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Custos

Sexuals - Initial Attraction Thoughts?

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Custos

Hi, I know people have asked "what is sexual attraction" before but if any sexuals would be so kind as to actually give something of a commentary based on what they think when they are sexually attracted to someone, that would be awesome.

For example: you are in public, you see someone you find sexually attractive, what do you think? I'm not referring to someone you might actually have romantic feelings toward or have had sex with before because I want to know about initial attraction. Ahaha.

Do you think about any particular features of theirs, what you "want to do with them", do you simply think "yeah I'd have sex with them" ???

Of course allosexuals don't always have sex on their mind and but I don't experience sexual attraction ever really to my current knowledge and wondered what it was like? Do you immediately think of a sexual situation with someone you find sexually attractive or only after a moment/few minutes?

If you could give a really basic "quoted commentary" of your thoughts, almost like narration, it would be so helpful! :D

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Wannabe Vulcan

I've actually always wondered this too. If someone wouldn't mind answering, I would also appreciate it. It might help me understand what goes through my friends' heads.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Sexual attraction as the defining factor for sexual orientation is the innate desire for partnered sex with other people of a certain gender/s. It's that innate desire (the desire to connect sexually with other people) that makes people ''sexual'' as opposed to ''asexual'' and sexual people have that desire for all sorts of different reasons, usually having nothing to do with seeing an attractive stranger in public. Maybe they desire partnered sex with their partner when in love, maybe they just love the way partnered sex feels and that's why they desire it with other people, maybe they just desire a deep connection with certain other people and obtain that through sex. It's not always (not even often) about appearance either, sexual people can be attracted to a persons personality, their mannerisms, attracted just because they are in love with that person. There are all sorts of reasons someone can desire partnered sexual activity with another person for sexual/emotional satisfaction.

Seeing people and finding them attractive is not sexual attraction, that is aesthetic attraction, which most asexual people are just as capable of experiencing to the same extent that sexual people do (and there are some sexual people who do not experience aesthetic attraction as well).

It seems to be a generally accepted idea on AVEN that sexual people look at random strangers on the street and get sexy thoughts about them, and want sex with them or become sexually aroused or whatever, and that's what makes them sexual. This just is not true. Sure some sexual people will react that way to the site of attractive strangers, though certainly not all. However all sexual people desire partnered sexual activity (under certain circumstances, not all the time, and some more than others) as a deeply intimate bonding experience (for some), some desire it for pleasure, some for companionship, some for fun. The reasons are endless. But what all sexual people have in common is that innate desire for partnered sex, and being unhappy (some moreso than others) at the idea of having to go without partnered sex for long periods of time/at times when they are desiring sex (ie if they are in love with a partner and desire to have an intimate sexual connection with that person as an expression of their love, but the other person is asexual and wants no sex at all ever. The sexual person will be hurt/unhappy as they are desiring the sex but being denied it. Some are perfectly capable of remaining in the relationship despite having no sex, some cannot remain in such a relationship or if they do they are deeply unhappy and feel as though they are being torn to shreds they are in so much emotional turmoil... Totally just depends on the person. But all will feel some level of unhappiness at not being able to have the intimate sexual connection that they are desiring. That's just one example)

As someone who never experienced sexual attraction in almost 27 (never felt the type of attraction that made me want to connect with someone on a sexual level) and now who has experienced it, I can say it feels like a strong pull, a desire inside you that may not even involve genital arousal, to connect sexually with another person for fun and for emotional/physical pleasure etc. It's not about another persons looks for me (although I do think my partner, who I desire sex with, is aesthetically attractive) it's just about the bonding experience of the sex itself. Of sharing something fun and deeply intimate with a close friend. Being able to be kinky and just do anything to/with each others bodies, and the bonding experience of that trust, of giving yourself over to the other for pleasure and intimacy. It's as emotionally pleasurable, moreso even, than it is physically pleasurable. That's how sexual attraction feels for me and my partner.

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Tarfeather

Hi, I know people have asked "what is sexual attraction" before but if any sexuals would be so kind as to actually give something of a commentary based on what they think when they are sexually attracted to someone, that would be awesome.

For example: you are in public, you see someone you find sexually attractive, what do you think? I'm not referring to someone you might actually have romantic feelings toward or have had sex with before because I want to know about initial attraction. Ahaha.

Do you think about any particular features of theirs, what you "want to do with them", do you simply think "yeah I'd have sex with them" ???

Of course allosexuals don't always have sex on their mind and but I don't experience sexual attraction ever really to my current knowledge and wondered what it was like? Do you immediately think of a sexual situation with someone you find sexually attractive or only after a moment/few minutes?

If you could give a really basic "quoted commentary" of your thoughts, almost like narration, it would be so helpful! :D

To be quite honest, from what I can tell my experience doesn't differ so much from romantic asexuals. The difference is that I will want sex sometime later down the line when I'm close to that person. But with strangers, all my desires and wishes are more based around psychological stuff like wanting to be noticed, wanting to look into that person's eyes, and so on, which as far as I'm aware isn't something unique to sexuals.

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Hooded_Crow

Pan, I think as a demisexual person, what you experience is secondary sexual attraction. And that desire to sexually connect with people on a sexual level that you described (the strong pull) based on immediately available information such as look, smell or voice or whatever, is what is known as primary sexual attraction. Is that right? I seem to remember reading about this model on a wiki page. I'd say what the OP wants to know is what primary sexual attraction feels like.

But yeah, I'd have thought it would be a strong pull like you describe towards the person.

The difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction to me is the difference between my fgay flatmate pointing out a woman and saying "oh, she's so beautiful!" And the same guy pointing out a guy and going "oh my god, he's so handsome!"

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fiѕh

OK I guess I'll jump in here to speak for those that will look at strangers and get sexy thoughts... xD

Though, I really can't tell when it's actually for sexual attraction reasons. Situations can make me be into someone and I wouldn't even know that otherwise there would've been nothing. Also, it's sorta like me to get lost in thoughts so naturally since I enjoy sex I'd also fantasize about that a lot.

Anyway, it's not like I could strictly tell apart any sorts of attraction or whatever people can make you think and feel, so... have my random thoughts, whatever causes them.

The typical thing for me would be, I start to imagine things. Or think like "wtf why are you allowed to look so good?" and stuff, and grin like a dork when it's really bad. (I'm like that about crushes and sometimes that just doesn't make such a difference, so whatever.) Sometimes I'd simply think about how to talk to them or other self-evident or random things.

When I saw my SO first (who's the first I think of when it comes to attractive... lucky me) I was actually really pissed, because I instantly hated him. I thought stuff like wow, you're so stupid all along and kept looking at him... yeah. XD When he was still shirtlessly jumping around in my head an hour later I had to admit it.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Pan, I think as a demisexual person, what you experience is secondary sexual attraction. And that desire to sexually connect with people on a sexual level that you described (the strong pull) based on immediately available information such as look, smell or voice or whatever, is what is known as primary sexual attraction. Is that right? I seem to remember reading about this model on a wiki page. I'd say what the OP wants to know is what primary sexual attraction feels like.

But yeah, I'd have thought it would be a strong pull like you describe towards the person.

Just because I have only experienced sexual attraction very rarely, doesn't make my experience of it any less valid than someone who has experienced it repeatedly throughout their life. Many sexual people experience sexual attraction (the desire for partnered sex) in almost exactly the same way I do, only for more people throughout their life than I have. And this doesn't mean that they only experience 'secondary sexual attraction', it just means they only experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances with certain people (no, that doesn't automatically make 70% of the population demisexual, it's just that a lot of sexual people don't do the whole ''wow he's hot I wonder what his cock would feel like inside me'' thing that so many AVENites seem to think they all do. For many sexual people it just does not work like that.)

It almost seems to me like what you are trying to define as 'primary sexual attraction' is actually strong aesthetic attraction: ''daaaamn she is so fine'' .. ''God her hips are amazing she's so hot'' ''he's so tall and his face is divine, how is it even fair that he looks so good?'' And yep, I've felt that many, many times. As there has never been any desire to actually have sex (with the person) connected to that experience though, I know that it is strong aesthetic attraction, not sexual attraction.

Or if you are saying that 'primary sexual attraction' is looking at someone/smelling them/hearing their voice and wanting to have sex with based on nothing else other than that immediately available information and that experience is what makes a sexual person sexual, then your idea of sexual people as a whole is warped. Sure some sexual people are able to desire sex with others based only off immediately available sensory information about the person, but certainly not all sexual people. What makes them sexual is the fact that under some circumstances (ie being in love, being with a close intimate friend and wanting to have some fun etc) sexual people desire partnered sexual contact for sexual/emotional satisfaction. They don't all have to experience this ''primary sexual attraction'' to be sexual. The OP asked what sexual attraction feels like (well, they actually asked for a commentary of what happens in ones head when they feel it) I answered what it feels like for me and explained that not all sexual people experience that ''looking at someone and wanting to fuck them based only on their looks'' that the OP was outlining in their example.. Sexual people just are not that shallow (most of them anyway) regardless of what some/many people on AVEN seem to want to think about them and their reasons for having sex.

Also, I never actually said I was demisexual. I am just hanging out in the grey area between asexuality and sexuality until I have that one worked out (hence the grey alien part in my (a)sexuality section of my profile)

As to the OP, for the in-head commentary part: it would be waaaay too inappropriate to outline what actually happens in my mind when experiencing sexual attraction, hence why I only gave a brief outline of what it feels like without going into too many details.

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Hooded_Crow

I was merely referring to this model:http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_model

Not stating my personal point of view.

Also, sorry for using the demi label on you. I didn't realise you weren't exactly identifying as such.

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Torquil

I can say [sexual attraction] feels like a strong pull, a desire inside you that may not even involve genital arousal, to connect sexually with another person for fun and for emotional/physical pleasure etc. It's not about another persons looks for me (although I do think my partner, who I desire sex with, is aesthetically attractive) it's just about the bonding experience of the sex itself. Of sharing something fun and deeply intimate with a close friend. Being able to be kinky and just do anything to/with each others bodies, and the bonding experience of that trust, of giving yourself over to the other for pleasure and intimacy. It's as emotionally pleasurable, moreso even, than it is physically pleasurable. That's how sexual attraction feels for me and my partner.

Very interesting. Stated this way, it makes it easier to see that I don't have a desire to "connect sexually with another person for fun and for emotional/physical pleasure etc" or to go through "the bonding experience of the sex itself".

It seems what you're saying is that sexual attraction is more about a desire for intimacy and interpersonal connection than physical pleasure. As someone who is on the aromantic spectrum, I can see that I lack a desire for that interpersonal connection. My sex drive/libido, such as it is, is very disconnected from interpersonal intimacy. Talking about the two in same breath makes little sense to me.

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Philip027
They don't all have to experience this ''primary sexual attraction'' to be sexual.

According to the model being referenced (the purpose of which is, essentially, to explain demisexuals and what separates them from sexuals), they do. If this primary (immediate, in other words) sexual attraction is lacking, any secondary sexual attraction that develops later down the line falls under the demi/gray area because this is a deviance from standard sexual response that is designed to take place, more or less, immediately (it is how most people determine their desired sexual partners; pheromones and such).

In short, what makes people sexual (and not just in the demi/gray area) is their ability to respond immediately.

I answered what it feels like for me and explained that not all sexual people experience that ''looking at someone and wanting to fuck them based only on their looks'' that the OP was outlining in their example.. Sexual people just are not that shallow (most of them anyway) regardless of what some/many people on AVEN seem to want to think about them and their reasons for having sex.

Unfortunately, the more shallow sorts are also the ones that tend to be the most vocal about it, and are therefore the ones that most of us tend to remember most from places like school, college, and other sorts of more "juvenile" environments.

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humantoafault

I think for me, it's more like sex is a thing that could potentially happen if certain criteria is met. I've never wanted sex from anyone in particular, not even the guys I've crushed on. Sex is something I have a desire for, I wouldn't want to be in a permanent relationship without it. That is what makes me a sexual imo. But because I've never been in a relationship or had a crush that went anywhere, my desire has never been directed at anyone. (Though, not that I "need" sex. Nope. I'd be quite happy to remain single and just masturbate.)

From what I've heard, females are a bit more selective than males are...usually. Males are more visually stimulated, females more emotionally so and (probably) more likely to be cautious or want a stable relationship before sex comes into play.

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Torquil

I can say [sexual attraction] feels like a strong pull, a desire inside you that may not even involve genital arousal, to connect sexually with another person for fun and for emotional/physical pleasure etc. It's not about another persons looks for me (although I do think my partner, who I desire sex with, is aesthetically attractive) it's just about the bonding experience of the sex itself. Of sharing something fun and deeply intimate with a close friend. Being able to be kinky and just do anything to/with each others bodies, and the bonding experience of that trust, of giving yourself over to the other for pleasure and intimacy. It's as emotionally pleasurable, moreso even, than it is physically pleasurable. That's how sexual attraction feels for me and my partner.

Very interesting. Stated this way, it makes it easier to see that I don't have a desire to "connect sexually with another person for fun and for emotional/physical pleasure etc" or to go through "the bonding experience of the sex itself".

It seems what you're saying is that sexual attraction is more about a desire for intimacy and interpersonal connection than physical pleasure. As someone who is on the aromantic spectrum, I can see that I lack a desire for that interpersonal connection. My sex drive/libido, such as it is, is very disconnected from interpersonal intimacy. Talking about the two in same breath makes little sense to me.

A second thought: I think what you describe might be sexual attraction from the point of view of a romantic sexual. I say romantic because of all the descriptors about interpersonal connection. I think that aromantic sexuals would not identify with this aspect of sexual attraction so much.

That is why my mind went to my aromantism. However, to clarify on the disconnection issue, romantic asexuals with a libido must also feel a disconnection between interpersonal connection and their libido.

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FlowerSpirituality

One of the things I found so fascinating about Sexuals, in the night club scene, they can go home with complete strangers and have sex with them, including some former friends. I never understood this phenomena until I discovered Asexuality within myself. There are sexual people on the internet looking for strangers to meet up and have sex with perfect strangers! Never mind sex parties and orgies! I would not enjoy any of that!!

Hi Torquil,

hmmm...maybe, I am the reverse. Maybe, my ability to have sex and enjoy it is through my DemiRomantic nature. I enjoy the physical pleasure of masturbation, but I enjoy the closeness and bonding in sex through DemiRomanticism...something like that. I am still sorting it out. I am heavy into Aesthetics in many forms, including in humans, but I feel or think anything sexually about them. I recognized sexiness though I cannot feel the sexuality within.

Hey Pan,

I talk to Sexuals, and they admit thinking sexual thoughts about attractive people. Many of them, secretly imagine these people naked in their minds and having sex with them mentally. On the outside, they look like nice people who not think such thoughts. Of course, they do not always act on it because they are respectful. Sexual men think lustful thoughts when they look at breasts and butts (The Booty). They tell you the truth about this pop/ hip hop music videos.

Even females admit to thinking about what they want to do with the attractive men, even though they do not usually act on it if they respect themselves and their characters. Night clubs is where you see women acting on it by leaving with attractive strangers and have sex with them that same night! Even though they have sex with attractive random strangers, they told me they want to find love with a special someone.

I am bold enough to ask about sexual attraction feels like or the thought pattern. Most men know not to get caught look at girls breasts! What they told me what Sexual Attraction is, I have never experienced any of the things they tell me. One guy asked me a bunch of questions that are common Sexual behaviors, and was utterly shocked that I have said to ALL of them. He was convince I never experience what most people experiences, but that did not stop me from enjoying sex under the right circumstances! :-)

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Tarfeather

Or if you are saying that 'primary sexual attraction' is looking at someone/smelling them/hearing their voice and wanting to have sex with based on nothing else other than that immediately available information and that experience is what makes a sexual person sexual, then your idea of sexual people as a whole is warped. Sure some sexual people are able to desire sex with others based only off immediately available sensory information about the person, but certainly not all sexual people. What makes them sexual is the fact that under some circumstances (ie being in love, being with a close intimate friend and wanting to have some fun etc) sexual people desire partnered sexual contact for sexual/emotional satisfaction. They don't all have to experience this ''primary sexual attraction'' to be sexual. The OP asked what sexual attraction feels like (well, they actually asked for a commentary of what happens in ones head when they feel it) I answered what it feels like for me and explained that not all sexual people experience that ''looking at someone and wanting to fuck them based only on their looks'' that the OP was outlining in their example.. Sexual people just are not that shallow (most of them anyway) regardless of what some/many people on AVEN seem to want to think about them and their reasons for having sex.

Pretty much this, yes. It wouldn't make sense in a biological sense anyway. If most of humanity were "programmed" to just have sex with some random stranger because they look good, smell good, or whatever, we might as well reproduce by emitting spores into the environment. The process going toward the decision of having sex (and thus wanting/wishing to have sex) is a lot more complex than that, and is also psychological. Mentality depends on the person and their way of thinking, often changes over time, and is thus not related to orientation.

any secondary sexual attraction that develops later down the line falls under the demi/gray area because this is a deviance from standard sexual response that is designed to take place, more or less, immediately (it is how most people determine their desired sexual partners; pheromones and such).

Everyone's experience is different. Most sexuals are actually gray (if just a little). Asking for experiences only from sexuals who have the immediate wish or pull to have sex with strangers on the street would actually exclude most sexuals and I don't think the OP is interested in that.

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FlowerSpirituality

How do you delete your own post?

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cbc

How do you delete your own post?

You can't. You can get a mod or admin to do so, though.

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Philip027
Everyone's experience is different. Most sexuals are actually gray (if just a little).

I agree that that's probably true.

However, I do think that the majority of people are capable of experiencing primary sexual attraction, though. Not only because that is what my dealings with other people seems to indicate, but also because things like advertising and media wouldn't be so blatantly sexual all the time if it wasn't catering to the majority.

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Tarfeather

Not only because that is what my dealings with other people seems to indicate, but also because things like advertising and media wouldn't be so blatantly sexual all the time if it wasn't catering to the majority.

There is actually a difference between finding someone hot/pleasing to look at and desiring sex with them.

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Philip027
There is actually a difference between finding someone hot/pleasing to look at and desiring sex with them.

Yes yes, the difference between merely being attracted and actually wanting the sex.

Don't act like I don't know this stuff :p

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FlowerSpirituality

How do you delete your own post?

You can't. You can get a mod or admin to do so, though.

Really? How weird is that. I never seen any website where you cannot delete your own post if you have changed your mind about posting it. Wow! I wonder why.

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Autumn Season

It seems to be a generally accepted idea on AVEN that sexual people look at random strangers on the street and get sexy thoughts about them, and want sex with them or become sexually aroused or whatever, and that's what makes them sexual. This just is not true. Sure some sexual people will react that way to the site of attractive strangers, though certainly not all. However all sexual people desire partnered sexual activity (under certain circumstances, not all the time, and some more than others) as a deeply intimate bonding experience (for some), some desire it for pleasure, some for companionship, some for fun. The reasons are endless.

I don't think that this idea is exclusive to AVEN. Just yesterday I saw this video about attraction:

The narrator explains the chemical processes, which are happening in our bodies, when we (we = humans in general) experience attraction. He calls it "romance", but I'm pretty sure the video is more about sexual feelings than romantic ones. Though of course, he might be mixing all of them.

At 00:30 the narrator says that attraction is being caused by hearing, smelling, seeing, tasting and touching. He never once mentions an emotional connection. I believe that because of scientific explanations like these, people on and outside of AVEN believe sexual attraction to be something connected to the body, and not the soul/mind.

I was merely referring to this model:http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_model
Not stating my personal point of view.

Also, sorry for using the demi label on you. I didn't realise you weren't exactly identifying as such.

I find this model to be logical. The "problem" might be that by using the model, we call people "demi", when they don't feel comfortable with that label.

Also IMO, people who "only" feel secondary attraction are sexual in their own way. They can desire sex, when they are emotionally close to another person, which is rather sexual. In the end, whether they feel closer to "asexual" or "sexual" and whether they even want to call themselves "demi" should be up to them to decide.

From what I've heard, females are a bit more selective than males are...usually. Males are more visually stimulated, females more emotionally so and (probably) more likely to be cautious or want a stable relationship before sex comes into play.

This might be true, or at least I heard this reasoning a lot. Personally, I have been told several times, that as a woman I need to "properly love" someone and then the sexual feelings would come naturally. For whatever that means. It sounds like a logical fallacy to me.

Everyone's experience is different. Most sexuals are actually gray (if just a little). Asking for experiences only from sexuals who have the immediate wish or pull to have sex with strangers on the street would actually exclude most sexuals and I don't think the OP is interested in that.

Yup.

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WhenSummersGone

I do feel there is such a thing as Primary Sexual Attraction because of movies like Magic Mike and maybe Sex in the City. It's why I identify as Demisexual and can't understand wanting sex and picking up a stranger for this want/desire. Some people can have sex for fun/pleasure but it never worked out for me.

I'm curious to hear why people can desire sex with a person just by seeing them in the media somewhere. I would need to do more research on a person lol.

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Hooded_Crow

Not only because that is what my dealings with other people seems to indicate, but also because things like advertising and media wouldn't be so blatantly sexual all the time if it wasn't catering to the majority.

There is actually a difference between finding someone hot/pleasing to look at and desiring sex with them.

Yes but there is also a difference between finding someone beautiful in a non sexual way and finding them hot in a sexual way. And that is a difference people on AVEN seem to dismiss by slapping an "aesthetic attraction" label on both those things like they're the same. They're not.

Back in school, girls started staring at pictures of Brad Pitt at recess and I'm sorry but that was the beginning of their sexual orientation. It wasn't just aesthetic. Aesthetic was these same girls pointing at an other girl in school and saying "she's so pretty". It's not the same. These girls would never have stared at a picture of Scarlet Johanson or whoever was considered hot at the time in the same way they looked at those Brad Pitt pictures. There was something sexual there. There was an indicator there that these girls were straight.

This to me goes beyond aesthetic appreciation of the human body. It is sexual in nature.

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FlowerSpirituality

Summers, it never worked out for me either. I have tried to do the sexual social norm. Asexuality helped me to see I do not need to try to be what I am not. In the dating scene, you are supposed to have sex by your third date, which I avoided and have no desires to do. So far, three months has been too soon! I need to be very close emotionally! I just appreciate the Aesthetics of looking at attractive people, especially men without sexual desires.

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WhenSummersGone

Summers, it never worked out for me either. I have tried to do the sexual social norm. Asexuality helped me to see I do not need to try to be what I am not. In the dating scene, you are supposed to have sex by your third date, which I avoided and have no desires to do. So far, three months has been too soon! I need to be very close emotionally! I just appreciate the Aesthetics of looking at attractive people, especially men without sexual desires.

I'm glad to hear this. This site has also helped me and hopefully one day I'll accept I don't need to do/feel the sexual norm. I also need more time than three dates. I can't tell if I even like a person after seeing them three times! I can also find people attractive but not be attracted to them.

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Tarfeather

Yes but there is also a difference between finding someone beautiful in a non sexual way and finding them hot in a sexual way. And that is a difference people on AVEN seem to dismiss by slapping an "aesthetic attraction" label on both those things like they're the same. They're not.

Back in school, girls started staring at pictures of Brad Pitt at recess and I'm sorry but that was the beginning of their sexual orientation. It wasn't just aesthetic. Aesthetic was these same girls pointing at an other girl in school and saying "she's so pretty". It's not the same. These girls would never have stared at a picture of Scarlet Johanson or whoever was considered hot at the time in the same way they looked at those Brad Pitt pictures. There was something sexual there. There was an indicator there that these girls were straight.

This to me goes beyond aesthetic appreciation of the human body. It is sexual in nature.

I see your point. I think the issue is that there are different types of asexuals. Specifically, there are those who seem to experience that same feeling of "Wow that person is hot" as I do and have many of the same reactions I do, but it never leads to them actually wanting sex. So calling this feeling "sexual attraction" isn't entirely accurate, as it doesn't necessarily lead to sex, it just does so for most humans.

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Torquil

Yes but there is also a difference between finding someone beautiful in a non sexual way and finding them hot in a sexual way. And that is a difference people on AVEN seem to dismiss by slapping an "aesthetic attraction" label on both those things like they're the same. They're not.

Back in school, girls started staring at pictures of Brad Pitt at recess and I'm sorry but that was the beginning of their sexual orientation. It wasn't just aesthetic. Aesthetic was these same girls pointing at an other girl in school and saying "she's so pretty". It's not the same. These girls would never have stared at a picture of Scarlet Johanson or whoever was considered hot at the time in the same way they looked at those Brad Pitt pictures. There was something sexual there. There was an indicator there that these girls were straight.

This to me goes beyond aesthetic appreciation of the human body. It is sexual in nature.

I see your point. I think the issue is that there are different types of asexuals. Specifically, there are those who seem to experience that same feeling of "Wow that person is hot" as I do and have many of the same reactions I do, but it never leads to them actually wanting sex. So calling this feeling "sexual attraction" isn't entirely accurate, as it doesn't necessarily lead to sex, it just does so for most humans.

I agree Tarfeather. I think that people can have "sexual attraction" in this sense, but not have a desire for partnered sex.

Here's something purely speculative. I think that if you have these feelings, and are also romantic, then you have a potential to desire partnered sex. You are able to connect the feelings of "sexual attraction" to intimacy or interpersonal connection. However, if you are aromantic, then it is more possible for the two to exist in isolation. You can have "sexual attraction" without the desire to act on it in a partnered way, because you don't view sex to be related to intimacy or interpersonal connection.

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humantoafault

From what I've heard, females are a bit more selective than males are...usually. Males are more visually stimulated, females more emotionally so and (probably) more likely to be cautious or want a stable relationship before sex comes into play.

This might be true, or at least I heard this reasoning a lot. Personally, I have been told several times, that as a woman I need to "properly love" someone and then the sexual feelings would come naturally. For whatever that means. It sounds like a logical fallacy to me.

It may not be true, or maybe it's partly true but there is a lot of nurture factor involved, too. (I suspect that's the case.)

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Hooded_Crow

Yes but there is also a difference between finding someone beautiful in a non sexual way and finding them hot in a sexual way. And that is a difference people on AVEN seem to dismiss by slapping an "aesthetic attraction" label on both those things like they're the same. They're not.Back in school, girls started staring at pictures of Brad Pitt at recess and I'm sorry but that was the beginning of their sexual orientation. It wasn't just aesthetic. Aesthetic was these same girls pointing at an other girl in school and saying "she's so pretty". It's not the same. These girls would never have stared at a picture of Scarlet Johanson or whoever was considered hot at the time in the same way they looked at those Brad Pitt pictures. There was something sexual there. There was an indicator there that these girls were straight.This to me goes beyond aesthetic appreciation of the human body. It is sexual in nature.

I see your point. I think the issue is that there are different types of asexuals. Specifically, there are those who seem to experience that same feeling of "Wow that person is hot" as I do and have many of the same reactions I do, but it never leads to them actually wanting sex. So calling this feeling "sexual attraction" isn't entirely accurate, as it doesn't necessarily lead to sex, it just does so for most humans.
I think not. I think there is something in the way sexual people experience this "wow he/she's hot" that us asexuals don't experience, not even those of us who feel strong aesthetic attraction. Because to them it's not just about aesthetics. It has a sexual dimension even if it doesn't necessarily lead to sex.

But that's me arguing for attraction versus desire again XD I feel like I'm always coming back to this. Sorry. Will stop polluting the thread starting... Now!

To reply on topic, my mum mentioned a sort of "wow" feeling towards men she finds attractive. That is immediate. And it never happens for her towards women because she is straight.

(Off topic: and that to me is what sexual attraction is. This pull that sexual people feel towards the gender of their preference, that I don't feel towards any gender. And it usually drives people to only want to have sex with their preferred gender. So I guess to me the "not desiring partnered sex" that we find in the AVEN definition is a consequence of the absence of attraction rather than the absence of attraction itself. If that makes any sense >_>)

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FlowerSpirituality

This makes a lot of sense why Sexuals think you want to have sex with them if you find them attractive. I am very much into Aesthetics, and sometimes, beauty captivates me and move me into "Wow, you are so beautiful" (regardless of gender)!! Do I want to have sex with those very artistically handsome men? No way!!! They are living works of art to me!!!

I do not understand the concept of wanting to have sex with them. I might want to hug some of them or touch their beautiful hair. I love hair and fur on the living because it feels niiice. The more I understand my Asexuality and more about their contrasting Sexuality, my understanding increases as I continue to learn about them. For Sexuals, a lot goes on in their brains and laws probid them to act on it in inappropriate manners (in most cases). If they can take your clothes off and have sex with you immediately, many of them would do it!! Hahaha!!! :-P

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