Different Dysphorias

[Sarah-Sylvia]

34 minutes ago, A User said:

same tho

 

I don't like being called feminine stuff either

Yeah I think it's pretty common amongst trans people. I'd be curious if some don't have trouble with the mirror.

I'm transfeminine, so for me feminine would be good 

[A User]

16 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Yeah I think it's pretty common amongst trans people.

I don't think I'm trans

 

but it happens to everyone i guess

[Sarah-Sylvia]

35 minutes ago, A User said:

I don't think I'm trans

 

but it happens to everyone i guess

Unless you're talking about general dismorphia for some reason that doesn't have to do with gender, I think you're trans if you don't identify as just female and have dysphoria over feminine traits.

..cuz it doesn't happen to everyone XD

[Ace Of Dragons]

One of the Facebook ace groups I am on, was just discussing types of dysphorias and someone on there claimed that, "it sounded like we all had some form of dysphoria including me and that it was common in asexuals". To be honest, I never thought if my desire to try on the female experience as a dysphoria but as a deep curiosity to understand what girls and the female experience. It is not like I hated my male body, like these girls hated their female body parts, so in that since I can see why I would have not thought of my dysphoria as dysphoria.

[Emery.]

On 2/9/2021 at 6:04 PM, Ace Of Dragons said:

One of the Facebook ace groups I am on, was just discussing types of dysphorias and someone on there claimed that, "it sounded like we all had some form of dysphoria including me and that it was common in asexuals". To be honest, I never thought if my desire to try on the female experience as a dysphoria but as a deep curiosity to understand what girls and the female experience. It is not like I hated my male body, like these girls hated their female body parts, so in that since I can see why I would have not thought of my dysphoria as dysphoria.

But why frame it all as dysphoria? Isn't it transmedicalist to say that being transgender equals dysphoria? Gender diversity is okay. Some trans folk experience dysphoria, and the doctors empasise it, because medical transition is a real hassle and you need a certain degree of desperation to go through it and be happy with the results, which aren't perfect. But different ways people experience their gender are okay, including some mix of being male and female or different sexual orientations. It doesn't mean your experience of gender is invalid if you don't experience distress about it. 

[Janus the Fox]

I’ve discovered my dysphoria is an over all discomfort and often a unflinching conviction the more I’d look at myself getting thinner, the feeling that I’m Female with quite a strong confidence in that identity perception.  I’d already see a change in body shape, like I’ve already got some Female traits already. I’m already like letting hair, nails grow, wear Women's branded clothing near full time now. (I’ve been taught to wear out clothing before buying new) I have a conviction that my genitals should be different, more that of female, I’ve adjusted my pleasure habits to simulate this.  I’ve already have Breast tissue, and I’d think once HRT starts, all areas would improve my sex perceptions.

 

Despite all that, I don’t hold a Gender identity as described what gender is.

[Acecream]

During the last days I thought a lot about what does me make female. Actually, my conclusion is that the whole (especially the binary) gender system is only a big social construct I am captured in and maybe the only reason I am female is that I was told I am and I believed I am without questioning^^ but that’s okay, bc for me it does work somehow.

 

So, gender dysphoria... I feel some gender dysphoria and I discovered that it is extremely infected by my asexuality. I also think about using a binder but I am a bit afraid I might not be allowed to or it might be disrespectful to use one bc I am cis... (and that it won’t work bc they are too big. I would be extremely disappointed)

 

I have quite huge breasts and I don’t know if I hate, but I know that I don’t like them. I feel like bodies (especially the ones most people would consider as “female”) are a very sexual thing. Breasts could be a) a subject of sexual desire from others (as kind of sex-aversed ace: no, thanks) or b) a tool to feed kids (as an aroace person I don’t think I’d ever have biological kids, so, umm, don’t need them). And that’s it. I don’t find breasts even aesthetic. A gay friend of mine once called them “two big bags of meat” (bc he couldn’t understand how anyone may be attracted by them) and I know this was very disrespectful, but still - for me it’s kinda true? I just don’t feel comfortable with having breasts: for me a flat chest is more aesthetic AND would solve a lot of problems like I’d have less backache, I could dress with a lot of clothes to which my breasts just don’t fit in and I could be half naked in summer I never (even before they’ve grown) understood, why girls wanted to have big boobs. Like - there are no advantages at all (well sometimes I like that they are cuddly). I ever hated when someone commented about my breasts. I just would prefer to have “nothing”.

Also I don’t need my vulva. I don’t really care about her, but still - I would not miss anything if I hadn’t any kind of genitalia. I just need to pee, the rest is unnecessary. (I would love to be spayed and stop to menstruate) So, I feel like I would prefer to have a “genderless” body.

But I hated it that when I had my short hair (~5 mm, I loved the haircut) everyone thought I was a boy (that’s the only reason why I let my hair grow again). I thought about maybe being non-binary bc of my dysphoria but I DO feel addressed by words like “sister” or she/her pronouns.. 

 

I know, genitalia have nothing to do with gender. And I know I’m a woman. I can’t explain it (I think I’m not very “typical”), it’s just how it is. I’m a woman, bc I know I am. Nothing more, nothing less. So I think this shows why it’s so important to BELIEVE EVERY SINGLE trans, non-binary or agender person when they say, that they are trans, non-binary or agender. They don’t have to prove you anything. They don’t have to explain anything. They’re just who they are and they know it best.

 

Sorry, I think this is not only about dysphoria but also about gender stuff in general... but I felt like everything was connected somehow and I had to write it down together.

[Acecream]

On 2/23/2021 at 3:17 PM, Emery. said:

But why frame it all as dysphoria? Isn't it transmedicalist to say that being transgender equals dysphoria? Gender diversity is okay. Some trans folk experience dysphoria, and the doctors empasise it, because medical transition is a real hassle and you need a certain degree of desperation to go through it and be happy with the results, which aren't perfect. But different ways people experience their gender are okay, including some mix of being male and female or different sexual orientations. It doesn't mean your experience of gender is invalid if you don't experience distress about it. 

I have several trans friends and they all see it different: one has strong dysphoria and changes his body medically to fit in the “body-stereotype” of his gender, the other does not and is okay with his body... And both is valid!

 

The society has to stop thinking that genitalia says anything about gender.

[VeryAsexyIndeed]

One of my biggest dysphoria triggers is long nails, and I don’t know why. Like I love painting my nails, I like wearing dresses and skirts and I enjoy makeup, but as soon as my nails are one millimeter to long my brain is like “Nooooo emergency EMERGENCY!! Look at you! You’re a GIRL! A GIRL!!! Aaaaaah!” but like, why tho? Why don’t I feel like that when I wear dresses (most of the time) but as soon as my nails are too long I feel too feminine lol

[Quilly]

I've very recently come to terms with the fact that most of my "bad gender feels" come from dysphoria. My dysphoria is weird because I identify with my agab but only partially and in fluctuating amounts (although most of the time I experience two of three genders simultaneously in different ratios). 

Some dysphoria things: 
-My chest
-Menstruation
-People making assumptions of the gender of other nonbinary people or fictional characters that are nonbinary
-Similarly to the one before people not using the they/them part of my pronouns
-My voice
-When I act feminine in almost a performative way (think customer service voice except I use it more around older family members; seeking to be incredibly helpful in situations where I have no reason nor actual desire to be doing everything) -- I never know what to actually call this haha
-My height

For the most part all of them are ranked from most troublesome to least. 

[Samaro]

I only just now found this place! I needed this about a month back, but better late than never.

I’m nonbinary (I know that is not very specific, but I’m working on it), and a bit ago I went on about how no one in my life knows and how much the length of my hair was messing with me (among other things). The hair-problem has since been lessened.
More recently, however, I described myself as a girl in an online zoom class as an example something—I don’t remember what. As soon as the word came out of my mouth it felt off. I didn’t want to explain about myself to the people in my discussion group, so I just stumbled around with my words a bit after that. It went something like “I’m a girl—well, most of the time...” and sort of trailed off from there. It bothered me for the rest of the day.
I have been raised as a girl and everyone I know thinks of me as a girl, so I guess it isn’t quite wrong, but it feels just as accurate as calling myself a boy. Man and woman are out of bounds—both make me feel all creepy-crawly.

[Acecream]

45 minutes ago, Samaro said:

 

I’m nonbinary (I know that is not very specific, but I’m working on it)

Don’t worry, that’s entirely adequate

(of course you can go more specific and if you want/feel like you have to, you should. I just wanted to say that it’s totally sufficient when one just says they’re a non-binary person  )

 

I’m sure you’re going to be more confident and accurate in describing yourself to avoid situations like the one in your zoomclass without using the terms “girl” or “boy”! All the best to you💚

[Quilly]

1 hour ago, Acecream said:

(of course you can go more specific and if you want/feel like you have to, you should. I just wanted to say that it’s totally sufficient when one just says they’re a non-binary person  )

 

@Samaro When I was questioning my gender I had tried again and again to find the perfect label that fit me, similarly to how perfect pan and ace both were for me, but I've determined that my identity doesn't fit any of the labels I know that same way and I feel most comfortable now calling myself genderqueer or nonbinary in a general sense because the things I've narrowed down about it are confusing as heck haha. It's not uncommon for people to not end up labeling themselves, either through not finding one that fits them best or not wanting a label in the first place. You do what makes you happiest (it is your identity after all). 

[Izz]

so im nonbinary and i use all pronouns. I am very much in the closet and im afab. so i haven't seen my best friend in a while and when we hung out i was like "damn buddy you look great long time no see". and he said the same thing but he made a comment "girl you got hips now" and i swear to god that was the only thing i thought about during out day together. like i could not, i usually wear baggier shirts but this one made my waist more noticeable and i didnt have a jacket to cover up. anyone else in the closet but someone kinda triggered the dysphoria on accident? 

[Quilly]

21 minutes ago, Izz said:

anyone else in the closet but someone kinda triggered the dysphoria on accident? 

Yeah. Definitely. My hips don't bother me, but my mom making a comment about my "hourglass figure" definitely triggered my dysphoria. My instinct was internal denial but I kept coming back to how feminine it means I must look and how no matter how much I try people won't see me as anything else. 

(I also feel like my mom is subtly trying to convince me to act more feminine by rewarding and engaging in the conversation where I mention something more feminine but just staring at me or vocalizing her dislike of things when I don't- there's so many examples of this and I honestly don't know if its a subconscious thing or not and not being out I don't feel comfortable confronting her about it and it's been bothering me a lot lately). 

[Aelin Galathynius]

2 hours ago, Izz said:

anyone else in the closet but someone kinda triggered the dysphoria on accident? 

Yup. I'm usually fine with my hips too, but my mum made me try on a skirt, and it just accentuated my hips so much and I hated it and BOOM full body dysphoria. 

[Samaro]

I have a textbook in one of my classes that defines gender as a “social, psychological, and behavioral attributes a culture associates with an individual’s biological sex.” I hate it. Yes, gender identity is mentioned right before, but the book removes gender identity from GENDER and that sounds wrong to me. They should have come up with a better term. It also only really focused on men and women. People who are neither were mentioned, but not expanded upon at all. I guess it was trying to make people aware of gender polarization. 

In the lecture I attend that requires the book, I asked about this, but the teacher focused on perceived gender as being the sole determinant of this version of gender. Apparently you have to be completely unable to guess at a person’s gender for gender to stop influencing what people expect from you and how people act around you. Telling someone you have a gender identity that doesn’t match their perception of you (that they got based on how you look and act) doesn’t change their perception of you at all. 
I don’t like it. Super uncomfortable experience. 0.1/10, would not recommend.

I also might have mentioned my being neither a girl nor a boy in front of my whole Zoom class while trying to understand how the heck gender identity doesn’t influence other’s perceptions even after you tell them, and that is not great. Luckily, I am working on developing the superpower of not caring so much about what strangers think of me. Yay!

[Janus the Fox]

My Male intersex genitals haven’t felt so foreign to me now ever since fully expressing as feminine in every other aspect currently.

[A User]

I kinda love-hate my chest at times, but I think my legs are the worst. If i wear tights or anything that shows my leg structure fully, I get really uncomfortable and want to take them off. Jeans are love-hate, but i can wear pants just fine

[Quilly]

Sometimes dysphoria gets me in the regard that I like how my legs look (I’m proud of the muscles I’ve built up over times from dancing and whatnot) but between liking high waisted pants and not liking the emphasis that puts on my upper body shape it’s hard to balance out my comfort. (I’ve found if I can get my shirt to look baggy and squarish it helps but that’s not always easy to do with how much clothing likes to lay flat). 

[Aelin Galathynius]

This won't work for everyone, but I find that tucking my shorts into my pants, especially baggy shirts into jeans helps a lot. I guess because its baggy, so it hides my chest a bit, but it also makes my hips less defined so I'm more straight (I mean, I'm not straight, but..) than curvy which is what I want. 

[VeryAsexyIndeed]

I always find myself thinking that my hair is short, like I totally believe it for a few seconds until I feel the hair touching my back or something and then it’s like *snap* back to reality, it’s kinda disappointing to be honest. But, that’s also how I know how I wanna cut my hair, cause I always imagine a specific hairstyle, so that’s what I’ll get lol

[A User]

Totally not me wanting to be percieved as a man rn but yesterday i felt fine.

 

Wore a jean jacket and jeans and felt like myself today. I felt so manly, idk why. I liked that.

Life is just so confusing

[Quilly]

On 4/4/2021 at 2:34 PM, Aelin Galathynius said:

This won't work for everyone, but I find that tucking my shorts into my pants, especially baggy shirts into jeans helps a lot. I guess because its baggy, so it hides my chest a bit, but it also makes my hips less defined so I'm more straight (I mean, I'm not straight, but..) than curvy which is what I want. 

I tend to tuck in my shirts like this too, but since I’ve found I like my legs and hips I’ll usually wear high rise jeans to do this because of where they are designed to fall. Those jeans also help me make my shirt stay baggy enough to be square 

[Karst]

Menstrual cramps and body dysphoria... two great tastes that taste great together!  🙃

[Skylord]

The word "ma'am" bothers me so much. I hate the word no matter who it's being used for, but I hate it even more when it's used for me. 

 

And my sister has taken to calling me ma'am as if it's my name... someone please save me. 

[Oberon Jasper]

I get a lot of dysphoria from feeling like people perceive me as a butch lesbian instead of trans man. I also get a lot from the fact that I have a purse. There's a lot of other ones but I can't think of them at the moment.

[Quilly]

7 hours ago, Skylord said:

And my sister has taken to calling me ma'am as if it's my name... someone please save me. 

I wouldn’t explain everything to her depending on your relationship but if you explain you don’t feel comfortable with the word ma’am and it kinda bothers you I have a feeling your sister would listen. In the meantime, I’ll offer hugs if you want them because I get what you mean in gendered word dysphoria 

[Quilly]

1 minute ago, Torrence Kieran said:

I also get a lot from the fact that I have a purse.

This is a smaller one for me because i think of all the bags I could have mine isn’t bad and I never bring it with me anywhere but definitely same it feels weird to have one and I’m not looking forward to wearing the shorts I have without pockets 

[Oberon Jasper]

Oh, also the fact that I have to prove to my parents I'm not trans so I can keep buying masc clothes. Somedays I want to take a toothpick to my eyes so I don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Or arguing trans rights and my parents calling it an abnormality and just confused teens and only a small portion of trans people are "really trans".