What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)

[stairwaytoheaven]

have just seen that this is for sex-favorable aces lol sorry.. was so eager to finally rant and vent that i chose the wrong topic

[cel0x]

I wouldn't call myself sex-favorable. More like it was something that I forced myself to endure simply because it helped my relationships in the past, be they with men or women. Men, at least that I've experienced, who don't understand what it's like to not have much of or any of a sex drive will become rather... vicious about my lack of one. I've been called any number of vile things by men who believed that I was just snubbing them or that there was something wrong with my brain. lol Maybe so, but I've only enjoyed sex once and it was with someone that I completely trusted. I haven't minded participating in the past, at least most of the time, but I never got any real enjoyment out of it like they did, just amusement at facial expressions.

 

Sorry if that was tmi!

[Alyslostinwonderland]

(TMI) hi, i don't know if i'll get a reply since this thread doesn't seems much active anymore... I've always considered myself bisexual, but a really selective one, since no one i've dated or frenquented seemed to do it for me. I'm currently dating a wonderful boy who has left me my space until now, but i can see he's starting to get sexually frustrated. At first i told him i wanted to wait because i've had a couple of bad experience with my sex live (from a girl that tried to force herself on me and couldn't take a clue, to my first boyfriend that saw my virginity as a challenge but ended up frustrated by my lack of sexual desire and ''openness'' (yes i'm talking about my unresponsive vagina). There was also a try at a fuck friend that gave me hope of a pleasant sexual experience, but ended up just being about him , completely forgetting that i was in the room actually)

So until now i thought i juste hadn't been with the right person.

My current boyfriend is like literally all i've ever asked as a partener, but i just don't see myself having sex with him. Actually, i don't see myself having sex with anyone. If i need a fantasy to masturbate to, it's gonna be of two men. Seeing me, or another women, it won't arouse me. Getting me wet is sometimes easy, sometimes hard. I will get aroused at random moment, but never at the crucial moment, i.e.; right before penetrative sex. Giving a blowjob used to be enjoyable for me, but i got bored of it. I'll still get wet will doing it, but i will not be aroused... is that possible? it's like my head won't agree with the rest of my body on what will arouse me. So i've been reading on grey-a today, and it seems more and more like me... Also aegosexuality? The idea of sex will arouse me, i guess, just not if i'm participating.

[Shield]

On ‎6‎/‎22‎/‎2015 at 1:11 PM, Spectre/Ex/Machina said:

Im the opposite, I don't feel attraction but I do feel desire. When I was younger this was hard cause I'd find someone (That I thought I was attracted to , turns out is was aesthetic and not sexual) we would be in a position to do it, then I shut down too, like my body said we want to just not this one, all the time.

When I started looking at sex as affection and merely recreation that changed, I was able to do it without worrying about "is it this one".

This has happened to me lots -I'll feel desire to have sex (thank you hormones), but there's no attraction so that energy just sits there. I think it's more that I like the idea of sex -the sanitized, media pumped up idea of what sex is rather than the real thing. Once I've been in position to do anything with a partner my brain just shuts down and I feel like 'this is wrong, no, no, no, I'd like to leave now, I can't breathe.' 

 

For a long time I felt like I was damaged. Like I just needed to get over it and if I just kept putting myself in those situations I'd get used to it. But another part of me kept saying 'you shouldn't have to get used to it. You shouldn't put yourself into situations where you're uncomfortable just to make yourself like something you think you ought to like.'

 

 

 

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Shield said:

This has happened to me lots -I'll feel desire to have sex (thank you hormones), but there's no attraction so that energy just sits there. I think it's more that I like the idea of sex -the sanitized, media pumped up idea of what sex is rather than the real thing. Once I've been in position to do anything with a partner my brain just shuts down and I feel like 'this is wrong, no, no, no, I'd like to leave now, I can't breathe.' 

 

For a long time I felt like I was damaged. Like I just needed to get over it and if I just kept putting myself in those situations I'd get used to it. But another part of me kept saying 'you shouldn't have to get used to it. You shouldn't put yourself into situations where you're uncomfortable just to make yourself like something you think you ought to like.'

 

 

 

It sounds a bit different than what Machina is saying. They're saying they have a lot of sex because they enjoy it (so they're desiring sex) whereas you're saying you think you should want it but when the time comes, you don't want it because you just can't enjoy it? Like, you have a libido (get aroused etc) but when it comes to having sex, you just don't want to have it because you can't enjoy any aspect of it? I'm not sure why I'm commenting in this thread again haha. It's nonsensical by AVENs defintion of sexual attraction (that sexual attraction is the desire for partnered sex) and there are obviously lots of sexual people who love and desire sex for reasons other than "being attracted in a sexy so way to appearance".. I have no idea how a lot of the people in this thread are attempting to define "sexual attraction" to justify wanting to actively have sex for pleasure but still identifying as "asexual", but yeah. Reagardless.. it sounds more like you have a libido and think you should want partnered sex because everyone else seems to enjoy it, but you can't. There have been many, many asexuals in your boat here, who ended up fighting it for years (even decades) being convinced if they kept having sex they'd eventually enjoy it enough to actively want it. This left them feeling broken, damaged, inadequate.. because they just couldn't enjoy sex enough to actively want to have it for pleasure.. which is the reason that sexual people desire sex - They like it. It feels good.. Yeah. So in that case you're not "sex favourable" (which is an oximoron, because if one is sex favourable they're a normal sexual.. that's what makes sexual people haha, they favour sex. They like sex.. Obviously) but you are a regular asexual though maybe I completely misread your comment!

[Shield]

5 hours ago, ℃å℞t☉☧hℹĿẹ• said:

It sounds a bit different than what Machina is saying. They're saying they have a lot of sex because they enjoy it (so they're desiring sex) whereas you're saying you think you should want it but when the time comes, you don't want it because you just can't enjoy it? Like, you have a libido (get aroused etc) but when it comes to having sex, you just don't want to have it because you can't enjoy any aspect of it? I'm not sure why I'm commenting in this thread again haha. It's nonsensical by AVENs defintion of sexual attraction (that sexual attraction is the desire for partnered sex) and there are obviously lots of sexual people who love and desire sex for reasons other than "being attracted in a sexy so way to appearance".. I have no idea how a lot of the people in this thread are attempting to define "sexual attraction" to justify wanting to actively have sex for pleasure but still identifying as "asexual", but yeah. Reagardless.. it sounds more like you have a libido and think you should want partnered sex because everyone else seems to enjoy it, but you can't. There have been many, many asexuals in your boat here, who ended up fighting it for years (even decades) being convinced if they kept having sex they'd eventually enjoy it enough to actively want it. This left them feeling broken, damaged, inadequate.. because they just couldn't enjoy sex enough to actively want to have it for pleasure.. which is the reason that sexual people desire sex - They like it. It feels good.. Yeah. So in that case you're not "sex favourable" (which is an oximoron, because if one is sex favourable they're a normal sexual.. that's what makes sexual people haha, they favour sex. They like sex.. Obviously) but you are a regular asexual though maybe I completely misread your comment!

Thank you -I think my biggest struggle with my sexual identity is the libido part -the times that I do experience arousal. Hearing that other people are in the same boat makes me feel less alone.  

[Post Bap'splonescooties]

 

I'm thinking it's the mere idea of a proper romantic, sexual relationship that would motivate me to get into a partnered sex situation.

We all want love and approval, and most of us seek that in another person, especially if the person in question is really bent on not giving it to themselves.

Intimacy gets you a lot of benefits and I think we're all kind of aware of that and sensitive to it.

 

My story is as follows:

I was chasing girls for a while back when I was 17 and eventually ended up getting 2 girlfriends almost back to back.

The first big thing to mention is that both relationships were conceived online, as both of them lived in completely different countries. I looked for love online because I didn't care about any potential partners that were actually present in my own environment, which I guess in retrospect I should have taken as a sign of something.

 

The first one I met after like a month or so, though my romantic interest had already run out after a few days of ''dating''. Frustratingly enough I can't completely determine how much of that was genuine loss of interest as I was taking medication that had very rapid depersonalization effects that got way out of hand within a matter of days; my humanity had basically sort of shut down by the end of the week.

By the time I met her I was fine though, and eager to get it on against all odds. I knew she wasn't good looking, nor did I care much for her as a person either, but I didn't even mind, it was like some kind of rekindlement happened when I saw a female life form who was interested in me.

I found the foreplay exciting (she didn't want much other than kissing) and going inside was quite wild, though she cut it short at that point because she couldn't bear the pain.

Couldn't really get myself primed for a second attempt after the drama (she kind of broke down at some point) so that was pretty much that.

Second girl was better looking but the moment she touched me I felt like not going any further, but I still did and tried doing various things without result.

 

I've never seen a woman since, and 3 years later I think that there's some context for the term ''asexuality'' here, but my gut says I belong in the gray area.

Yesterday I read the terms ''fraysexual'' and ''cupiosexual'', which are like way in the meme territory but they also kinda apply here..

Just to apply the latter term:

''Wants to get into a romantic relationship because he can't be bothered to love and accept himself; goes on the internet to look for insane young women who will do it for him''

and then there's also the incessant porn consumption and fetishism... which, from what I've read, can fit the picture somehow.

If anyone can get any insights from all of that, god bless

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

It's cute how some people on this site think they know what they are talking about when really they just put their foot in their mouths constantly. You don't know me, so don't presume that you could possibly represent my situation with any justice. Also , yet again you are wrong about sexuality but I guess some folk just love to hear themselves speak. Im done with this bullshit and I don't care to interact with you further. 

[Ben Stuckey]

My name is Ben and I'm 18 from the Lehigh Valley in PA. Lately I have been examining my gender identity with scrutiny. I've always accepted the term "he" when I was talked about, never really questioning what other people made me out to be. But as I examined myself I realized I've never really seen myself as anything but a person. I am Ben and that's no doubt, but I look at myself and I don't see myself ever matching either gender roles. I used to believe gender was a social construct with gender roles being nothing but sexist. But I don't fit in any category and as I look at being agender and as I look at "they/their" pronouns it feels kind of right. And going into the men's bathroom doesn't feel right. And while using the women's has felt liberating it still isn't right. Can anyone please talk to me about this 

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

This isn't a thread about gender but it sounds like maybe you are a trans woman in denial.  IDK exactly. Feel free to message me about it though. 

[Pi_the_infinite]

I'm so glad this thread exists.

[Pi_the_infinite]

So I just had a weird revelation, and I'm curious about other's experiences and I want to ask about that first without planting any of my ideas.

 

For those of us sex-favorable who have a libido, do you remember and can you describe the first time you experienced sexual arousal? Was it something that you slowly discovered and learned or did you one day just suddenly have this whole new feeling? Did someone or something activate it; a person, a thing, an action, an idea, a conversation, a video, a random thought?

 

I apologize if anyone feels this is inappropriate, and please let me know and I'll either rephrase or remove entirely my post.

[proximamuse]

On 6/22/2015 at 8:16 AM, Betty Badinbed said:

As soon as a real flesh & blood person is present, even one I fancy, it's bye-bye libido.

this!! so much this!! i can't believe i only just found this forum lol.

i had posted another one a bit ago about exactly this and how i do think about sex quite a bit, fantasize about other people etc., and i do masturbate and enjoy it (because it feels nice lol), but as soon as i get the chance to actually do something with someone ~in real life~ the "switch" as you mentioned turns off and suddenly i become sex-repulsed. it annoys the hell out of me. ugh.

[proximamuse]

On 2/7/2017 at 8:43 PM, Shield said:

Once I've been in position to do anything with a partner my brain just shuts down and I feel like 'this is wrong, no, no, no, I'd like to leave now, I can't breathe.' 

another thing i relate to completely. several months back i had the opportunity to get into a "friends with benefits" situation with one of my female friends, and we were having casual conversations about sex, complimenting/fondling each others' tiddies (lol), and i left the room and came back to see her very aroused and masturbating and suddenly all of my playfulness was gone. i shut down as well. couldn't go any further. she asked if i wanted to do anything right there and then and my personality as an unassertive human being wouldn't let me exactly say no, but i really didn't want it, so i just tried to change the topic of conversation... but i could've. i could've and any other time i would've wanted to, but as soon as the opportunity arises, the libido shuts off, my brain shuts down, everything feels awkward and forced and wrong and i want to get out of the situation immediately. i too feel like i'm broken a lot of the time. it's nice to have someone to relate to. 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, proximamuse said:

this!! so much this!! i can't believe i only just found this forum lol.

i had posted another one a bit ago about exactly this and how i do think about sex quite a bit, fantasize about other people etc., and i do masturbate and enjoy it (because it feels nice lol), but as soon as i get the chance to actually do something with someone ~in real life~ the "switch" as you mentioned turns off and suddenly i become sex-repulsed. it annoys the hell out of me. ugh.

I just want to point out that this is very common for asexuals. Many have fantasies, find other people attractive in a way that could be considered sexual, masturbate, have a libido etc. What makes someone asexual though is that they have no desire to actually have sex with other people for pleasure, no matter how aroused they are or how much they enjoy the idea of sex or whatever. AVEN itself (in the General FAQ) defines sexual attraction as the desire for partnered sexual contact with someone else, so according to AVEN, a lack of sexual attraction means you just don't want to actually have sex with other people for pleasure (no matter how sexy your brain is). And this is the only real difference between sexuals and asexuals . edit: Some people define sexual attraction as ''getting turned on by other people'', but as there are many, many sexual people who do not experience that yet still desire partnered sexual intimacy, it's not an accurate way to try to define all sexual people/sexuality.

 

People who self-identify as sex-favorable asexual generally mean they love having sex (with other people) and actively choose to have partnered sex for pleasure because they desire those sensations with someone else. A lot of people, sexual and asexual, disagree with the idea that an asexual can actually desire to have sex with someone else for pleasure because, well, that's the same as saying a gay man can potentially only desire sex with women and have no interest in having sex with men.,, A man wouldn't be homosexual if he literally only wanted sex with women and had no interest in having sex with men. So that's one of the arguments people have against the idea that an asexual can actively desire to have sex with other people (to the extent of actually choosing to have sex specifically for the sexual and/or emotional pleasure of the encounter). But regardless of whether or not one disagrees with the idea of sex-favorable asexuals, you don't sound ''sex-favorable'' by definition (because that would mean you actively choose to have sex with other people/another person for pleasure and enjoy the sex etc). You sound like an asexual with a libido who masturbates and has fantasies etc, and there are heaps of aces like that on AVEN!! Obviously though only you can label yourself 

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

I deal with sexual disorders that make my experience of sexuality different. I'm on and off about details because it's not the most happy of subjects but then there is that need to reach out. That's why I created this space, so we can express ourselves in a supportive environment. 

[Gingerplume]

Okay, I don't know if I fit here. I have a very fluid, contradictory sexuality and am struggling to come to terms with it, and figured sharing experiences with a whole forum's worth of other perspectives might help me hash it out.

 

I've never been sexually active, and can count the number of actual real-life people I've known who I've felt sexual attraction to on one hand. If I count unobtainable and fictional figures it gets higher, but not by a whole lot. Same with romantic attraction- I think I probably feel that even less than sexual attraction, but still do occasionally. Sometimes I wake up with a high libido and a burning desire for one of those few I've been attracted to, and sometimes I wake up sex- and romance-repulsed to the point of anger and nausea if I see couples holding hands in the street.

 

I'm curious about sex right now, but having nobody obtainable in my life that I'm attracted to, I see it more as something I want to tick off a checklist by a certain age, like bungee jumping or trying a foreign delicacy. I have a lot of curiosity about kink- I think I'm a masochist, which might explain why romance and snuggles generally leave me cold- but am also exhausted/intimidated by the mere thought of being around such a sexually oversaturated community.

 

I'm definitely not exclusively straight or gay, and I don't fit straight-up asexuality or demi. But I don't really know if I 'qualify' as grey-a either, because when I do get attracted to someone once in a blue moon, it's *very* enthusiastic, and to see me pine and drool when I'm in 'attraction mode' you'd think I was the allo-est thing to walk the earth. I *enjoy* being attracted; it feels good.

 

I usually just ID as bisexual and gloss over the infrequency issue, but I just... don't *feel* like I'm the same as allosexual people. I feel like the infrequency of my attractions and my general apathy towards 'getting' sex would definitely make them view me as 'the other' if they knew. I live with my best friend from school, who has ID'd as ace-with-one or-two-exceptions for a good 6 years and biromantic since last year, and have another good friend who is questioning in the same direction, and they're basically the only people I don't feel totally out of step with when discussing this kind of thing. Though I do feel out of step even with them when I'm having a 'sexual' phase, and try not to push it on them.

 

What doesn't help matters is the fact that I have had chronic depression since I was 8 (maybe younger), compounded by a couple of traumatic experiences I had in my teens mostly around relationships and sex. I find it very hard to trust my sense of self and to identify what I actually feel and want. Growing up I heard a lot of things like "you don't really like that girl back, you're just forcing yourself to like her because you want to feel different and edgy" and "you do want sex and marriage and babies, you're just scared of intimacy because of the trauma". I've struggled to find any solace in the LGBT+ community too, because so many people there also seem to have a problem with fluidity, bisexuality and asexuality. 

 

I often feel like I just shouldn't claim a label at all, especially not a marginal-among-the-marginal one like asexuality, because stuff like that will just be fuel on the fire of the assholes who say bi/ace isn't real and is just down to immaturity, mental illness and hormone problems. I'm sure this isn't unique to me or anything, but man, I just wish I could be one thing or the other.

[apv]

I made sure I didn't lose my virginity until I was vasectomized and confirmed sterile by my surgeon's lab. A former female friend of mine decided to cheat on her man with me on 9/26-27/2015. I enjoyed intercourse more than I thought I would. I told her I was only expecting ten acts with her, and she promised me more. But just the two abovementioned dates are the only two acts we actually did.

 

My sole motive for having any desire at all to engage in sexual intercourse is to enjoy the benefit of my sterility. My sterility only matters when having condomless sexual intercourse. I am completely DISinterested in all other partnered sexual acts.

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, ScorpioGrayAce said:

I made sure I didn't lose my virginity until I was vasectomized and confirmed sterile by my surgeon's lab. A former female friend of mine decided to cheat on her man with me on 9/26-27/2015. I enjoyed intercourse more than I thought I would. I told her I was only expecting ten acts with her, and she promised me more. But just the two abovementioned dates are the only two acts we actually did.

 

My sole motive for having any desire at all to engage in sexual intercourse is to enjoy the benefit of my sterility. My sterility only matters when having condomless sexual intercourse. I am completely DISinterested in all other partnered sexual acts.

So you only desire penetrative vaginal intercourse if you know you can't get the girl pregnant, is that what you're saying? But you have no interest in any other sex acts?

 

...Question: If you didn't have any desire to have sex in the first place, why get sterilized so you can have and actively enjoy condomless vaginal intercourse? I'm curious. You don't seem to be saying you did it specifically to try to make a sexual partner happy, as you clearly didn't have a partner at the time you got sterilized and the only woman you ended up actually having sex with already has a partner. So, you just want to be able to enjoy condomless penetrative vaginal sex without having to worry about getting anyone pregnant, is that it?

[Ousel]

I'm really glad this thread exists. It fills in the blanks left by overview articles such as; http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/

 

I rarely experience sexual attraction. I very much experience romantic and aesthetic attraction. I want to be close to people, not take their pants off. Casual sex does nothing for me, but then sex with someone I'm emotionally bonded to doesn't always work either. When sex works, it's very mechanical. Everything little thing has to be right. None of this wildly fucking someone against a wall nonsense. =p I do enjoy service bottoms for this reason, they can scratch the itch for you without needing it to be about them. Human sex toys, really. I get why there are a lot of fetishists roaming around here. Being a top is great because you get the fumes from someone else getting off. It's more exciting than getting down and dirty, most of the time.

 

I think this is all way more confusing than the asexual, aromantic, sex repulsed elitists would have us believe.

 

[apv]

4 hours ago, Pan. said:

So you only desire penetrative vaginal intercourse if you know you can't get the girl pregnant, is that what you're saying? But you have no interest in any other sex acts?

 

...Question: If you didn't have any desire to have sex in the first place, why get sterilized so you can have and actively enjoy condomless vaginal intercourse? I'm curious. You don't seem to be saying you did it specifically to try to make a sexual partner happy, as you clearly didn't have a partner at the time you got sterilized and the only woman you ended up actually having sex with already has a partner. So, you just want to be able to enjoy condomless penetrative vaginal sex without having to worry about getting anyone pregnant, is that it?

I do care how a sexual partner feels about having intercourse with me. I want her to enjoy it, too. I have some great erectile staying power as I don't lose my erection after the last squirt of ejaculate. With continued stimulation I can stay hard indefinitely to please a sexual partner. When I got sterilized YEARS before I met that cheater, I didn't know that most sexual women enjoy a much broader range of sex acts.

 

In 2011 I didn't see the one-night stand I had coming. A female acquaintance who had only known me for two months had just broken up with her boyfriend. I told her before she broke up with him that I was desperate for cuddles and she offered me one. I accepted it, but she got horny and demanded I either penetrate her, finger her, or she would leave. In those days I wasn't sterile yet and only fingered her, which I really didn't care much for doing. Even virgin women's hymens are depicted with holes, and my left middle fingertip went through one of those holes. YUCK! I didn't like the way that felt. 

 

So I thought that I had to be willing to have penetrative vaginal intercourse to keep a girlfriend and got sterilized so that I can without impregnating as I do only desire penetrative vaginal intercourse if I know I cannot impregnate.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, ScorpioGrayAce said:

I do care how a sexual partner feels about having intercourse with me. I want her to enjoy it, too. I have some great erectile staying power as I don't lose my erection after the last squirt of ejaculate. With continued stimulation I can stay hard indefinitely to please a sexual partner. When I got sterilized YEARS before I met that cheater, I didn't know that most sexual women enjoy a much broader range of sex acts.

 

In 2011 I didn't see the one-night stand I had coming. A female acquaintance who had only known me for two months had just broken up with her boyfriend. I told her before she broke up with him that I was desperate for cuddles and she offered me one. I accepted it, but she got horny and demanded I either penetrate her, finger her, or she would leave. In those days I wasn't sterile yet and only fingered her, which I really didn't care much for doing. Even virgin women's hymens are depicted with holes, and my left middle fingertip went through one of those holes. YUCK! I didn't like the way that felt. 

 

So I thought that I had to be willing to have penetrative vaginal intercourse to keep a girlfriend and got sterilized so that I can without impregnating as I do only desire penetrative vaginal intercourse if I know I cannot impregnate.

okay that makes more sense. That's such an extreme and permanent length to take for the eventual hope of pleasing a sexual girlfriend (especially as you'll have to specifically seek a partner who has no interest in ever having biological children with you). Also, hymens really aren't much of anything these days.. They were  more of an issue when women had inactive lifestyles and were being married off at 12, when there was more tissue down there to tear. General activity, masturbation, tampons, etc etc usually wear girl's hymens away these days long before they have actual partnered sexual activity.. so your finger probably just went in her vaginal canal the regular way, not through a hole in her hymen (unless she was extremely young)

[Ousel]

 

[Guest]

On 03/05/2017 at 5:30 AM, Ousel said:

Sounds like you're an asexual elitist. This article might help you: 

 

Sounds like I was explaining that she's an asexual.

 

 And asexuality isn't defined by sexual behavior at all. Asexuals lack an innate desire to connect sexually with others for pleasure but that has nothing to do with sexual behavior. SexuaI attraction is defined by AVEN (in the General FAQ on the front page) as a ''the desire for sexual contact with someone else'' so even on AVEN, that's technically what the 'official' definition means when it's talking about sexual attraction - asexuals lack the desire for sexual contact for their own pleasure. However many sexual partners, friends, and allies on AVEN who have discussed this at great length say AVEN is indeed wrong about the definition of sexual attraction, as many sexuals do in fact desire partnered sex with no sexual attraction present, and some sexuals never experience sexual attraction in the ways it's most commonly defined (desiring sex with people based on their appearance, getting turned on by appearance etc) ..All sexual people do, to some extent or another, desire partnered sexual contact for pleasure under some circumstances though, and that's the one thing that separates sexuals from asexuals when it comes to sexuality. I'm a realist, not an elitist. 

 

Also, if you take issue with something someone has said, report them. It's best not to direct accusations at people in the forums as that in itself is reportable, just for future reference.

[Skycaptain]

before this ends up in needless hostilities, admods are reading this forum, and any alleged ToS breaches will be investigated and dealt with. Thanks skycaptain ( just passing by as Puck is offline

 

Personally I very seldom think of sex, and then only as a third party in the event. That means I'm happy to watch porn, and use it to deal with a stray libido, but have no intention of taking part in the acts depicted

[arielle18]

I have no sexual desire, but I like to have sex sometimes because it makes my sexual spouse happy and I love him 😍 I'm not sex-repulsed, so I really don't mind and actually find it to be a nice bonding experience.

[Rec]

On 2015-6-22 at 2:16 PM, Betty Badinbed said:

 

I've only just learnt this term tonight, and pleased to find something else (beside autochorisexuality) that relates to me.

I'm single at the moment, but was recently in a relationship for 9 years, with a lovely guy who stayed the distance for much longer than I ever expected. Last year we had to set each other free, and I truly hope he's getting his rocks off at long last.

I find myself yearning for another relationship, and in my mind "she'll be right on the night", forgetting the actual awkwardness of the first sexual encounters, the frustrating 'off-switch' that seems to activate as soon as we pass the bedroom door. I badly want that switch to stay on. I think about sex often, but sexual fantasies seem to be the only thing I can realistically have in my life. As soon as a real flesh & blood person is present, even one I fancy, it's bye-bye libido.

My own peculiar grey-aceness - that's always had me questioning what I am - is that I do experience sexual attraction, but I lack sexual urge. That is, I recognise my attraction to someone, but have no need or desire to introduce myself to them / pursue them, whatever. If that person should smile genuinely at me, I store that smile in my memory as a gem to be treasured. It's all I need. (until I remember how lonely I am. )

I'm new to this site and still trying to figure things out but it's comforting to read something that explains your exact experience when it comes to sex.  I can be attracted to someone and enjoy being close with them but as soon as the clothes come off and we are in the bedroom my libido is gone.  I'm able to arouse myself but this is only through sexual fantasies and not by my own touch.  Like you, as soon as a "a real flesh and blood person is present" I can't seem to get turned on. 

[Tholomyes]

I wouldn't say I'm sex-favorable really, but I don't think it's an inherent thing. To explain, my main issue with sex is an issue I see play out in other ways in interpersonal relationships. Essentially the best way to describe it is that I have nothing against actually having sex, but the inequality in sexual drive or desire or attraction or importance to the relationship creates some weird relationship dynamics that make me uncomfortable. It's creates an ironic situation where I'd probably be decently comfortable having casual sex, I just have no desire to do so, while in a romantic relationship I want to be fine with having sex (since it would make relationships with allosexuals easier), but I'm uncomfortable with it.

[humansanity]

I'm aromantic and asexual but have a present (although I think less than most sexual people, although it's hard to tell) sex drive. But since I'm aromantic, I've never had a regular sexual partner. I also have trouble with hook ups because I'm not a party/bar person and I've never been comfortable trying regular dating apps because a) matches tend to be based on sexual attraction, which I don't experience, so I'd just be running off of a general societal notion of "attractive", and b) I'm always worried if I start talking to someone they could develop romantic feelings for me which I could never reciprocate, and that's unfair to them. Anyone have advice on how to deal with this or find understanding hook-ups?

[GLRDT]

Well crap. I always did suck at tests. I just failed this two question test because I read the second question wrong. Ha ha. Oh well.