Sir Lancelop Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 8 hours ago, will123 said: Why do I have to have aesthetic attraction? I'm content in not wanting/desiring/et cetera sex with another person. I'm content in not being romantically attracted to girls or guys. BUT WHY DO I LOVE TO LOOK AT GIRLS? It's only going to get worse as the warmer weather approaches... In light of the first two statements, why can't aesthetic attraction be absent from me? I've read a lot aces (male and female) mention how when their 'sexual' friends remark about a person's cuteness/attractiveness/hotness/et cetera, they just draw a blank. I wish I was in the same boat so to speak. Any other asexual guys out there that struggle with aesthetic attraction? Care to share your feelings? Being aesthetically attracted to women doesn’t make you any less Ace than the rest of us. When I was first questioning my heterosexuality, this bugged me IMMENSELY, since I too have an aesthetic attraction to women. Ultimately, it stands to reason that only YOU can say how you feel on the inside. Rest assured, being Ace is not a competition, and if you identify with asexuality even just a little, you belong in the community. Besides, the human body has long been considered sacred, and has been widely associated with fine art since the beginning of mankind. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Some Call Me Tim Posted May 19, 2020 Share Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/8/2020 at 1:11 PM, will123 said: Any other asexual guys out there that struggle with aesthetic attraction? Care to share your feelings? Yes, and I didn't even know there was a difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction until recently (I'm 44, and just realised I was on the grey end of the spectrum in the last year or so.) That conflation really caused me a lot of confusion and guilt ... as if I were presented with a problem I should know the obvious answer to, but couldn't crack, no matter how hard I tried. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 19, 2020 Share Posted May 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Some Call Me Tim said: Yes, and I didn't even know there was a difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction until recently (I'm 44, and just realised I was on the grey end of the spectrum in the last year or so.) That conflation really caused me a lot of confusion and guilt ... as if I were presented with a problem I should know the obvious answer to, but couldn't crack, no matter how hard I tried. I was 44 too when I found out about asexuality. I'm 58 now. Welcome to AVEN EDIT: Talking to a male friend (allo) on the weekend about my struggle with aesthetic attraction especially when I'm checking out the bumps on teens . Like the female ace that I spoke to in February, he said as long as my thoughts don't take a turn for the worse, I shouldn't worry about it. Plus a second vote for "I'm a guy, of course I'm going to be checking out girls (of all ages)". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 After mentioning in a post elsewhere about babysitting in my late teens on Saturday nights when my friends were going to dances and partying, decided to Google the demographics. I found an article that had checked approximately 175,000 online ads for babysitters. Of them 2.9 percent were male. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bronztrooper Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 5 hours ago, will123 said: After mentioning in a post elsewhere about babysitting in my late teens on Saturday nights when my friends were going to dances and partying, decided to Google the demographics. I found an article that had checked approximately 175,000 online ads for babysitters. Of them 2.9 percent were male. I feel like that has more to do with gender roles and all that than anything to do with one's orientation Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Bronztrooper said: I feel like that has more to do with gender roles and all that than anything to do with one's orientation At the time I thought I was straight but just not interested in social life. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 Sometimes I feel like simply having been born male got me painted with roofing tar. So many females are so quick to cry "harassment" these days that I don't want to go near them, unless they make a special effort to appear friendly toward me which doesn't happen often. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 7 hours ago, Jon A. said: Sometimes I feel like simply having been born male got me painted with roofing tar. So many females are so quick to cry "harassment" these days that I don't want to go near them, unless they make a special effort to appear friendly toward me which doesn't happen often. It's sad that you feel this way. At times it may seem that way. I'm 58 and and have been bombarded with messaging all my adult life about how to behave towards females because some men are Spoiler assholes. I've never come across or worked with any women that were the accusatory types. However I was warned about two that either my brother or other co-workers had had the misfortune of working with. To use your phrase, don't tar all women with the same brush. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WrenIsNotMyRealName!! Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 12 hours ago, Jon A. said: Sometimes I feel like simply having been born male got me painted with roofing tar. So many females are so quick to cry "harassment" these days that I don't want to go near them, unless they make a special effort to appear friendly toward me which doesn't happen often. Huh, my experience is almost entirely different. I only have one male friend. Everyone else is female and that's the way it's been for all 18 years of my life. I just never bonded with males, I guess. Probably because I live in Arkansas so they're all close minded and sex obsessed. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 55 minutes ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said: Huh, my experience is almost entirely different. I only have one male friend. Everyone else is female and that's the way it's been for all 18 years of my life. I just never bonded with males, I guess. Probably because I live in Arkansas so they're all close minded and sex obsessed. It wasn't so much the case when I was that age, having just finished high school and such, but I wouldn't say I really bonded with them either. The guys, even less likely as most of them were pretty wild and I wasn't at all. I was subject to ridicule by both parties, sometimes in the form of false interest from certain females. I hung around with one of each and would gift them a lift home regularly, misfits like me. Once Y2K hit though it seemed everything just went down the crapper, for me anyway. Finally, I live in a pretty dead part of the country, so most from my school years have long since left. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kelwyne Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 My experiences have been similar, I have had more female friends than male friends for most of my life, but it was more pronounced in my school and college years. Now it is a bit more balanced, I find people my age that I choose to spend time with are more tolerant and we bond more on being middle age and preparing for what the 50s may bring. As an aside, once I entered the professional work force, I found it mostly neutral ground. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Low End Things Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 On 6/1/2020 at 8:02 PM, Kelwyne said: My experiences have been similar, I have had more female friends than male friends for most of my life, but it was more pronounced in my school and college years. Now it is a bit more balanced, I find people my age that I choose to spend time with are more tolerant and we bond more on being middle age and preparing for what the 50s may bring. As an aside, once I entered the professional work force, I found it mostly neutral ground. I've had a very similar experience although I'm still young at 29. I found that women growing up were more interesting, to be blunt. They had a much more varied set of personalities. Guys were too focused on sex and going out, and I couldn't fake interest forever. I learned to get good at meeting new people because of this, since guys should have guy friends and I just needed to find them, right? Didn't work out, but what can you do. Also had the experience level out once I started working consistently. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 On 5/8/2020 at 12:11 PM, will123 said: Why do I have to have aesthetic attraction? I'm content in not wanting/desiring/et cetera sex with another person. I'm content in not being romantically attracted to girls or guys. BUT WHY DO I LOVE TO LOOK AT GIRLS? It's only going to get worse as the warmer weather approaches... In light of the first two statements, why can't aesthetic attraction be absent from me? I've read a lot aces (male and female) mention how when their 'sexual' friends remark about a person's cuteness/attractiveness/hotness/et cetera, they just draw a blank. I wish I was in the same boat so to speak. Any other asexual guys out there that struggle with aesthetic attraction? Care to share your feelings? Thursday night was really bad I'll just leave it at that... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy in Miami Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) I think this is the appropriate thread. If not, I apologize. I used to be very sexually active, until something traumatic happened last year. Now, I avoid sex. However, I do find women very attractive. I’m having a hard time meeting people now, because I don’t want to end up in a situation where I’m forced to say I don’t want sex. So here I am, hoping to learn from others here. Most of my friends think I’m this “player”, because of my past, so I feel like I’m living a lie. It’s funny (or not), but I’d be happy meeting someone I can watch movies and have ice cream with, without the pressure of sex. To the other males here, how has dating been? Any success stories? Thanks. Edited June 14, 2020 by Mystery411 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 @Mystery411 Welcome to AVEN! The last female friend that I've met was a person I met a couple of years before I figured out I was asexual. I've never made any attempt to find any female friends since. I know what you mean about having a 'girl friend' to just chat with or socialize. I do have some other girls that I've known since I was a teenager that I'm still in contact with. I just feel that it would be a waste of time to try and meet someone... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy in Miami Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 1 minute ago, will123 said: @Mystery411 Welcome to AVEN! The last female friend that I've met was a person I met a couple of years before I figured out I was asexual. I've never made any attempt to find any female friends since. I know what you mean about having a 'girl friend' to just chat with or socialize. I do have some other girls that I've known since I was a teenager that I'm still in contact with. I just feel that it would be a waste of time to try and meet someone... Yeah, I hear ya. Unless, there’s an understanding about sex or lack of it (would love to meet an ACE). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 26 minutes ago, Mystery411 said: Yeah, I hear ya. Unless, there’s an understanding about sex or lack of it (would love to meet an ACE). I know. In my case it's a bit past that being a principle part of a relationship since I'm 58. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy in Miami Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, will123 said: I know. In my case it's a bit past that being a principle part of a relationship since I'm 58. Oh! Yeah, I see what you mean. Nice to meet you! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 A bit late to be timely LOL, but as an asexual virgin with no intentions of ever having sex, let alone procreating, I'll never have anyone wish me a Happy Father's Day. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WrenIsNotMyRealName!! Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 On 6/14/2020 at 6:49 PM, on vacation said: until something traumatic happened last year. It always really weirds me out when people don't under up like you. Like, I was watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and she high-key got Spoiler raped and then she just carried on and had sex with the next guy she met and it just blew my mind. Like, she acted like the incident was a really big deal for her but then just, ignored it? I dunno if it was unrealistic writing or what. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WrenIsNotMyRealName!! Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 1 hour ago, will123 said: A bit late to be timely LOL, but as an asexual virgin with no intentions of ever having sex, let alone procreating, I'll never have anyone wish me a Happy Father's Day. Hey. Don't make me sad about things I don't care about, k? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WrenIsNotMyRealName!! Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 On 6/2/2020 at 8:23 PM, Low End Things said: I found that women growing up were more interesting, to be blunt. They had a much varied set of personalities. Guys were too focused on sex and going out Exactly why I only currently have one male friend. Men are just so one-dimensional. I've never met a cis-male who doesn't have sex only a layer down from their public persona. Its horrible. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 2 hours ago, will123 said: A bit late to be timely LOL, but as an asexual virgin with no intentions of ever having sex, let alone procreating, I'll never have anyone wish me a Happy Father's Day. Or a "How's your father's day" 😋😋 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 11 hours ago, will123 said: A bit late to be timely LOL, but as an asexual virgin with no intentions of ever having sex, let alone procreating, I'll never have anyone wish me a Happy Father's Day. I don't want anyone to wish me Happy Father's Day, but sometimes they still do. I am not a father. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, daveb said: I don't want anyone to wish me Happy Father's Day, but sometimes they still do. I am not a father. It can be frightening, if someone said that to me I would be like “what do you mean?” with an expression like this. Spoiler 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 In light of the amount of babies two families have produced here (all parents much younger than me) I dont think the world is suffering from my lack of 'offspring'. A young female friend who is quite sure she'll not have children says their 19 or 20 kids more than makes up for our decisions... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 1 hour ago, N8LV3y said: It can be frightening, if someone said that to me I would be like “what do you mean?” with an expression like this. Hide contents Very much my expression if any kid or teen come up to me and say 'Happy Fathers Day Dad'. I'm old enough to have teenagers if I was that way with sex. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WrenIsNotMyRealName!! Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 God damn it. Turns out almonds have zinc and a zinc deficiency can cause your pituitary gland to shut down. Well, I just ate a whole bag of almonds and was feeling like I was back in puberty. So I started talking to a friend, trying to distract myself and made the passing comment that I wanted more almonds and she said "Wait, would that help?" and I suddenly remembered that almonds can be used as a T supplement and now the sex hormones are running around and I'm upset. I'm upset because I spent 4 years working around trying to break my libido and I just accidently brought it back by bored eating. Temporarily, hopefully. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 6 hours ago, will123 said: In light of the amount of babies two families have produced here (all parents much younger than me) I dont think the world is suffering from my lack of 'offspring'. A young female friend who is quite sure she'll not have children says their 19 or 20 kids more than makes up for our decisions... Also, two of the daughters of the first couple have had 5 children as well... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 @WrenIsNotMyRealName!!, I'm tempted to say "nuts" 😋😋, but it took me about thirty seconds to find a peer-reviewed article on the Pubmed website suggesting that this could be true. It isn't that the nuts are a testosterone mimic, but in some people a chemical within them can stimulate increased secretion. However, this won't work for everyone Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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