Mordred Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 I am new here and hopefully some true honest people are around. I was wondering if anyone felt or has felt they should "join in" with the normal people just so that it puts them at easeand just "fit in" with regards to sex on a physical level. To explain to most people that you are asexual is a real problem. They look at you with glazed eyes and really cannot understand how anyone can function without any sexual feelings. You then add that love and feelings for someone does not have to revolve around sex . To them it should follow through if you love someone enough. It's so sad and has caused as lot of broken realtionships through my life. Surely it isn't a disease or in a lot of people's eyes a mental "problem" It is a agony of emotions and torture, combined with the social pressure that is a killer for me. :( Link to post Share on other sites
whirlygirl Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 hello Mordred, I lived a lie until I was 25 to stop having relationship with sexual people, though i had no sexual intimacy, i received an awful shock which turned my life upside down... I have had many short relationships :( where i felt best to put my partner at the time before my own needs.... write a little more later it's quite late Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 I am quite proud of my asexuality, and I wouldn't "fit in" anyway. I hate "cool" people. Link to post Share on other sites
JimDandy Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Hello Mordred, and welcome! I'm sure you'll find any number of truly honest people on this forum. I've been surfing forums since the BBS's went up and this is the friendliest forum I've ever been on. I can certainly relate to the way you feel. I've been passing for over thirty years now, ever since I found out what sex was and that I didn't care for it one way or the other. And no, asexuality is definitely not a mental illness or a physical disease. It's just the way we are. So jump in at the deep end, my friend! I'm sure you'll find some answers. Or at least meet some really really weird people. (I mean that in a good way, of course! :lol: ) Link to post Share on other sites
whirlygirl Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 *beth turns into oogie or gorax* b-b-b-but aven is cool.... :shock: Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Cool as in "LOOKIT ME! I HAVE SPIKY HAIR, AM A WHORE, AND LISTEN TO SUCKY RAP MUSIC!" Link to post Share on other sites
Mordred Posted August 18, 2003 Author Share Posted August 18, 2003 Well Firstly Whirlgirl's comments. Its' so horrible to have to live a lie or cover things up. Of course you don't want to hurt anyone in the way you feel or act. Honesty from the start is what is called for. The trouble with that is when do you say something? As to " I like Pie's" comment. Being proud of it is to me missing the point. As to "cool" people. Unfortunately I have to deal with them through my work, if I don't then I do not work. :-( Hi JimDandy I can relate to your comments :-) It comes with age. Things really came into focus when I was 40+ I don't mind weird people. I have met enough in my time :lol: And really nice ones as well Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 "If you can beat them, join them." Screw that. We're all different, too bad(to "normal" people). Welcome to AVEN, Mordred! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 To explain to most people that you are asexual is a real problem. They look at you with glazed eyes and really cannot understand how anyone can function without any sexual feelings. And I give them that same look right back :x Welcome aboard! Link to post Share on other sites
seandon Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 I was wondering if anyone felt or has felt they should "join in" with the normal people just so that it puts them at easeand just "fit in" with regards to sex on a physical level. I wouldn't know how to join. Surely it isn't a disease or in a lot of people's eyes a mental "problem" It is a agony of emotions and torture, combined with the social pressure that is a killer for me. Not being one of them saves you a lot of time to be better at what you are. Welcome. Sean Link to post Share on other sites
Kamikola Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 I wanted to "join in", to "fit in" and all that crap. Then I found out that I'm asexual and all the pressure just disapeared. I will never fit in. Even if I was sexual. I'm too weird. But anyway, i live a lie.. That's true. I mean I don't lie I just didn't tell anybody. I'm a chicken. Of course, there is some pressure when for example my mom asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say no, and then I have to explain myself 'cause it sounds like I can't find myself one because no one wants me. That's not true. But how can I explain that without saying "It's because I'm asexual." That would be so easy... but it's so hard. :roll: Anyway, it's getting late and I see I'm starting to blablablbalbalblalbalblalblalblalblalblalblah. Yeah, gotta stop it now. Nobody wants to hear blah. Stop it, stop it. Anyway, wellcome to the place we call home. And don't ever doubt in our honesty. It's an internet for God' sake! We don't have to lie here. The masks come off. Isn't it weird that masks come off in a place where we can't see each other? ok I blah again. Gotta go sleep. Bye now. See ya or should I say read ya. hehe I'm too sleepy. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 hey.. welcome!! I can understand where youre comming from but in more of a mixed situation ..... i dont fit in with my group of "friends" and so i usually find myself alone, where ever i am.. at a party.. seeing a film.. going shopping .. and i think the worst bit about it is if i do this these with these people, i find that i have to have someone there, especially a guy i know away from that crowed, to feel like i fit in. i guess its because someones actually paying me attention..... but its catch 22, i cant get into a relationship because everyone i know is into sex.... so it is abit of a bummer, but i dont actually commit myself to something i wont enjoy in order to fit in... you should be excepted for who you are ... and you know what .... youll fit in here! :D Iz xx Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 Society is like a clan on Battle.net. Sure, you are longing for a group, people to call friends, and all that other shit. But after you join one all you notice is that people are never around when you need them and when they are, they aren't doing what you want to do, are not doing anything at all, trying to take advantage of you, and talking about fucking hot celebrities in the clan channel. Then you quit. Or if you're like me, you quit after releiving them of some valuable items. Link to post Share on other sites
Neats Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 Welcome Mordred. Neats Link to post Share on other sites
Mordred Posted August 19, 2003 Author Share Posted August 19, 2003 To explain to most people that you are asexual is a real problem. They look at you with glazed eyes and really cannot understand how anyone can function without any sexual feelings. And I give them that same look right back :x Welcome aboard! That is what I normally do :) The downer is from that point onwards all is lost. I might as well not exist as far as they are concerned. It makes socialising virtually impossible. Thanks for all the positive views from you all. It is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Mordred Posted August 19, 2003 Author Share Posted August 19, 2003 hello Mordred, I lived a lie until I was 25 to stop having relationship with sexual people, though i had no sexual intimacy, i received an awful shock which turned my life upside down... I have had many short relationships :( where i felt best to put my partner at the time before my own needs.... write a little more later it's quite late Hey that is so sad. but what happens from that point onwards. Do you just give up and curl up into a ball and isolate yourself ? How do you deal with it? I have been battling with that possibility for a long time. You can only take so many knocks before the hurt shows through :( Link to post Share on other sites
whirlygirl Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 i've tended to live a diverse life, it's a just a little part. Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 I was wondering if anyone felt or has felt they should "join in" with the normal people All the time, Mondred. Welcome to the board! It's definitely a catch 22 as someone said: spend so muich time thinking i should fit in and have a group of friends to hang out or do stuff with - but those few times when I actually do do something with one or more people then I end up hating it, hating them, hating having to try to modify myself to fit in with them. Then I go back to my room and once again Im like "I should have some friends." It's a balancing act. finding those friends who will accept you for who you are, and making sure you get enough alone time as well. Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Mordred Posted August 20, 2003 Author Share Posted August 20, 2003 I was wondering if anyone felt or has felt they should "join in" with the normal people It's a balancing act. finding those friends who will accept you for who you are, and making sure you get enough alone time as well. Kate That all makes so much sense Kate. Finding friends that don't look at you as being a lost cause or someone that needs sympathy (that's the last thing we need). Time alone is important to everyone. Of course at the centre of all of this is sexuality. For most people life revolves around a "healthy" sex life. Literature and books abound on it and the medical profession makes a lot of money putting people right in these matters. To me to be asexual does not mean I cannot feel love for someone or not being able to have a real friendship. Far from it. But we are lead to understand that a relationship without sex is doomed to fail from the start. I find that friendship, trust, understanding and tolerance is at the centre of any relationship. The sex aspect if allowed will fall away with a lot of relationships after a year or so. So why the big deal? I really think that things certainly in the U.K start on the wrong foot with sex education at schools. What about educating children about forming friendships and relationships. That seems to be peripheral to sex :( Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 I've never fit in :lol: The other teenage girls would always be chatting about their boyfriends, and I'd be off catching grasshoppers and frogs and making them jump on people. *hee* Wait... what am I saying?! I STILL do that!! :? Anyway, back to the topic!! WELCOME TO AVEN!!! Get out there and get posting!!! Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 Yeah.. I get excited over songs on the radio and ice cream shops, not male human specimens, lol. i guess variety is the spice of life. kinda bitter sometimes tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamikola Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 I've never fit in :lol: The other teenage girls would always be chatting about their boyfriends' date=' and I'd be off catching grasshoppers and frogs and making them jump on people. *hee*Wait... what am I saying?! I STILL do that!! :? quote'] I used to look for little frogs and put them in my pouch and bring them all to my yard. Then I would put them into that big thing where water gathered and look how they tried to swim to the edge. hehe, those were the times. I remember in school boys would always catch a frog or a bug and throw it under girls' shirts. All the girls would go "Get it off me, get it off me!!!!" And I would say "Oh, look at the little frogie. It's so cute." And the guys would look at me like I'm a spoil-sport and say "You're no fun." hehe :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 You get really hyped from some songs on the radio too, Vivre? :D Do any of them make you spontaneously decide to get up and dance? lol (badly wants to learn gymnastics so she can do all sorts of flips and cartwheels to music, as well as dance...) EEEEE!!! You like froggies, too, Kamikola!?! What about daddy longlegs?!! Those things are WICKED!!! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Kamikola Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 daddly longlegs? what's that? Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 you dont know what they are!? THEY RULE!! Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 Daddy Longlegs, common name for any of a group of spiderlike arachnids, also called harvestmen or harvest spiders. Daddy longlegs resemble true spiders but have oval, segmented abdomens, only two eyes, and exceptionally long, slender legs. They feed on small insects, dead animals, or plant juices. They have very small mouthparts and do not bite humans. Daddy longlegs often congregate in large numbers in caves or other sheltered places. The name is also applied to crane flies. Cool, huh? :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 where its wings?! Link to post Share on other sites
Mordred Posted August 20, 2003 Author Share Posted August 20, 2003 where its wings?! Looks like some nice child has pulled them off :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Mordred Posted August 20, 2003 Author Share Posted August 20, 2003 Mind you the ones we have in Surrey have longer grey(ish) bodies Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 same here.... they dont look like spiders at all! Link to post Share on other sites
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