I really had no choice in telling them. lol. My best friend has known me for 12 years, and I tell him everything. I was epic-fangirling over my (at the time) bf, and without thinking called him that. My friend looks at me, tilts his head, and deadpans, "About time you admitted it."

OH GOD. I can 100% see that happening, that's why I physically stop myself from talking about Cass. I'm glad your friend reacted that way instead of super disapproving or adverse, though. Sure, he's not exactly throwing you two a wedding but- it's better then a lot of other ways people tend to react to this stuff!

Lucky for me, he knows I'm "cracked" and I'm just who I am... he thinks it's funny more than anything. His bf found out right after that (I've known him for 10 years), and just laughed and nodded, "Yeah, I can see that being who you'd do things." XD

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♦Jaimie♦

I hear friends and acquaintances talk about falling for fictional characters all the time, but I never have, with the exception of one character, but it's more a "they're my favorite fictional character and if they were real I would date them". I joke abut having a crush on them or being in love with the character but it's not the same as a real person. Otherwise, I just find qualities in fictional characters that I acknowledge would make me romantically attracted to them if they were real, and of course aesthetic attraction to fictional characters.

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.diva plavalaguna.

I've fallen for tons of fictional characters all the way back to when I first started watching Sailor Moon. And I've even fallen for fictional characters of my own creation. Today, there are two people in particular I'm probably in love with, I just don't know if that's right because I am not sure what being in love is supposed to feel like. One since I was in middle school...so for over ten years, and the other I "met" in 2006 and have since been head-over-heels for. I would still not call myself polyamorous (is that the term?) in this situation because these people exist in entirely separate galaxies/worlds. My personifications of myself to them are only slightly different from each other. It is like having two slightly different sides of myself.

Oh, you know what? I'm having the "polyamorous" conflict right now. As I said in my essay, I've only ever loved one person (fict or otherwise) at once. I'm a monogamous person no matter how you slice it. Though, the reason why I describe the last character I was in love with like "an ex I'm still close to and still wonder if I'm in love with" is because I did cool it for awhile with him, then my current girlfriend came along 3 months ago, but a month or so into it, feeling for him started bubbling up again and it's so weird because I've never had that happen. I was really battling myself and then I realize, lol they're not real. I can love both if I want to. They can't protest to it, because they aren't here. So, I dunno. I'm definitely invested in my girlfriend, but- we'll see if my ex sneaks his way back into things. I just can't quit him, I guess.

The first one, the one I "met" when I was in middle school, was actually created by myself. So do with that what you will, hah. The other is from an anime. o: I'm gonna talk more about him specifically... or what I do, really. Sometimes I put a wallpaper (which is just a collage of pictures of him) on my desktop because I've gone too long without "seeing" him. And then I can't stand if anyone comes in my room or talks to me because I don't want him to see them, and I DEFINITELY don't want them to see him. Then I will have conversations with myself and three other versions of myself in my head, in which I try to reveal as much information about myself as possible because obviously the wallpaper on my desktop can hear me and needs to learn about me so he can maybe possibly like me. hah.

You're not the only one I've heard of falling in love with their own characters! You're definitely not alone in that, but I have no creativity so I can't specifically relate, lol. I can't say I'm as in depth as you? I don't know, you be the judge with what I'm about to describe. Like I mentioned in my OP, with my ex, I had a necklace identical to his that I wore at all times for those 3 years. It made me feel closer to him, like I had a tangible piece of him. I also have a hat of his, as well as identical boots, and similar sunglasses. I wasn't trying to dress like him, it all was for the same reason that I wore the necklace (and hey, I was on my feet 12 hours a day at work and those work boots were comfortable, haha). I'm currently looking into getting my girlfriend's dog tags to wear now that I'm with her. I have "versions" of myself too. When I fantasize, it's never me and the character in question. It's them and a character I've made for myself to be, and then tweak her accordingly for whatever their world is. Of course, she's really just what, in a perfect world, I'd be. Her name is Evelynn, Eevee is a nick name. Hence the name I go by on here. I don't talk to fictional characters out loud, per-say but- my fantasizing is really in depth (conversations, big life events, ever day stuff, "getting to know me" conversations, like you describe) and sometimes I catch myself when I'm out doing stuff fantasizing what we'd be doing if they were there, blah blah. Stuff like that. I guess I do the same, just not out loud.

That isn't the worst of it but honestly it is kind of horrifying. xD The thing is, though, I have never been in a real relationship. I sometimes feel so starved for romance that it is unbearable. Those are usually the times when I have to see him the most. I pretty myself up and everything... The way I developed feelings for both these guys was as much as it was for any guy I started to like IRL. It is sad to say but I don't know what I'll do if the anime guy I like is paired off with a girl. His writer has gotten dangerously close to doing it already and I felt like something big was coming to an end. I've felt really terrible about that.

If you see yourself as "starved for romance", and they're what helps you cope, so be it. You're not hurting anyone. That's just my opinion. Though, I don't want you to be upset if one of them gets paired off. The cool thing about fictional characters is, even if they're portrayed with a pairing, you have your own version of him, that's just as valid as the one being written by the creator. If your idea of him is that he's yours, then he's yours. My ex had a canon pair. Matter of fact, he got to the point of obsession with her, and ultimately it's what ended up getting him killed. (Tell me I fall in love with perfect mary sue types again, people who don't understand!) Though, it never effected the feeling of closeness I had to him. The idea I had of him was mine. It's like, everyone sees and has their own version of this one person. I don't know if I'm making sense to you, hopefully I am. Oh and then there's the whole, he's canonly dead thing, but he's not dead to me. That's also why it doesn't upset me when others "claim" the same character, so to speak. Cause their version of him is different then mine. That's their (insert name here), I have my own! The canon romance more pissed me off 'cause I freaking knew they were going to kill him off over it and it was just toxic and unhealthy. That's a different discussion, though.

I am really, really hopeless and insane, I suppose.

/sigh/ Same.

Sorry it took me so long to reply! I keep coming on during the nightly downtime. And then I was trying to figure out how you did the fancy quoting so I could do it too, but I failed. XD

Well, if you call him your ex even if you still have the feelings it doesn't sound poly to me! I'm very into monogamy and the only way I can really control the "feelings" is by defining the separation between A guy and B guy lol.

Lol well at least I'm not alone! XD I dunno, that sounds pretty in-depth (in a good way, of course). I never talk out loud. Speaking in front of a crush is the highest level of NOPE for me sooo...XD So sad lol. I think having those memento-type things is so cute though! I have one thing like that for one of my guys, but I don't wear it since I think it is really rare and I cry forever if I lost it. ;^ ; The earliest other-mes I had were so abnormal lol. We're talking...chalk white skin when I'm nothing near and crazy colored eyes/hair. It's hilarious looking back! But the current versions of myself are perfect mes, as well. I lovelovelove doing every day stuff with my guys! Grocery shopping, getting spoiled with shopping sprees (ok that's not everyday but stiiiiillll lol), cooking meals together...*dreamily sighs* I wonder if real relationships are like this!

I agree <3 Although some days it is very hard even using the guys, because it's sort of a constant reminder of what I don't/can't have! Although for me it is very hard to keep a connection when someone I like is paired off/gets paired up, whether IRL or not. I used to be infatuated with Edward Elric, but once I realized the he and Winry were going to be a canon thing that feeling really faded. I don't remember if I was sad about it. Maybe not since probably around the time that happened my other anime guy came in haha. Oh no, I think I understand! You seem more tolerant than me lol. As far as other people's versions of my guy go, I tend to overlook them. Most of them tend to creep me out but if it works for them, then I guess that's it hah. Ah yes, in this guy's story the writer recently nearly gave me a heart attack by trying to hook him up with some girl he doesn't even know, but it sounds like it didn't work out. That mainly upset me because I thought it was just plain unnecessary. I just knew the writer was gonna go that way after the whole "everybody grows up and has kids and hooks up with each other" crap. But I have a shitload of beef with that writer so yeah lol.

Aww. :cake:

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oh yes, yes, yes - definately yes!

I have had numerous crushes and a couple of more seriously crushes towards fictional characters. It dosen't help that I am a roleplayer and a fanfiction writer/reader, where some of my crushes and "fantasies" (asexual here) is written down.

Shoot me and call me crazy but lately I have had a crush on Severus Snape (always knew he was on the good side)

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