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Can asexuals reclaim the q-slur?


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TW for slur usage, with consideration of historic context.

I identify as heteroromantic ace. Most of the time, I will come out simply as asexual. In either case, it becomes a mouthful to explain to people as I'm sure many of us know. I find it simpler to refer to myself as queer in general conversation ("Oh yeah, I'm queer") or in the context of the LGBTQIAP+ community (using "we" implying I am a part of it). The usage of the term in both instances follows the general trend to use it as an umbrella term for the community; one that allows ambiguity but (in most cases) excludes heterosexuality. I don't actually identify as queer. It is only used in general phrasing to inform people that I am - ding dong! - not straight.

However, the use of and identification as queer among the asexual community is something of a hot debate. As many of us know, the term originated as slang directed as homosexual men and members of the trans community. The term has since been reclaimed, arguably by the community as a whole. Nevertheless, asexuals - heteroromantic aces, demisexuals, and graysexuals especially - seem to be the demographic in which the term's usage is condemned. The argument for this is typically that the term as slang was not historically used to oppress and discriminate against them.

I agree with this argument. It used to upset me that other members of the community would tell me which labels I could or could not use for whatever reason. It still does, sometimes. But, I respect the history of reclaiming that slur and fully acknowledge that as a heteroromantic ace it wasn't used against me; therefore, I am not queer. I don't know how else to identify so allosexuals/other members of the community know I am a part of it without having to run my mouth explaining asexuality/arguing why it is a valid sexuality that belongs in the LGBTQIAP+ community, but I'll figure it out. I'll also figure something else out as an umbrella for the LGBTQIAP+ without having to type/say that lengthy abbreviation. (Why don't more people recognie MOGAI?)

What are your opinions? Do you identify as/call yourself queer? Do you think the asexual community/any of its subsets is "allowed" to use this term, or is it one strictly for homosexual men and the trans community? What are your feelings about policing labels within the community? Does it feel like marginalization to you, or is it calling out (unintended) problematic behaviour?

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For me aces are queer regardless of romantic orientation, gender identity, and where they are on the spectrum. I say that because that is how queer is used in the queer community where I live. I don't like the arguments that point at history and say this is why queer can't apply to X person. I'm a linguist and a descriptionist. I describe how I observe language being used, not look at history and say this is the "correct" use of a word like a perscriptionist would. Since I see a many number of people using it to include aces then that is a valid part of the word's definition, even if everyone doesn't use it that way. That's just how language is; it changes over time. The meaning of queer has already changed to one that is not a slang word anymore despite its history. If it's also going to change to include marginalized orientations that haven't been used for it to fit our modern day needs, then that's just how the meaning of the word is going to evolve.

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Ms.Frankenstein

I in general think arguments about labels (in the context of who can and cannot use what term to refer to themselves) are incredibly silly at best and at worst very counterproductive. Policing each other instead of supporting each other hurts everyone involved.

I don't use the word queer to refer to myself because I don't really identify with it; the shoe does fit though and it wouldn't bother me if someone else used it to refer to me (respectfully of course).

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Ignore-this-account-thanks

I am both trans and panromantic so most people are fine with me using the word. I do believe everyone who's not both cis and straight can correctly classify themselves as queer. Asexuals are not hetrosexual. Not even hetroromantic aces are hetrosexual. As such I see no issue in any asexual calling themself queer. It is better we a community reclaim the word, than police who can use it. So long as it isn't being thrown around by cisgender hetrosexual people there's no negativity intended.

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RaisedByHippies98

As queer is for those not heterosexual, i identify with it. Even if it was used in a derogatory context in the past, it's not the word that is bad, it was the attitude behind it. To those who would try to insult me with it, I use the term to say "My identity is not dependent on what you think! I will turn this word with negative connotations into a word describing what i have to be proud of!"

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I identify as queer because I do not fit in to the same category as my straight friends and cannot relate to their experiences.

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I personally feel weird about applying "queer" to myself, though I understand many aces embrace it. But I've also only been identifying as ace for a few months, so I'm still not quite used to being "not straight."

Maybe I just have a complicated relationship with the word queer; I feel like, especially being heteroromantic, I may not be "queer" enough. I don't know if I'd ever be comfortable using it for myself, though it doesn't bother me if other aces use it.

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jay williams

I love the word-label "queer," and I hope it becomes the go-to word that applies to all of us who are grey, demi or asexual.

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