Different Dysphorias

[SeeYa]

4 minutes ago, Aspyn Jean said:

Physical Dysphoria: I have my most dysphoria towards my chest and hips ,which are the biggest give away that I am female, luckily I have a small chest so I can hide it underneath a big shirt or sweat-shirt. I was able to bind my chest for a few days with a sports bandage and preferred that, but to poor to be able afford a transgender binder.  I've recently noticed that I don't care for my voice, especially when reading aloud or talking to people. I don't want a deep voice, to be really masculine, but a voice that is androgynous. I don't like my face shape, obviously it's to femininely shaped. 

Social Dysphoria: I don't like the way I dress in public. Especially since, I don't dress the way I want to, but because I'm still in high school and am adopted by very conservative Christion grandparents. I feel like I'm not able to represent my gender the way I want to. I just feel very uncomfortable in public wearing semi-feminine clothes and jeans and shoes. Even if my clothes don't seem to feminine from a distance I still know I had to buy them in the woman's clothes aisle.

I only started to have dysphoria once puberty hit. Then shit hit the fan. I thought I was just being vain, because I didn't have a body like other woman. I just wanted big breasts, butt, hips ,insanely small waist ,be able to be really good at make up and dress really feminine. In reality, I was pushing down who I really was and dealing with dysphoria. The issue was is that I didn't know transgender existed or that the word dysphoria did. For a while ,I thought I was suffering from trichotillomania, because I was pulling out my hair. Then I cut my hair short and figured out my gender identity, what gender dysphoria and identity were and discovered how I really felt about my body and expression, that my hair pulling went away and I don't really have urges anymore and frustration towards my hair pulling. This thinking process really began when I got a good sized bald spot on the back of my head and had to where a hat everywhere for several months. I was really able to sit down and think about why I pulled my hair and my true feelings, that I discovered who I really was as a person. I have also left my nails alone too, which is a miracle. Usually, leaving my nails alone was at the expense of pulling out my hair. I really credit figuring out my gender identity to curing my hair pulling and nail biting. 

 

I also only recognized my dysphoria once puberty hit. I mean, there were signs before but it was honestly rather subtle until then. Likewise I didn't know what a transgender person was until I was 20, so I can relate to this somewhat.
I hope your situation improves and you get to live as who you are instead of who other people want you to be. Hang in there.

[General]

3 hours ago, StomachGod said:

Whenever someone requests me to assist in heavy lifting I end up getting "You can't be this weak, you are a guy, put in some effort or don't bother!" type comments. People get angry because apparently being AMAB automatically means I must be some mean heavy lifting machine or something, which is stupid. I have never been physically strong, plenty of people know that, yet they still ask and get annoyed because of my weakness... I understand the base assumption but considering most people I cop flack from know me, it's really stupid they keep making that assumption...

I get lot's of "You should be so proud of your broad shoulders", I'm sorry? How are broad shoulders something to be proud of??? I don't get it... It's actually pretty ironic considering my shoulders aren't that wide for an AMAB anyway... maybe they think I am sensitive about it?... I duno... I also have doubts about any compliment about being "handsome in nice clothes" because I've seen me dressed up all formal like, and even objectively it does not suit me at all. I don't get why people think these are good compliments to throw around... Like, surely I have some actual quality that could be complimented?
...

Or maybe not... =\

It's internalized queer-phobia.  Maybe they think if they give you enough sh*t that you'll take the hint and "man up."  Cis people like to call that sort of backwards BS "tough love."  smh

You just keep on being you.  You're absolutely fine the way you are.

 

Being afab and also being physically strong is frustrating because people love to tell me I can't or shouldn't do any strenuous activity or heavy lifting of any sort.  Not even in the gym.  I should completely stay away from weights and stick to aerobics.  My parent constantly nags me about my broad upper body and any developed muscles I have.  She will nitpick everything about me that isn't feminine in her opinion, while saying she's not trying to offend me and she's only trying to help.  Help what?  The only thing she's going to help me get is a poor self image.  It's a good thing I'm accepting, loving, and supportive of myself and very comfortable in my identity.  I'd be a damn mess otherwise.

 

 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

3 hours ago, StomachGod said:

HOW DARE A MALE NOT BE A BRAINLESS HEAVY LIFTING MACHINE & NATURAL SUPER GENIUS WITH ABSOLUTELY ZERO EMOTIONS OTHER THAN ANGER????

You forgot 'built in GPS'.......

[SeeYa]

24 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

You forgot 'built in GPS'.......

Really? Never heard that one...

[Calligraphette_Coe]

5 minutes ago, StomachGod said:

Really? Never heard that one...

Maybe not phrased that way, but how about this one? "REAL men don't get lost and they NEVER need to ask for directions."   

[SeeYa]

48 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

It's internalized queer-phobia.  Maybe they think if they give you enough sh*t that you'll take the hint and "man up."  Cis people like to call that sort of backwards BS "tough love."  smh

You just keep on being you.  You're absolutely fine the way you are.

I spent years trying to "be normal" because that is what my parents wanted. My mother can't remember all the times she yelled at me during my teenage years because I wasn't "being normal", because I was "supposed" to have a logical mind not an emotional one, because I was "supposed" to have muscles and be strong, etc. Too bad I remember it all, the worst memories are the ones that stick around. The lines these days are much lighter in comparison, just a reminder that I am a disappointment to my family in almost every way for not being what I was "supposed" to be.
I only really broke free recently, but I am much happier already so I will keep on being myself as I move forward.

 

1 hour ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Being afab and also being physically strong is frustrating because people love to tell me I can't or shouldn't do any strenuous activity or heavy lifting of any sort.  Not even in the gym.  I should completely stay away from weights and stick to aerobics.  My parent constantly nags me about my broad upper body and any developed muscles I have.  She will nitpick everything about me that isn't feminine in her opinion, while saying she's not trying to offend me and she's only trying to help.  Help what?  The only thing she's going to help me get is a poor self image.  It's a good thing I'm accepting, loving, and supportive of myself and very comfortable in my identity.  I'd be a damn mess otherwise.

That's such a stupid standard, "Oh you lack this part that isn't even related to heavy lifting, so you shouldn't do heavy lifting ever.", it's not even slightly logical. Just a stupid backwards prejudice... Isn't it "funny" how parents only want what is best for their kids, yet most of their "help" seems to involve shaming the kids into what they want their kids to be? I am pretty sure that kind of thing is usually called bullying, or in extreme cases, gas-lighting... This so called "tough love" is just an excuse for being a shit parent.
It's a good thing you are happy being yourself, your parents may have brought you into this world but that doesn't give them the right to control you.

Slightly off topic:
Actually my father's favorite line is "Without us you wouldn't exist, you should be grateful!" (or variation depending on situation). And I think that's funny, because I don't recall asking to be born, nor signing some agreement, or any equivalent. That was their choice, not mine. If I should be grateful for something it should be for being raised well, with love and respect, not for being forced into existence...
I tried to argue this point with him recently when there was a news article about a girl who was raised by horribly abusive parents, she left the country but her mother wanted her to return home for whatever reason. And he thought she "owed" it to her mother to return home as she was told because her parent gave birth to her... Never mind the fact they spent years abusing her!!! Nope, not important at all, being brought into existence is everything apparently...

[SeeYa]

28 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Maybe not phrased that way, but how about this one? "REAL men don't get lost and they NEVER need to ask for directions."   

Nope! I've never heard anything about men being good with directions. Plenty about men never wanting to use maps (or instruction manuals) and eventually failing miserably (because apparently all men are stupid, but at the same time only men understand math and science and are super genius's, some high-level logic at play there XP). But nothing about men being supernatural direction sensors...

[Calligraphette_Coe]

2 hours ago, StomachGod said:

Nope! I've never heard anything about men being good with directions. Plenty about men never wanting to use maps (or instruction manuals) and eventually failing miserably (because apparently all men are stupid, but at the same time only men understand math and science and are super genius's, some high-level logic at play there XP). But nothing about men being supernatural direction sensors...

I always heard it was " We are NOT lost. I just got temporarily disoriented."

 

Or like a Chuck Norris Joke:

 

Chuck Norris never gets lost-- the place he was going just got there late.

 

Does Chuck Norris ever dial the wrong number? Nope, you answered the wrong phone.

[Bloc]

6 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

 

Being afab and also being physically strong is frustrating because people love to tell me I can't or shouldn't do any strenuous activity or heavy lifting of any sort.  Not even in the gym. 

How do they believe it is any of their business?

 

I was with a female colleague. She was pushing a cart and I was carrying empty boxes. Got comments why I let her push the "heavy" cart, as if she was not capable of doing it or needs to be "saved" from it.

[TrippleL]

6 hours ago, StomachGod said:

My mother can't remember all the times she yelled at me during my teenage years because I wasn't "being normal", because I was "supposed" to have a logical mind not an emotional one, because I was "supposed" to have muscles and be strong, etc.

Yep, same here, except it wasn’t yelled it was constantly implied.

 

6 hours ago, StomachGod said:

Actually my father's favorite line is "Without us you wouldn't exist, you should be grateful!" (or variation depending on situation).

Respectfully, that’s passive aggression in some of the worst form I’ve ever seen.

 

*Hugs* to @StomachGod

[SeeYa]

 

On 2/3/2019 at 8:28 PM, TrippleL said:

*Hugs* to @StomachGod

*return huggles* 

[General]

11 hours ago, Bloc said:

How do they believe it is any of their business?

 

I was with a female colleague. She was pushing a cart and I was carrying empty boxes. Got comments why I let her push the "heavy" cart, as if she was not capable of doing it or needs to be "saved" from it.

It's really not their concern.  If I physically couldn't do something, I simply wouldn't do it, but there's no need for anyone to tell me that I absolutely can't or shouldn't try.

 

My parent always tells me "Females aren't suppose to do those things because we aren't built for that.  We aren't designed to move heavy objects.  You might damage your uterus."  Mind you, she damaged her own uterus by having 5 children via natural birth, then needed to get a hysto afterwards.  *eye roll*

 

Like....I'm not using my uterus to push or pull/lift things.  I'm using my arms and legs.

 

I was raised by a grandparent, so naturally her views and perceptions of pretty much everything are antiquated.  It's difficult to teach someone in their 80s that their reality isn't everyone's reality.  It was a different time back then.

Edited February 3, 2019 by AceOfHearts_85

[K.I.N.G]

Heres something fucking stupid for you - I'm really fucking dysphoric about how small and light I am - light enough that my bloody 10 year old sister can pick me up without too much effort and lighter than my 12 year old brother.... i should be larger, bigger, heavier and also being on the thinner side my chest looks so much fucking bigger as do my hips because guess what,  oh yeash i've been "blessed" with a small waist and oh yeah this is coupled with the fact that im the shortest in the family.... fucking Yay!

 

Simple fix to this right? just gain weight and do some strength training or shit right? not so fucking easy when your bad rel ationship with food is to the point where im utterly terrified to put on any weight, get anxious more often then not at even the thought of eating and only have the motivation to go for a viguours walk when i feel like ive eaten too much..... If it was one way or the other i could deal with it and it wouldn't be nearly so bad at all but when its a constant war in my head and not wanting to go back to how large and fat I saw myself was when i was 15-16. All I can think is how many women would probably love to have my figure.
 

Oh yeah and real guys shouldn't have problems with food and have a good healthy appitite..... not that I'm out to my family, all the shes and hers and madams and misss HA! Don't really see anyway out of this fucking one.

[Ftwhwcxjfkb]

@K.I.N.GE

Edited August 16, 2020 by Ftwhwcxjfkb
deleting my account

[K.I.N.G]

@DoctorJoker Ha! This time last year I was doing quite a bit of physical activity - cycling, running, swimming 100+ push up a day e.g.  These days I just don't the energy or will power to push through that tiredness for it and also unless you need do a lot quite regularly for it doesn't make that much difference to your the number of calories you can take in which I also don't have the time for. As said the best I can manage is a  vigorous 40 min walk which only helps my anxiety because my brain has a stupid, fucked up illogical way of thinking on this subject.

 

Thanks, all the same though - glad it works for you.

[Karst]

12 hours ago, StomachGod said:

Oh I got the full benefits of open communication! 😃 
Add bonus loud volume just in case I couldn't hear from just across the room!
Now repeat my favorite lines!
"IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU?"
"WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?"
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?"
"STOP BEING SELFISH!"
"JUST BE NORMAL!"

I wish people would understand that there are "deviations from the norm" that don't harm society.  We need variation just as much as we need people to cooperate with the group.

When everyone thinks and behaves the same way, it's the social equivalent of a small gene pool.  "Diversity" may be an overused word, but we really do need it.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

2 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

 

Like....I'm not using my uterus to push or pull/lift things.  I'm using my arms and legs.

Your parent's tenuous grasp of biology troubles me.

[General]

1 hour ago, Celyn said:

Your parent's tenuous grasp of biology troubles me.

LOL! 😂

I mean....technically you can give yourself a hernia by lifting something too heavy, but you could also get one from pooping because you're straining to push, so there's that.....BUT, I've legitimately never heard of someone tilting their uterus by lifting or pushing a heavy object.

 

I'm not out here trying to squat and dead lift 200+ pounds so I'm not even sure what she's worried about.  I'm not training for mass at this point, just definition.  There's no power lifting going on.  Even if I was doing that I don't think it would hurt me if I did it correctly, since female power lifters exist.  She should be more concerned about me exercising properly and maintaining good form instead.

 

For real though, she thinks those body builders on steroids are what I'm going to look like if I touch a dumbell.  I said, "Grandma....those people aren't natural.  Even men can't look like that without steroids."  smh 😑

[nerdperson777]

On 2/2/2019 at 9:41 AM, StomachGod said:

Just because someone doesn't understand dysphoria doesn't make it magically not exist. Unfortunately the ignorant spread suffering by voicing uninformed opinions. Hang in there k?

 

I feel you on this. My family likes to pepper me with gender specific compliments to. I guess they think dysphoria is a self-esteem issue or something... If only it were that simple right?

 

Intelligence has nothing to do with being happy or sad. A young child knows very little of the world but can be very happy, an ignorant adult can lead a simple happy life. Yet some if the greatest minds in the world have suffered things like depression. Being "smart" has nothing to do with it.

Different people have different challenges in life. If that family member was so smart they would realize that. >=(

Yep, my parents believe themselves to be normal, so any "unusual" thoughts I have must be not real, and just an exception.  I used to be that young sheltered child that knew nothing of the hardships of the other world and my parents believe they know all there is.  I see now that all they do is use their upper middle class privilege to avoid being in compromising situations themselves.  I say about how my friends literally can't afford anything and dad is like, "wow, how does it feel interacting with people who are poor?"  I am living that way now.  I may have grown up not having to worry, but I get to worry about it now, because the current generation is the one getting all the blame and none of the benefits.  My dad's only reason to donate to the many homeless people in the middle islands of intersections is that it was Thanksgiving that one time he donated.  It doesn't take a holiday to donate.

 

On 2/2/2019 at 5:14 PM, StomachGod said:

I spent years trying to "be normal" because that is what my parents wanted. My mother can't remember all the times she yelled at me during my teenage years because I wasn't "being normal", because I was "supposed" to have a logical mind not an emotional one, because I was "supposed" to have muscles and be strong, etc. Too bad I remember it all, the worst memories are the ones that stick around. The lines these days are much lighter in comparison, just a reminder that I am a disappointment to my family in almost every way for not being what I was "supposed" to be.
I only really broke free recently, but I am much happier already so I will keep on being myself as I move forward.

 

That's such a stupid standard, "Oh you lack this part that isn't even related to heavy lifting, so you shouldn't do heavy lifting ever.", it's not even slightly logical. Just a stupid backwards prejudice... Isn't it "funny" how parents only want what is best for their kids, yet most of their "help" seems to involve shaming the kids into what they want their kids to be? I am pretty sure that kind of thing is usually called bullying, or in extreme cases, gas-lighting... This so called "tough love" is just an excuse for being a shit parent.
It's a good thing you are happy being yourself, your parents may have brought you into this world but that doesn't give them the right to control you.

Slightly off topic:
Actually my father's favorite line is "Without us you wouldn't exist, you should be grateful!" (or variation depending on situation). And I think that's funny, because I don't recall asking to be born, nor signing some agreement, or any equivalent. That was their choice, not mine. If I should be grateful for something it should be for being raised well, with love and respect, not for being forced into existence...
I tried to argue this point with him recently when there was a news article about a girl who was raised by horribly abusive parents, she left the country but her mother wanted her to return home for whatever reason. And he thought she "owed" it to her mother to return home as she was told because her parent gave birth to her... Never mind the fact they spent years abusing her!!! Nope, not important at all, being brought into existence is everything apparently...

My parents would always agree that when some parking spot would be tough for me to get in, I should switch seats with dad and let him park.  This is partly based on the assumption that my dad is an absolute driving pro and that I will never be competent.  So I'll never learn to get through those tough spaces.  I also shouldn't drive when it's raining, according to them.  This rule only seems to apply when they're around, since I've driven in the rain plenty of times by myself.

 

A lot of things seems to be "let dad do it", but then it gets turned around to blame me for not knowing how to do things.  I'm often just expected to absorb skills that I've never learned.  Praise does not exist, only shame and failure.  The solution to bullying is to change the bullied, not the bully.  Mom always said that if I stopped being weird, my bully will like me and stop bullying me.  She's under the impression that people are naturally "normal" so being "weird" is totally unnatural.  This is merely a temporary fix, if it even did fix.  

 

No one should be grateful about being born.  It is an entirely selfish act on the part of the parents.  No one could've asked to be born, as there is no way to consent to it.  I existed because YOU wanted it.  

 

23 hours ago, Bloc said:

How do they believe it is any of their business?

 

I was with a female colleague. She was pushing a cart and I was carrying empty boxes. Got comments why I let her push the "heavy" cart, as if she was not capable of doing it or needs to be "saved" from it.

My mom really excuses herself from any lifting situations by saying she can't do it.  I told myself for a long time that I had no arm strength so I couldn't do a bridge (gymnastics thing).  I found out in a short time how to stay up in the air.  I was actually using my arms, and now I feel better about them not just flopping about.  There was a time that my dad wanted to change the downstairs toilet to a water efficient one.  Dad was going to need help moving the new toilet in and the old toilet out.  Obviously I was the one contracted to do this, while mom just sat on the couch watching TV, not even attempting to help.  The point of this rant isn't just that my mom didn't lift a finger.  I was having a nosebleed and I was lying on the couch for probably 10 minutes by then.  My nose was still dripping when I got up to assist dad.  I just had to quickly plug my nose so blood wouldn't drip out.  

[Celyn: The Lutening]

@nerdperson777 your family sounds like the worst ever, I'm so sorry for you.

Get shot of them, AVEN is your family now.

[SeeYa]

.

[anzu2snow]

I'm agender and afab. Realized about 1 1/2 years ago. I didn't know what I was experiencing most of my life was dysphoria until a couple of months after that. I just thought some of it was 'normal'. I knew I wasn't a man, so it didn't make sense if it were dysphoria. (I didn't know much about non-binary genders beforehand.) I asked a group if it were possible to be agender (after finding out) and have dysphoria. Someone said we have the potential to be dysphoric with anything gendered. Other people chimed in and said the same thing, and it dawned on me. I've noticed a lot of it after that. 

 

I've always felt uncomfortable in places like lingerie departments. Have even had panic attacks in them. One time when I was little, I asked my grandpa who was visiting at the time, why he didn't feel weird being there. He shrugged and said it was no big deal, which made me question why it was for me. My mom would say I had 'gender issues' early, too. She probably picked up on something. I was never really into the 'girly' stuff my mom wanted me to do with her. A little after my parent came out as a trans woman, my mom would joke that she was the daughter she never had. I never got the chance to come out to my mom, because she passed away 6 years ago. Makes me wonder how she would have taken it.

 

Even though I tried to join as many girls/women's groups, I always felt weird about being there. I was even on the board for a lot of them. I had a time where I tried to be really into 'girly' things, or play it up more. I thought maybe that would help. I felt like I was acting a part, and a lot of things like makeup and what's considered girly clothes were fun, pretty, delicate masks. Great sometimes, but not really me. I think my ideal gender expression with things like clothes/accessories would be a mix of men's and women's stuff. I'm really curious about the supposedly men's stuff, but a little hesitant to look into it right now. I did get sunglasses from that section, but they look like they could be from either one.

 

I have a lot of dysphoria with my chest. For a while, I was pretty flat-chested. Suddenly, a couple of years into college, it ballooned. Making me feel much worse. It has gotten slightly smaller because I lost a lot of weight, but it's still quite big. I've had panic attacks just from looking at them 'too long'. It's a pain when it's just before I take a shower. I did get a binder, but it kind of feels like a pain to get on. Can't have it on all day, either. 

 

Getting my monthly friend early (at 10), didn't feel right either. It's heavier and more painful than most, too. One of them lasted 8 months straight with no breaks. It was so bad, I came close to hemorrhaging out. I was extremely dysphoric about it at the time. The only thing that stopped it was an IUD. They have to knock me out every time I have to replace it. Otherwise, I feel like I'm in a lot of pain (even though they might not have done much) and pass out. There's a lot of weird vague uneasiness about down there, too. Not sure what I'd need besides a hysterectomy/oophorectomy. 

 

I also have an issue with facial hair. For a while, I had an issue with the 'mustache' area. It really upset me, and I used chemicals on it for a while. My parent pointed out the hairs under my chin one day. Freaked me out even more. They were thick and dark. I've been using a 'women's' electric razor ever since for both areas. It never looks like it's a part of me. I also feel this way about hair on other places besides my head and eyebrows. It's not as bad with those, though. 

 

There are other places I have physical dysphoria with. It feels kind of like I'm a patchwork doll. Some things shouldn't be there and are mismatched. When I was in the locker rooms for things like PE or swimming lessons, I didn't want anyone to see my body. I would wait until there weren't many people, hide and change under a towel, or change in a bathroom stall. The girls in those places thought it was odd. There was one time after PE that I needed to leave as fast as I could and didn't bother to hide it, and some of the girls made fun of my chest. Saying I had mosquito bites. It was bizarre and made me feel worse than I already was.

 

I came out to my primary and talked about what I'd need done a little over a month ago. She told me that bodies are just bodies, they're not gendered. This did not help at all. After some explaining, she was still reluctant about some of it. Telling me that I might be overthinking this stuff.

 

Pronouns are weird for me. Nothing feels 'right'. They/them seems the most accurate. She/her is more convenient for other people and I've been used to it all my life. He/him is, for some odd reason, I definite no. Gendered language has been getting more to me, too. I used to be sir'd as a kid after my mom cut my hair super short. She wanted a mini-me. It did not feel good. 

 

I joined my health insurance's Gender Health Program about a month ago. I did not know there was such a thing for me. My parent was one of the 1st people to go through it. It was called something else at the time, and not everything was covered. Now, things like electrolysis are covered, which was one of the biggest surprises. They designate a social worker for you, then that person navigates you through the process of transitioning. I'm really excited about it! The idea that I could take care of a lot of this is amazing! I've already made an appointment to see a gender therapist next week. Although, with the snow coming down, I might need to reschedule...Still, it's happening. The social worker has been really nice, too. She's a bit new to working with an agender person, though. I'll soon change to another primary that's had special training with gender health stuff. Funny, I noticed my current one had the same training...We'll see. Sorry, this ended up being a little longer than expected.

[General]

@anzu2snow We have some things in common.  The lingerie department. 😷 That place really messes with me.  I still have a hard time even walking past that area.  I'm a masculine afab nonbinary.  I feel like a pervert if I even look in that general direction.  Being surrounded by all those "lady" garments makes me extremely uncomfortable and dysphoric.  The first time I had to go get fitted for a training bra I wanted to cry. 😭  I also hit puberty at 10.  Some parts of me just don't belong on my body.

 

I also hid in the restroom stall to change clothes all the way through college.  Binary locker rooms, changing rooms, and restrooms have always made me feel completely out of place.  I had to stop using women's facilities all together because of the odd interactions I was experiencing.

 

I'm constantly misgendered.  Most people think I'm a cis male, but some mistake me for a trans guy.  Then there are those who say "ma'am" and "ladies."  I'm none of those.  I still use she/her pronouns even though I'm not a woman.  Everything else just doesn't feel quite right. 

[Purple_Panda]

My chest feels like it’s in my way today. 

[Rikki]

content warning: penis/vagina TMI (I think I did this right?)

 

 

So I'm just going to throw this out there, I've been in a similar predicament to Confusion 0 (I have no idea how to reply to specific comments), I know that I have male parts and as long as I'm just sitting existing I'm fine, but I like to put my hair up in a ponytail and wear not only pink and purple, but female clothes. I've found definition for a lot of strange things I was feeling that I didn't know how to explain, like how I, too, feel weird when I can see an indent in my pants. And it doesn't have anything to do with "oh I hate this thing chop it off" or even an "I feel like there should be a vagina in its place" it's just an "It feels out of place, and a vagina would be better than it" sort of thing. I just feel uncomfortable with it. I also started growing out my hair almost a year ago and feel more comfortable with it longer.

 

On the topic of social dysphoria and not wanting to be called a boy or by my male name, I dunno, it never really bothers me because I only talk to people online, and I'm generally never "mentioned" per se. It's more just people will Directly Message me and so there's no need for pronouns. But I have found that I tend to get along with girls better than boys; as 6/7 of my closest friends are female. And it's not that I don't get along with boys, it's just that I get along BETTER with girls, and talking to boys feels weird.

My mom has always joked about me being gender dysphoric because when she would call my sisters; "Hey girls" I would generally respond as well.

On the note of interests and masculinity vs. femininity: I know that I stand in a more feminine side, but I also am drawn to more gender neutral activities; music, poetry, art, etc. I've struggled with a lot of this having no idea what it was, what it meant, and how to define it, so for that, I thank you.

Note: I always thought defining what I felt as "gender dysphoria" was extreme and probably offensive to those who actually experience gender dysphoria, but now I see in getting to know it better that it was the most fitting term I might ever know for it.

 

Edited March 8, 2019 by Rikki

[Celyn: The Lutening]

@Rikki Feeling "not trans enough" and thinking you "should" have more dysphoria than you do is very common.

I think it's because being trans is so tough that your mind will wrap itself in knots trying to avoid it; and because it tries to ignore dysphoria to protect itself.

You are valid, and this is a safe space to explore your gender ❤️

[nerdperson777]

@Rikki It's quite okay to feel the way you do.  There are many different kinds of trans people so you don't have to fit the binary mold to be trans.  One of my roommates is a trans girl but she doesn't mind being called male pronouns.  I often wonder if this has anything to do with her inability to pass rather than just being fine with being seen as a guy.  My other roommate and I are AFAB but we do things that are considered "acceptable" to our AGAB.  They like to knit while I like to sew, which is often seen as activities girls do.

 

As for the kind of people you hang out with, there are different experiences for those too.  I might be more masculine, but I like hanging out with girls.  I was surprised when I heard someone in this forum who was similar in gender to me but preferred hanging with guys.  For me, I feel better being the most masculine person in my group.  For others, it could be that their gender is affirmed more in a group that is similar in gender to them.  So you might feel the latter one.

[Bloc]

12 hours ago, Rikki said:

content warning: penis/vagina TMI (I think I did this right?)

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So I'm just going to throw this out there, I've been in a similar predicament to Confusion 0 (I have no idea how to reply to specific comments), I know that I have male parts and as long as I'm just sitting existing I'm fine, but I like to put my hair up in a ponytail and wear not only pink and purple, but female clothes. I've found definition for a lot of strange things I was feeling that I didn't know how to explain, like how I, too, feel weird when I can see an indent in my pants. And it doesn't have anything to do with "oh I hate this thing chop it off" or even an "I feel like there should be a vagina in its place" it's just an "It feels out of place, and a vagina would be better than it" sort of thing. I just feel uncomfortable with it. I also started growing out my hair almost a year ago and feel more comfortable with it longer.

 

On the topic of social dysphoria and not wanting to be called a boy or by my male name, I dunno, it never really bothers me because I only talk to people online, and I'm generally never "mentioned" per se. It's more just people will Directly Message me and so there's no need for pronouns. But I have found that I tend to get along with girls better than boys; as 6/7 of my closest friends are female. And it's not that I don't get along with boys, it's just that I get along BETTER with girls, and talking to boys feels weird.

My mom has always joked about me being gender dysphoric because when she would call my sisters; "Hey girls" I would generally respond as well.

On the note of interests and masculinity vs. femininity: I know that I stand in a more feminine side, but I also am drawn to more gender neutral activities; music, poetry, art, etc. I've struggled with a lot of this having no idea what it was, what it meant, and how to define it, so for that, I thank you.

Note: I always thought defining what I felt as "gender dysphoria" was extreme and probably offensive to those who actually experience gender dysphoria, but now I see in getting to know it better that it was the most fitting term I might ever know for it.

 

This describes almost how I feel. Except that with "Hey girls"  would probably don't react, but hope that I was meant too. I don't know if I want to transition socially for everyone. At least at the moment it would be to much for me and being non-binary doesn't make it easier. So I am exploring my gender in safe spaces and future will tell.

[K.I.N.G]

Recently, more often than not  i don't feel like I directly notice my body dysphoria unless my attention has been drawn to  something specific - it is always there but it's like a constant itch or a strong niggling feeling that something is wrong with me rather than "Oh My Fucking Shit I shouldn't have this crap on my chest" - Saying that I have more focused on other things and well my other dysphoria hasn't diminished at all, unfortunately, I'm just more resigned to it.

 

Another thing is I've worn my binder on  about 40-60 days since I got it a year ago and well the top area of my ribs are semi-noticeable which I cannot explain how much I love the look of though it is kind of a note to people how little to have to wear a binder to see quite a big effect just so people know cause I know I didn't though of course, everyone is different  and plus my binder is a size too big which doesn;t help though still.

[Nylocke]

I was ordering a shirt online and the guy asked me if I wanted it fitted to "women's size" probably because of my name ...