Different Dysphorias

[Celyn: The Lutening]

1 hour ago, Karst said:

I force myself to go do something productive.

This implies that playing the piano isn't productive. How dare you! 😜

[nerdperson777]

6 hours ago, Karst said:

I envy anyone who can deal with a 50-pound bag of rice.  Even if I were AMAB, I would still probably have trouble with heavy objects- my dad and brother are both skinny distance-runner types, and I have a similar build.

I don't exactly do strength training exercises and I already have low muscle mass.  My work let us take these DNA swab tests for free.  They were originally for patients but I guess we had extra.  So this test was supposed to tell us our tendencies towards diet and exercise.  The only thing I remember is that when I eat fatty foods, I really gain that fat, and I would gain more muscle with strength training.

 

There was a thing I've been wondering about this week.  I may have said somewhere that this trans teenager I know came to our instructor class for the first time.  I would take it that he was able to start his "correct" puberty at a normal time.  He started T at 13, and had taken E blockers since probably 11.  Didn't stop him from growing about C cups though.  I saw his pushups and they were so fantastic.  We are required to do pushups as students as conditioning and I've never been good at them.  The woman coach said that I don't use my "boy strength", which I agreed.  That boy has probably been on T for almost 4 years now and I just past 2 years.  I'm not sure if it's just me being non-binary, or growing up with a lack of confidence (which gets gendered as a feminine quality) that makes me not try more for these upper body things.  I totally find pushups a masculine activity, manly even.  I'm definitely not manly.  As far as I know, that boy is binary male.  I'm defying masculine stereotypes with my femininity.  Even growing up, he was always talkative and confident, probably because his parents gave him anything to make him happy.  Once he asked his parents for a churro and they drove to Costco and came back with one.  But he's definitely not spoiled, as far as I can tell.  He works hard to make his parents proud.  It looks fairly mutual to me.  This is in contrast to me, who lived a hostile family, my parents setting up death level consequences for my smallest mistakes, no reason to do as they say beyond saving myself from being scolded or hit.  Study 24/7, take as little breaks as possible, and just work me until I'm dead.  I remember being told that the only time I didn't need to do homework was if I'm dying.  With the way I was treated, I believed that if I died, my mom would be more upset that my grades were bad.  With this, how can I have confidence in myself, regardless of what AGAB?  I don't know even what fun is.  So if I was binary male and totally confident in it, would I be good at pushups?  It would probably also take a completely supportive family though.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

I don't think confidence has a lot to do with what exercise regime you do. My self-esteem is pretty much nonexistent, I had a similar lack of childhood, only study upbringing to you, and I do an upper body workout with a pair of 5kg weights, including pushups holding them - I can't do pushups with my hands flat to the floor without spraining my wrists. That began with the realisation that my body issues were trans issues and I could lessen dysphoria by building muscle and reducing fat.

 

On holiday I helped Nan lift and carry stuff a lot and she kept on about how strong I was. My response is...I just like being independantly able to do stuff. I'm not a "weak little girl" any more.

[nerdperson777]

42 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I don't think confidence has a lot to do with what exercise regime you do. My self-esteem is pretty much nonexistent, I had a similar lack of childhood, only study upbringing to you, and I do an upper body workout with a pair of 5kg weights, including pushups holding them - I can't do pushups with my hands flat to the floor without spraining my wrists. That began with the realisation that my body issues were trans issues and I could lessen dysphoria by building muscle and reducing fat.

 

On holiday I helped Nan lift and carry stuff a lot and she kept on about how strong I was. My response is...I just like being independantly able to do stuff. I'm not a "weak little girl" any more.

Well, I do like to be independent and not ask other people for help.  I also might be needlessly gendering pushups so I'm deciding that I can be bad at manly activities.  If I had someone who actually called me strong regularly, that may make a difference, but more when I was younger.  Currently, I do mostly leg things so those body composition machines say that I have 3x more muscle in my legs than my arms.

[Karst]

Personally, I've always focused on endurance-based workouts, like hiking, since it's what I'm good at.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 8/18/2019 at 9:14 AM, Celyn said:

I still don't understand tbh. Why would you want painful bouncy chest lumps, being on the receiving end of sexism and fake pockets?

I didn't get a choice on feeling like this or how I look. I'd put up with the fake pockets forever if I could just not talk about it in my sleep or wake up from having flaskbacks.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

3 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I didn't get a choice on feeling like this or how I look. I'd put up with the fake pockets forever if I could just not talk about it in my sleep or wake up from having flaskbacks.

I don't have to understand why you want it to want that for you too 💜.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

3 hours ago, Celyn said:

I don't have to understand why you want it to want that for you too 💜.

So often, it feels like an endless aching need. And even the androgyny feels a little like tears lost in the rain.

[Karst]

On 8/24/2019 at 10:30 PM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

So often, it feels like an endless aching need. And even the androgyny feels a little like tears lost in the rain.

I know how you feel, even if what I want is different.

*hugs*

[JON]

On 8/23/2019 at 10:05 AM, Celyn said:

I don't think confidence has a lot to do with what exercise regime you do. My self-esteem is pretty much nonexistent, I had a similar lack of childhood, only study upbringing to you, and I do an upper body workout with a pair of 5kg weights, including pushups holding them - I can't do pushups with my hands flat to the floor without spraining my wrists. That began with the realisation that my body issues were trans issues and I could lessen dysphoria by building muscle and reducing fat.

 

How about something like this:

https://www.walmart.com/ip/SPRI-Pushup-Bars/547827030

Elastic straps could also be used to train your pectoralis major. 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

23 minutes ago, JON said:

How about something like this:

https://www.walmart.com/ip/SPRI-Pushup-Bars/547827030

Elastic straps could also be used to train your pectoralis major. 

Yeah, I would like pushup bars.

I've tried the elastic things and they're a big sensory nope for me.

[DuranDuranfan]

On 8/19/2019 at 1:50 PM, nerdperson777 said:

I would say these were the major reasons for me not wanting to be female, and growing up I faced a lot of sexism for being female.  The elementary school boys didn't want to play with girls so I got stuck with them, but I wouldn't choose the really girly groups.  My dad would always say that I was weak and shouldn't carry heavy things.  Mom, a person with little muscle, would agree and say "don't be a hero".  Not that I listened, as I wanted to be a hero.  Then I'd carry 50 pounds of pet food or rice into the house.  I've been also to move heavy things long distances without people noticing.  I once inched a heavy bookshelf to the opposite wall because under it hadn't been cleaned for over a decade.  My roommates saw a functional shelf in the dumpster so they asked me for my handtruck and I came back with the shelf.  Then I didn't understand female gendered clothing.  They were often thin, maybe see-through.  What's the point of a jacket if it doesn't keep you warm?  Why pretend to have pockets?

OMG this! But my experiences were: bullying because I liked action figures and girls are supposed to like Barbie. Wanting to go topless because according to my kid logic, I was flat like a boy, but I got stared at and my mother got a talking-to. Having to wear an undershirt because even though I wasn’t developed, it was considered immodest to have nipples showing through your shirt. 

 

And the lack of pockets on feminine clothes. It’s because the manufacturers believe that all women put everything but the kitchen sink in a purse. Well, yeah, I have a purse(a ton of them!), but sometimes when I have to free up one of my hands, I’d like to have a pocket deep enough for my iPhone(or iPod when I have my music on).

 

With regards to lifting heavy objects, when you’re an order picker in a warehouse, some items are 50lbs(20kg). I could lift a damaged 20kg bag of flour into the dumpster. The top of the dumpster is the same height as my shoulders. I worked in a warehouse for a little over a year and it improved my upper body strength. 

[PoeciMeta]

First time I remember being actively uncomfortable with my voice. Weird. 

 

I almost resent people for making me talk right now. 

[Pyrocynicalfanperson]

On 7/2/2015 at 6:56 PM, C-3PO said:

(that quote is a bit messed up but whatever)

but the ability to transform!! I never really thought about it, but when I was younger(like, elementary school age) I used to imagine myself waking up as a dog or something silly. Transforming is something that has always captured my attention. For example, Tonks from the Harry Potter books, she can transform however she wants and I love that so much! I don't know if that's in any way related to me being trans(I mean, I'd still love the ability to transform, for obvious reasons, but is that the same?), but it's a thing??

I have always wanted to transform into a girl body or a boy body or a grotesque tentacle monster or something. I want to because it would be so mutch easier than surgery and you could do it in an instant.

[Gethealien]

On 7/2/2015 at 3:07 PM, Heart said:

So how do you deal with your gender-related pains and discomforts? What causes them or sets them off, or are they seemingly random? Do you call them dysphoria, or do you give it another name? How do you describe it to those who have never experienced it, to help them understand? Do you have any favourite articles or graphics to help with describing your experience to others, or that helped you discover a word for your own? What is your definition of dysphoria?

If you don't experience dysphoria, do you have any questions for those of us who do? Don't be afraid to ask away, anyone is welcome in this thread!

I have been trying desperately to ingnore my feeling about gender. Like when I was younger I thought trans was only if you wanted to be the opposite and I knew that wasn't true so I had to stay as I was no matter how uncomfortable I was. 

I find it really hard to distinguish between what is to do with my gender and what's to do with my body image. 

The main things that sets me of is gender bathrooms or groups ehhh 🤮. People assuming gender (like a a stick person is a he). Getting called a women or beautiful young lady. My f***king period. Looking in the mirror. Having a shower. Getting dressed oh it's hell. People going oh soo feminine 😠. Eating (but that's more a body image thing). My waist and bellow. (My boobs don't bother me too much because they are tiny anyways but sometimes I just want to hack them off). Using girl. I have never really identified with daughter or nice. And sometimes just randomly. 

I just call it I don't know it's just what happens I guess.

I don't really describe it to many people because only two people irl know.

My definition of dysphoria is pain or distress related to your feelings around gender (either the way you look, the way people see you, ect)

I always freak out because I like butterflies and flowers and them I'm like am I faking being non binary, but most of the time I live in my clone and she protects me because she doesn't like the way she looks but I can pretend I'm female.  My clone helps me get through difficult stuff. My clone thinks she looks fat and like a monster. But I'm just a fat ungly alien so it's better if I live in her. Although I'm not sure if I have more than one clone 🤔 eh nm.

Ge

[Karst]

On 9/22/2019 at 4:39 AM, Pyrocynicalfanperson said:

I have always wanted to transform into a girl body or a boy body or a grotesque tentacle monster or something. I want to because it would be so mutch easier than surgery and you could do it in an instant.

When I watched Deep Space Nine, I envied Odo's shapeshifting abilities.  Honestly, being the same consistency as custard seems like it would be a fun time.

[nerdperson777]

On 9/24/2019 at 8:44 AM, Gethealien said:

I have been trying desperately to ingnore my feeling about gender. Like when I was younger I thought trans was only if you wanted to be the opposite and I knew that wasn't true so I had to stay as I was no matter how uncomfortable I was. 

 

I find it really hard to distinguish between what is to do with my gender and what's to do with my body image. 

 

People going oh soo feminine 😠. Eating (but that's more a body image thing). My waist and bellow. (My boobs don't bother me too much because they are tiny anyways but sometimes I just want to hack them off). Using girl. I have never really identified with daughter or nice. And sometimes just randomly. 

I just call it I don't know it's just what happens I guess.

I don't really describe it to many people because only two people irl know.

My definition of dysphoria is pain or distress related to your feelings around gender (either the way you look, the way people see you, ect)

I always freak out because I like butterflies and flowers and them I'm like am I faking being non binary, but most of the time I live in my clone and she protects me because she doesn't like the way she looks but I can pretend I'm female.  My clone helps me get through difficult stuff. My clone thinks she looks fat and like a monster. But I'm just a fat ungly alien so it's better if I live in her. Although I'm not sure if I have more than one clone 🤔 eh nm.

Ge

Having to be binary did throw me off the trans idea too.  I could've realized when I was 11-14 or so when I saw something on TV about the trans teenage couple, but nope.  I may have wanted to be flat like the trans guy but I think when I watched it, I couldn't even imagine being shirtless so it was all too quick for me too.  Then my family tends to alienate "abnormal" people, so I didn't want to be "abnormal".  Now I'm (almost) back where I started.

 

I think by gender and body image you mean the different between gender identity and expression?  I'm non-binary but my gender expression is as binary male as I can make it.  No one would know I was non-binary unless I said something about it.  But I act quirky so that's like the only way to hint at anything.

 

I remember I was chatting online with an old roommate.  She transferred to her dream school after living with us for a year so she was no longer around.  I almost wanted to tell her I was trans, but I backed out.  All I said was that I was experiencing issues and couldn't get myself to say anything beyond that.  She tried comforting me by saying that I was pretty, I guess to mean that I could get a good guy.  That couldn't be further from what I wanted to say.  I don't want the guy, I want to BE the guy.  I also have tiny boobs so it isn't too bad.  But I know any bigger and I would be having so much dysphoria.  Once I had a nightmare where I had B or C cups.  It felt so horrible.  I can't imagine how hard it is for our family members who have D's and higher.  I'm in some online groups and I see people go from like I's to A's or flat.  I'm just there thinking, dang how were you able to live with those huge useless lumps?

I only used words like daughter, girl, and female because I was told that I was supposed to use them.  What did liking to play guy characters in games mean?  If only I could've told my younger self.

The dysphoria you're describing can be identified as physical dysphoria (how your body looks) and social dysphoria (how people see you).  There are other types that I can't remember right now.

My roommate likes flowery and pastel shirts but they are still non-binary.  Then we both like to sew, which is commonly seen as a feminine hobby.  The point of non-binary is that we are neither exclusively male or female so we could be anything really.  I once got asked my gender in a public chat and the reply I got was "you mean like a dinosaur?"  Yes, sure, I'm a dinosaur.

[Gethealien]

Hi @nerdperson777,

I talking about the difference between my gender dysphoria and my kinda feeling fat and when I get stressed I stop eating.

And thanks for the reassurance. 

I'm just worried because of my parents being transphobic.

Ge

[nerdperson777]

14 hours ago, Gethealien said:

Hi @nerdperson777,

I talking about the difference between my gender dysphoria and my kinda feeling fat and when I get stressed I stop eating.

And thanks for the reassurance. 

I'm just worried because of my parents being transphobic.

Ge

I see.  Your stress is related to your dysphoria.

 

Well, you never know unless you ask.  But make sure you're safe first.  If you can safely come out, do it.  My teacher said that her brother knows but she is unsure about her dad.  Either he doesn't know or isn't saying anything.  But she didn't ask, so she won't know.  My parents were more concerned with what other people thought about than my actual identity so I don't think they're really transphobic.  They just don't understand and can't get out of that social reputation mindset.  If being trans or not straight was socially acceptable to all, I'm sure they would have no problems.  So go try, if it's safe.

[Gethealien]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I see.  Your stress is related to your dysphoria.

 

Well, you never know unless you ask.  But make sure you're safe first.  If you can safely come out, do it.  My teacher said that her brother knows but she is unsure about her dad.  Either he doesn't know or isn't saying anything.  But she didn't ask, so she won't know.  My parents were more concerned with what other people thought about than my actual identity so I don't think they're really transphobic.  They just don't understand and can't get out of that social reputation mindset.  If being trans or not straight was socially acceptable to all, I'm sure they would have no problems.  So go try, if it's safe.

Hi,

I know it's link I just get freaked that in over reacting and that really I'm just fat. Btw I was almost tubed to be force fed nearly a year ago now. So thats how bad it can get. As far as eating. This was when I was sectioned on a ward this happened. 

That's the thing I don't know if it would be okay to. I have come out to my social worker and one of my friends. But my dad always says stuff like trans are just confused, they are just doing it for attention ect. And my mum like complains and says like stuff. Most of the time she is more politically correct than my dad but that is because she work in schools. 

And I'm sacred because my social worker is back today and I kinda don't want to have to deal with that convo (I came out by text before she went away).

It's also because of my disabilities and lack of independence that I worry. 

Every time I come out to people I start questioning again...

Ge

[Guest]

I do have a social dysphoria. And it’s especially the public restrooms that are the ultimate issue for me. Because in the society’s eyes you wouldn’t expect a guy to walk into the females bathrooms or women walk into the guys bathroom, and it has always confused me since i was a teenager. I do walk into girls restrooms, but only if there aren’t any handicap toilets or if it’s in use. I prefer handicap restrooms cause it’s gender neutral and i can feel free to be who i am and not feeling different(or my own toilet). Changing rooms for females can especially trigger my dysphoria because sometimes the handicap toilets are in use and then i have to be with the females(when we’re out in the public swimming pool). Another thing that triggers my social dysphoria is when people admire my body, saying that i’m sexy, being the most popular person and other things i can’t think of right now. But i think it’s more socially anxious, but i call it dysphoria because it’s more related to me personally. I don’t have dysphoria over my body because i love my body and won’t change it. 

[nerdperson777]

On 9/30/2019 at 12:21 AM, Gethealien said:

Hi,

I know it's link I just get freaked that in over reacting and that really I'm just fat. Btw I was almost tubed to be force fed nearly a year ago now. So thats how bad it can get. As far as eating. This was when I was sectioned on a ward this happened. 

That's the thing I don't know if it would be okay to. I have come out to my social worker and one of my friends. But my dad always says stuff like trans are just confused, they are just doing it for attention ect. And my mum like complains and says like stuff. Most of the time she is more politically correct than my dad but that is because she work in schools. 

And I'm sacred because my social worker is back today and I kinda don't want to have to deal with that convo (I came out by text before she went away).

It's also because of my disabilities and lack of independence that I worry. 

Every time I come out to people I start questioning again...

Ge

Well, to me it doesn't sound safe if your parents make comments like that.  Mine are kind of similar, but they overreact so I knew that even if I came out, they'd be too suppressed or whatever to do anything about it.  They wouldn't kick me out because they would have to answer to relatives to why they did it.  Reputation is more important than anything.

 

For your social worker, I would suggest waiting for a little bit to see if they make any changes themselves first.  When you first tell people some heavy news, they may need time to digest it.

 

I just told my parents last night that I legally changed my name and they were not happy with that.  They can deal with me taking hormones, passing as a guy, dressing like a guy, acting like a guy in every other way, but they can't stand for the legal aspect.  I said that I needed mom to go to the bank with me because I can't change my account without her being there just because we have a joint account together.  I'm unsure if I need them there to change my name on the car insurance because I'm not an authorized administrator or whoever on it.  Mom outright said that she rather me go out and get my own insurance than change my name on their insurance.  We get insurance through a close family friend so she doesn't want her to know at any cost.  I thought it wouldn't be that bad because that friend's older son is very progressive and is most likely well-versed in social issues like race and economic class.  Her main reason was that everyone in her office will know and the friend will ask questions that she won't know the answer to.  But by law, people shouldn't access sensitive data unless they're working on it.  Just because the people have access to the data, she decided that everyone will know.  My dad was watching TV so I asked if he agreed with her.  He had a kind of "it is what it is" mentality.  So he agreed with her.  I don't think I can even get insurance on a car I don't legally own.  He told me to get a new car then.  I'M POOR.  We lived with a family income of over $100k in one of the areas in the country with the highest cost of living.  Now both of them don't work and I make less than $25k a year doing what I do.  A car is worth more than my yearly salary.  How am I supposed to buy a car when I don't have an extra few hundred dollars every month to pay one off?  They make it sound so easy when they lived in a time where everyone could achieve the American dream.  Now companies just exploit employees, pay them very little, and only the higher ups get rich.  It's now not just simply find a full time job.  The older generation benefits from this current economic state while everyone else has to dig out of a hole.  I have to work way harder than they ever had to to even stay afloat, but they don't see that.

Ugh, this is giving me such a headache and I ranted.  I'm going there by myself tomorrow to see if I can change my name without them.  They've proven that their reputation is more important than my life and deserve no respect from me.  

[ColeHW34]

On 9/30/2019 at 2:21 AM, Gethealien said:

Hi,

I know it's link I just get freaked that in over reacting and that really I'm just fat. Btw I was almost tubed to be force fed nearly a year ago now. So thats how bad it can get. As far as eating. This was when I was sectioned on a ward this happened. 

That's the thing I don't know if it would be okay to. I have come out to my social worker and one of my friends. But my dad always says stuff like trans are just confused, they are just doing it for attention ect. And my mum like complains and says like stuff. Most of the time she is more politically correct than my dad but that is because she work in schools. 

And I'm sacred because my social worker is back today and I kinda don't want to have to deal with that convo (I came out by text before she went away).

It's also because of my disabilities and lack of independence that I worry. 

Every time I come out to people I start questioning again...

Ge

(Hugs)

[Gethealien]

8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, to me it doesn't sound safe if your parents make comments like that.  Mine are kind of similar, but they overreact so I knew that even if I came out, they'd be too suppressed or whatever to do anything about it.  They wouldn't kick me out because they would have to answer to relatives to why they did it.  Reputation is more important than anything.

 

For your social worker, I would suggest waiting for a little bit to see if they make any changes themselves first.  When you first tell people some heavy news, they may need time to digest it.

 

I just told my parents last night that I legally changed my name and they were not happy with that.  They can deal with me taking hormones, passing as a guy, dressing like a guy, acting like a guy in every other way, but they can't stand for the legal aspect.  I said that I needed mom to go to the bank with me because I can't change my account without her being there just because we have a joint account together.  I'm unsure if I need them there to change my name on the car insurance because I'm not an authorized administrator or whoever on it.  Mom outright said that she rather me go out and get my own insurance than change my name on their insurance.  We get insurance through a close family friend so she doesn't want her to know at any cost.  I thought it wouldn't be that bad because that friend's older son is very progressive and is most likely well-versed in social issues like race and economic class.  Her main reason was that everyone in her office will know and the friend will ask questions that she won't know the answer to.  But by law, people shouldn't access sensitive data unless they're working on it.  Just because the people have access to the data, she decided that everyone will know.  My dad was watching TV so I asked if he agreed with her.  He had a kind of "it is what it is" mentality.  So he agreed with her.  I don't think I can even get insurance on a car I don't legally own.  He told me to get a new car then.  I'M POOR.  We lived with a family income of over $100k in one of the areas in the country with the highest cost of living.  Now both of them don't work and I make less than $25k a year doing what I do.  A car is worth more than my yearly salary.  How am I supposed to buy a car when I don't have an extra few hundred dollars every month to pay one off?  They make it sound so easy when they lived in a time where everyone could achieve the American dream.  Now companies just exploit employees, pay them very little, and only the higher ups get rich.  It's now not just simply find a full time job.  The older generation benefits from this current economic state while everyone else has to dig out of a hole.  I have to work way harder than they ever had to to even stay afloat, but they don't see that.

Ugh, this is giving me such a headache and I ranted.  I'm going there by myself tomorrow to see if I can change my name without them.  They've proven that their reputation is more important than my life and deserve no respect from me.  

Hi @nerdperson777

Yeah I really don't know like I might just wait until we are actually in family therapy before I come out to them or just wait like the 10 years or so before I live alone and then come out to them. I really don't know. 

I wish I was at least more normal... 

I have a meeting which the social worker is going to be at on Friday and freaking out.

I'm really sorry that your parents won't accept you and are being a real pain in the bum. I'm sorry that you are having to go through that pain. And im sorry that you are still dependent on your parents for help which is all good, but in your situation isn't great because it forces interacts that they make negative, this is what I'm worried about.

I'm just struggling tbh. Genrally and the whole gender thing. I'm just exhausted of life.

Trigger warning in spoiler.

Spoiler

I'm struggling partly because I can't self harm before the appointment this afternoon because she might see it and so that's one coping strategies out the window. 

I'm also in soo much pain right now from my body.

All this stuff that's going on keeps driving me back to the edge. 

I hate living in clones. I hate myself and my body/brain.

I also have a blinking test today at school and ehhhhh. 

Got 6 appt this week... How the hell am I meant to keep up.

Ge

[Gethealien]

6 hours ago, Member114264 said:

(Hugs)

🍰 And hugs! To you

[Guest]

9 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, to me it doesn't sound safe if your parents make comments like that.  Mine are kind of similar, but they overreact so I knew that even if I came out, they'd be too suppressed or whatever to do anything about it.  They wouldn't kick me out because they would have to answer to relatives to why they did it.  Reputation is more important than anything.

 

For your social worker, I would suggest waiting for a little bit to see if they make any changes themselves first.  When you first tell people some heavy news, they may need time to digest it.

 

I just told my parents last night that I legally changed my name and they were not happy with that.  They can deal with me taking hormones, passing as a guy, dressing like a guy, acting like a guy in every other way, but they can't stand for the legal aspect.  I said that I needed mom to go to the bank with me because I can't change my account without her being there just because we have a joint account together.  I'm unsure if I need them there to change my name on the car insurance because I'm not an authorized administrator or whoever on it.  Mom outright said that she rather me go out and get my own insurance than change my name on their insurance.  We get insurance through a close family friend so she doesn't want her to know at any cost.  I thought it wouldn't be that bad because that friend's older son is very progressive and is most likely well-versed in social issues like race and economic class.  Her main reason was that everyone in her office will know and the friend will ask questions that she won't know the answer to.  But by law, people shouldn't access sensitive data unless they're working on it.  Just because the people have access to the data, she decided that everyone will know.  My dad was watching TV so I asked if he agreed with her.  He had a kind of "it is what it is" mentality.  So he agreed with her.  I don't think I can even get insurance on a car I don't legally own.  He told me to get a new car then.  I'M POOR.  We lived with a family income of over $100k in one of the areas in the country with the highest cost of living.  Now both of them don't work and I make less than $25k a year doing what I do.  A car is worth more than my yearly salary.  How am I supposed to buy a car when I don't have an extra few hundred dollars every month to pay one off?  They make it sound so easy when they lived in a time where everyone could achieve the American dream.  Now companies just exploit employees, pay them very little, and only the higher ups get rich.  It's now not just simply find a full time job.  The older generation benefits from this current economic state while everyone else has to dig out of a hole.  I have to work way harder than they ever had to to even stay afloat, but they don't see that.

Ugh, this is giving me such a headache and I ranted.  I'm going there by myself tomorrow to see if I can change my name without them.  They've proven that their reputation is more important than my life and deserve no respect from me.  

I’m sorry to hear that your parents wouldn’t accept you. I don’t think that my parents wouldn’t accept me coming out as a gender fluid person since they’re accepted me being aromantic asexual. You know they love me for who i am and wouldn’t leave me behind and would always support me. But aarrgg i still have those thoughts of what if they don’t accept me for being genderfluid. I don’t think it would bother them but i still wanna wait coming out for them. Even though i get enough money to support myself(cause in Denmark where i live we all get high taxes. There are actually no difference between rich and poor here) i feel sorry for you. My father’s cousin lives in Florida and has to work hard to support her family. But don’t worry about it. Cause you know that you are loved by us. And i feel lucky to have family and friends who loves me and support me but i know that i am also loved here. Some people might let us down, but we must focus on those who loves us.

[Janus the Fox]

I don’t know exactly what yesterday was but I felt dysphoric enough to became panicked about all day.  I really wanted to be girl and cross dressing wasn’t relieving it as it usually would. 

[Bloc]

4 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

I don’t know exactly what yesterday was but I felt dysphoric enough to became panicked about all day.  I really wanted to be girl and cross dressing wasn’t relieving it as it usually would. 

Feel hugged if you want.

 

Yesterday I was hit by dysphoria too. It wasn't panic or being depressed. But a consistent thought that I taking hormones would make me feel better. Today this thought has gone away and I don't see taking hormones would make me feel better, but that they would not change how I feel about myself.

[Bloc]

@Gethealien, @nerdperson777, @Cocothecoconut feel hugged too if want to be

[Gethealien]

2 hours ago, Bloc said:

@Gethealien, @nerdperson777, @Cocothecoconut feel hugged too if want to be

Thanks