Rising Sun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Though love and desire seem to be what people link like love and sex. By the way, you didnt mention if a turned off or killed desire can work in reverse. If I decided that I want to love something or someone, can I actually create that love? People link love and desire because their feelings can seem close. And when society says "love is the strongest feeling of all", many people confuse it with intensity of their desire, especially as nowadays intense and obsessive teenage "love" is put on a pedestal. Desire can actually be even more intense than love (for the simple reason that the brain produces more neurotransmitters than ever to prepare for puberty and reproduction for the first time), but it isn't near as deep and as enduring as love. I'm sorry about your previous post, but I simply didn't understand your question :redface: Now I understand it much better. If you decide to love someone, it might happen with time, but it's quite difficult, just like ceasing to love. The thing is if you decide to love someone, you probably want to love the person for their qualities, and with time such qualities might make you love the person. I mean, if I want to love John because he's nice, I may eventually realize that I actually like his kindness, and then I start loving John. Sort of, I decide to love someone only if there is a possibility that I might love them. If Mary is mean, I'll probably never want to love her. I hope you see what I mean ? However, not everyone can love. Some people just can't love for biological reasons. Their brain can't fully "process" it. Link to post Share on other sites
ChineseGirl Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 No. Caring about someone doesn't always mean wanting them. I find an injured wild animal, I take care of it, I eventually release the animal into the forest and seeing it free makes me happy. It's love without desire. It's when you love someone without wanting them. It's when their happiness makes you happy. On the contrary, pure desire without love : somebody catches a butterfly, puts it into a bottle where it's going to die from suffocation. The person thinks "I have this butterfly because I love it", but the poor butterfly is abused to death by an owner who doesn't care about it. I talked about love between humans Of course love for animals is another thing, anyway I think is negative too. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 It's the same love, why should I make a difference between love between humans and love for an animal if it comes from a person ? Two ex-partners may wish each other to be happy in their new relationships, and it's an ultimate proof of love, and it isn't linked to possession at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ChineseGirl Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 In any case love is some kind of psychological weakness I think you shouldn't love humans or animals, beyond being possessive or not Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Though love and desire seem to be what people link like love and sex. By the way, you didnt mention if a turned off or killed desire can work in reverse. If I decided that I want to love something or someone, can I actually create that love? If you are capable of it then I imagine so, but it would take a long time to overcome your mental barriers. Can't give you a definite answer since I haven't experienced it, but I've managed to overcome various "difficulties" in my past, with time. It would prove to be a most interesting experience. Link to post Share on other sites
ChineseGirl Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 because every kind of love means needing of emotion, or affection, and these are like handcuffs. I think a free person shouldn't be in need of emotion, affection and all this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 They're handcuffs only if you totally lose control. If you can keep some control, they're actually good tools, like all emotions. We're slaves of our emotions only if we don't control them at all. And if we can't control them at all, is means that we need a therapy. Reason isn't superior to emotions, reason and emotions work together to create intelligence. Link to post Share on other sites
ChineseGirl Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I think emotions are always handcuffs you will never control them properly! we're slave of our bodies, and there's nothing to do at least our mind can be a little more free Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Maybe you feel that way, but not everyone does. I felt that way when I was a teenager. Now I love my emotions, I embrace them. I'm not their slave. The only time where I'm a slave of a emotion is when I have a panic attack or fear takes control, I'm diagnosed and I'm currently seeing a therapist for that. The thing is a big part of what triggered my social anxiety is that my mother never loved me. Because of that, the world sometimes terrifies me and I don't count how many times I wanted to die when i was younger. A lack of love can destroy people, and especially children. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Though love and desire seem to be what people link like love and sex. By the way, you didnt mention if a turned off or killed desire can work in reverse. If I decided that I want to love something or someone, can I actually create that love? People link love and desire because their feelings can seem close. And when society says "love is the strongest feeling of all", many people confuse it with intensity of their desire, especially as nowadays intense and obsessive teenage "love" is put on a pedestal. Desire can actually be even more intense than love (for the simple reason that the brain produces more neurotransmitters than ever to prepare for puberty and reproduction for the first time), but it isn't near as deep and as enduring as love. I'm sorry about your previous post, but I simply didn't understand your question :redface: Now I understand it much better. If you decide to love someone, it might happen with time, but it's quite difficult, just like ceasing to love. The thing is if you decide to love someone, you probably want to love the person for their qualities, and with time such qualities might make you love the person. I mean, if I want to love John because he's nice, I may eventually realize that I actually like his kindness, and then I start loving John. Sort of, I decide to love someone only if there is a possibility that I might love them. If Mary is mean, I'll probably never want to love her. I hope you see what I mean ? However, not everyone can love. Some people just can't love for biological reasons. Their brain can't fully "process" it. So would it be plausible to say that, in a certain we control love? Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 To some extent, yes. It's highly individual though. Some people say that thay have absolutely no control on it. But to me, to take a very personal example, it isn't very hard to love someone who has big qualities that make him / her potentially lovable. But I tend to love people (as friends) easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hmm I guess I differ from that opinion due to my views as even if a person has excellent lovable qualities, they would not automatically be lovable. Maybe they are lovable to some and just plain annoying to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 "Overused Word Alert: Let's Talk About Being 'Needy'" http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/overused-word-alert-lets-talk-about-being-needy/ (excerpt) "I don’t like the word ‘needy’ because it’s too often used by people to invalidate other people’s feelings and make it sound like respect and being expected to chip in emotionally and with actions is something dirty, unrealistic, and the domain of people with delusions of grandeur." You haven't lived my life for me. You don't have my job and you don't have the people in my household. I don't find you very endearing when I write a post like that, and THIS is all you get from it. No, I haven't lived your life for you (just as you haven't lived my life for me), and I don't have your job or the people in your household (just as you don't have my job or the people in my household), all of which are irrelevant to my previously expressed opinion. It doesn't really matter whether or not you share my opinion. It's out there and you're free (as anyone else) to take what you want and leave the rest. (can't seem to get multi-quotes to work for some reason, therefore, I apologize in advance for the strange format below) Rising Sun said: "People don't always wish to control everything. It's exhausting on long term. Some people wish to let go for a while and to feel their instincts fully, even if it means some possessive desire. After all, desire isn't extreme or unhealthy in itself (unless if it's extreme to a pathological extent) ; what's healthy or not is what people do with it.Now that I'm thinking about it, it's exactly the same thing with alcohol." I disagree in that alcohol is unhealthy "in itself" because it's a toxin that harms the body. "No one should begin drinking or drink more frequently based on potential health benefits" per the CDC (and I agree): http://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/moderate-drinking.htm. Chinese Girl said: "Love is some kind of...illness I think" Jade Cross said: "Yes, love has been considered an illness of sorts by some." ... just as "asexuality" and other things have been (and still are) considered illnesses by some. Most views that denigrate and "pathologize" a particular group of people and their feelings because they're different or not personally understood, experienced, or relatable isn't really helpful or useful to anyone. Views like this seem more likely to foster "us vs. them" mentalities, judgment, criticism, and intolerance. Chinese Girl said: "I talked about love between humans Of course love for animals is another thing, anyway I think is negative too." Our worldview and perspective certainly shapes our experiences. Jade Cross said: "Hmm I guess I differ from that opinion due to my views as even if a person has excellent lovable qualities, they would not automatically be lovable. Maybe they are lovable to some and just plain annoying to others." We're not "loveable" or even likeable to everyone. I certainly don't love or like everyone. All that really matters is how we feel about ourselves and who we choose to be around and interact with, which is hopefully people that add to our lives. https://www.facebook.com/baggagereclaim/photos/pb.180176458949.-2207520000.1436422013./10153354348848950/?type=1&theater Link to post Share on other sites
Otohime Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 No. Caring about someone doesn't always mean wanting them. I find an injured wild animal, I take care of it, I eventually release the animal into the forest and seeing it free makes me happy. It's love without desire. It's when you love someone without wanting them. It's when their happiness makes you happy. On the contrary, pure desire without love : somebody catches a butterfly, puts it into a bottle where it's going to die from suffocation. The person thinks "I have this butterfly because I love it", but the poor butterfly is abused to death by an owner who doesn't care about it. I talked about love between humans Of course love for animals is another thing, anyway I think is negative too. I will forever being pointing back to the Greek language and all the different words for love. There's a word for that type of love: phioxenia. Love of a stranger or hospitality. I think of that love as a caretaker role - taking care of an animal before freeing him is caring, which is loving. Taking care of people in a refugee camp is the same kind of love, so it absolutely can apply to humans and animals. It's not a self-involved or overly emotional love. You love them while they are in your care, then you are happy to part ways and wish them well. So would it be plausible to say that, in a certain we control love? To a degree, yes. I believe I can choose to love someone. Choose to develop romantic feelings? No, tried that, doesn't work. Chose to like someone as a friend? Some people just aren't likable to me. But most people I can love in a passive - "I wish you the best life possible" way. How I view the truest form of love... it's not about needing anything. If being in someone's life make both of your lives better, good. If not, good. Love can exist either way. You don't have to need anything to love them. I think emotions are always handcuffs I don't think that emotions control me. In actuality, it's only been when I've accepted a feeling and attempted to understand it, can I then let it go. A feeling is just a signal for me to observe... it doesn't own me. I also think my emotions are a type of intelligence. I could logically rationalize how and why I should help someone - or I can feel empathy and intuitively know how to give someone a compassionate hug. Emotions can be difficult to describe in words, but they are complex and brilliant in their own way. The more I'm aware of them, the more I see this and the less out of control they feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Rising Sun said: "People don't always wish to control everything. It's exhausting on long term. Some people wish to let go for a while and to feel their instincts fully, even if it means some possessive desire. After all, desire isn't extreme or unhealthy in itself (unless if it's extreme to a pathological extent) ; what's healthy or not is what people do with it.Now that I'm thinking about it, it's exactly the same thing with alcohol." I disagree in that alcohol is unhealthy "in itself" because it's a toxin that harms the body. "No one should begin drinking or drink more frequently based on potential health benefits" per the CDC (and I agree): http://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/moderate-drinking.htm. But desire / limerence has the potential to be unhealthy just like alcohol, because both are drugs and create obsession. If somebody absolutely no control on acting on their desire, it leads to obsessive "love", "mania" or other pathological desire. Desire isn't unhealthy only if it's inhibited to some extent. I talked about love between humans Of course love for animals is another thing, anyway I think is negative too. I will forever being pointing back to the Greek language and all the different words for love. There's a word for that type of love: phioxenia. Love of a stranger or hospitality. I think of that love as a caretaker role - taking care of an animal before freeing him is caring, which is loving. Taking care of people in a refugee camp is the same kind of love, so it absolutely can apply to humans and animals. It's not a self-involved or overly emotional love. You love them while they are in your care, then you are happy to part ways and wish them well. So would it be plausible to say that, in a certain we control love? To a degree, yes. I believe I can choose to love someone. Choose to develop romantic feelings? No, tried that, doesn't work. Chose to like someone as a friend? Some people just aren't likable to me. But most people I can love in a passive - "I wish you the best life possible" way. How I view the truest form of love... it's not about needing anything. If being in someone's life make both of your lives better, good. If not, good. Love can exist either way. You don't have to need anything to love them. I think emotions are always handcuffs I don't think that emotions control me. In actuality, it's only been when I've accepted a feeling and attempted to understand it, can I then let it go. A feeling is just a signal for me to observe... it doesn't own me. I also think my emotions are a type of intelligence. I could logically rationalize how and why I should help someone - or I can feel empathy and intuitively know how to give someone a compassionate hug. Emotions can be difficult to describe in words, but they are complex and brilliant in their own way. The more I'm aware of them, the more I see this and the less out of control they feel. Words of wisdom :) Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 It's been proven that people make better decisions when they have emotions than without, a combination of gut instinct and logic always wins out (except in purely rational subjects such as maths). Every time, without fail, I've ignored my gut instinct I've been wrong, so I'm a great believer in the 'emotions are incredibly important' camp. They only 'handcuff' us if we let them, and as we grow older we are able to control our emotions far better than when we're young. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I think as we grow older, we still feel emotions strongly but are less likely to immediately act on them, and more likely to think first. Link to post Share on other sites
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