Should I hold out hope that my sex-repulsed girlfriend might ever have sex with me?

[Larien]

THIS ISN'T A BALANCED RATIONAL VIEW! It comes from someone who potentially has discoverd his whole world was a complete lie. I'm just glad I didn't get married or have kids.....

Thank you for that disclaimer, as I very heavily disagree with selling your previous points as any sort of constructive advice to the OP. :P

I don't know. It seems to me - when it comes to asexual people compared to sexual people there is a basic, fundamental difference of needs and outlooks. Nearly every post I have read about mixed relationships seems to be a nightmare in confusion, compromise, misery, misunderstanding, longing, loss, rejection I could go on. After 7 years our relationship, our lives are interwoven and hard to seperate, especially over just one part of our relationship I think you need to give me credit for seeing the good that does exist, but if I was starting again and knew ANY PARTNER was asexual I'd follow my own advice and say: "Nice getting to know you, nothing personal, but this isn't going to work out." And run like all hell. I'm still saying that and I've had some time to get perspective, the advice for people in long term relationships just finding things like this out would be more complicated, as indeed is the reality.

The problem with that is, not everyone who identifies as asexual experiences sex the same way / has the same attitude about sex. I'm asexual and I rather enjoy sex, given the right circumstances (I have to trust the person, mainly). I wouldn't be so quick to brush someone off simply because of a label.

[myoddsmoremauve]

The problem with that is, not everyone who identifies as asexual experiences sex the same way / has the same attitude about sex. I'm asexual and I rather enjoy sex, given the right circumstances (I have to trust the person, mainly). I wouldn't be so quick to brush someone off simply because of a label.

That's cool. My partner thinks she's on the same level. But if you know then it's still worth a discussion earlier rather than later. The problem may be for us getting into a sexual situation without the drive / attraction and may well be we both enjoy it when it happens. I think I trust that this is the case, but it is nonetheless a bit confusing, awkward for both of us.

[Guest]

That's cool. My partner thinks she's on the same level. But if you know then it's still worth a discussion earlier rather than later. The problem may be for us getting into a sexual situation without the drive / attraction and may well be we both enjoy it when it happens. I think I trust that this is the case, but it is nonetheless a bit confusing, awkward for both of us.

Definitely agreed to the bolded part. I've always said first date sounds about right for that (usual disclaimer - I simply don't understand the concept of dating complete strangers, that only can come up if I've already known someone for a while)... and I do think an honest "this will never work out, we're just absolutely not compatible" as a reaction is perfectly fine.

But it's no secret I'm a "checklist person" and don't think emotional concerns should ever overrule rational reasons in partners choice, to start with. #Sheldonesque