Asexual Men Musings

[doggalogga]

Here's something I've done that I thought I'd share...

 

The only time my prostate ever does anything is when I'm sleeping (nocturnal emissions)

As you can imagine, crunchy sheets suck

 

I now sleep on a small hand towel to prevent crunchy sheets.

 

You're welcome!

[will123]

4 hours ago, doggalogga said:

Here's something I've done that I thought I'd share...

 

The only time my prostate ever does anything is when I'm sleeping (nocturnal emissions)

As you can imagine, crunchy sheets suck

 

I now sleep on a small hand towel to prevent crunchy sheets.

 

You're welcome!

I had one wet dream as a teenager (and yes what a mess) and that was it. Two more sex dreams in the last five years. I'm 59 so I'm hoping that's it for me.

[Kroete]

Before I finally accepted and EMBRACED my asexuality, I often had thought I absolutely need to have sex because that's just what you do. Especially as a male person.

 

 

I had this weird "tradition" that I swore to myself every year that the next year I will finally have sex, or find a partner for sex. Whenever I remembered I still didn't have sex, I felt a bit bad, and I got more nervous with growing age. It was a weird "promise" to myself that I could never fulfil. It was weird.

 

It was culture overall that made me think like this: A culture that constantly makes fun of these "virgins" as if they have missed something or failed in life ... It was not one particular piece of media, it was culture overall. I can't remember any depiction of virgins or asexuals as just "normal". Either virgin are holy or pathetic, virgins must always be one of the extremes, apparently. I have a hard time admitting it to myself, but I think media really did influence me.

 

I also was painfully reminded of my virgin status this when an ex-collegue of mine talked about sex with women and sex life in general and he tried to make me talk ... But I didn't. It was a short exchange, but it's small things like this one.

 

But as soon I discovered and accepted my asexuality, it all went POOF. Just like that. Because I instantly understood that it was just societal pressure and nothing else. It was SO liberating to finally know I'm asexual. it was SO liberating that it was a lie, that I was actually not forced to have sex with anyone. I just need to live my life. It really is so obvious in retrospect.

 

I don't know if I will ever have sex, I guess I just will live on and see what happens. If the need or curiosity arises, sure, I might go for it, but I feel no inner need. In the meanwhile, I LOVE being asexual! I really do.

 

I don't really like to refer to myselves as "virgin" although I definitely am because of the negative (or absurdly positive religious) connotation that this word carries.

 

Strangely, I never had interested in romantic relationships, I accepted by aromanticism since ... forever ... long before I even knew the word. Because it never felt wrong to me. It felt completely pointless to me, I always was bored to death by all sorts of love stories and knew any relationship I'll ever have will not be a love-based one. It was not even a question to me. I often made (and make) fun of overly romantic stories or depictions for being so absurd and cringe.

 

Isn't it weird how I managed to be completely OK with my aromanticism but not with my asexuality? I also don't know.

[will123]

I shouldn't have spoken so soon...I had a sex dream last night.

 

[will123]

5 hours ago, Kroete said:

Before I finally accepted and EMBRACED my asexuality, I often had thought I absolutely need to have sex because that's just what you do. Especially as a male person.

 

 

I had this weird "tradition" that I swore to myself every year that the next year I will finally have sex, or find a partner for sex. Whenever I remembered I still didn't have sex, I felt a bit bad, and I got more nervous with growing age. It was a weird "promise" to myself that I could never fulfil. It was weird.

 

It was culture overall that made me think like this: A culture that constantly makes fun of these "virgins" as if they have missed something or failed in life ... It was not one particular piece of media, it was culture overall. I can't remember any depiction of virgins or asexuals as just "normal". Either virgin are holy or pathetic, virgins must always be one of the extremes, apparently. I have a hard time admitting it to myself, but I think media really did influence me.

 

I also was painfully reminded of my virgin status this when an ex-collegue of mine talked about sex with women and sex life in general and he tried to make me talk ... But I didn't. It was a short exchange, but it's small things like this one.

 

But as soon I discovered and accepted my asexuality, it all went POOF. Just like that. Because I instantly understood that it was just societal pressure and nothing else. It was SO liberating to finally know I'm asexual. it was SO liberating that it was a lie, that I was actually not forced to have sex with anyone. I just need to live my life. It really is so obvious in retrospect.

 

I don't know if I will ever have sex, I guess I just will live on and see what happens. If the need or curiosity arises, sure, I might go for it, but I feel no inner need. In the meanwhile, I LOVE being asexual! I really do.

 

I don't really like to refer to myselves as "virgin" although I definitely am because of the negative (or absurdly positive religious) connotation that this word carries.

 

Strangely, I never had interested in romantic relationships, I accepted by aromanticism since ... forever ... long before I even knew the word. Because it never felt wrong to me. It felt completely pointless to me, I always was bored to death by all sorts of love stories and knew any relationship I'll ever have will not be a love-based one. It was not even a question to me. I often made (and make) fun of overly romantic stories or depictions for being so absurd and cringe.

 

Isn't it weird how I managed to be completely OK with my aromanticism but not with my asexuality? I also don't know.

A few years before I found out about asexuality I thought I'd try to lose my virginity, by hiring a sex worker. The illegality of that pretty much put a stop to that.

 

X1,000,000 on the bold. If you're on a computer the link in my signature is what led me to identifying as asexual (the same day in fact after a bit of surfing on AVEN). It was like a huge relief to know that others were like me in that they were indifferent to sex. Mind you I only signed up on AVEN four years ago LOL

 

Looking back at my life, it was obvious that I was aro. I never looked into what people were meaning when they called themselves aro. When I read the definition that clocked as well.

 

 

[aafire]

On 5/6/2021 at 12:24 PM, Kroete said:

But as soon I discovered and accepted my asexuality, it all went POOF. Just like that. Because I instantly understood that it was just societal pressure and nothing else. It was SO liberating to finally know I'm asexual. it was SO liberating that it was a lie, that I was actually not forced to have sex with anyone. I just need to live my life. It really is so obvious in retrospect.

I felt the exact same way

[craigularjoe]

On 5/6/2021 at 8:24 PM, Kroete said:

But as soon I discovered and accepted my asexuality, it all went POOF. Just like that. Because I instantly understood that it was just societal pressure and nothing else. It was SO liberating to finally know I'm asexual. it was SO liberating that it was a lie, that I was actually not forced to have sex with anyone. I just need to live my life. It really is so obvious in retrospect.

Basically the same exact experience.

 

I like to meet new people when partying, but when getting to know new people while partying there is often an implication of either sex or romance. With the whole hook-up culture and all that. I always felt a pressure that hooking up is determining your value in weird way. And not wanting that always felt confusing and like it was something wrong with me.

 

With the lockdown and nightclubs closed I felt a relief, and then later realized I was ace.

 

I also had like a mountain of flashbacks with evidence that I've somehow ignored since I was like 13-14.

[psychoman1128]

On 12/2/2020 at 2:03 PM, will123 said:

I know there are several openly asexual married women on AVEN, or women that are/were married to men that have/had identified as asexual. However I don't recall reading anything from males that are or were married in the past.

 

I can understand why they may be not wish to out themselves on a forum since society expects us to marry and procreate. There a lot of asexual males here, and not all of them could possibly be aro like myself.

 

Any thoughts. If you are aware of asexual males that are or were married, please say so (without any details of course).

I am an asexual man and am currently married, I didn’t know there was a term for it but after doing a lot of reading the last week or so I’d definitely say that term applies to me. I’ve had sex, but I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20-21, and I’ve only had sex with two people in my lifetime.

[Warhawk]

I REALLY don’t get NSFW artists, nor people who follow or are fans of the art. Sure, it’s literally written in my identity, but I just don’t understand the whole thing. Rather my biggest confusion is people sharing it within communities or like "nsfw chats" on discord. Do sexual guys sit down and watch adult content together or something? Not with the intent of doing anything with each other. That's almost kinda what it feels like in that setting. I guess the anonymity takes away that kind of awkwardness.

[Sir Lancelop]

Just got my first girlfriend, who is demisexual like me.  She’s gorgeous, kind and amazing overall and I love her.  I get so excited whenever I interact with her, whether via text, video chat, holding hands, kissing, hugging... and so does my manhood.  I’m hard like, 24/7 😅.   Is this normal for a first relationship?  I just want to enjoy our relationship and don’t care about sex at all.  It’s getting annoying.  

[Wrrn]

I just spent several days at a bachelor party and if I wasn't thinking I was ace before, I would be now. All the conversations, all the activities, all the everything revolved along these guys' sex drives or history or whatever. We'd go buy some beer and they'd pull off to hit on women, we'd grab some pizza and they'd invite the pizza girl to stay with us, etc. It was bizarre. 

 

But then I had a date lined up. First one in a few years. We set it up weeks in advance due to busy schedules and she canceled (after leaving me waiting for a bit) as she felt I was lying and weird for not sending her dick pics? Since I hadn't tried to sext her repeatedly, clearly I must be only going on dates for murder. I wish I was being hyperbolic when I am saying that's what she said. Clearly, I dodged several bullets given how most of this could have been several good discussions instead of waiting until I drove an hour and waited after the date was to begin but still a weird, but not entirely unique experience.

 

I was talking to a friend a while back about how I'm thinking I'm on the asexual spectrum and they asked if I was going to tell our (almost entirely LGBTQIA+) group and I said no. I didn't feel that even if I decided this was who I am, that I didn't need to share the information. As I don't share much other information regarding anything of a romantic or sexual nature. It'd be something I'd bring up to dates eventually to explain some things but was no big deal.

I guess it's more of a "bring it up sooner than later" issue than I thought.

[asloace]

I just want to say being able to come here and read so many other guys similar experiences is awesome. It's been very lonely to not "get" what all my friends seem to over the years, and seeing you all makes me realize I'm not broken, just different and needed a place to figure myself out.

[CuppaJoe1]

On 3/28/2015 at 6:51 AM, RobPal said:

I just came on the forum to post my views as to where this pinned thread would best fit, and there it is already in place. 🙂

So to get things started I'd like to find out if other male asexuals find it difficult to be among other men who are sexual. Personally I feel like there is an unspoken link between the sexual males, regardless of whether they're hetero, homo, bi etc... and this tends to make me feel excluded even if it's not intentional. Maybe it's just because I'm an introvert, but it would be interesting to know what other guys here think.

I have never really had this problem. I have 4 strait male friends and 2 strait female friends along with 2 gay and bi female friends. Never really felt excluded because I'm Asexual

[will123]

6 hours ago, CuppaJoe1 said:

I have never really had this problem. I have 4 strait male friends and 2 strait female friends along with 2 gay and bi female friends. Never really felt excluded because I'm Asexual

Are you out to these friends? Over the last few years (since I joined AVEN) I've come out to a few friends. I haven't noticed anything different in my interactions. One person has ghosted his social circle since I told him. He was the only person that was maybe a bit puzzled about asexuality. To the rest it's a non-issue.

[CuppaJoe1]

16 hours ago, will123 said:

Are you out to these friends? Over the last few years (since I joined AVEN) I've come out to a few friends. I haven't noticed anything different in my interactions. One person has ghosted his social circle since I told him. He was the only person that was maybe a bit puzzled about asexuality. To the rest it's a non-issue.

I am out to all of them. I just kind of told them, nothing fancy. Literally nothing changed (Which I expected tbh).

[aafire]

So going on dates with a gal and not feeling any attraction to her at all is a strange thing. This was my first date since figuring out I'm *somewhat* ace and it really changed my whole perspective on it. I'm sure she expects some more interest from me, but it felt less like a date and more like hanging out with a friend. Which meant it was super low pressure and I just hung out and had good time, but I don't think I showed enough interest for her to want to meet up again. 

[j86]

On 7/30/2021 at 11:33 PM, Wrrn said:

I just spent several days at a bachelor party and if I wasn't thinking I was ace before, I would be now. All the conversations, all the activities, all the everything revolved along these guys' sex drives or history or whatever. We'd go buy some beer and they'd pull off to hit on women, we'd grab some pizza and they'd invite the pizza girl to stay with us, etc. It was bizarre. 

The few bachelor parties I've been to (one of which I had to arrange - which I half-assed but turned out great), fortunately, have been super low key hangouts pretty much and people had more interesting things to say/talk about than - hey, look at that woman! - or anything related to their own romantic/sex lives. What you describe sounds like an annoying nightmare to me.

 

On 7/30/2021 at 11:33 PM, Wrrn said:

I was talking to a friend a while back about how I'm thinking I'm on the asexual spectrum and they asked if I was going to tell our (almost entirely LGBTQIA+) group and I said no. I didn't feel that even if I decided this was who I am, that I didn't need to share the information. As I don't share much other information regarding anything of a romantic or sexual nature. It'd be something I'd bring up to dates eventually to explain some things but was no big deal.

This is kind of my take on it. I generally don't share romantic/sexual things with people regardless, mostly because it's uninteresting to talk about to me. So telling people I am asexual just...isn't important to me and just leads to a conversation I'm not interested in having, I guess? For me at least, it's just such an unimportant part of my life that it's information I'll divulge on a need to know basis, and there are few of those.

[pma01]

On 7/7/2021 at 11:27 AM, Sir Lancelop said:

Just got my first girlfriend, who is demisexual like me.  She’s gorgeous, kind and amazing overall and I love her.  I get so excited whenever I interact with her, whether via text, video chat, holding hands, kissing, hugging... and so does my manhood.  I’m hard like, 24/7 😅.   Is this normal for a first relationship?  I just want to enjoy our relationship and don’t care about sex at all.  It’s getting annoying.  

Embrace it, enjoy it, you don’t have to have sex, you can try mutual masturbation, or you can just masturbate alone, it’s totally normal 

[pma01]

On 12/7/2020 at 12:16 PM, RobL2415 said:

I've never had a wet dream either. They talked about them in sex ed but I never got one.

I've had many, MANY dreams involving sex where I wake up stiff as a board, but not to the point of ejaculation.

To be clear, I like the feeling of sexual arousal and orgasm, just not the idea (still a virgin) of having PIV or anal intercourse.

I couldn’t agree with you more, I have had many wet dreams as a teenager. Cleaning up all the cum in my underwear was annoying, I had a very active libido since puberty. Even though I can’t get fully hard anymore, I still get quite a few sex dreams, but no we’re dreams

[pma01]

On 5/6/2021 at 7:26 PM, will123 said:

I shouldn't have spoken so soon...I had a sex dream last night.

 

That’s awesome 

[will123]

1 hour ago, pma01 said:

That’s awesome 

As long as they aren't wet dreams, I can handle them. Mind you my sex dreams are so infrequent, they aren't really a concern.

[Janus the Fox]

Sex dreams of my own are completely non existent it I’ve had a small few that lead up to it and abruptly ended before the sex started while waking up.  Even though I’ve later discovered my BF and that of my fetishes, I don’t dream these either. 

[nice ip]

I have been pondering this for a minute now. Found the asexual community about a couple of years ago and I’m 27. I started a new job a couple of days go and I was hanging out with my new coworkers and one lesbian woman started talking about how she got six numbers in one day and how one of the girls were so hot. I admit she is but I feel so awkward because I can’t relate to the excitement she was experiencing.
 

However, everyone else in the group was hanging on her every word. It’s these moments where I have nothing to add but in another situation, discussing anything else I would be okay. I’m not a liar either so I just crack jokes here and there if I can think of any. 

 

Considering all of the few sexual encounters I’ve had, I felt nothing and now I know why but this doesn’t make the societal pressure go away. My family is still wondering what’s going on with me, even though they won’t say it to my face.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Love from the south side of Chicago 

[will123]

7 hours ago, nice ip said:

I have been pondering this for a minute now. Found the asexual community about a couple of years ago and I’m 27. I started a new job a couple of days go and I was hanging out with my new coworkers and one lesbian woman started talking about how she got six numbers in one day and how one of the girls were so hot. I admit she is but I feel so awkward because I can’t relate to the excitement she was experiencing.
 

However, everyone else in the group was hanging on her every word. It’s these moments where I have nothing to add but in another situation, discussing anything else I would be okay. I’m not a liar either so I just crack jokes here and there if I can think of any. 

 

Considering all of the few sexual encounters I’ve had, I felt nothing and now I know why but this doesn’t make the societal pressure go away. My family is still wondering what’s going on with me, even though they won’t say it to my face.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Love from the south side of Chicago 

Welcome to AVEN . I thought I was straight until I was 44. I just tried to blend in when the conversation got sexual. I'm still a vigin at 59, nor have I had a girlfriend. I've had friends that were girls or women thru my adult life, but never attempted to have sex with them.

 

Finding out about asexuality and AVEN (see link in my signature) was a huge relief. I've told a few friends that I'm asexual, but have no plans to come out to my family.

[aafire]

girl I was dating decided to break it off since she doesn't see it going anywhere romantically. Can't say I blame her, it was a pretty fun few dates and had some good laughs, but I never felt a lick of attraction towards her and she noticed. I guess the next time I'm dating someone I'll need to try and show a bit more interest..

[will123]

14 minutes ago, skal said:

girl I was dating decided to break it off since she doesn't see it going anywhere romantically. Can't say I blame her, it was a pretty fun few dates and had some good laughs, but I never felt a lick of attraction towards her and she noticed. I guess the next time I'm dating someone I'll need to try and show a bit more interest..

You must feel awful! I know I don't want to be with a woman sexually or romantically, but it's nice to have them as friends. The three I'm in contact with the most I'm out to. Not that anything 'could' happen due to their current situations, I just wanted them to know why nothing ever happened in the past. The third girl is young enough to be my daughter, so there was NO way in my mind anything could've happened there even if I was straight.

[aafire]

8 minutes ago, will123 said:

You must feel awful! I know I don't want to be with a woman sexually or romantically, but it's nice to have them as friends. The three I'm in contact with the most I'm out to. Not that anything 'could' happen due to their current situations, I just wanted them to know why nothing ever happened in the past. The third girl is young enough to be my daughter, so there was NO way in my mind anything could've happened there even if I was straight.

I don't feel too bad but it's just hard to build a relationship if the other party is expecting a more romantic/sexual connection 😅. I'm glad you have some lady friends that you can just hang out with, I have a couple I'm close with, but none I am out to. (though they may suspect..)

[will123]

3 hours ago, skal said:

I don't feel too bad but it's just hard to build a relationship if the other party is expecting a more romantic/sexual connection 😅. I'm glad you have some lady friends that you can just hang out with, I have a couple I'm close with, but none I am out to. (though they may suspect..)

I haven't bothered trying to meet anyone after I identified as asexual. I just figured it wouldn't be worth it. I'm just glad I met the one friend when I did. It was a couple of years before I found out about asexuality, going on 18 years now. Two of the persons I've known since we were teens. That being said I only came out to a friend as asexual four years ago and even if you've known the person for a long time, it doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully the responses (except for possibly one) were of understanding and acceptance

[Randomtangle]

I dunno if we’re still talking about the female friends thing, but I have my two cents.

I can feel lot more comfortable quicker around women, but I have few female friends, and none I’m actually physically around. Unfortunately, I feel the most comfortable with them when they’re around. It’s that… not to make generalizations, but men can be kinda boneheaded when it comes to responding to emotions, myself included. In my experience girls aren’t more or less often to ramble on and one about sex or something (I have good ears so I hear a lot of conversations), but they ARE more likely to notice when people start to feel uncomfortable.

I have few personal experiences, though. It’s mostly just what I’ve observed. (I swear I’m not a creep, female interaction just intrigues me and I see it a lot.)

Also, men are chattier. Just putting that out there.

[Randomtangle]

 

On 7/6/2021 at 4:13 PM, Warhawk said:

I REALLY don’t get NSFW artists, nor people who follow or are fans of the art. Sure, it’s literally written in my identity, but I just don’t understand the whole thing. Rather my biggest confusion is people sharing it within communities or like "nsfw chats" on discord. Do sexual guys sit down and watch adult content together or something? Not with the intent of doing anything with each other. That's almost kinda what it feels like in that setting. I guess the anonymity takes away that kind of awkwardness.

SAME!!! I’m an aspiring artist, I’ve been told many artists face the moral dilemma of making NSFW art for extra money or not. I understand the artists. Regardless of whether or not they truly want to do this, it pays more.

People who share it? It just seems so weird, the concept sharing NSFW art or pornography (are they considered one in the same???). Like… you guys can now get sexual over the same thing. Doesn’t that typically BREAK male friendships? Do they do the thing together? What’s the point of it all?