How do you even: Casual Sex?

[Wyrmcraft]

While I am all for joining clubs, especially book clubs, I wasn't talking about those kinds of clubs.

[Guest]

While I am all for joining clubs, especially book clubs, I wasn't talking about those kinds of clubs.

I know you were talking about bars.. But asking someone out from the book club might show better results.

[Guest]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

It's more an issue of conquest, of wanting to be wanted, of interacting, seducing (ok that's a stretch when you're wasted at a club, but)... it's specifically the engaging of another person that's the draw. Or, again, for the story. I can't tell you how many of my adventures were simply to be able to say I've done it... masturbation wouldn't help me there :)

[Guest]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

You are kidding right? Sex can be so many things that masturbation can not come near too. Making loving would be a higher level of sex. BTW, I am a virgin. And I know for a fact that sex is so much more then masturbation...

[ShogunV2]

By the way, Jade, I like your intuition and forward thinking. Some people can do things in the moment without worrying too much about how it may or may not affect them later in whatever way. You aren't one of those people, and that's great actually. It's always good to keep such things in mind. I completely understand your feelings of struggling to see the ultimate purpose of something that's essentially just instant gratification, often under an altered state of mind. Nothing wrong with analyzing such things and getting some idea of how it would fit within your own proverbial "puzzle." And, no, you don't NEED to try it to understand it. That's nonesense IMO. One doesn't need to go bungie-jumping to know heights scare the shit out of them. One doesn't need to be a chef to know if food tastes good or not. If you can come to a conclusion in your own mind that's all the better if you ask me.

I like rambling.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I agree, there's no need as in obligation to try to understand this, IF I was already clear on this. However since I'm not all that clear yet and I'm rather curious by nature to boot, I wish to further explore this. Of course I will do this through my mind. Unless I come to the conclusion that a more physical evidence is necessary to reach a conclusion, I believe that my mind will be able to take care if things.

[Guest]

And, no, you don't NEED to try it to understand it. That's nonesense IMO. One doesn't need to go bungie-jumping to know heights scare the shit out of them. One doesn't need to be a chef to know if food tastes good or not. If you can come to a conclusion in your own mind that's all the better if you ask me.

I like rambling.

I think what you mean to say is that YOU don't need to understand it. That doesn't mean Jade is the same. Personally, I try everything, and I strongly, STRONGLY disagree that "if you can come to a conclusion in your own mind that's all the better." A conclusion in your own mind isn't based on the experience, it's based on a projection of how you think the experience will be. Which is playing pretend. Which isn't actually any kind of "understanding".

[Lord Jade Cross]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

You are kidding right? Sex can be so many things that masturbation can not come near too. Making loving would be a higher level of sex. BTW, I am a virgin. And I know for a fact that sex is so much more then masturbation...

Actually, this question makes sense if you think about it. If sex is described as a purely self gratification act, it does not differ much in ideal (may not necessarily be the same as in execution) from masturbation which is also described as a self gratification act.

[Guest]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

You are kidding right? Sex can be so many things that masturbation can not come near too. Making loving would be a higher level of sex. BTW, I am a virgin. And I know for a fact that sex is so much more then masturbation...

Actually, this question makes sense if you think about it. If sex is described as a purely self gratification act, it does not differ much in ideal (may not necessarily be the same as in execution) from masturbation which is also described as a self gratification act.

But that's not how sex is defined.

[Guest]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

You are kidding right? Sex can be so many things that masturbation can not come near too. Making loving would be a higher level of sex. BTW, I am a virgin. And I know for a fact that sex is so much more then masturbation...

Actually, this question makes sense if you think about it. If sex is described as a purely self gratification act, it does not differ much in ideal (may not necessarily be the same as in execution) from masturbation which is also described as a self gratification act.

Sex is not about self. It is about giving pleasure to the other.. *giggles*

[butterflydreams]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

You are kidding right? Sex can be so many things that masturbation can not come near too. Making loving would be a higher level of sex. BTW, I am a virgin. And I know for a fact that sex is so much more then masturbation...

I meant specifically casual sex. As I understand it, it's just about a quick "bang" so people can feel good. Not about connecting, or deeper level of romance or anything like that. I could be misunderstanding what casual sex entails. I've had absolute zero in terms of physical contact with anyone (super-virgin?) so I could be totally off base because of that as well.

I'm learning a lot from this thread though :)

[Guest]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

You are kidding right? Sex can be so many things that masturbation can not come near too. Making loving would be a higher level of sex. BTW, I am a virgin. And I know for a fact that sex is so much more then masturbation...

I meant specifically casual sex. As I understand it, it's just about a quick "bang" so people can feel good. Not about connecting, or deeper level of romance or anything like that. I could be misunderstanding what casual sex entails. I've had absolute zero in terms of physical contact with anyone (super-virgin?) so I could be totally off base because of that as well.

I'm learning a lot from this thread though :)

You are correct. My mistake.

[Qloshae]

Well, you gotta do what you gotta do. ;)

I sometimes desire sex when feeling lonely, then I take some personal time and I feel all better. :P

Oh and also, OP, at least try not to end up posting things like this on the street afterwards :P

And I swear it's not photoshop, I took that pic myself a few hours ago XD

Read the twitter messages if you have time. ^^ They're hilarious.

Oh please link??? Me and twitter, that mystery...

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23FindMarcus&src=tyah

xD

OMG.

[Arctangent]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

Well, there are cuddle parties, and it's not unheard of for people (both sexual and asexual) to have cuddle buddies. If you went to a club and tried to pick people up for cuddles, though, I imagine that wouldn't work very well. :P

From what I understand, sex and masturbation can both cause pleasure and mechanically satisfy libido, but other than that, they can potentially be very different experiences. It's true that masturbation is quick, familiar, and easy. However, bringing another person in the mix adds a human factor of unpredictability/interactiveness, which can make the sensations feel different or better to some people. Plus, sometimes people just want sex and masturbation doesn't cut it, so casual sex might be a logical thing for them to try. It's not for everyone, but it works for some people. Although I'm admittedly somewhat mystified by the prospect of having a one night stand (I don't even like hugs or handshakes with strangers), I can imagine that having a unique, one time sexual experience with someone completely new is exciting and fun to some people.

[ithaca]

I don't suppose you could have like "casual cuddles" or anything right? And (pardon my ignorance) but why would someone prefer casual sex over masturbation? If it's solely about feeling good (little to no intimacy), isn't masturbation a far quicker and easier prospect?

Well, there are cuddle parties, and it's not unheard of for people (both sexual and asexual) to have cuddle buddies. If you went to a club and tried to pick people up for cuddles, though, I imagine that wouldn't work very well. :P

From what I understand, sex and masturbation can both cause pleasure and mechanically satisfy libido, but other than that, they can potentially be very different experiences. It's true that masturbation is quick, familiar, and easy. However, bringing another person in the mix adds a human factor of unpredictability/interactiveness, which can make the sensations feel different or better to some people. Plus, sometimes people just want sex and masturbation doesn't cut it, so casual sex might be a logical thing for them to try. It's not for everyone, but it works for some people. Although I'm admittedly somewhat mystified by the prospect of having a one night stand (I don't even like hugs or handshakes with strangers), I can imagine that having a unique, one time sexual experience with someone completely new is exciting and fun to some people.

Disclaimer: I won't be speaking about all sexual people (in case such a disclaimer is needed).

Masturbation and sex can be completely different for sexual or asexual people alike. I have a friend who is a lesbian with a high libido, and while she can and does masturbate to take care of some urges, she still clearly, physically and mentally, needs sex to feel really okay. She has explained time and time again to the non-libidoist asexual me of how much more sex can make a difference in her sexual tension level. And the difference between occasional once in a blue-moon sex (which doesn't really make a huge difference in the long run) and consistent regular sex. The latter doesn't need to be of the romantic kind, or even with the same partner, for her to feel satisfied. It's just a different kind of relief from masturbation. And I have very, very clearly seen the difference in her moods in different periods of sexual activity or inactivity for her.

[Guest]

And the difference between occasional once in a blue-moon sex (which doesn't really make a huge difference in the long run) and consistent regular sex.

This is totes true... it's like exercise. If you exercise twice a year you may as well just skip those two days because really, it's not going to have any effect on your physical health.

[butterflydreams]

From what I understand, sex and masturbation can both cause pleasure and mechanically satisfy libido, but other than that, they can potentially be very different experiences. It's true that masturbation is quick, familiar, and easy. However, bringing another person in the mix adds a human factor of unpredictability/interactiveness, which can make the sensations feel different or better to some people.

Ahh, ok, I can understand the logic behind that :)

Plus, sometimes people just want sex and masturbation doesn't cut it, so casual sex might be a logical thing for them to try.

Would any sexuals care to weigh in on the accuracy of this? Masturbation not cutting it I mean. Because if that's a generally accurate statement, the world is very different from how I experience it.

Disclaimer: I won't be speaking about all sexual people (in case such a disclaimer is needed).

Masturbation and sex can be completely different for sexual or asexual people alike. I have a friend who is a lesbian with a high libido, and while she can and does masturbate to take care of some urges, she still clearly, physically and mentally, needs sex to feel really okay. She has explained time and time again to the non-libidoist asexual me of how much more sex can make a difference in her sexual tension level. And the difference between occasional once in a blue-moon sex (which doesn't really make a huge difference in the long run) and consistent regular sex. The latter doesn't need to be of the romantic kind, or even with the same partner, for her to feel satisfied. It's just a different kind of relief from masturbation. And I have very, very clearly seen the difference in her moods in different periods of sexual activity or inactivity for her.

Mind == Blown

I gotta say...reading all this has been...hmm, disconcerting? I always had a vague understanding that I was different, but this is way beyond just "different."

[Guest]

Plus, sometimes people just want sex and masturbation doesn't cut it, so casual sex might be a logical thing for them to try.

Would any sexuals care to weigh in on the accuracy of this? Masturbation not cutting it I mean. Because if that's a generally accurate statement, the world is very different from how I experience it.

It's very different. The best way I can describe it is... say you're at home and really lonely and no one has called and blahblahblah... you get it. Super lonely, isolated. You turn on the TV and it makes you feel better, you watch a show, you laugh, you feel ok for that hour. But it doesn't really change anything and it doesn't take long after the show is over and the TV is off for you to feel your loneliness again. So, yes, in a physical release sense - masturbation can help with that - but no for that human connection thing and that "feeling worthy" thing. Self esteem is hugely tied up into sex as well, and the more rejection one gets, the worse one feels.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Wait, so what if you're not lonely/isolated? Does the overall result of having sex then differ from when you want to both actively have sex and have human interaction?

[Guest]

Wait, so what if you're not lonely/isolated? Does the overall result of having sex then differ from when you want to both actively have sex and have human interaction?

Sorry, that was somewhat confusing, I suppose. Being lonely and watching tv = desiring sex and masturbating. I didn't mean to imply that the reason people want sex is to cure loneliness... though I suspect that in at least some cases that is true.

[butterflydreams]

Plus, sometimes people just want sex and masturbation doesn't cut it, so casual sex might be a logical thing for them to try.

Would any sexuals care to weigh in on the accuracy of this? Masturbation not cutting it I mean. Because if that's a generally accurate statement, the world is very different from how I experience it.

It's very different. The best way I can describe it is... say you're at home and really lonely and no one has called and blahblahblah... you get it. Super lonely, isolated. You turn on the TV and it makes you feel better, you watch a show, you laugh, you feel ok for that hour. But it doesn't really change anything and it doesn't take long after the show is over and the TV is off for you to feel your loneliness again. So, yes, in a physical release sense - masturbation can help with that - but no for that human connection thing and that "feeling worthy" thing. Self esteem is hugely tied up into sex as well, and the more rejection one gets, the worse one feels.

Thanks! That's a really great analogy. I think I actually understand. Is it weird that even though I'm not sure sex is something I could do that I still feel "unworthy" because no one has ever asked? It's likely not something that will ever occur for me. I hope "feeling worthy" and pieces of self esteem aren't tied up completely there.

[Guest]

Thanks! That's a really great analogy. I think I actually understand. Is it weird that even though I'm not sure sex is something I could do that I still feel "unworthy" because no one has ever asked? It's likely not something that will ever occur for me. I hope "feeling worthy" and pieces of self esteem aren't tied up completely there.

Doesn't seem weird to me... wanting to be wanted is an entirely different thing than wanting to have sex. I think this is part of why it's hard for some people to get married. If your sense of self is overly tied to any given thing (in this case, being sexually attractive) and you can no longer pursue that, then what happens to your identity? But that's a whole other thing. But yeah, don't we all feel a little rejected when we're not selected?

[Lord Jade Cross]

I guess that depends. If your not particularly interested, not being selected doesn't do much harm.

[Arctangent]

OP, your profile says you're 20 and a student. Are you at university? If so, there might be a party scene you could check out. Sometimes people meet others for casual sex that way. I just looked through the thread and didn't see anyone suggest that yet, so I thought I'd throw that out there.

[Wyrmcraft]

I am, though I am a commuter so the party scene isn't something I have access to. At least not readily.

[Blackmageofdoom]

As one demisexual male to another, if a hot chick spread her legs for you, could you even get erect for the idea of casual sex with her?

[Wyrmcraft]

Yes, because a side effect of my SSRIs is that I'm annoyingly horny.

With that aside, even without being on anti-depressants the simple sensation of Touch is something that is really important to me. I connect and bond through casual contact, and I think a quick and dirty bond could be formed simply off how much...emotional impact touch has on me. Even for a one-night stand, having someone to touch and touch me would manage to break through enough of that Demi-reluctance.

Besides the above two reasons, I also really like making other people happy and that extends into the real of sexual contact.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Would it be the same reaction, even if the girl was not particularly attractive?

[Member 83310]

I personally don't see myself having casual sex with someone I'm not attracted to, not only physically but If there personality doesn't match the appearance I simply have no interest. In your case casual sex with any body? Isn't too difficult to find, they might even come to you without even trying. Try asking some buddies if they know anyone with your needs, or advertise yourself on social networking sites.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I don't know if advertising himself on social networks known by friends is a good idea. People can tend to get a little devilish with these things and not in a good way.

There are networks for this but I don't know the extend of their authenticity. There are other options like paying for sex as well and that is more confidential. At least when,I looked up such services some time ago, the encounters were said to be very discreet. Some said they had a specific location you could go to and some offered to come to a location set by you, though they charged more for this. I never did try it (the money was a considerable amount and I wasn't any more sure back then than now that I wanted to go through with it), just to throw in a suggestion.

You can also find swinger clubs which are far more open with sex than other places. Sex shops at times have known places you can go to. At least I was told of one during a visit to a sex shop.

Personally, I don't think I could go through with casual sex, regardless if the girl was attractive (either physically or personality wise) or not. At least so far, I don't feel this spark that causes people to want sex so casual sex would be pretty impossible for me at the moment. Not to mention that I tend to be very anxious around things, especially things I have no understanding of and I would probably just throw away money with an escort or just feel ashamed or something if I was at a swinger/sex party and not even be able to manage anything.