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Different Dysphorias


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Trans Aroace Girl

I mainly get social and body dysphoria. I've always hated how I couldn't do stuff meant for girls and I hate whenever people refer to me using male terms (even stuff that could be considered gender neutral like dude) or my deadname. As for my body dysphoria, it's mainly regarding my appearance and voice. I want longer hair on my head and the hair on the rest of my body to go away. I want boobs that people can actually see, so not small, but I don't want them to be big either. Somewhere in the middle would be nice. And I want a feminine voice. I refuse to reveal how I look or sound online because I look and sound like a guy. I also have a little bottom dysphoria, but I'm not sure if it's to the point where I want to get bottom surgery. I think my penis just annoys me more than anything else.

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I was assigned female and raised as female but went through a partially male puberty. I have dysphoria around aspects of both. I don't like being perceived as female, though I do like being perceived as feminine. Periods were very dysphoric, and my testosterone levels made them worse (I'd go through an overnight pad every hour and that lasted a full week because of it, and I ended up anemic). I still had a female sounding voice, which made me dysphoric as well. I would have been dysphoric if I'd gotten any curves, but I luckily didn't. I started getting facial hair when I was nine, and I'm a bit uncomfortable with it, but it doesn't cause a lot of dysphoria. I used to be a bit bothered by my body hair, but I don't mind it anymore. I hate being referred to as a man or as masculine. Most of my dysphoria now comes from people thinking I'm a man, since hormones fixed most of the rest. I'm happy with my reproductive system and overall body shape.

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TheSmolFoxWeeb

My dysphoria started getting worse after I found out what being nonbinary was. Actually I think it's always been there, i just started to realize that it existed in the first place. I hate my chest, my voice is slightly too high, she/her pronouns make me extremely uncomfortable, my hair makes me feel too feminine, and my period makes me go "how is that coming out of me this should not be coming out of me", and I panic (I even denied that it would ever happen before I got my first one).

 

I've also always liked the idea of having a nickname. I tied it too jealousy (all my friends all had one and I didn't). Thinking back I'm pretty sure I just didn't like my deadname.

 

And I still have doubts. I only started noticing this a few months ago. Yes, I'm only 14 (and was 13) but I'm not sure if I'm old enough. I say this and get stupidly excited over my teachers using my chosen name and pronouns.

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On 7/3/2015 at 7:48 PM, Light02 said:

 Interesting thoughts Different Dysphoria s

Mine was about my breasts but not in the way most would take it, MAAB from a rather young age I felt I should of had breasts, Even thought possibly I was trans, I did  cross dressed a lot when  become  early adult. While I realized I was not trans my dysphoria a breasts or the there of grew increasingly and a few years ago I had mine enlarged.  Since then my urge/ need to cross-dress  decreased significantly. 

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Lysandre, the Star-Crossed

I don't know that I've fully unpacked mine (which is extra fun, because my experience is highly fluid and impacted by masculinity related trauma and being neurodivergent), but I'll paint you a word picture of what it feels like...

 

Imagine that you wake up on a Monday morning and get dressed in standard masculine clothing quite happily. Everyone calls you "Mr." and "Sir" and defaults to he/him, and that feels fine. On Tuesday that starts to feel a bit off, so you decide to add a few pieces of jewelry and carry a purse. "Mr" doesn't feel right at this point, but you're still doing alright.

 

Wednesday rolls around and you decide to wake up early to dye your hair. A coworker compliments you and turns to ask someone "Do you think I'd look good with the color he used?". You didn't expect that two letter word to sting, but it did. Fast forward to Thursday and you're trading the masculine steel toe work boots you usually wear for more neutral to femme shoes and your "men's shirt" for a v-neck.

 

Friday rolls around and it hits you again, this time so badly that you make yourself late for work stopping to buy that compulsory self-care nail polish or lip gloss. Not only that, but you also give serious though to making a detour several miles out of the way for shaving cream and a razor because you're so unhappy you'd actually consider shaving in the bathroom sink at work. 

 

Yeah, that's what it's like for me... just add in a few more layers of suddenly 180° shifts and the occasional last minute shaving your head, that's dysphoria in a nutshell.

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A splinter in your existence that inflames as you try to get it out without chopping your hand off, and a disturbingly large portion of the population would just as soon see you dead for it. (I'm in a super good mood, why do you ask?)

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quadfasciata

My throat. Ugh. My jaw too, for that matter. Does GAHT/HRT change that? I really hope so. I can kinda hide both if I maneuver my hair right, so maybe that will have to be the permanent solution. I hope not. HRT can't come soon enough. Ugggggghhhh. Still gonna be ~3 months... to get a prescription. Who knows how much longer to start.

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l4vafoot

For me, my body dysphoria has always been worse than any other sort of dysphoria. Ever since I started to hit puberty and get a, well, *fuller* chest, I despised it. I remember feeling so lost and confused, partially due to my transness, but also because I hit puberty years before most of my AFAB classmates. I remember feeling a deep sense of dread and sorrow whenever an adult would start telling me that I should be wearing a bra or shouldn't wear that shirt in particular because of my chest size. But it's not like I chose to have these. I didn't want them at all. Hell, I hadn't even processed that I would be getting them until it was far too late. Even before I knew I was trans, I knew that I wanted a reduction at least. 

 

However, my dysphoria towards my reproductive organs manifest way differently. For my chest, most of it is registered in my brain as a constant sensory input. It doesn't matter what I'm doing or wearing, the feeling that I have a chest does not go away, it only deals with the regular ebb and flow of life. Meanwhile, I don't get too dysphoric about my uterus/time of month until either a) I actively start thinking about the fact that I have one, or B) someone reminds me that I actually am capable of getting those (ie, getting asked at the drs when my last period was). I just find it really interesting how some of my dysphoria can be relatively consistent, whereas others only really show up if prompted, either by myself or others. 

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Lord Revan

Body dysphoria mainly, but a little bit of social. Since I'm not out yet, and don't have a bank account, I can only buy very masculine presenting clothes, which is pretty bad, since skirts are so nice.

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Andrea KF

Today is the local pride parade but I'm home alone with dysphoria

 

TMI

Spoiler

I want to be able to masturbate but have the wrong set of genitals

 

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notactuallymerida

I’m a cis woman so please forgive me if I shouldn’t be asking questions on here. But lately I’ve experiencing something I will for a lack of better words describe as fertility dysphoria. It kinda feels so wrong that my body is technically able to get pregnant. I’m not scared of getting pregnant as I don’t have sex anyway and I also couldn’t care less if others decide to get pregnant. I’m also childfree by choice and have a somewhat non-feminine personality (I don’t like presenting feminine, I’m not into stuff that’s traditionally considered feminine, I don’t want to be "girly") There’s nothing wrong with being/wanting these things, I just don’t desire them for me. But I also do want to be seen as a woman and I’m fine with my gender assigned at birth. 

So what is this fertility thing I’m experiencing right now? I’m kinda confused

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On 8/17/2022 at 3:39 AM, notactuallymerida said:

I’m a cis woman so please forgive me if I shouldn’t be asking questions on here. But lately I’ve experiencing something I will for a lack of better words describe as fertility dysphoria. It kinda feels so wrong that my body is technically able to get pregnant. I’m not scared of getting pregnant as I don’t have sex anyway and I also couldn’t care less if others decide to get pregnant. I’m also childfree by choice and have a somewhat non-feminine personality (I don’t like presenting feminine, I’m not into stuff that’s traditionally considered feminine, I don’t want to be "girly") There’s nothing wrong with being/wanting these things, I just don’t desire them for me. But I also do want to be seen as a woman and I’m fine with my gender assigned at birth. 

So what is this fertility thing I’m experiencing right now? I’m kinda confused

I relate to this so much, I imagine what you're experiencing is exactly what you think it is; something akin to dysphoria. I'm a transman so you could say it makes sense that I feel weird about the idea of getting pregnant, but I think there are lot of women who share that sentiment too. Being a woman doesn't necessarily mean you have to be on board with the idea of getting pregnant, or having the kind of anatomy that allows it. I've known quite a few asexual people who would prefer to have no reproductive organs at all, even though just "not having sex" achieves the same thing. In those cases, they often felt that way because it seemed like their body didn't fully align with their identity; sometimes, that's really all it takes.

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While I'm here, I guess I'll share my experience with dysphoria.

 

I think I'm an oddball among transmen. I don't usually care about my body. I'm completely neutral about looking at or touching any part of myself. The only time it bothers me is when other people are involved, and even then I'm only bothered by what's in my pants. Although I'd prefer to be flat, I don't care about my chest at all.

 

In a perfect world, I'd choose to be born with a different set of genitals and grow up to have a body that's a tad taller and more masculine than what I have now, but with no facial or body hair. I'm not interested in being super masculine, and I actually prefer other men who are more feminine too. It might sound like I'm an ideal candidate to transition because I don't want to go from "petite" (always hated being described that way) and feminine to some kind of gigachad, but that's one of the aspects of my gender that weighs me down the most.

 

Cis men who are feminine are already treated like they're "less than" other men, so what does that mean for me? A feminine, gay trans man? I can't shake the thought that no one would take me seriously. To be completely honest, I hate a lot of things about masculinity, and I can't relate to transmen who always felt more comfortable around other men. Most guys I've known made me uncomfortable by making crude and offensive jokes, incessantly teasing their friends in hurtful ways, and being loudly opinionated about gender roles. I could never fit in with them. I'm soft and sensitive, I like cute things, I want to be called pretty, I like being feminine and I don't want to change that, but I'm... a man? Sometimes, I can't even convince myself. I think even if I got full top and bottom surgery, there'd still be that little voice in the back of my head telling me it doesn't count, it's not enough, it's still not the real thing.

 

I don't desire to fit into what people think a man should be. I don't want to practice walking, talking, and sitting "like a man" or learn to stop holding my drinks in a feminine manner. What I want is to live in a world where people are free to express themselves in any way they please without their gender being put into question. Since I don't live in a world like that, I often feel utterly defeated and hopeless. I suppose you could call that dysphoria, but personally, I call it living in a world full of idiots who like to pretend they're all about science and logic, while simultaneously foaming at the mouth over someone who's wearing a shirt that's a touch too frilly, calling themselves a man.

 

I hope my tangent wasn't too much, it just poured out. I'm still closeted so I don't really talk about these things with anyone, ever.

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notactuallymerida
8 hours ago, Double said:

I relate to this so much, I imagine what you're experiencing is exactly what you think it is; something akin to dysphoria. I'm a transman so you could say it makes sense that I feel weird about the idea of getting pregnant, but I think there are lot of women who share that sentiment too. Being a woman doesn't necessarily mean you have to be on board with the idea of getting pregnant, or having the kind of anatomy that allows it. I've known quite a few asexual people who would prefer to have no reproductive organs at all, even though just "not having sex" achieves the same thing. In those cases, they often felt that way because it seemed like their body didn't fully align with their identity; sometimes, that's really all it takes.

Well, I’m fine with having reproductive organs and I wouldn’t want my gentials gone, I think maybe a bisalp would be enough to end the dysphoria, but on the other hand it might not be enough because it also really troubles me when people assume that I can get pregnant (or even assume that I will at some point!)

 But I don’t want to undergo surgery anyway, especially not major ones like a hysterectomy. And a bisalp just seems expensive and unnecessary in my case. Also kinda painful and since I’m terribly afraid of pain, I guess I’ll pass.

 

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Even though I'm pangender, I get a lot of dysphoria around any attributes of mine that people can easily gender. For example, I used to have bad dysphoria about my breasts, so I got top surgery. As another example, for a long time, I really wanted facial hair. Now that I have it and I'm consistently seen as a man since I've been on T so long, I'm considering getting it removed. I also get dysphoria about my hips, but I can't do anything about those.

Mostly I have social dysphoria. I know strangers will never see me and think "pangender", but I'm hoping I can at least get them confused enough to not know how to gender me. Right now I'm read as male, thanks to years on T, and I don't hate it, but it's uncomfortable. I'm not just a man. I'm also a woman and nonbinary and more. If I can at least be seen as nonbinary, then I can pretend I'm being fully seen, but even that seems like a constant uphill battle.

My parents, for example, took about a year to switch fully to "he/him" for me when I first came out (at that time I thought I was a nonbinary trans man - it's kind of a long story), but for some reason, they almost never use "they/them" even though I first brought it up a few years ago. I know they're sort of trying; once in a while one of them will drop a "they", usually my mom, but I think they just don't remember most of the time and I don't want to sound like a nag by correcting them all the time.

I'm too afraid to come out at work, so I'm constantly dysphoric there. I work at a hardware store, and everyone is really nice, but there is a little bit of a "bro" atmosphere among the guys, and I'm not sure how they'd react to me being nonbinary. Though I did sort of accidentally come out as trans to a few of them and they were fine with that, so who knows?

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Sorry if this gets a bit long, I don't really get the chance to rant about all my dysphoria.

Dysphoria + high school = a lot of stress for me haha *cries* 

I'm an AFAB nonbinary person. I've been experiencing general discomfort with my gender for about 1 1/2 to 2 years, and I found out I was nonbinary about 3ish weeks ago. Back in September I thought I was a demigirl, but then I realized that I just hate almost everything about being female, end of story. I've gotten my hair cut shorter (kind of in stages so that my parents don't question anything *they are definently questioning, when i got my last haircut my mom asked "next time do you want it cut shorter like a guy's hair?" and i was like "no, just shorter"*), and two people have misgendered me as a guy, but nobody's ever stopped to ask what my pronouns actually are. Everyone else I know still thinks I'm female, except for my two transgender friends and my one genderfluid friend, who I have came out to. It's upsetting to me because I want people to use my actual pronouns (there are problems to this, such as my parents who I can't come out to because they're homophobic/transphobic). I also hate some stuff about my body. I want top surgery and am hoping to get it when I'm an adult, but for now I can't even get a binder or smthing to get rid of it *I wear sweatshirts which sorta helps but not that much*. I also really hate getting my period because every time I get it i freak out because i feel like i shouldnt be bleeding there because there's no wound or anything so STOP BLEEDING OMG. I'm fine with my voice tho because to me it sounds deeper than other girl's voices. I also feel name dysphoria because my real name ends with a which instantly makes it more feminine in my opinion. It's a less common name and the way my parents spelled it is different than it's normally spelled so people misspell it a lot, which makes it worse and makes me want to change my name even more. I haven't found the right name yet, and idk what I'll do when I do find it. I also hate that there aren't gender-neutral sports teams. I run cross country/track and I might just have a mental breakdown when track season comes this spring because I have no choice but to join the girl's team. I guess it won't be all that bad because I have 3 friends on the team and two of them are potentially queer. 

I can't think of anything else for now 

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I think I have dysphoria about my first name??

 

like I don't want to change it particularly, but I wish people wouldn't call me by it. I don't mind it written so much but today I realized I don't like hearing it said out loud. I don't even know if this is a gender thing. But when I hear it I feel like it isn't me

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On 1/30/2022 at 1:08 AM, Fangorn said:

I was assigned female and raised as female but went through a partially male puberty. I have dysphoria around aspects of both. I don't like being perceived as female, though I do like being perceived as feminine. Periods were very dysphoric, and my testosterone levels made them worse (I'd go through an overnight pad every hour and that lasted a full week because of it, and I ended up anemic). I still had a female sounding voice, which made me dysphoric as well. I would have been dysphoric if I'd gotten any curves, but I luckily didn't. I started getting facial hair when I was nine, and I'm a bit uncomfortable with it, but it doesn't cause a lot of dysphoria. I used to be a bit bothered by my body hair, but I don't mind it anymore. I hate being referred to as a man or as masculine. Most of my dysphoria now comes from people thinking I'm a man, since hormones fixed most of the rest. I'm happy with my reproductive system and overall body shape.

I actually went through something similar (physically, that is).  I found out about a year ago that I have unusually high testosterone levels for an AFAB person, after wondering if something might be up there for quite a while.  My dysphoria is almost the opposite, though.

I'm transmasc, so I'm pretty happy with how my voice turned out - it's in the low alto/tenor range.  I was the only girl in my class who had to deal with voice cracks, though.  I have more body hair than most women, but I'm also fine with that.

I've also got issues with menstruation, both physical and psychological.  Fortunately, I'm currently on some medication that lessens the pain and bleeding.

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ThatGayNerd

I experience Dysphoria around my name. It just feels way too feminine. Whenever I have to write it I just feel horrible, and there's no way it could be mistaken for a male name. I got my friends to call me something else but as I am not out to my family I can´t tell them to call me something else.

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16 minutes ago, ThatGayNerd said:

I experience Dysphoria around my name. It just feels way too feminine. Whenever I have to write it I just feel horrible, and there's no way it could be mistaken for a male name. I got my friends to call me something else but as I am not out to my family I can´t tell them to call me something else.

The same thing is happening for me, except for I only recently told a few of my friends about my new name.

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