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Cassiemaybe

I don't know if I'm Asexual?

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Cassiemaybe

Hi. I'm a 22 year old woman who for most of those 22 years believed I was straight, but now I'm not so sure. I like men, have always liked men, have had multiple male crushes over the years, and generally find them very attractive, but I'm not sure it's sexual attraction.

When I was younger (early to mid-teens), and I would "fantasize", it was never sexual. I didn't want sex, I wanted to sleep close to someone, and have skin contact, but that was more intimate than sexual. And I never thought that was weird, but apparently some of my friends at the time did. When I discovered masturbation, I did it a lot, but I never thought of a scenario or a specific person in a sexual situation. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17, and we never did anything beyond kissing. And I haven't been in a "relationship" since (that's due me being more kinda anti-social than asexual lol).

Recently I had a brief fling with a guy. It moved very quickly, and I did engage in some sexual acts. And my body reacted, but sometimes I wasn't into it. Like my body was aroused, but then in my mind I was just like "meh." And after awhile I kind of realized that I was super uninterested in sex with men, and the thought of male genetalia anywhere near me is kinda gross. I've never tried sex with women, but the idea isn't all that appealing. Right now I'm not even interested in kissing. But I don't know if that is asexuality, or I'm just temporarily turned off because of experiences.

I think if I am asexual, I would be more autochorisexual because I do have sexual fantasies, but they don't involve me, and I do watch porn sometimes when I masturbate. Also, sometimes, when I masturbate, I try to imagine it with a person, but I can never place a face on the figure, and the body is very manequin-like. And sometimes I'm more into the sensations than the physical act of sex with another person.

I'm a person who likes labels and I feel they help me to understand myself better, but I'm kind of tentative to label myself asexual because I'm just not sure if this is a phase, or if I am asexual, how did I not realize it earlier? I'm just really confused. Does anyone have any ideas? or opinions, maybe? I'm just trying to figure myself out and it's really hard. Let me know. :)

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AcerGirlM

Okay yeah I'm 13 but I can already tell that I'm ace and aro.

To me you dont seem sexual - you seem more sensual

There is a chance that you could be in a gray area.

I'm not sure if I'm making much sense but then again I'm 13.

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Ellii

There are aces who masturbate and who respond normally to sexual contact. If you are asexual or not is simply a question of sexual attraction. Do you have a desire for sex which is directed upon a person or people? It's a harder question to answer than people would expect. (And there are other definitions of asexuality around. This is the one I know best)

Identify however you are comfortable identifying as. And dont get so wrapped up in "am I or am I not" that you forget to simply listen to yourself, and what your instincts are telling you about your identity.

Edit: Oh, and welcome to aven!! :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Cassiemaybe

I mean I do like sensation a lot, especially touch/texture. I'm also wondering if I didn't think I was ace earlier because up until about two years ago, I had never even heard of the term. I mean the sexuality and gender scales were completely unknown to me.

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Cassiemaybe

There are aces who masturbate and who respond normally to sexual contact. If you are asexual or not is simply a question of sexual attraction. Do you have a desire for sex which is directed upon a person or people? It's a harder question to answer than people would expect. (And there are other definitions of asexuality around. This is the one I know best)

Identify however you are comfortable identifying as. And dont get so wrapped up in "am I or am I not" that you forget to simply listen to yourself, and what your instincts are telling you about your identity.

That's another question I have. I don't know if I have ever experienced sexual attraction. I've experienced arousal, but I've never really thought about the difference.

And thanks for the welcome! :cake:

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Levya

It sounds like you could be asexual, but you're the only one who can decide if that labels right for you. Everyone has different experiences, some asexual people have kinda known their whole life that they were ace, while many others are only recently discovering it. There wasn't always much information on asexuality, so you shouldn't get caught up in the whole "not realizing it earlier" thing.

Plus for many people, sexuality is a fluid thing. If you feel that the asexual label fits how you currently are, then go for it. I really don't see why phases are a bad thing anyway.

As for sexual attraction, I feel like it's probably a you'll know it if you feel it type thing? Like if you're unsure if you have felt it or not, then you probably haven't? I don't really know, since I'm not sure what sexual attraction is supposed to feel like.

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Aqua-ace

It's up to you to decide if the asexual label fits you, but many asexuals don't realize their asexuality right away, some not realizing it until much later in their lives. It's common for someone to not think they're asexual, because they mistook something else for sexual attraction, like their romantic attraction, libido, arousal, or that their body physically reacted to sex.

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Star Bit

Some people aren't into kissing, it's fine, but it's not caused by asexuality. Asexuals can masturbate, the term autochrois is useless. If no ones presence sexually arouses you and you don't have the desire/impulse to do sexual things to/with someone then that's asexual. If it changes then it does and you can change the orientation you want to go by, there's nothing wrong with that. Asexuals can enjoy sex for multiple reasons but don't personally desire it.

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