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Different Dysphorias


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Another One
10 hours ago, Finn. said:

I watched this and I'm incredibly happy for him. But guess who is dypshoric af now?

Please, PLEASE, may I adopt this grandma?

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All the little Lights
Spoiler

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Sometimes I just hate the world so much!!!!!!!!!! (what I call when I say I'm dysphoric)

What do you call your dysphoria?

 

But seriously, it's so annoying, I missed uni last week because I couldn't go because there was so much dysphoria around...

And I just don't like the way my body looks! I just don't like it, I never have!

 

Writing this down already helped though:blush:

:excl:(The spoiler has some rambling about dysphoria):excl:

 

But I can do top surgery in summer:o^_^

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Every time my parents speak about me, they deadname and misgender me. They've known for several months, and have made ZERO effort to use the right pronouns or name. They're supposed to care!

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MackerelGray

I just showered today, and seeing my breasts in the mirror really sucked. It just looked stupid and wrong, why are they there? Taking a hot shower definitely helped me feel better, and I didn't look in the mirror again, but still - ugh.

 

I kinda want to come out to my parents just so they'll buy me a binder. They're not prejudiced, just kinda confused about trans people. They seem like the kinda people who'd take this shit well? (Then again a friend of mine came out as trans to her parents and they turned out to be wildly transphobic, so... You can't tell I guess.)

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All the little Lights

1. A big hug for everyone with dysphoria (if you want to).

2. @Alexandrite Alicorn: Oh well, my parents are like this too. They know my pronouns, but they forget about it all the time. I wrote it on my birthday-wish-list, maybe you could do something similar?

3. @MackerelGray: There's things you can do against this confusion (e.g. send your parents to a therapist who knows a lot about trans people, or give them lots of information or...)

Or you could just ask them for a binder without telling them why (which will probably confuse them, but if you don't mind it's ok).

4. Some hugs to finish!!

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Does the questioning ever stop? I felt good for once but it appeared once again, and I don't know what it is about once again.

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The fire alarm went off at my dorm. It's 3am here. I didn't have time to put on my binder before having to leave. I'm in a crowded room and my chest is showing in public (for the first time since November) and I feel awful.

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Another One
On 4/2/2018 at 10:31 PM, All the little Lights🎆 said:

But I can do top surgery in summer:o^_^

If you are absolutely sure that's what you need, go for it!

I had mine a bit less then a year ago, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm a much happier person now.

 

From the other hand, after top surgery other sources of dysphoria can come out. Since my top surgery, I pay more attention to my hips and hate them a lot.

Still, it's not even close to the now-former chest dysphoria that was unbearable.

 

Anyway, good luck in your journey!

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On 2.04.2018 at 9:48 AM, Finn. said:

I watched this and I'm incredibly happy for him. But guess who is dypshoric af now?

Wow that is quite a bit of acne! 

 

And I'm more envious of pre everything Miles... except for his haircut, it's not my style. And the childish prints (Mickey Mouse?).

 

But why is he waving his hands like that... ? And shouting? It looks like he's having some sort of attack :S Why does he have a skeloton on the back seat? Um how old is he? He must be over 18 right? 

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On 4/5/2018 at 5:35 PM, Emery. said:

Wow that is quite a bit of acne! 

 

And I'm more envious of pre everything Miles... except for his haircut, it's not my style. And the childish prints (Mickey Mouse?).

 

But why is he waving his hands like that... ? And shouting? It looks like he's having some sort of attack :S Why does he have a skeloton on the back seat? Um how old is he? He must be over 18 right? 

He's 22!

 

Yeah he's quite over the top, but that's why people love him. There's a video where he spray-paints the walls in his apartment? Idk how much is his youtube alter ego though. He seems to be more chill in person.

 

Yeah that skin looks painful. I'm glad it's getting better.

 

I get the sentiment, the pre-everything Miles was very androgynous already which is what I like as well.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

“Girl” isn’t a gender-neutral term, is it? 

 

Context: my childhood best friend and i started talking again, somewhat recently, and she started one of her text messages to me with the word “girl”. 

 

I think I’m out to her?? I definitely explained about being nonbinary and genderfluid, but she still uses she pronouns and female-gendered language to refer to me. The thing is, it doesn’t always hurt to be called female terms. (Maybe I *am* genderfluid? [has slight identity crisis]) and she definitely means it in a caring way, I think she genuinely doesn’t realize I’m not a girl/woman. 

I don’t know how to explain it to her, and I don’t want it to be a big deal, but I don’t want to be misgendered all the time either, you know? 

 

Happy thing: I’ve been on vacation at my grandma’s place, and she lives in one of those old people community places where all the buildings look the same. Anyways, we went out to dinner at the restaurant a couple times, and the server didn’t gender me tonight!! It made me so happy. 

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All the little Lights
On 5.4.2018 at 2:12 PM, Another One said:

If you are absolutely sure that's what you need, go for it!

I had mine a bit less then a year ago, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm a much happier person now.

 

From the other hand, after top surgery other sources of dysphoria can come out. Since my top surgery, I pay more attention to my hips and hate them a lot.

Still, it's not even close to the now-former chest dysphoria that was unbearable.

 

Anyway, good luck in your journey!

Yes, I'm very sure about it! Also a bit scared though xD

 

And I'm actually looking forward to this "other dysphoria sources". Because I really think I might have more than just top dysphoria, but I can't tell! And I hope that I will be able to afterwards, and also to describe it better, that would also help in doing something against it.

 

Thank you very much!

 

7 hours ago, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

“Girl” isn’t a gender-neutral term, is it? 

 

Context: my childhood best friend and i started talking again, somewhat recently, and she started one of her text messages to me with the word “girl”. 

 

I think I’m out to her?? I definitely explained about being nonbinary and genderfluid, but she still uses she pronouns and female-gendered language to refer to me. The thing is, it doesn’t always hurt to be called female terms. (Maybe I *am* genderfluid? [has slight identity crisis]) and she definitely means it in a caring way, I think she genuinely doesn’t realize I’m not a girl/woman. 

I don’t know how to explain it to her, and I don’t want it to be a big deal, but I don’t want to be misgendered all the time either, you know? 

 

Happy thing: I’ve been on vacation at my grandma’s place, and she lives in one of those old people community places where all the buildings look the same. Anyways, we went out to dinner at the restaurant a couple times, and the server didn’t gender me tonight!! It made me so happy. 

Oh yes, that happens to me all the time. Apparently, people don't understand by themselves that you should use differently gendered words for enbys. You need to tell them if you want to hear different words, multiple times. It's hard and takes a lot of energy, so I only do it if it's important enough (e.g. with my family). The most effective/polite one is probably if you wish for certain words, e.g. I'd like you to call me person, human or friend instead of girl. I often emphasize how that feels when someone uses correct terms for me. (And I also get sad and angry to my parents when they've screved up a lot)

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Guest -NULL-

Hello everyone,

 

I myself am a pretty non-binary individual. I just don't care about gender. I was wondering if any of you know of a clothing company that makes gender neutral clothes. I would like to buy some pants that are not tailored to the curvature of the AFAB figure. Could anyone help me out? I know that if I bought pants that were for "boys" then my mother would become irate. 

 

Any Suggestions?

 

(I am pretty poor; I don't have a lot of money to spend on clothing. If you know of any cheap clothing companies with gender neutral options, that would be great.)

 

Thank you all,

Ace Ninja :cake:

d4da1919d2829f48cb5b404183979aab0505c4dd

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nerdperson777
On 4/2/2018 at 12:36 PM, Alexandrite Alicorn said:

Every time my parents speak about me, they deadname and misgender me. They've known for several months, and have made ZERO effort to use the right pronouns or name. They're supposed to care!

Yesterday my neighbors came back from their vacation so we gave them their dog back. My dad has been telling them that I was his daughter, with the wrong name and pronouns. His brain is decaying so bad. He doesn't use it so he forgets everything. I don't think he even intended to use the right name or pronouns ever. And with the girl at the park last week, I'm pretty sure when they see each other again, he's going to out me. 

 

On 4/2/2018 at 9:29 PM, MackerelGray said:

I kinda want to come out to my parents just so they'll buy me a binder. They're not prejudiced, just kinda confused about trans people. They seem like the kinda people who'd take this shit well? (Then again a friend of mine came out as trans to her parents and they turned out to be wildly transphobic, so... You can't tell I guess.)

My parents are just extremely afraid of being an outcast because of me. It's more convenient FOR THEM to not change how they refer to me, because they don't want to be treated differently because of me. 

 

On 4/8/2018 at 7:10 PM, Ace Ninja said:

Hello everyone,

 

I myself am a pretty non-binary individual. I just don't care about gender. I was wondering if any of you know of a clothing company that makes gender neutral clothes. I would like to buy some pants that are not tailored to the curvature of the AFAB figure. Could anyone help me out? I know that if I bought pants that were for "boys" then my mother would become irate. 

 

Any Suggestions?

 

(I am pretty poor; I don't have a lot of money to spend on clothing. If you know of any cheap clothing companies with gender neutral options, that would be great.)

 

Thank you all,

Ace Ninja :cake:

d4da1919d2829f48cb5b404183979aab0505c4dd

I think I came across a site by searching up gender neutral clothing. But they are really expensive. Don't know how anyone expects to afford unless they have extra money to spend. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
The-world-is-quiet-here

TW TERFs, misgendering, dysphoria, nausea

 

I’ve heard a lot about this one blog on tumblr, and I finally looked it up. But I went through a couple of her posts first, just to make sure they were that bad. And they were. 

 

Basically, the blog purposefully  harrasses trans people and reblogs their selfies and misgenders them. 

 

I thought it would be bad, but not that bad. I didn’t think I would be that triggered by it. But I want to throw up. 

 

I reported her, but probably nothing will happen, because it’s tumblr. 

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I've just had my diagnosis of body dysmorphia related to my breasts. I despise them. And I've known since they first grew that I was not okay with them.

 

But while I knew the diagnosis was inevitable it still kinda gives me pause? I feel bad for hating something about myself so much. I feel like I've somehow failed by not loving my body, that I've somehow bought in to society telling people to dislike something about their body (even if society doesn't actually tell afab people to hate their breasts so it's completely illogical).

 

I'm saving up for surgery and I am psyched for it. I have wanted this for 20 years. But that diagnosis made me stop for just a second with this horrible "oh, it's all in my head? Are... are they not hideously huge and vile?" But they are. As a kid I used to fantasize about getting breast cancer just so they'd have to be gotten rid of. But I guess it is in my head and I really don't like that. I dislike my internal reality not being in line with actual reality.

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Neutral nerd

@Alex_S Thats how I feel too. I can't understand anyone actually... wanting them??? I don't see how life with them is in any way better than life without them. But as for internal and "real" reality being different, in 'real' reality they aren't good or bad. They are literally blobs of fat, which if you think of it that way is actually really disgusting. So the way you feel about them is actually more rational than most people. They aren't you, they are just growths on your body which only serve to limit you. You don't have to have any loyalty to them (how would that even work??), and just because other people are some way doesn't mean you need to be too.

 

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Mine is all over the place. I get both body and social, and the details vary. Usually I have mild body dysphoria with flares of social when I have to use the girls' bathrooms at school or in public, but it gets worse very occasionally, and sometimes my social dysphoria goes away entirely for a little while. My social dysphoria feels like an irrational deer-in-headlights feeling when I walk into or out of a girls' bathroom. (oddly, I'm fine when I'm in a stall.) Sometimes I feel surprised and disconnected from the conversation I'm having for a few seconds when someone uses she/her pronouns or gendered language to refer to me, but then other times I don't react to it at all. When my body dysphoria is mild it's being vaguely uncomfortable with my sex characteristics and being almost surprised for a second when I take my shirt and/or binder off, and on the rare occasions when it's severe I can't stand to look at myself naked or in form-fitting clothes. I've yet to discover a way to predict what it'll feel like when, if that's even possible.

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itsmeelysemarie

I'm AFAB and I have unhealthy levels of top dysphoria. But I also can't do anything about it, like binding, because my breasts are incredibly uneven - to the point where there's an entire cupsize difference between them. Probably the only thing I can do is get top surgery but that's really expensive and insurance might not cover it, so I'm kinda stuck and miserable.

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scarletlatitude

Is there such a thing as name dysphoria? As in, you have dysphoria about your name in terms of gender? Cause if it is, I have that. I don't like my name at all. But I also don't dislike it enough to change it. It's more like a mild eww. 

 

Also I am gender fluid so it could just be that I have this issue whenever I am more masculine. 😯

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Alex the Queer

i hate satan’s monthly waterfall (as i refer to it) with a burning passion. and quite frankly the dysphoria that comes with it can suck my ass. just everything about my body is awful enough (how much do you hate your own body, on a scale of 1-had to turn the mirror around while changing because you couldn’t physically bear to see it?? that’s where i’m at right now), but now it’s my name and pronouns bugging the shit out of me too. that’s never gotten worse than just making me vaguely uncomfortable, and feeling like they just didn’t fit and weren’t me. but i’m not out to most people, and i’m at this point where every little mention of my dead name and wrong pronouns just grates against my nerves and makes me feel a little more sick to my stomach, sad, and anxious every time i hear it. i don’t even want to think about school right now, bc literally not a single person there refers to me by my correct name and pronouns, and i can already tell it’s gonna be hell this week. :(((

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ValiantElisa

I have a lot of friends (lots of nb pals) that are excited to get a new name and tell everyone abt their pronouns. I'm excited for them, and I want to join in, but I have to stop myself, because I know my family would NOT agree with that and would ignore it (or worse). Even still, with some things I can't really stop myself. I have a masc name (Chris) and I want (so bad) to be called that when it's the right time. I want so bad to be recognized as a boy.

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I have a type of dysphoria which makes me feel very guilty. Every time I read about someone either passing or starting their medical transition it makes me very dysphoric. I guess I just get super jealous and depressed, thinking that I'll maybe never be able to pass as anything other than female and wondering if I'll even ever have the chance to transition. This is why I unsubscribed from "The Gender Positive Thread", I think that was what it was called? I didn't check. It just made me incredibly dysphoric.

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Usually I can bind pretty well with sports bras but during menstration? Geez, I swear they grow and sometimes get tender. So even when I’m wearing a sports bra they’re always on my mind. Especially if I lean forward on a table or something and my arms compress them or something. 

 

Also, when people “correct” themselves, ugh. I mean yay, I at least wasn’t immediately “ma’am”. But still I wish I was “sir” and no one went to correct themselved afterword. 

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I know this guy who gets really bad dysphoria about just about everything, so I always feel kinda bad complaining about it because... well its a bit graphic but go ahead a look at the spoiler. (Mental illness, self harm, etc)

Spoiler

So when he gets REALLY dysphoric, he has a tendency to cut himself and me and a few friends have to help him through it. It really sucks, because in the winter it gets so much worse and its harder to keep an eye on him cause i'm always traveling around during the winter. Once I had to coax him away from a knife over text (He hates phone calls cus his voice makes him dysphoric). He's refusing to see a therapist, and I can't get him to go. What probably makes it worse is that his parents refuse to let him start T and won't help pay for it if he wants to anyways. 

TLDR: I always feel bad talking about my dysphoria because I know other people who have it much worse than me.

 

For me, it's mainly social, with some physical mixed it. I like when people use they/them pronouns, but I'm fine with She/her as well. The worse is my name. I HATE my name. Despise it. Everyone will nickname me based on celebs with the same first name, and guess what: They are all female. And the worst part is: I haven't found a name for me yet. I want to find one name, not two, like how some gender fluids do it, that works no matter how i'm feeling. So I can't just say "Actually I prefer [Insert name here]." I've just been going by C online, but I want an actual name. An actual name, that fits me, that I can be called by loved ones... I crave it. But I haven't found one yet, so I'll just wait. 

Onto Physical Dysphoria. This one revolves manly around 1 hair 2 boobs 3 that-time-of-the-month. Most of these are manageable. I'm getting a haircut on Friday (FINALLY) sports bra+slightly too big shirt+ jacket/sweater and I look fairly flat. But for the last one, its unavoidable. Every time I go to the bathroom, lean forward, sit a certain way, sneeze... there's a reminder that "Hey you're a female there's not much you could do about it. Better get over it!" So yeah.

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AcornCarvings
1 hour ago, C-Otter said:

Onto Physical Dysphoria. This one revolves manly around 1 hair 2 boobs 3 that-time-of-the-month. Most of these are manageable. I'm getting a haircut on Friday (FINALLY) sports bra+slightly too big shirt+ jacket/sweater and I look fairly flat. But for the last one, its unavoidable. Every time I go to the bathroom, lean forward, sit a certain way, sneeze... there's a reminder that "Hey you're a female there's not much you could do about it. Better get over it!" So yeah.

I feel a lot of similar stuff body wise. Less so about my hair, but especially about my chest and my period. (My period gets really bad, and all of the stuff tied up in it like the pain, lethargicness, bathroom ainxiety, etc makes me feel really bad about my body.) Those things combine with a whole lot of social stuff. Even though I present fairly androgynous, strangers frequently get super confused over my gender, and I have told most of my friends that it'd be nice to sometimes be referred to with they/them pronouns, people almost always use she/her (which I am most of the time fine with, but every now and then when I am already feeling kind of bad really bites). 

I think that part of that I think is that I am in a straight-passing relationship, and part of that is that I am a very bouncy and energetic person. (energy=fem to some people?)

 

The person I'm romantic-ey with is nonbinary, and people are almost always really good with gender stuff with them. And I haven't really pushed gender stuff much with them or with most of my other friends partially because I feel "less" nonbinary than my friend, and I guess I discount my stuff because I feel I am less sure of myself and lack validity or something stupid like that. That and that sometimes, I don't really mind, it's only occasionally I feel really disphoric.

 

I also have come across some people that, when they find out something trans-ish about me, they assume I am a trans man (which I'm pretty darn sure I am not). Like I told one of my friends I binded, and she jumped to the trans-guy-conclusion and started saying stuff like if I ever needed to talk to anyone about my trans stuff, she was my gal, and she went out of her way to use he/him pronouns for me even though I had said prior to then that I liked she/her or they/them. (My mom has done similar stuff in the past, too.) I guess lots of times I bite my toungue about this sort of stuff to avoid people labeling me in ways I don't want them to.

 

My body disphoria I think is socially related, it sometimes gets much worse in a scenario where there are a group of women (usually my friends) talking about their bodies. Like they rage about periods, or bras and breasts, or even things like doctor visits (aaaahhhh) and it is like they claim that sort of thing as distinctly "woman" problems. And sometimes I join in the rage but I feel the way they are talking about it is really weird and exclusive. And sometime during it I start loathing my chest or sometimes my hips or my core and it becomes really hard to get out of that funk.

 

I do sometimes talk/cry to my friend I'm romantic-ey with about this stuff, and that usually helps. She is really good with listening, and supporting me without comparing our dysphorias ever. Which I think is pretty incredible. It is hard to talk about it, but when I do I usually feel a bit better. That and just doing things like taking care of my body's basic needs, using and having my friends use chest instead of breasts to talk about that part of my body, making sure I have tampons stocked up and I don't run out of supplies, taking ibuprofen when I need it, and having the option of binding my chest (even if it hurts my shoulders and neck sometimes) can really help tone down the dysphoria I sometimes feel.

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Neutral nerd
On 5/24/2018 at 12:19 AM, AcornCarvings said:

The person I'm romantic-ey with is nonbinary, and people are almost always really good with gender stuff with them. And I haven't really pushed gender stuff much with them or with most of my other friends partially because I feel "less" nonbinary than my friend, and I guess I discount my stuff because I feel I am less sure of myself and lack validity or something stupid like that. That and that sometimes, I don't really mind, it's only occasionally I feel really disphoric.

 

 

On 5/23/2018 at 10:31 PM, C-Otter said:

I always feel bad talking about my dysphoria because I know other people who have it much worse than me.

There is no such thing as "not nonbinary enough" to not be what you want to be, having dysphoria is hard and sometimes you just need to rant about it. I can sometimes live without feeling absolutely miserable about my body, but having people who understand me and a goal of transitioning helps me get through the times when I physically and mentally am incapable of being myself, and just feel like crap. If you seriously and long-term consider transitioning as the only option, I think it's safe to say that that you are not too binary to talk about what you experience as gender dysphoric.

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I’ve really just begun trying to figure out my gender identity and dysphoria and all the terms for things. I just really don’t know if I have dysphoria because i’ve never talked. 

So I don’t really like my breasts (I’m afab) i’ve honestly just never had much self confidence too but I hate looking in the mirror especially with my shirt off. It just looks weird and wrong to have them there and I just cringe. I’ve kind of realised this recently from allowing myself to think about gender more.

What I really wanna know if I have dysphoria is with my bottom half. I don’t know if some words aren’t allowed to be posted but i’ve honestly just never liked it. I’ve always found it gross and the idea of me touching it is gross and people put things in there for pleasuring themselves just seems gross to me. I don’t care what other people do to themselves and I don’t think I’d hate it if someone else touched me (never happened though) so I just don’t know. I wanna know if that’s dysphoria or not because i’ve always not liked it ever since I was little and understood boys had different things  

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The-world-is-quiet-here

The dysphoria is strong today. I feel really tired, like I just want to sleep. Suddenly, I really want top surgery, and to transition, and then my mind is telling me I’ll always look like a girl, I’m not trans enough to be able to transition, I don’t know what I want, I’m cis, I’m faking it. 

 

I’m binding today, which I kinda had a panic about because i thought I lost my binder. 

 

Also recently, I’ve been wanting to ask (cis, straight) people in my life to use they pronouns for me, and outright correcting them, but i’m worried there would be backlash, and that I wouldn’t feel strong enough to handle that, or if they corrected me or just ignored my using they pronouns for myself.

 

Maybe I am genderfluid? I’m just so tired. 

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