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Asexual Men Musings


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I avoid public restrooms if possible, however if necessary, and if one is available, I use the stall. What I really hated was the trough style which we had in the Army. Amazingly there are still some bars and restaurant that have them. A funny incident happened to me recently. I was staying at a hotel and they had installed a mirror on the wall over the toilet so every time I used it I felt I was watching a stranger pee. Eventually I was so uncomfortable I started peeing female style by sitting to go. There was another mirror over the sink so I saw no good reason for one over the toilet

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Going completely opposite here. I honestly never had a problem with locker rooms or public restrooms. To me, nudity isn't necessarily sexual and it really shouldn't be as big of deal as society makes it out to be. I never had any problem changing at school. And public restrooms only bother me if they're poorly cleaned, the other people being there is a complete non-issue for me.

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I always have been embarrassed about my body.....women won't want me because I have hair and fat in the wrong spots!

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uRBAN_Spaceman

I myself find it interesting how many asexual men feel more comfortable around women than men. I myself avoid women like the plague when it comes to social events etc etc. I've had the same core group of friends my entire life (small town life) I'd be lying if I said I haven't adopted a fake sexual attitude around them. I'm just as likely to make a sexual joke as any of them but that's just a persona I've adopted around them. Part of being one of the guys I guess. I've had very few girls that were just friends in my life.

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Sage Raven Domino

I always have been embarrassed about my body.....women won't want me because I have hair and fat in the wrong spots!

It normally doesn't matter to asexual women, obviously.

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To me it's not a question of nudity being sexual but rather having a strong sense of privacy and also being self conscious as hell.

Eventually I was so uncomfortable I started peeing female style by sitting to go.

Also this! I've always preferred sitting down, more comfortable, relaxing and less messy, I couldn't care less if it is "unmanly".

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If you need to go in the middle of the night sitting down saves you from having to switch the light on, so you can get back to sleep more easily

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I always have been embarrassed about my body.....women won't want me because I have hair and fat in the wrong spots!

It normally doesn't matter to asexual women, obviously.

I don't know, I still feel self-conscious anyway. I'm still not sure how attractive I want to be, or what kind of attractive

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Yeah I'm seeing an ace girl right now but I'm still really shy about it.

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Yeah I'm seeing an ace girl right now but I'm still really shy about it.

That's cool Marki. Congrats to you both. :)

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If you need to go in the middle of the night sitting down saves you from having to switch the light on, so you can get back to sleep more easily

Glad I'm not the only one :p

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theacelizard

women make me insecure sometimes and I can get nervous around them because some expect me to feel sexual attraction around them when I don't. However If I can somehow get past that barrier I feel that I do get on better with females than with males. I just have to not think about it

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Going completely opposite here. I honestly never had a problem with locker rooms or public restrooms. To me, nudity isn't necessarily sexual and it really shouldn't be as big of deal as society makes it out to be. I never had any problem changing at school. And public restrooms only bother me if they're poorly cleaned, the other people being there is a complete non-issue for me.

I agree. I remember being a little nervous about using locker rooms at first, but that was because I was insecure with my body and was afraid it would be mocked. Nudity does not have any power to me. To me naked people are just boring, because people wearing clothes look so much more interesting. Since finding out that I am ace I have thought a blank canvas example. As where a naked body would be blank and boring (a blank canvas), the more jazzed up a person gets the better they look to me. I wonder if this is a sex indifferent vs sex repulsed thing. I am sex indifferent.



women make me insecure sometimes and I can get nervous around them because some expect me to feel sexual attraction around them when I don't. However If I can somehow get past that barrier I feel that I do get on better with females than with males. I just have to not think about it

Ya I feel you there. I am pretty out these days and I came out shortly after finding out the truth, but back when I was still very confused about things it would frustrate me so bad when a girl would imply that I liked her especially in a sexual context. In my head I would be like, "sister you do not even know, even Megan Fox is not sexy enough for me sweetie". This is also why I care a whole hell of a lot more the women respect my asexuality nowadays. I am a very affectionate and somewhat cuddly person, but I can only be that way if I feel safe enough by knowing they will not take it as me "liking" them. Also I love that I can let my guard down around women as far as masculine insecurities. Most men do not like other men to be overly affectionate toward them, so I am not typically that way around men and therefore it does not matter as much to me that they believe that I am ace. Edited by Splatacus
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The ace in space

Yeah I'm seeing an ace girl right now but I'm still really shy about it.

Aww how cute! Good luck to you both then!
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Yeah....I'm really trying to figure out a less clumsy way to ask if she'd be down with cuddling than just asking her straight up. I don't want to be stupid and mess this all up!

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SorryNotSorry

I myself find it interesting how many asexual men feel more comfortable around women than men. I myself avoid women like the plague when it comes to social events etc etc. I've had the same core group of friends my entire life (small town life) I'd be lying if I said I haven't adopted a fake sexual attitude around them. I'm just as likely to make a sexual joke as any of them but that's just a persona I've adopted around them. Part of being one of the guys I guess. I've had very few girls that were just friends in my life.

Strange... the only reason why I'd avoid the company of women is because I dislike the possibility of being judged incorrectly.

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Going completely opposite here. I honestly never had a problem with locker rooms or public restrooms. To me, nudity isn't necessarily sexual and it really shouldn't be as big of deal as society makes it out to be. I never had any problem changing at school. And public restrooms only bother me if they're poorly cleaned, the other people being there is a complete non-issue for me.

I agree. I remember being a little nervous about using locker rooms at first, but that was because I was insecure with my body and was afraid it would be mocked. Nudity does not have any power to me. To me naked people are just boring, because people wearing clothes look so much more interesting. Since finding out that I am ace I have thought a blank canvas example. As where a naked body would be blank and boring (a blank canvas), the more jazzed up a person gets the better they look to me. I wonder if this is a sex indifferent vs sex repulsed thing. I am sex indifferent.
Yes, I'd definitely be sex indifferent as well. I can be embarrassed by people saying graphically sexual stuff, but nudity and sex itself don't bother me. And even though I'm a virgin and haven't had to, I'd be the kind of ace that might be willing to do it to make a marriage work or whatnot.

I myself find it interesting how many asexual men feel more comfortable around women than men. I myself avoid women like the plague when it comes to social events etc etc. I've had the same core group of friends my entire life (small town life) I'd be lying if I said I haven't adopted a fake sexual attitude around them. I'm just as likely to make a sexual joke as any of them but that's just a persona I've adopted around them. Part of being one of the guys I guess. I've had very few girls that were just friends in my life.

Strange... the only reason why I'd avoid the company of women is because I dislike the possibility of being judged incorrectly.

I don't have many female friends. But I seem to get along better with women who are older, or are married or lesbians. I wonder if it's just more awkward with single straight allosexual women because of some "sexual tension" that I'm unaware of.
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I myself find it interesting how many asexual men feel more comfortable around women than men. I myself avoid women like the plague when it comes to social events etc etc. I've had the same core group of friends my entire life (small town life) I'd be lying if I said I haven't adopted a fake sexual attitude around them. I'm just as likely to make a sexual joke as any of them but that's just a persona I've adopted around them. Part of being one of the guys I guess. I've had very few girls that were just friends in my life.

Yeah, for me it's because I don't have that "one of the guys" things going on, and no "fake sexual attitude" either.

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The thread is getting a bit off-topic from the experiences of asexual men. I'll be splitting those posts into Philosophy, Politics and Science.

If you wish to continue the discussion on third wave feminisim, follow this link.

Naosuu, Asexual Musings and Rantings co-moderator

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So I've somehow managed to find myself a cuddle-buddy (Which is deeply unexpected and awesome). For some reason, the way she lays her head on my chest like it's the safest place in the world makes me feel ... pleasantly male. Anyone else ever run into something like that?

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The ace in space

So I've somehow managed to find myself a cuddle-buddy (Which is deeply unexpected and awesome). For some reason, the way she lays her head on my chest like it's the safest place in the world makes me feel ... pleasantly male. Anyone else ever run into something like that?

I got a few cuddle buddies, all girls. It's so comforting being able to just relax with them :) But cuddling is still pleasantly male as you said. Good for you by the way!
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Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

Yes this is me for sure.

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I think it's more about temperament than whether they're a guy or a girl.

My only close friend is a guy so I guess it would be wrong of me to say I feel uncomfortable around guys. He's kinda similar in temperament to me though.

I think it's possible that I gravitate to more neutral/mixed people. I haven't really got much experience though.

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For me, it's been my experience that I am more comfortable around males than I am around females as I feel that I have more shared interests and commonalities (interest in sports, similar food tastes, perspectives on current issues, etc.).

I am capable of associating with females, though I tend to find it easier if there is an underlying purpose for said association, such as performing a shared work task or something to that effect.

Engaging in a conversation or activity with a female that does not have some work- or task-related objective as its underlying foundation is very difficult for me to do and as such I generally avoid it or else keep said interaction to the bare minimum.

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JohnnyRingo

I'm definitely more comfortable with female friends than male friends. But that can get complicated quickly, because apparently I'm very attractive to straight women. I don't see anything special when I look in the mirror, but the way women tend to respond to my presence... well, let's just say it's pretty obvious.

So most of my closest friends are women, but it turns out some of my favorite people to hang out with are gay men. A quick "I'm not gay" keeps them from ever expecting anything from me (there doesn't seem to be any equivalent magic bullet that works on straight women), and they lack the sometimes-intimidating machismo that makes me uncomfortable around straight dudes.

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I've always felt more female when it came to certain social behaviour which my fellow male peers had. Especially sexual behaviour. Atm I identify as Androgyne partly because of that.

The thing is that asexuality explained a lot for myself. I'm happy with what I know now and I don't feel like people expect me to be the sexual dominant active stereotype male. Besides I never felt that kind of expectation, I only saw other males behave like that or talk about it.

There is something I wonder though. I read a lot about American people who do feel that expectation. In my country I know nobody who does although everyone seems to know the stereotype. Maybe this is something connected to culture?

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Darn. The quote button still doesn't seem to work for me. Anyways, that thing about the eyeballs was for marki

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SpidermanBear

Hey, just popping in this thread to get an opinion real quick, I'm considering making a whole thread about it, but it follows the theme of asexual men having certain expectations thrust upon them to be very sexual.

One of my friends was talking about a girl that I had expressed an interest in. He thought I had "the hots" for her but in reality I was just interested in dating her. He does not know I am asexual, and at the time I didn't either. This was my sophomore year of high school, a few months ago. During the conversation I mentioned that if a cute girl was in my house alone I'd rather watch Netflix with her than have sex with her. This is fairly normal for an asexual man, but neither of us knew that information about me. He then told me that "no other man, and probably no other woman, would choose Netflix over sex". It made me feel excluded and different. Not too long after that I did some research and upon finding out what asexuality is realized it fit me like a glove. I now realize that not being interested in sex at all isn't strange, but the issue now is how public I should be about it.

Clearly he thinks it's strange I'm not as sexual as he is, and I don't plan on sitting him down and having a formal 'coming out' but if the subject comes up again and I explain myself by saying I'm asexual, do you think that would lead to him understanding where I'm coming from more, or do you think it would only increase me feeling excluded from how he feels and how the other people around me feel? Clearly none of my other friends see sex the same way I do.

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