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What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)


646 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you currently sexually active?

    • Yes
    • No
  2. 2. How often do you think of sex?

    • Often
    • Sometimes
    • Rarely
    • Never

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6 hours ago, EbonyRaven said:

I've been thinking about it and i dont really like the act in itself, i dont like being in it and having to go through the motions, it's quite tiring and not me, really? I enjoy the build up and i enjoy the more intense touching as time progresses but i end up getting very out of touch when it eventually gets to penetrative sex.

Completely relate to this.

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I've been reading some of the initial comments on this thread, and I feel like I belong here.


When I discovered my asexuality in fall of last year, I had assumed that I was sex-repulsed. Years ago, the thought of having sex with a guy with whom I was planning a date pushed me to call it off. I was terrified. What's more, it placed me in a years-long stupor over my orientation. I had no interest in dating or sleeping with women, so being straight was off the table. But I've always had an aesthetic fixation for men to the point of near eroticism, and I started paying attention to how elated I felt when another man payed attention to me or touched me. "You can't be gay if you don't want to sleep with other men" was the thought that rang in my mind. "How much do you really care about them if you can't be sexual with them?" Needless to say, I was at a loss for whatever the f*ck I was. I'm glad that I now have a word by which to call myself.


Recently, I've been able to decouple my repulsion for sex from my asexuality, and I've found that I actually like the idea of sex and have thought about how it feels. I read Cass Lennox's Blank Spaces, a gay romance novel that confronted me with both the idea of navigating an allosexual-asexual relationship and my own views on sex. I blame my religious upbringing for making me feel disgusted with myself over deriving any kind of pleasure from sexual activity, especially solo ones. It's something that I've carried with myself since puberty, and it's followed me long after I had left my church. Just to clarify, I don't want to make it seem like I'm saying that sex-repulsed individuals only feel the way that they do for these same reasons. I just had to find out that my shame came from without rather than within, if that makes sense.



I guess I'm writing this now because I've recently found someone that I really care about. I took the initiative to invite him over to my apartment after work last week to play videogames. I wanted desperately to see if my feelings of longing to be close to him weren't being misplaced. We had a good talk, and he told me that he was in the process of questioning his attraction towards men in addition to women. I guess we left on a note that we would take things slow and see where they lead. But I had him over again on Friday, and we started to talk about sex. He asked me if I wanted to try it with him, and I was... taken aback. I had to explain to him that I liked him, but if he wanted the sexual component without the romanticism (which is coupled with my sensuality, btw), then he'd need to look elsewhere.


I was proud of myself for having said that. We ended on a good note and decided to stay good friends. But to be honest, I had considered the idea of sleeping with him after our first encounter -- not because I wanted it, but because I wanted to make him happy (and, if possible, satisfy my own urges). I felt like it would be a good way to get closer to him. What's more, having gotten to know him has been bad for me sexually. When I'm alone, the thought of him intrudes into my mind, and the desire is gone immediately. It's like I'm trying to recreate an image of him in a compromised position... but I just can't. There's a blank space in my mind where I feel like he should be. Maybe he and I can negotiate something where he gets what he wants, I'm comfortable with it and we get to maintain that closeness towards each other that we've felt from the beginning. Worth a shot, but hard to know.



For the moment, I'm just glad I'm not the only one who feels disconnected between my mind and body, or between parts of my mind, or between me and someone I deeply care about. 🍰

Edited by Asroco
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