Different Dysphorias

[Karst]

22 minutes ago, Interference said:

yep.i'm a bit more mad at the lack of triggers, really. i guess they're using shock factor to really drill that message in or something. 

 

now i'm dysphoric over my feet and my chest size, both of which are large. oof. :T 

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

[nerdperson777]

10 hours ago, Karst said:

By that logic, tattoos and plastic surgery are also forms of Horrible Self-Harm.

Well it takes a therapist letter or two to get top surgery, but none to get breast augmentation.  Because apparently the goal of humanity is to make "women" convenient for men.  Hysterectomies are normally not allowed until age 30 because "you can change your mind".  The potential cis male partner gets an input even though it's possible that the person doesn't exist.  I talked to a girl with PCOS who said she had painful periods and was infertile.  She was still denied a hysterectomy even though she couldn't have a child of her own.

[Interference]

it's only been 3 days since i have my binder and i'm wearing it a lot more than i expected myself to be.... i guess i'm liking it more than i should. >>

 

i really wish my chest was smaller in proportion to my body. large cups and small bodies don't mix together.

[Interference]

today's on the dysphoria roulette is...my face! 

 

not epic.

[nerdperson777]

So I took another black belt test.  The owner called it the pandemic test.  My attire is white with a single black shoulder.  So apparently I was having a period this week, probably because my dosage wasn't high enough anymore to suppress it.  I had been on 100mg but lowered to 80 because it felt better when I wasn't constantly itchy.  But I think now it's not enough to suppress.  I'm going to have to go back to 100 temporarily.  I thought my spotting was over, but apparently not, so I have actually stained my white pants.  I hope no one noticed.  I was talking a couple weeks ago about my standing (vertical) splits falling into horizontal splits.  So I'm going to guess that if anyone asked, I would say that I "busted my balls" doing that move.  Most people with penises would not attempt it because they could accidentally explode a testicle from blunt trauma.  But next time, I am definitely getting darker colored attire.  I've used the same attire for 3 years, so my 4th degree and beyond can have a different color for once.

[Interference]

after binding for a while, i can safely say that i don't feel as much dysphoric over my chest. the keyword being as much. i honestly think that my chest is way too big for conventional, non-custom made binders to contain.

 

cw for quite graphic description of the chest.

Spoiler

it's really big in proportion of my body overall. i'm 5'2 with an E cup (115 bust, ~100 underbust), broad shoulder but a short-ish torso compared to my legs. i'm quite disappointed that binders don't work as well on me as other people have - mostly due to how my anatomy works. the most i got is going from E to A-B size. I tried double binding, and the results were inconclusive. it helps with hiding the big bump, but it doesn't bring me to that Flat Chest i kinda want to have.

 

i'm considering to get breast reduction [and lift, they're naturally saggy] instead of a full-on top surgery, since i still want to have them for other purposes, but it makes me feel almost afraid that i won't be seen as 'agender' just because of it.

 

i really hope i can get one sometime soon, though it's really, really expensive in my currency. also tax is a whole other can of worms here.

 

why can't i just have a flat and not flat chest whenever i want to???? ;;

[KiraS]

Another birthday, another round of excessively gendered greeting cards. 

[Interference]

21 minutes ago, KiraS said:

Another birthday, another round of excessively gendered greeting cards. 

happy birthday! i hope your day gets better from this point.

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, Interference said:

after binding for a while, i can safely say that i don't feel as much dysphoric over my chest. the keyword being as much. i honestly think that my chest is way too big for conventional, non-custom made binders to contain.

 

cw for quite graphic description of the chest.

  Hide contents

it's really big in proportion of my body overall. i'm 5'2 with an E cup (115 bust, ~100 underbust), broad shoulder but a short-ish torso compared to my legs. i'm quite disappointed that binders don't work as well on me as other people have - mostly due to how my anatomy works. the most i got is going from E to A-B size. I tried double binding, and the results were inconclusive. it helps with hiding the big bump, but it doesn't bring me to that Flat Chest i kinda want to have.

 

i'm considering to get breast reduction [and lift, they're naturally saggy] instead of a full-on top surgery, since i still want to have them for other purposes, but it makes me feel almost afraid that i won't be seen as 'agender' just because of it.

 

i really hope i can get one sometime soon, though it's really, really expensive in my currency. also tax is a whole other can of worms here.

 

why can't i just have a flat and not flat chest whenever i want to???? ;;

I would say that E to B isn't bad, but I've never been large chested so I can't really gauge that.  There are a lot of top surgery options available.  You'd be surprised at what you can get.  I'm in this one Facebook group and people have done so many different things, like no nipples, tattooed heart shaped nipples, closer spaced "female" nipples, larger areola "female" nipples", radical reduction, nipless reduction, etc.  It's not just the flat, farther spaced, small areola "male" chest that is widely publicized.  Perhaps you may want the ambiguous looking chest.  I've seen some people that have made themselves look like they have small boobs, pecs, or both.  I also see a lot of people asking top surgery vs reduction, or nipples vs no nipples.  Some people have decided that it's better to remove and then add on later.  Top surgery, can just add inserts.  No nipples, can always tattoo them on.  But some people like my roommate says boobs are only for a partner, but would want flat otherwise.  For me though, I was already small chested and wanted to be flat.  I wasn't really debating all those things that others have.  My pre-op chest right before surgery would have actually been classified as moobs because they were maybe half an A cup, widely spaced, and probably was proportional to my large belly.  That belly is really prominent now.  Some larger set people have gotten reductions that more fit their bellies.  A lot of people are really happy with their proportional bodies now.

 

I think a couple years ago a topic of conversation here was body modification, like today "I want a flat chest" or "I want an angled face".  In fact, I think it was with the one who made this thread.  I remember talking about a 100% man card for identification purposes.  "This certifies that I'm a man", haha.  Then a woman card for others or genderfluid people.

[DuranDuranfan]

11 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I would say that E to B isn't bad, but I've never been large chested so I can't really gauge that.  There are a lot of top surgery options available.  You'd be surprised at what you can get.  I'm in this one Facebook group and people have done so many different things, like no nipples, tattooed heart shaped nipples, closer spaced "female" nipples, larger areola "female" nipples", radical reduction, nipless reduction, etc.  It's not just the flat, farther spaced, small areola "male" chest that is widely publicized.  Perhaps you may want the ambiguous looking chest.  I've seen some people that have made themselves look like they have small boobs, pecs, or both.  I also see a lot of people asking top surgery vs reduction, or nipples vs no nipples.  Some people have decided that it's better to remove and then add on later.  Top surgery, can just add inserts.  No nipples, can always tattoo them on.  But some people like my roommate says boobs are only for a partner, but would want flat otherwise.  For me though, I was already small chested and wanted to be flat.  I wasn't really debating all those things that others have.  My pre-op chest right before surgery would have actually been classified as moobs because they were maybe half an A cup, widely spaced, and probably was proportional to my large belly.  That belly is really prominent now.  Some larger set people have gotten reductions that more fit their bellies.  A lot of people are really happy with their proportional bodies now.

 

I think a couple years ago a topic of conversation here was body modification, like today "I want a flat chest" or "I want an angled face".  In fact, I think it was with the one who made this thread.  I remember talking about a 100% man card for identification purposes.  "This certifies that I'm a man", haha.  Then a woman card for others or genderfluid people.

I’m about 39” in total bust circumference, with a 34” under bust. So that’s about a 34 D or DD depending on the brand. With a binder my circumference goes down to about a B or A. 36” in total. And the brand of binder makes a difference too. I find that GC2B makes me appear a little flatter compared to Underworks. I don’t care if my reduction makes my belly more prominent. I just don’t want these big things. I’m going for an ambiguous looking chest too.

[Interference]

22 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I would say that E to B isn't bad, but I've never been large chested so I can't really gauge that.  There are a lot of top surgery options available.  You'd be surprised at what you can get.  I'm in this one Facebook group and people have done so many different things, like no nipples, tattooed heart shaped nipples, closer spaced "female" nipples, larger areola "female" nipples", radical reduction, nipless reduction, etc.  It's not just the flat, farther spaced, small areola "male" chest that is widely publicized.  Perhaps you may want the ambiguous looking chest.  I've seen some people that have made themselves look like they have small boobs, pecs, or both.  I also see a lot of people asking top surgery vs reduction, or nipples vs no nipples.  Some people have decided that it's better to remove and then add on later.  Top surgery, can just add inserts.  No nipples, can always tattoo them on.  But some people like my roommate says boobs are only for a partner, but would want flat otherwise.  For me though, I was already small chested and wanted to be flat.  I wasn't really debating all those things that others have.  My pre-op chest right before surgery would have actually been classified as moobs because they were maybe half an A cup, widely spaced, and probably was proportional to my large belly.  That belly is really prominent now.  Some larger set people have gotten reductions that more fit their bellies.  A lot of people are really happy with their proportional bodies now.

 

I think a couple years ago a topic of conversation here was body modification, like today "I want a flat chest" or "I want an angled face".  In fact, I think it was with the one who made this thread.  I remember talking about a 100% man card for identification purposes.  "This certifies that I'm a man", haha.  Then a woman card for others or genderfluid people.

yeah, i do know there are a lot of different options for top surgeries. unfortunately though, it seems that only the normal 'male' chest are accepted in the current day and age. nipless surgeries are a minority, and not getting a full top surgery is basically unheard of or it'll be lumped in with normal breast reduction surgeries, which sucks. i want a more or less female-read when nude, but ???? with clothes on if that's a thing. if not, i can settle for permanently having it down to like a large b/small c, and bind whenever i want to get a flatter chest. smaller cups tend to bind better anyway, and i don't want to not have chest, i simply want it take a step back from my body.

 

my breast is very much not proportional to my body. i get mistaken as a young mother a lot of the times, and one time i even got mistaken as my mom's mother. it's kinda uncomfortable and weird. i feel like having it reduced than all gone would be better for me.

 

unfortunately, having any kind of breast that's not basically flat/regular moobs will clock you as afab and makes you 'not nonbinary/agender' enough. despite all the positivity posts about it. it's almost like we're enforcing things that we're supposed to break down...... i'm not gonna go there.

 

11 hours ago, DuranDuranfan said:

I’m about 39” in total bust circumference, with a 34” under bust. So that’s about a 34 D or DD depending on the brand. With a binder my circumference goes down to about a B or A. 36” in total. And the brand of binder makes a difference too. I find that GC2B makes me appear a little flatter compared to Underworks. I don’t care if my reduction makes my belly more prominent. I just don’t want these big things. I’m going for an ambiguous looking chest too.

same, i don't really care if the more prominent thing about me is my belly. i like it, it's soft and nice to play with and i've made peace with it.

[nerdperson777]

22 hours ago, DuranDuranfan said:

I’m about 39” in total bust circumference, with a 34” under bust. So that’s about a 34 D or DD depending on the brand. With a binder my circumference goes down to about a B or A. 36” in total. And the brand of binder makes a difference too. I find that GC2B makes me appear a little flatter compared to Underworks. I don’t care if my reduction makes my belly more prominent. I just don’t want these big things. I’m going for an ambiguous looking chest too.

Yes, I'd say gc2b wins in flatness.  All my friends who recommended it love it.  But I personally got itchy wearing them and because they're so close to the body, I had trouble figuring out how to take it off.  Everyone else likes gc2b but I didn't.  I've always had a belly so the flatness on gc2b actually made my chest totally flat, making it look like I have a beer belly instead.  Because I was small, I didn't mind losing a bit of flatness for comfort and breathability.  I just look like I had pecs.  A teen I know probably had C's and he looked like he had massive pecs before he got surgery.  I'm not sure what kind of binder he used though.  For non-binary people, it can be a little harder finding a surgeon that'll give exactly what you're looking for.  Not everyone wants the cookie cutter flat masculine chest, and that's okay.  My ideal chest would've been didn't go through puberty at all, stayed flat, and I can do without the nipple hair.  My ideal body is to have never gone through puberty.  So all I can really hope for is minimal scars.

 

11 hours ago, Interference said:

yeah, i do know there are a lot of different options for top surgeries. unfortunately though, it seems that only the normal 'male' chest are accepted in the current day and age. nipless surgeries are a minority, and not getting a full top surgery is basically unheard of or it'll be lumped in with normal breast reduction surgeries, which sucks. i want a more or less female-read when nude, but ???? with clothes on if that's a thing. if not, i can settle for permanently having it down to like a large b/small c, and bind whenever i want to get a flatter chest. smaller cups tend to bind better anyway, and i don't want to not have chest, i simply want it take a step back from my body.

 

my breast is very much not proportional to my body. i get mistaken as a young mother a lot of the times, and one time i even got mistaken as my mom's mother. it's kinda uncomfortable and weird. i feel like having it reduced than all gone would be better for me.

 

unfortunately, having any kind of breast that's not basically flat/regular moobs will clock you as afab and makes you 'not nonbinary/agender' enough. despite all the positivity posts about it. it's almost like we're enforcing things that we're supposed to break down...... i'm not gonna go there.

 

same, i don't really care if the more prominent thing about me is my belly. i like it, it's soft and nice to play with and i've made peace with it.

Maybe one way to think of it is that trans people in general aren't accepted anyway, so why not be yourself?  It's about you accepting yourself and your identity.  In that group I mentioned, actually a lot of people do no nipples or only a reduction.  The upside is that you can probably get a reduction without outing yourself, but you may end up with someone with very feminine terminology.  You could probably get it done without needing the therapist letter, referral, or any of the other trans hoops.  Your body is as gendered as much or little as you decide.  For yourself you can say whether it's a regular breast reduction like all the cis women who have these bodies, or say that it's a surgery for your transition.  Of course, it's still your decision how you want to think about it.  I'm just providing empowering points of view.  I'm just a stranger on the internet.

 

You could have that ambiguous option that I mentioned.  But I think being able to describe it to a surgeon in a specific way is a whole different thing.  It is definitely sad in a binary environment that we're only allowed to be one or the other.

[DuranDuranfan]

59 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Yes, I'd say gc2b wins in flatness.  All my friends who recommended it love it.  But I personally got itchy wearing them and because they're so close to the body, I had trouble figuring out how to take it off.  Everyone else likes gc2b but I didn't.  I've always had a belly so the flatness on gc2b actually made my chest totally flat, making it look like I have a beer belly instead.  Because I was small, I didn't mind losing a bit of flatness for comfort and breathability.  I just look like I had pecs.  A teen I know probably had C's and he looked like he had massive pecs before he got surgery.  I'm not sure what kind of binder he used though.  For non-binary people, it can be a little harder finding a surgeon that'll give exactly what you're looking for.  Not everyone wants the cookie cutter flat masculine chest, and that's okay.  My ideal chest would've been didn't go through puberty at all, stayed flat, and I can do without the nipple hair.  My ideal body is to have never gone through puberty.  So all I can really hope for is minimal scars.

 

Maybe one way to think of it is that trans people in general aren't accepted anyway, so why not be yourself?  It's about you accepting yourself and your identity.  In that group I mentioned, actually a lot of people do no nipples or only a reduction.  The upside is that you can probably get a reduction without outing yourself, but you may end up with someone with very feminine terminology.  You could probably get it done without needing the therapist letter, referral, or any of the other trans hoops.  Your body is as gendered as much or little as you decide.  For yourself you can say whether it's a regular breast reduction like all the cis women who have these bodies, or say that it's a surgery for your transition.  Of course, it's still your decision how you want to think about it.  I'm just providing empowering points of view.  I'm just a stranger on the internet.

 

You could have that ambiguous option that I mentioned.  But I think being able to describe it to a surgeon in a specific way is a whole different thing.  It is definitely sad in a binary environment that we're only allowed to be one or the other.

Hmm, I’ve had no problems with itchiness. Must be the fabric. Some people itch, some don’t. But it does make you sweaty. The fabric does not breathe. So I have to remember to up my water intake.

[Interference]

10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Yes, I'd say gc2b wins in flatness.  All my friends who recommended it love it.  But I personally got itchy wearing them and because they're so close to the body, I had trouble figuring out how to take it off.  Everyone else likes gc2b but I didn't. 

I'm considering between that and underworks for my Proper Binding Tool™, though both are real expensive to get shipped here and customs are a nightmare. i could utilize a shipping service, but I'd have to add service cost on top of the other expenses. and I've heard that gc2b's quality have dropped sharply over the last several years. mostly the stitching only lasts for a few months before they fray and disintegrate,which isn't the best signs of quality when your brand is one of the most recognizable safe binding tool. 

 

10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Maybe one way to think of it is that trans people in general aren't accepted anyway, so why not be yourself?  It's about you accepting yourself and your identity.  In that group I mentioned, actually a lot of people do no nipples or only a reduction.  The upside is that you can probably get a reduction without outing yourself, but you may end up with someone with very feminine terminology.  You could probably get it done without needing the therapist letter, referral, or any of the other trans hoops.  Your body is as gendered as much or little as you decide.  For yourself you can say whether it's a regular breast reduction like all the cis women who have these bodies, or say that it's a surgery for your transition.  Of course, it's still your decision how you want to think about it.  I'm just providing empowering points of view.  I'm just a stranger on the internet.

 

You could have that ambiguous option that I mentioned.  But I think being able to describe it to a surgeon in a specific way is a whole different thing.  It is definitely sad in a binary environment that we're only allowed to be one or the other.

i don't particularly mind being treated as a female in medical spaces, considering the place i live in now. i don't think i need to get letters or anything like that, but i will need to do some medical tests first. my parents will most likely understand why i want to get it, they know the pain of having larger than average chest. however it's really expensive to get it here. >> i think i can explain my wishes to my hypothetical surgeon well, it's just a matter of actually getting to that point.

 

also, you're quite helpful for me and for others here. thanks! 

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, Interference said:

I'm considering between that and underworks for my Proper Binding Tool™, though both are real expensive to get shipped here and customs are a nightmare. i could utilize a shipping service, but I'd have to add service cost on top of the other expenses. and I've heard that gc2b's quality have dropped sharply over the last several years. mostly the stitching only lasts for a few months before they fray and disintegrate,which isn't the best signs of quality when your brand is one of the most recognizable safe binding tool. 

 

i don't particularly mind being treated as a female in medical spaces, considering the place i live in now. i don't think i need to get letters or anything like that, but i will need to do some medical tests first. my parents will most likely understand why i want to get it, they know the pain of having larger than average chest. however it's really expensive to get it here. >> i think i can explain my wishes to my hypothetical surgeon well, it's just a matter of actually getting to that point.

 

also, you're quite helpful for me and for others here. thanks! 

Looking at my email receipts, I bought gc2b binders back in 2015.  I had a genderfluid friend wrote a post saying that they were thinking to get binders a couple months ago because they were feeling more dysphoric lately.  A comment had suggest gc2b and the size was discussed.  They seemed to be a size small, which was what I had.  Since I just had surgery, I decided that I could give them mine.  I have hoarding tendencies so I wouldn't want to not see things again, but I thought, they'd either sit around in my room or get used by someone else.  I guess I probably gave them binders that are better than what they are currently, if they are lower quality now.  I saw them post a picture last month of doing haircuts in a binder so I can at least feel good that they got put to good use.  Despite not being accepting of my identity, my mom was always a "get more just in case" kind of person, so she had actually bought me 4 at the time, 2 fulls and 2 halfs.  I guess it is a privilege to be born into an upper middle class money that can afford it.  My mom just thought, she may not like it, but if I'm wearing these instead of bras, might as well get several.  I did feel bad that I barely used them, as I liked my Underworks ones way better.  Well, at least someone can use them.  I only had my friend pay me for the shipping cost for all 4.  I looked back at my messages and they had the same comfortable reaction as a trans girl friend who I gave bras to, because I also had a lot of "just in case" bras.

 

Since my roommate only wants boobs when being with a partner, I'm sure there are other reasons to want just a small pair.  My roommate who is a GNC ace who presents cis has always said that she was grateful that she wasn't big.  But only recently did she say that she liked having small boobs.  I wanted flat, and she said even with the distinction between flat and small boobs, she clarified that she did prefer that to flat.  I think in college, I was bigger than her, but after I went on T and exercised a bunch, I became the smaller size.  I usually just thought she was a level of small that I wish I had.  But she can't be smaller than me at this point now.

 

No problem!  I've just been a lot of spaces in the last couple years.

[DuranDuranfan]

@nerdperson777 Your roommate has the same goal I want to reach. I just only want my husband to see my breasts. I mean, he already knows that I bind them now, but when have my surgery done I’ll feel better about them to not need to wear a binder even around him. And depending on how small they end up, a sports bra just may be sufficient to hide them.

[DuranDuranfan]

On 6/15/2020 at 8:27 PM, nerdperson777 said:

Well it takes a therapist letter or two to get top surgery, but none to get breast augmentation.  Because apparently the goal of humanity is to make "women" convenient for men.  Hysterectomies are normally not allowed until age 30 because "you can change your mind".  The potential cis male partner gets an input even though it's possible that the person doesn't exist.  I talked to a girl with PCOS who said she had painful periods and was infertile.  She was still denied a hysterectomy even though she couldn't have a child of her own.

Also when a woman has an episiotomy done to facilitate birth, when it gets stitched up, sometimes the doctor will do what is nicknamed a “husband stitch”. What that does is it makes the vagina almost as tight as it was before she even had penetrative sex. But this can be very painful for her. All in the name of putting a mans sexuality ahead of a woman’s sexuality.

[Interference]

1 hour ago, DuranDuranfan said:

Also when a woman has an episiotomy done to facilitate birth, when it gets stitched up, sometimes the doctor will do what is nicknamed a “husband stitch”. What that does is it makes the vagina almost as tight as it was before she even had penetrative sex. But this can be very painful for her. All in the name of putting a mans sexuality ahead of a woman’s sexuality.

oh yeah, i heard this before. it's purported effects are inconclusive at best, from what I read some years back. at least one woman asked for it here, though it might not be the case for a lot of other people. kinda sad, really. :T

 

i remember feeling weird (not dysphoric, just not confident) with how mine looked for a while. not gonna go into more details but it's not what the average one looks like, nor is it the 'roast beef' style that some people hate. but fortunately after a while i can accept it for what it is, mostly.

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, DuranDuranfan said:

Also when a woman has an episiotomy done to facilitate birth, when it gets stitched up, sometimes the doctor will do what is nicknamed a “husband stitch”. What that does is it makes the vagina almost as tight as it was before she even had penetrative sex. But this can be very painful for her. All in the name of putting a mans sexuality ahead of a woman’s sexuality.

Ew.

 

2 hours ago, Interference said:

oh yeah, i heard this before. it's purported effects are inconclusive at best, from what I read some years back. at least one woman asked for it here, though it might not be the case for a lot of other people. kinda sad, really. :T

 

i remember feeling weird (not dysphoric, just not confident) with how mine looked for a while. not gonna go into more details but it's not what the average one looks like, nor is it the 'roast beef' style that some people hate. but fortunately after a while i can accept it for what it is, mostly.

I guess I personally don't care too much about the body parts.  My rationale is that I can't see it, why does it matter?  If I was the most flexible person that could bend my torso forward or backwards enough to see my holes, maybe I'd be dysphoric.  As long as blood doesn't come out of them, I'm good.  Plus it's not like I use it anyway.  I think the first time it was opened was when I had a pap smear last year and my doctor stuck a cold clamp in there to get a sample.  I was kind of uncomfortable for the rest of the day because I had to wear a pad in case I didn't stop bleeding from being penetrated by that object and then I felt the air blowing through it for the rest of the day, which felt really awkward.

 

I don't have to understand transfeminine people that want bottom surgery.  I can't wrap my head around how someone can desire a specific hole in their body.  I guess also transmasculine people that want penises, I don't understand either.  My rationale becomes, "how do I desire something I never had?"  I just in general don't get genitals I guess.  Other people can want, but that's one way that makes them trans.  I don't have to understand why they want a certain part, but I should respect that they want.

[Kimmie.]

11 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I don't have to understand transfeminine people that want bottom surgery.  I can't wrap my head around how someone can desire a specific hole in their body

I it not that I want that "hole" I just don't want the thing that is there now.

[Andrea KF]

1 hour ago, Kimmie. said:

I it not that I want that "hole" I just don't want the thing that is there now.

Same here. It's more important not to be a male, than to be a female. Still, I wouldn't mind a hole.

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, Kimmie. said:

I it not that I want that "hole" I just don't want the thing that is there now.

I mean there are some that really want that hole.  Not everyone does, I know.  That's what I meant, if I didn't say it correctly.

[Kimmie.]

6 minutes ago, Andrea KF said:

Same here. It's more important not to be a male, than to be a female. Still, I wouldn't mind a hole.

The "stick training" or what ever it is could really puts me off it as I feel now.

6 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I mean there are some that really want that hole.  Not everyone does, I know.  That's what I meant, if I didn't say it correctly.

It is okay.🙂

[Interference]

hello i'm back from finals hell and skirted around being sick for the second time in a month but i should be okay now? maybe?

i'm just gonna do some rant here.

 

Spoiler

somehow, someway, seeing binary trans woman saying that they've been 'poisoned' or 'ruined' by t [i don't english well today] triggers my dysphoria a lot. idk... it reminds me of my own hatred of how my body's been shaped by my own hormones and how i'll always be seen as a woman despite my attempts to not be seen as such. i wish i could just go and say 'you're not ruined by anything, things will work out in the end' but i can't even believe what i'm saying. they have the rights to say that, but it's just....such an unproductive thought to be thinking and it's basically shooting yourself in the foot. idk, i'm just being mean to others for the sake of being mean.

 

i'm also kinda contemplating just...giving up on all of these transition things and returning to be a female for the rest of my life. i'm settling for it, yes, but it's not like i'm going to be accepted anyway. better be in the group that has the more support than the one that has less.

[Andrea KF]

1 hour ago, Interference said:

i'm also kinda contemplating just...giving up on all of these transition things and returning to be a female for the rest of my life. i'm settling for it, yes, but it's not like i'm going to be accepted anyway. better be in the group that has the more support than the one that has less.

I mostly see myself as agender. I have a masculine body and maybe I can live with that for now, but in the long run I wish to present as more feminine and grow old as a woman (or "demi-girl"?).

It's something to strive for and I don't want to give up, but at the same time, I am in no hurry.

 

I hope you won't give up either.

[Bowie187]

Hi there, I feel a little extra posting this, specially without having read all of the previous comments... But I'll just shake off that feeling for the sake of attempting to socialize I guess 

 

For me... I guess I don't really feel dysphoric that often, I had top surgery back in 2017 and I have to say getting rid of my breasts is probably the best decision I have ever made for my own mental health, I just never felt comfortable having them.

 

One thing that gives me dysphoria that I discovered recently though is dealing with cultural and social expectations for males where I live, it seems like it is socially acceptable and normal for all men to be non monogamous and hyper sexualized...

 

I am not like that. I can be a hopeless romantic and I definitely am a monogamous person. Even though I don't enjoy sex for the most part, I would be willing to do it to please my partner... So in general it hurts that some cis men have questioned my male identity just because I don't want to have sex for fun, I like monogamous relationships and I don't think sex is as important as feelings...

 

Also, I feel like I don't have any kind of dysphoria with what I have between my legs except when I think about guys wanting to have sex with me 😔

[DuranDuranfan]

On 6/29/2020 at 1:30 PM, Kimmie. said:

The "stick training" or what ever it is could really puts me off it as I feel now.

It is okay.🙂

You mean the use of dilators? 

[Kimmie.]

57 minutes ago, DuranDuranfan said:

You mean the use of dilators? 

I guess that is what could.

[Andrea KF]

12 hours ago, DuranDuranfan said:

You mean the use of dilators? 

I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I feel that part is the last thing I need to change so it would be many years away.

 

Right now, it's mostly the general body shape I want to fix.

[Interference]

22 hours ago, Andrea KF said:

I mostly see myself as agender. I have a masculine body and maybe I can live with that for now, but in the long run I wish to present as more feminine and grow old as a woman (or "demi-girl"?).

It's something to strive for and I don't want to give up, but at the same time, I am in no hurry.

 

I hope you won't give up either.

i'm kinda in no hurry either. i mostly just want to grow old as sort of androgynous, sort of man-ish, but never a woman. i like most of my body atm, but i also hate that they're all not going to help me getting seen as other than a woman. i like how they look without clothes, but i hate how clothes drape and form around them. i hate how they contribute to me being seen as nothing other than woman. it's as if i'm stuck in this spot where no matter what i do, i can't be the person i want to be. even if superficially i could, everything in my body would still have those codes that i was born a female. i just....dunno, wish that i was never in this situation to begin with? either being born as a null individual or a cis person.

 

for now, i'm not really giving up. but i'm not really trying either.

 

i guess i'll just have to step back for a while.