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Different Dysphorias


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Skylord
On 12/20/2023 at 12:59 PM, Tetus said:

This caused me to go into a bit of a spiral where I was like, if I can’t even gender myself correctly in my own mind, how am I ever going to actually live as a woman? Feeling pretty shitty about it today.

I have this problem a lot, since no one around me that I’ve told has ever bothered to even try using my correct pronouns, some even saying that they never would, so I kinda just gave up telling anyone at all. I figured it’s easier and safer to just pretend like it’s fine until I’m in a more comfortable place, though I sometimes worry I’ll never be in that kind of position…

Even though I could just put more effort into gendering myself correctly, I feel like it makes me think more about how much no one else is doing it. It’s kind of a “No one else really seems to care, so why should I bother?” sort of thing. Definitely makes me feel pretty shitty some days too. 

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So just went through a five day visit with my partner’s mom. She did use my name correctly, but misgendered me every time she used pronouns to refer to me, and of those times, only corrected herself once.

 

On top of that, I tried to do a little outing with them, and suffice to say it did not go well. I basically had a bit of a breakdown after just being stared at a lot in a small town area. When we pulled in to park on the street, there was a guy just standing outside the building near us staring at me, and then we walked down like a single street and passed two houses that had people just sitting on their porches staring.
 

I was mortified, and I told my partner I needed to leave and come pick them up later, but then that also made me feel stupid… bleh.

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Sarah-Sylvia

@Tetus

*hugs*

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  • 2 weeks later...

Worst kind of dysphoria is the kind you can't change... my skeleton shape.  My wide, curvy "child-bearing pelvis".  *shudders in disgust*

 

I'm pretty thin, but no matter how much weight I could lose, my skeleton ain't gonna change. I'm also very short, and that emphasises the pear-shape of my body. Like I'm being squashed into a ball shape, when I'd rather be stretched into a tall straight rectangle. 
I'm a hobbit but I want to be an elf.

anyway - rant over. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

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