What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)

[Lizzytreble13]

I realized I was asexual when I came across the term and then reflected that I had never felt sexual attraction (I was 23 at the time). I had had several serious crushes and had even fallen in love (unreciprocated), but I had never had sexual thoughts about any of those people.

I'm in a serious relationship now, and we have sex, but mostly because he wants to. I mean, I enjoy the intimacy, and I enjoy making him feel good, and it is a bit fun for me too, but it's really not something I have much desire for on my own. Sometimes I feel sexy, but mostly it comes from a desire to be sexy for him, not so much to satisfy my own sexual needs.

What I really love is cuddling. My love language is physical touch, so I looooove holding hands, sitting close, laying together, or anything that involves physical contact in a non-sexual way. My partner feels the same way, except that he also really likes sex. But he is very understanding of my sexuality, and he never pressures me to do anything I don't feel like doing. I am very thankful for our relationship, and think that it is somewhat unique.

[thekittyhawk]

Not sure if i belong here or if i'm the opposite?

Mostly I'm sex-neutral to be honest. Single, I just drift through life without a second thought to sex or romance. With my girlfriend, I really started out just liking her romantically. And i started to have sensual desires, wanting to kiss her a lot, and then when that happens it turns me on, and I want more. It gets passionate and exciting and I want it. Seems allo.

Buuut when I'm not with her in that situation I only have a very small degree of interest. I never have sex dreams and if I'm thinking about sex it's conscious and logical, like wondering what kind of things I should do. Because I know I'll want it when the moment comes.

Idk. I'm weird and probably shouldnt be in this thread

[levelskid]

Well, I'm sort of questioning, but I feel I'm around the grey area. I've never been in a relationship, rarely give a thought to start one. I don't think about sex and dislike pornography, but I still feel attraction, except I never had a strong desire to act upon it. Plus it's rare in real life. I felt so different from my friends when it comes to sex like it's good and all but what is the big deal? I'm not against sex, but seriously is that all there is to talk about? And I so do not see the allure of fetishes and other positions. I don't know. I'm weird.

[Otakon]

Demisexual:

I'm obsessed with the thought of sex. To say I romanticize it is an understatement. It is very far from just being a physical act for me. I need to click on a certain emotional levels in order to desire to go through with it. Not something I've experienced.

Demisexual:

I'm obsessed with the thought of sex. To say I romanticize it is an understatement. It is very far from just being a physical act for me. I need to click on a certain emotional levels in order to desire to go through with it. Not something I've experienced.

[Otakon]

Demisexual:

I'm obsessed with the thought of sex. To say I romanticize it is an understatement. It is very far from just being a physical act for me. I need to click on a certain emotional levels in order to desire to go through with it. Not something I've experienced.

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

I made an Ace tumblr blog , link is at the bottom of my profile.

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

As I've heard it said before, "You don't have to turn me on to get me off."

I like this^

[Nes7]

I am kind of lost where I ''stand''. First of, I felt sexual attraction about like 15 times maybe, with 4 different guys. Even though, it's not entirerely 'I want to have sex with you NOW', but more like a tingely feeling I am pretty sure it's sexual attraction.

Funny thing is, it is always with guys that I felt attracted to on a personal level as well, but not all the guys I've liked I felt sexual attraction too. Actually with my biggest crush I never felt that feeling. Thing is, I only feel attraction like this; I never get turned on by watching a sexual scene or looking at (almost) naked guy. Though I still like to watch 'sexual movies' when I am doing 'my own thing' (euphemisms haha).

So yes, it seems like all x (sexual attraction) is y (guys I like) but not the other way.

So this makes me 'seem' grey, I understand that. Or just having a very low libido, I still find it hard to separate all the terms.

But then there is another thing, the times I had sex, I felt completely asexual. It was awkward, not fun and not that great at all.
Especially the actual sex (piv) was just hurting me or I didn't feel anything.

I thought every girl secretly thought like this - naively - and when friends told about 'having sex everyday when you live together' I was like... maybe some people actually really like it?!

But then there's the thing, I am insecure about my body and not a touchy person; like hugs even with close family members I don't really like. During sex guys always told me to relax, which is just hard for me because of both mentioned reasons... And to add to this, the moments I felt sexual urges, I never actually had sex. Or it was not possible (during work is not the perfect situation) or I just stopped myself, feeling bad to let go for some reason, or being afraid it would hurt or dissapoint. So I am almost stuck in a cycle it seems.
I had very vivid sex dreams, almost as if from another life, in which sex felt natural and nice. I wonder if I can enjoy sex one day, because I don't feel 100% comfortabel with labeling myself asexual, because I am not sure if I am.

All things are paradoxical to me, and it's hard to figure it out...

There are a lot of things more to write down, but if someone has comments or advice I would be glad to hear them! Thanks for reading this long post:)!

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

Honestly, you sound pretty allo to me, just that your insecure about your body making intimacy with partners and even family difficult for you. Also, you seem a little sexually frustrated and like when you do have sex ,either they don't know what they are doing or you due to insecurity can't get into "the groove". However, I can't tell you what you are, I can only give my opinion and sincerely hope you work it out. You can message me if anything.

[kinky cupid]

I realized I was asexual when I came across the term and then reflected that I had never felt sexual attraction (I was 23 at the time). I had had several serious crushes and had even fallen in love (unreciprocated), but I had never had sexual thoughts about any of those people.

I'm in a serious relationship now, and we have sex, but mostly because he wants to. I mean, I enjoy the intimacy, and I enjoy making him feel good, and it is a bit fun for me too, but it's really not something I have much desire for on my own. Sometimes I feel sexy, but mostly it comes from a desire to be sexy for him, not so much to satisfy my own sexual needs.

What I really love is cuddling. My love language is physical touch, so I looooove holding hands, sitting close, laying together, or anything that involves physical contact in a non-sexual way. My partner feels the same way, except that he also really likes sex. But he is very understanding of my sexuality, and he never pressures me to do anything I don't feel like doing. I am very thankful for our relationship, and think that it is somewhat unique.

this is how i realized i'm on the spectrum, too. and i've also discovered that i love physical touch in a romantic relationship, which is surprising seeing as i'm usually pretty touch-averse.

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

So, I wrote something.......

Too sexual for the Ace community

Too Ace for the Allo community

I'm just being me , see

But some people just won't let me be

I'm Asexual, Sex-Favorable and proud

No need for the sex policing crowd

Can't we all just get along

Why you mad? nothing wrong...

This tension is tired

Let just be peaceful around the camp fire

Marshmallows, chocolates and cake

Let us stand united for goodness sake

Can we converse under the moonlight

The world at large doesn't know us, we have bigger things to fight.

So shall we all answer the call

Or stand divided and fall.

Any thoughts?

[Ruby Thought]

So, I wrote something.......

Too sexual for the Ace community

Too Ace for the Allo community

I'm just being me , see

But some people just won't let me be

I'm Asexual, Sex-Favorable and proud

No need for the sex policing crowd

Can't we all just get along

Why you mad? nothing wrong...

This tension is tired

Let just be peaceful around the camp fire

Marshmallows, chocolates and cake

Let us stand united for goodness sake

Can we converse under the moonlight

The world at large doesn't know us, we have bigger things to fight.

So shall we all answer the call

Or stand divided and fall.

Any thoughts?

Very nice Dark Ace ^_^

I've recently learned not to cling too tightly to labels of any kind, they've served their purpose of giving me comfort when I discovered them but to hold on to them, for me at least, means not letting myself grow.

So what you wrote is very apropos

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

Thanks ^_^

[Cedrorum]

I never thought about sex with others when I was younger, and when I got with my ex(it was complicated, didn't actually like him and felt pressured to get with him), I didn't consider the idea, and then he began to bring it up. So then I ended up doing that but I felt like I had to a lot of the time. Eventually I tried to enjoy it but then finally I became extremely repulsed and he kept pressuring me to do it. I was also super afraid of PIV sex and that never happened, thankfully. I broke up with him, but around that time I thought I was bisexual. I did stuff with a friend, but I didn't really like it at all and it was her idea, so I didn't want to anymore.

I'm with someone now and I do like it sometimes. Still scared of PIV and I freak out, but we do other things instead. It's not something I really need though, and often I like to make him feel good since he is very sexual, and I'm much more gray and in the middle. A lot of the times I don't think about it and just want to cuddle a lot, but sometimes it jumps in my mind and I do want to. But those times aren't too often, so we don't actually do it that much. When we first got together I was more into it, but over time I felt less interest. I guess it's also a low libido. It's a big confusing thing. So I go with gray ace because it really fits, I'm not hugely sexual, but I'm also not totally closed to it. Sometimes feeling it, but it isn't the most important thing that I need. I also never really felt sexually attracted to others either, most of the time if I see someone I think they're really cute in an aesthetic attraction kind of way.

[Kymas]

So I've been in my first relationship for about a year and a half now, and it's a sexual one. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone, and when I feel the desire for it with my girlfriend now I think it is really stemming from the physical enjoyment and the closeness of it. I rather enjoy sex, but it also causes me a lot of stress. Since I'm grey/ace, it's a lot harder for me to really get into it mentally which can result in me being in my head too much during the act as I worry about duration, performance, etc. Has anyone else had similar experiences?

[damage_case]

Im a virgin. Never even hugged a girl and never felt that it was appropriate or never got a chance... never even felt approaching that stage.

However, I'd be open to sex. I want to try that out. I do masturbate and have sexual thoughts... but never about women in real life.

I dont watch porn and I cant imagine sex with eyes closed... so I sext.

[vulcanjedi]

Well I'm honestly not sure what i am. I've used the term Demisexual Lesbian before but i just don't know. I've had crushes but i dont realize it until years after the fact that 'hey i think i liked that girl'. I have absolutely no interest in having a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. At the same time I'm somewhat interested in sex but not with someone. Ex. I read and write fanfiction, some of which do get erotic and i find that exciting. But its like it's not me in anyway. I identify as a woman who likes women but i get turned on reading and writing male/male intimacy. The only way i can figure that out is that first i have to like the characters and pairing and second because they are both men it has nothing to do with me. I can't read about straight sex without feeling pressured in someway. Ive never had attraction to guys, only to girls. Id love to kiss a girl but i am hesitant about sex.and the idea of a relationship with someone sounds exhausting to me.i really don't know how to explain myself...I've never felt comfortable with porn or sex scenes in movies, I've never liked talking about sex. Part of it is being gay because i could not relate at all to the idea of straight sex but part of it is just my way of thinking i guess...does this make sense to anyone?

[vulcanjedi]

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[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

I apologize for my absence too much is going on in my personal life.

[Paradise_Lost]

Im interested in the experiences and stories of Sex-Favorable Asexuals (Cupiosexuals).

This is my previous thread relating to this topic:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/120292-sex-favorable-ace-erasure/

Im sorry Im still a learner, so I dont know much about the labels and contradictions.

But from what I understand is that you are interested in learning about experiences and stories of people who are/were asexuals and have had sex or are interested in it in some way/due to some reason right?

Well, I was one of them. I have lived a celibate/abstinent (not due to religion) and almost like an asexual life. I never felt the need to take that leap and get into a mature adult relationship. Quite frankly, neither did any women find my worthy enough.

But I did find one girl who was very enchanting. She was the aggressor and she was pretty and made some right moves. She followed me home. So one day I gave in and had sex with her. It was nice. Although there was no 'relationship' nor a future, but it felt nice. I am again back on the same track before this encounter(s).

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

This is pretty much where Im at with things.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/139575-confidence/#entry1061767161

[dee615]

In my case, it's more a lack of a story.

I cannot relate my ace-ness to any particular set of circumstances. It's just that the switch almost never turned on. To be precise, it turned on just twice (in circumstances when I couldn't act on them) and went back to sleep mode the rest of the time.

A few years ago, I realized that I've never googled the mechanics of sex - as in how to have it, positions, what can be done to enhance the experience. And I'm an AVID seeker of information and a voracious reader. (Prior to writing this post, I had looked up rodents that are part of the national cuisine of Peru.) To provide some context, I competed at the national level in quiz bowls as a teen in my home country.

I'm curious about the psychological aspects of sex, about different gender/ sexual orientations, etc. but not the actual acts themselves. And I've only experienced oral sex a few times. I've wondered how people who have less access to information even know how to have sex. I've read that they learn by watching animals do it. I honestly don't think I know the sequence of steps that need to be followed for the main act itself. And I'm too disinterested to look it up, although I'm at a computer and have googled topics - I'm estimating - numbering in the hundreds of thousands.

As mentioned earlier, I grew up outside the USA. My family was very loving and supportive towards me, and we were materially well-off. I have always been healthy, have been told that I'm attractive, stylish, emotionally stable, and have an appealing personality, and that I have a pleasant odor. I have suffered no trauma bigger than the usual fallings out with platonic friends, and relationship breakups. (BTW, again as mentioned earlier, the latter never got to third base.) I know for certain that I'm hetero-romantic. Men fascinate/ excite me in a way that women don't. But yet ... the urge to merge doesn't kick in.

So how does all this impact my life? I think the overall impact has been positive, giving me the peace of mind, time and energy to put into work, hobbies, interests and friendships. I'd say that I lead a productive, healthy life. It's just that it is missing one component a "very eligible bachelorette" - as a former colleague with a definite Eye for the Ladies called me- is supposed to have. (But I don't miss it, or even consciously realize that I'm missing it until it is brought to my attention.)

[FirstTry]

Hi!

I’m a bit late to the party, but I might as well tell my story, in case others have similar. So, about three months ago, a questionnaire for a study on sexual behaviours was sent at my workplace. The first question was to indicate, among five or six choices, our sexual orientation. I selected heterosexual, because I always thought it was mine. But one of the other options was asexual. I was surprised to see this possibility, which I had never heard of. The thought that I could be asexual did not even cross my mind, because I instinctively thought that asexuality was linked to not falling in love, which is not my case. Nevertheless, a couple of days later, I typed “asexuality” on google, out of pure curiosity to see if asexuality was common. One of the first website I checked was this very forum, and that is when it hit me: my definition of asexuality was very wrong, and many parts of the stories I have seen on this forum apply to me.

I am 27, I have had sex with 4 girls, two which were my girlfriends, two others which were one-night stands. I never understood why everyone seemed to consider that it is the most fun thing in the world. I also never understood why many persons get crazy if they don’t have sex for a couple of weeks, while I have no problem not having sex for many years. I also never understood why some of my friends, which are certainly considered “good guys”, have done some stupid things like not being able to resist having sex with another person even though they were in a relationship with someone they loved. I can find pleasure in sex in some circumstances, but there are so many things I find more enjoyable. After careful introspection, here is how I now see my sexuality: I enjoy kissing, cuddling, and the physical intimacy that comes with having sex with the person I love. I have a pleasurable sensation if I reach orgasm, although not at different levels if I reach it through sex or masturbation, and I feel the need to have orgasms once in a while. But there seems to be an additional thing in sex, the thing that supposedly makes sex the most fun thing in life, and I don’t have it. This is why I don’t find any pleasure in having sex, at least not at a level higher than masturbation, with somebody with whom I don’t have a deep emotional connection. And this is also why, if I have sex with a girl I love, the part I find the most enjoyable is by far the preliminaries, when it is slow, soft, and emotional, and not the intercourse.

So, overall, it would probably be unfair to label myself as asexual, because I may experience some kind of sexual attraction. But since my ideal relationship would be with a girl with whom I am in love and would include physical intimacy, but no sexual acts that do not involve a deep emotional connection and are made for the sole purpose of reaching orgasm, I believe I may fit in the Gray-A category. But the label is not important, what is is that I understand better my sexuality, and I thank you for that J

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

I found a good way to describe my experience with sex. It is like being tickled, you enjoy it physically but hate it mentally.

I guess you can say there is a duality to my sexuality. One side is the mental, the conscience, my animus that is sex adverse. The other is the physical, the body, my animalistic reaction that is sex-favorable. It has caused me issue in the past, Im not happy about it, though I pretend to be. Admitting to having a problem means making myself the center of attention, which Id rather not be. Hypersexuality disorder and general sexual dysfunction is not fun. Being Ace with these issues has been alienating. The feeling that no one wants to here you out cause you don't meet there status quo is disheartening. I don't fit in anywhere and Ive come to peace about that but, I still have my reactions to things. Im sex-favorable because it help with bringing that inner peace with this rabid force within me. In trusted hands I do fine, even though those hands will likely never understand my way of going about sexuality because Im ace and they aren't. It's like two people speaking two different languages managing to communicate the bare minimum.

I just felt like I needed to express this truth of my body and soul. To look this demon in the face and let it know I refuse to be silent, because silence ultimately hurts. I may struggle here and there but if I continue working at this I will be ok. I know what I am and I know what to do, that is what matters.

[Barry]

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[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

Cupiosexual just means "an ace that desires sex in the relationship". You seem cupio to me.

[lavenderose71]

What am I sexually? I've always known that I was a bit different sexually but could never figure out what was wrong with me. Why do I not think about sex like most people? I was married at a very young age for 18 years to a highly sexual man who was into bdsm. I found out he was this way 7 years into the marriage. I blame my lack of knowledge of sex due to lack of experience and being so young.I tried to join in but I didn't like it nor could I figure out why people would be turned on by this. The only thing I liked was being watched and sought after. I had an affair twice with younger guys. I truly just wanted attention and to to be wanted. The sex was exciting but I always found myself trying to stop the sexual situation. Now I am in another relationship with a highly sexual man. He knew from the start that I was not s highly sexual person. We both love each other and enjoy the companionship but my lack of interest is killing the relationship. He wants to stay but can't handle basically no sex but about once a month and that's only because I'm trying to keep him happy. I feel aweful that I am this way and end up with highly sexual men whom I can't satisfy enough. The sex is great when we engage. I love the romance, closeness of touch and companionship of a lover but sex is alright occasionally. I really love a good adventure and great food to compliment.

[lavenderose71]

What am I sexually? I've always known that I was a bit different sexually but could never figure out what was wrong with me. Why do I not think about sex like most people? I was married at a very young age for 18 years to a highly sexual man who was into bdsm. I found out he was this way 7 years into the marriage. I blame my lack of knowledge of sex due to lack of experience and being so young.I tried to join in but I didn't like it nor could I figure out why people would be turned on by this. The only thing I liked was being watched and sought after. I had an affair twice with younger guys. I truly just wanted attention and to to be wanted. The sex was exciting but I always found myself trying to stop the sexual situation. Now I am in another relationship with a highly sexual man. He knew from the start that I was not s highly sexual person. We both love each other and enjoy the companionship but my lack of interest is killing the relationship. He wants to stay but can't handle basically no sex but about once a month and that's only because I'm trying to keep him happy. I feel aweful that I am this way and end up with highly sexual men whom I can't satisfy enough. The sex is great when we engage. I love the romance, closeness of touch and companionship of a lover but sex is alright occasionally. I really love a good adventure and great food to compliment.

[Mishidozi Mozuki]

I'm not sure I have a story per say. I'm cupiosexual, or an asexual who enjoys and wants a sexual relationship, for those that don't like all the sublabels. I don't feel sexual attraction, and am still not completely sure I understand what it is. But I feel desire, I have a libido. My desire is for sex though, not for people. Or, I guess not even so much for sex, but for the physical release and feeling the emotional connection that comes with that particular type of intimacy.

I don't think I actually have a story. Beyond the happiness that came from realizing what I was and that it wasn't because I saw sex differently than other people. Or that people really can't control their sexual attraction (that came more from my confusion on how someone could say they couldn't be with someone just because they didn't find them sexually appealing. I didn't find any of the men I've been with "sexually appealing," I've never found anyone sexually appealing, and for the most part they've been wonderful, fulfilling relationships.)

[Mishidozi Mozuki]

Even though Im Ace, the thought of someone wanting me is exciting, I feel a sense of control which makes my inner Dom happy. Even though I want sex, I rarely if ever actually want to initiate it which make my Philoadavere that much more perfect.

^^This! That describes me so perfectly. I'm a switch, although I lean towards the Domme role the majority of the time. And knowing my partner wants me, is crazy about me...appealing to my sense of control is a great way to word that. (It's not only that, but that does play a part) I don't even think about initiating it 9 times out of 10. I initiate cuddling, making out, etc. But sex is a "if they go there, I'm down for it" sort of thing that I think about after we've already begun cuddling/kissing.

I relate to this so heavily it's not even funny. I've always had a 'if it happens it happens' kind of mentality regarding sex but never really felt the need to pursue it even despite my friends wanting to go out for the soul reason of getting girls which always made me feel a bit weird as someone who thought they were heterosexual which eventually caused me to drift apart from my friends to figure myself out.

With that being said as an Ace during the act I've often felt bored and most of the time i feel like the sex itself was indirectly initiated through cuddling or kissing. I tend to be somewhere on the gray romantic spectrum so sometimes I really really like being sensual and other times I'm adverse to it. Often i just follow the wave of my partner's desire and go from there. I do enjoy sex since I get to flesh out creative ways of getting them off, enjoy their desire for me, play with power dynamics as a budding Dom, and overall just relish in the fact that something relatively indifferent to me can elicit such a strong response from them. Like you said it is a good feeling to be the object of desire even if I don't experience sexual attraction