Different Dysphorias

[Abigail Rose]

9 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

Does anyone else get dysphoria over someone potentially finding them attractive as their assigned gender?

 

I have this girl at work that I think likes me. I've noticed her staring at me a lot, and she has been low key hitting on me. IDK, it's been awkward and has made me very self conscious about how I look. This then gives me anxiety and has me overthinking what my body looks like, and it triggers me thinking about the parts of my body I do not like, but which they may find attractive. It doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to be an attractive guy.

 

My mom has mentioned this, though I don't really remember.

 

It actually makes me kind of uncomfortable in a weird way, because my parents have mentioned wanting a daughter a lot, and how they were expecting me to be AFAB. I don't think they'd ever really accept me as their daughter though.

I would say I felt honored to be counted as a person either way. I can see the best in all of that. I never approached the subject with them or anyone before. I get it a bit thrown off/dysphoric I guess whenever anyone shows interest. I am never really prepared either way. 💜

[Abigail Rose]

Thanks to everyone that answered my question. I guess I just didn't really know what I felt about it when it popped into my mind. ❤️

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

9 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

Does anyone else get dysphoria over someone potentially finding them attractive as their assigned gender?

 

I have this girl at work that I think likes me. I've noticed her staring at me a lot, and she has been low key hitting on me. IDK, it's been awkward and has made me very self conscious about how I look. This then gives me anxiety and has me overthinking what my body looks like, and it triggers me thinking about the parts of my body I do not like, but which they may find attractive. It doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to be an attractive guy.

Totally. My friend used to tell me that I was a hot girl, which made me feel like I did a good job beautifying a mannequin, but when I looked at myself in the mirror and reminded myself that I was mannequin, it just felt fake to me. Since I came out to him, he's begun using terms like handsome instead, which I appreciate a lot and even though I'm pre-T and feel like I look pretty crusty, it feels a lot better because he's seeing me as a guy.

[nerdperson777]

14 hours ago, Laurann said:

Yeah, they did tell me. I'm very glad I didn't end up being called Rick Maarten though.

That would've ended up with a whole lot of 'Sing a song for us Ricky Martin!' jokes coming my way.

 

My dad also accidentally shares his name with a famous singer. He changed his name because he got bullied because of it. So it would actually be pretty funny if he accidentally did the exact same thing to his son.

When I was in middle school and high school, I had a pair of twins in my music class.  One was named Jackie Chan, so that definitely will get on people's radars, even if it was a girl.  One of my co-workers married someone with the last name Lee (or whatever other spellings for the same pronunciation).  She said her husband wanted a boy to name Bruce.  She was not amused.  My mom shares her name with a professional poker player.  Ironically, my mom is the opposite of a risk taker.  Then that name, and a friend's mom's name are both hurricanes.  The friend's mom is a little more rare though, because it's an Asian name and less common.  My last name isn't common enough to be associated with any popular thing.  Then my chosen first name is way less common than my birth name, which sometimes had three in the same class.

[Rynn]

7 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

my birth name, which sometimes had three in the same class.

Same!

[Andrea KF]

16 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

When I was in middle school and high school, I had a pair of twins in my music class.  One was named Jackie Chan, so that definitely will get on people's radars, even if it was a girl.  One of my co-workers married someone with the last name Lee (or whatever other spellings for the same pronunciation).  She said her husband wanted a boy to name Bruce.  She was not amused.  My mom shares her name with a professional poker player.  Ironically, my mom is the opposite of a risk taker.  Then that name, and a friend's mom's name are both hurricanes.  The friend's mom is a little more rare though, because it's an Asian name and less common.  My last name isn't common enough to be associated with any popular thing.  Then my chosen first name is way less common than my birth name, which sometimes had three in the same class.

My birthname is the same as the archeologist who discovered the 17th century Vasa battleship. There's a park named after him, whick means it's also named after me.

[nerdperson777]

9 hours ago, Andrea KF said:

My birthname is the same as the archeologist who discovered the 17th century Vasa battleship. There's a park named after him, whick means it's also named after me.

I'm named after the city my mom went to high school in Canada, with a different spelling.  That last part, I think it's just indirectly named that way so it's not exactly named after you.  You just happen to share your name with that.  My mom told me that it was wrong for me to say that my name was Canadian.  I'm not Canadian and there are plenty of non-Canadian people who have that name.  

[#Cthulhu]

I'm not sure about If I was born AMAB but my parents were going to name me after Triangles: Scalene. 

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, #Cthulhu said:

I'm not sure about If I was born AMAB but my parents were going to name me after Triangles: Scalene. 

If I ever get a pet, I might name it that and watch my acquaintances' eyes roll because of my affinity for math.  I already bought a small journal that had a bunch of geometry diagrams on it titled "Acute Notebook".  When I was younger, I thought "acute" was "a cute" so I had some cute angles.  I sent it to a teenage girl who I know hates math and she said sarcastically "my favorite".

[Celyn: The Lutening]

If I had been AMAB I would have been Alex and then everyone would have eyerolled at me for having the most common, dull and boring nonbinary name, and I would have to explain that I didn't pick it.

I don't like the name Alex.

[nerdperson777]

On 4/2/2020 at 2:10 AM, Celyn said:

If I had been AMAB I would have been Alex and then everyone would have eyerolled at me for having the most common, dull and boring nonbinary name, and I would have to explain that I didn't pick it.

I don't like the name Alex.

I have a friend who's a trans girl called Alex.  My teacher is Terry, which she doesn't mind being called due to its neutral-ness.  She does have another name, but doesn't require us to use it, so I'm not sure what she wants with that.  I haven't met a Taylor yet though.  I only had a classmate where it was her last name and she preferred using her middle name to her first name.  She got misnamed more than I was misgendered in that class, so I felt sorry for her.

[Andrea KF]

In Swedish, Alex would be a gender neutral nickname for the gendered Alexander or Alexandra. The only "real" gender neutral Swedish names I can think of is Kim and Robin.

I'm not sure if the last one is seen as gender neutral anymore. A lot of boys got that name in the 1990s.

 

 

[nerdperson777]

On 4/4/2020 at 1:37 AM, Andrea KF said:

In Swedish, Alex would be a gender neutral nickname for the gendered Alexander or Alexandra. The only "real" gender neutral Swedish names I can think of is Kim and Robin.

I'm not sure if the last one is seen as gender neutral anymore. A lot of boys got that name in the 1990s.

At least where I am, I've only seen Kim as a feminine name.  One of my friends' sister is Kimberly.  But apparently in some European countries, it is a masculine name, which I didn't know for the longest time.  Robin is definitely gender neutral.  It's one of the names I had planned for my DnD characters.  I only name my characters neutrally now, although Torrent was just because that character is a water genasi.

 

I've probably told this before, but Terry is more of a feminine name, despite knowing that it's neutral.  My department advisor was also named Terry.  I had exchanged a couple emails for a time to come in for advising.  When I went to the building in person, I found out that the advisor was a guy and I thought I was talking to a girl for a couple days before that.  Later, I was taking summer classes and I was on a queer apartment with three people who were friends.  It was a pansexual girl with her two dating friends.  One of those friends was a trans guy named Terry.  Then I also had a classmate that term named Terry.  I was wondering why there were suddenly so many Terry's in my life.  Those three may have been in a different group of queer, but they were pretty enjoyable for the most part.  The pan girl and the trans guy were taking some sort of surf lessons, as we live next to the ocean.  The girl was trying on two wetsuits to see which ones she liked, so she can return one.  The guy and I were there as she tried to pull the suit on.  She was wearing a bikini underneath, thinking that she could just take off the suit and have fun in the water after the class.  I made a joke that it was like wearing a binder for the first time.  The guy totally agreed with me.

[Emery.]

I know Terry as a masculine name. In the UK. 

[Ms. Carolynne]

On 4/4/2020 at 2:37 AM, Andrea KF said:

In Swedish, Alex would be a gender neutral nickname for the gendered Alexander or Alexandra. The only "real" gender neutral Swedish names I can think of is Kim and Robin.

I'm not sure if the last one is seen as gender neutral anymore. A lot of boys got that name in the 1990s.

 

 

For some reason I thought Kim was masculine in Europe and other places, and Kimmie was the feminine variant.

 

Meanwhile here in the US I've only seen Kim used as a feminine name.

[Ms. Carolynne]

TFW you give yourself voice dysphoria because you're depressed, and you notice how deep your voice was.

 

It's not like I talk in a super feminine voice anyway, but I accidentally talked in kind of a deeper and more monotonous tone because of my mood, and I did not like it at all. It just sounded so much more masculine than usual.

[Rynn]

26 minutes ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

For some reason I thought Kim was masculine in Europe and other places, and Kimmie was the feminine variant.

Kim is exclusively feminine in the Netherlands I think, maybe with the exception of people with Korean heritage.

[Kimmie.]

Seeing workout articles for women in magazines trigger my dysphoria more and more. I could never look like that how much I even workout because that would just take me longer away. And I am to old for HRT to help me.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

6 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

TFW you give yourself voice dysphoria because you're depressed, and you notice how deep your voice was.

 

It's not like I talk in a super feminine voice anyway, but I accidentally talked in kind of a deeper and more monotonous tone because of my mood, and I did not like it at all. It just sounded so much more masculine than usual.

I think a lot of that is just the weird expectation for women to always sound chirpy/happy and never have deeper emotions. Which is horribly unfair.

[Kimmie.]

On 4/4/2020 at 10:37 AM, Andrea KF said:

In Swedish, Alex would be a gender neutral nickname for the gendered Alexander or Alexandra. The only "real" gender neutral Swedish names I can think of is Kim and Robin.

I'm not sure if the last one is seen as gender neutral anymore. A lot of boys got that name in the 1990s.

 

 

 

6 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

For some reason I thought Kim was masculine in Europe and other places, and Kimmie was the feminine variant.

 

Meanwhile here in the US I've only seen Kim used as a feminine name.

The amount of people named Kim in Sweden

https://svenskanamn.se/namn/kim/

 

I still like my name because it gender neutral but I prefer Kimmie.

• Amount of men

  12 172st(8 378 first name)
•  

• Amount of women

  4 763st(2 552 first name)
• The

[DuranDuranfan]

I knew I guy named Kim, and he wasn’t Korean. It was short for Kimball. 
 

And in Canada there was an 80s singer Kim Mitchell. Also a Caucasian guy. I’m not sure that’s his real name though.

[JON]

On 4/10/2020 at 5:52 PM, Kimmie. said:

Seeing workout articles for women in magazines trigger my dysphoria more and more. I could never look like that how much I even workout because that would just take me longer away. And I am to old for HRT to help me.

I'm a MAAB and since I started tucking it has help me alot to lower the dysphoria.
I've also tried to find what to wear. And I've found an inspiration in women's underwear, because I can see that it gives me the opportunity to hide my equipment.

I typical use 2 pairs of Craft Greatness waistband. My male clothing is medium but female undies is in xs. Because they are so soft it does not "catch" the rest of the clothing. It feels like I'm naked. During this summer it will be one pair of undies & leggings(short).

[Emery.]

So in my country there was introduced obligation to wear face masks to not sneeze and cough on people and my mom is ordering those for us made of mateira, cotton, and she obviously wanted to order one with flowers for me??? I hoped I could get one with a masculine looking pattern, but no, mom has to buy those and has to question me what I want and why and imply that flowers are for me? Moreover, men’s and women’s are in different sizes and most women’s masks are all flowery and femme. I’m ashamed to talk about my clothing preferences with mom, she always has something against mine and she talks so much and doesn’t understand that I have a harder time talking, I just can’t dress my toughts in words and don’t have feelings about things, so it’s hard for me to constantly tell what I would like better than what. Duh. I’ve got enough of this. Does she think being able to discuss things quickly and in terms of feelings makes her opinions more important? Grrrrr. No, her opinion doesn’t count more just because she can articulate it more easily! And she gets offended that I don’t talk as much as she does. Like... I’m not a talker, understood? Nothing to do with you? Uh. Gr. Duh. *angry noises* And I hoped for a guy garment  I feel so dysphoric lately, when stuck at home. I have too many girl things at home. Like pink sheets. Well, pink is okay. It’s just. I want to be a guyish guy  I can’t even go outside and do something cool, there is no karate, no other sports. Staying at home makes me feel miserable. 

[Ms. Carolynne]

Sometimes I can't tell if it's my depression making my dysphoria worse, or my dysphoria making my depression worse. They seem too go hand in hand sometimes.

 

Today was really bad for dyshporia though, like I woke up and it was just not going to work. My first thought was literally "fuck I hate being male, I don't want to wake up". From there on out I've just felt extremely uncomfortable and out of place in my body today.

 

I've been dissociating to some degree for most of the day as well. I feel very disconnected and withdrawn, to the extent things feel surreal. 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

4 minutes ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

I've been dissociating to some degree for most of the day as well. I feel very disconnected and withdrawn, to the extent things feel surreal.

Digital hugs and hot beverage of choice. I know the dissociating very well. It's an okay coping mechanism, I guess, when you really need it. Just to get to the next day.

[nerdperson777]

10 hours ago, Emery. said:

So in my country there was introduced obligation to wear face masks to not sneeze and cough on people and my mom is ordering those for us made of mateira, cotton, and she obviously wanted to order one with flowers for me??? I hoped I could get one with a masculine looking pattern, but no, mom has to buy those and has to question me what I want and why and imply that flowers are for me? Moreover, men’s and women’s are in different sizes and most women’s masks are all flowery and femme. I’m ashamed to talk about my clothing preferences with mom, she always has something against mine and she talks so much and doesn’t understand that I have a harder time talking, I just can’t dress my toughts in words and don’t have feelings about things, so it’s hard for me to constantly tell what I would like better than what. Duh. I’ve got enough of this. Does she think being able to discuss things quickly and in terms of feelings makes her opinions more important? Grrrrr. No, her opinion doesn’t count more just because she can articulate it more easily! And she gets offended that I don’t talk as much as she does. Like... I’m not a talker, understood? Nothing to do with you? Uh. Gr. Duh. *angry noises* And I hoped for a guy garment  I feel so dysphoric lately, when stuck at home. I have too many girl things at home. Like pink sheets. Well, pink is okay. It’s just. I want to be a guyish guy  I can’t even go outside and do something cool, there is no karate, no other sports. Staying at home makes me feel miserable. 

My mom usually let me dress in t-shirts because it was neutral.  Other than my jeans and gendered polo shirts, I had a pretty neutral wardrobe.  Can you say that you like practical and easy clothing so that you don't get any frilly outfit with holes in random places?

 

My mom was only on me for not talking, because I used to tell her everything and then I didn't.  Plus when I come home for dinner, I just eat and don't say anything.  My excuse is that I've been out all day and I'm not in a talking mood.  But when I go back to my apartment, I sometimes feel a little left out when my roommates don't say anything, so I guess that's the same feeling.

 

If you don't find sewing feminine, you can try to make your own mask with your own materials.  My roommate has been mass producing them to give to those who can't access masks.  I can hear them using my sewing machine right now.  Despite both my roommate and I being a little more masc (them more butch and me more traditionally masculine), we both like to sew.  I might not be very dexterous at it, but I like it and it's fun.

 

My place has been doing online videos and now streaming our lessons so it might be late for your place to do that, and especially when you can't have contact.  The sparring class at my place is streamed right before the classes I teach so I heard that teacher say that it's just more time to work on basics, even if they can't touch.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

The wrong segment of my speech echoed back over a dodgy connection and it sounded really feminine and now I want to just dissolve and never speak againnnnn.

[Karst]

[nerdperson777]

On 4/22/2020 at 7:19 PM, Karst said:

Everyone can be steampunk.

 

I remember a show where a family named their son Brick because they thought it would make him cool.  Instead they got an introvert nerd that reads all the times and has many quirks.

[Interference]

Is being dysphoric over your inability to grasp genders normal? I've always felt like I don't have any attached gender, and it makes me feel....weird? I feel like I'm missing the gender module on my brain or something, it's just a concept I can't seem to understand.

 

I would say I'm agender but I don't have the base of my assigned gender to compare it with. I'm also alright with my body outside of my bottom area, mostly because I don't want to bear any child and I wish to have both sexual organs sometimes. Socially I dislike having enforced gendered values, but it might be because I was raised as neutrally as my parents could manage in here and I'm not used to it. I never identified with being a female, or a man, I just...am, I guess. Because of those factors I feel worried that I'm actually cis and betraying my sex or being 'the betrayer to womanhood' as its known in certain circles or whatever....

 

Idk, I just want to feel like I have a vague feeling about who I am instead of a weird hole in my chest. I want to know if I'm one thing or another, and not an ambiguous being. ._.