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Asexual Men Musings

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Homer
4 minutes ago, Sir Lancelop said:

Random question, but does anyone have experience dealing with/overcoming panic disorder, agoraphobia, and anxiety?  I’d like to get rid of all that sh*t ASAP.

Stuff like that is best discussed with a mental health professional. Medical advice over the internet is never a good idea. You might want to check the Intersectionality subforum and there's a Mental Health Support Thread in Tea & Sympathy where a few people have mentioned coping mechanisms, but if you really want to get to the root of things, your doc is the best person to ask :) 

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Arodash
1 hour ago, Sir Lancelop said:

Random question, but does anyone have experience dealing with/overcoming panic disorder, agoraphobia, and anxiety?  I’d like to get rid of all that sh*t ASAP.

I experience it and have been coping with it since I was 13, its not a matter of getting rid of it but learning to cope and control it. I highly suggest seeing a proffesional about it as they will guide you through coping skills

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Sir Lancelop
12 minutes ago, Arodash said:

I experience it and have been coping with it since I was 13, its not a matter of getting rid of it but learning to cope and control it. I highly suggest seeing a proffesional about it as they will guide you through coping skills

I’ve been dealing with it more or less my whole life, but there have been a few periods of several years where it’s been absent.  Really wish it were one of those periods right now.

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Arodash
7 hours ago, Sir Lancelop said:

I’ve been dealing with it more or less my whole life, but there have been a few periods of several years where it’s been absent.  Really wish it were one of those periods right now.

Dont worry the same thing happens to me, I find taking a step back from everything helps, but I also up my sessions with my therapist. I dont know if you see one but its very good for your mental well being

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Laplace
On 9/12/2019 at 3:06 PM, Sir Lancelop said:

Random question, but does anyone have experience dealing with/overcoming panic disorder, agoraphobia, and anxiety?  I’d like to get rid of all that sh*t ASAP.

It’s not gonna go away quickly and it may always kinda lurk beneath the surface but I’ve really curbed my own anxiety (largely social) by taking a job in retail. Dealing with people day in and day out has forced me to confront and suppress those feelings which has gradually made me much more confident.

 

Obviously though treatment methods should differ depending on your specific issues.

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ben8884
On 9/11/2019 at 4:17 PM, daveb said:

As far as family name goes, in a way it's going to die in the next generation of my immediate family. There was only one male in my father's generation to pass it on directly, and none of my brothers or me had male children. The joke is on my dad as he has some strong paternalistic tendencies and ideas. :P (but it's a very common surname so plenty of other people will still have it, just not in my family)

Do you ever get nagged about carrying on the family name? I have 2 lasts name one is incredibly common and the other is extremely rare. My Mother-of the rare last name once said it was a shame that our name will die out with my generation. I reminded her that was have kinfolk in the UK, Maine and even Australia all with more than a couple of young men so the name should be OK and her response was HER branch of the family will die out. Mind you, I do have an Uncle who is still able so one never knows! 

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daveb
2 hours ago, ben8884 said:

Do you ever get nagged about carrying on the family name?

Nope. Especially not at my age. :lol:

Never did when I was younger either. As far as I know my parents never nagged any of us to have kids. Some of my siblings wanted kids, some didn't and it was all okay. :) 

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Bronztrooper

No pressure for me, but then my dad is the kind of guy that doesn't really care how me and my sister live our lives so long as we're happy with it, while my mom doesn't exactly want to be a grandmother (though, tbf, she lives on her own and doesn't talk to me or my sister often) so it's not likely to come up.

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will123

No pressure on me. My mother even commented when my nephew was born, "That takes the pressure off you".

 

They knew I'd had female friends but only once did my father ever make a comment about marrying one girl I knew. She in turn said her mother had made the same comment to her about me...

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Zagadka

I've never felt pressure, but my family is a little odd and not traditional at all.

 

My sister had 4 kids. My mom (jokingly) said that she hopes each of those 4 kids have 4 kids of their own so my sister knows what it is like to be a grandma. I joke that my sister stole the kids I was supposed to have, but she isn't a fan of having 4 kids, herself, so I try to be nice to her.

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Laplace

Some of my relatives are a little old-fashioned and/or religious so they sorta think it’s my responsibility to have a family and potentially a son to carry on my name. Asians can be kinda particular about that 😒. I’m also the oldest guy among the relatives I see with our last name too sooooo....yeah. 

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will123

Normally I don't react one way or the other about the relationships my friends are in but recently I found out that a male friend has had his female friend of less than a year move in with him.

 

To my mind the whole thing is wrong on many levels. One being since I've known him (mid 80s) he's never mentioned being on a date (heck I've 'interacted' more often with females). Two she was the PSW for his late father. The way he tells it, she initiated things.

 

In June I had found out that he been going out with this person (they're both in their 50s) and then on the Labour Day weekend he tells me that she has moved in with him.

 

The whole thing is a huge shock. I just hope he's not blinded by the affection, she doesn't have an ulterior motive (he owns a house while she was renting a basement apartment) and setting himself up for a big disappointment.

 

I don't know if my concern is warranted or if it's a result of my aroness. That being said, a couple that I've known for a few years broke up a year ago. Over the past nine months they've both moved on and have new 'friends'. My reaction? I'm glad they aren't alone anymore.

 

Any thoughts?

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daveb

Maybe he's happy?

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will123
9 hours ago, daveb said:

Maybe he's happy?

By all indications he's over the moon. I asked a female friend who is trained as a PSW (personal support worker) and she was saying that they aren't supposed to get involved with clients and/or the families.

 

I'm just puzzled about my negative reaction to him having a friend compared to my normal "OK" reaction to a friend having a new 'friend' :huh:

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will123

At times I've posted that I wished that I had found out about asexuality at an earlier age. That being said during a walk yesterday I wondered if that is such a good thing. Had I known that I was asexual sooner, would I have isolated myself from females (precluding meeting a girl that I'm still friends with 16 years later)?

Edited by will123
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SkyenAutowegCaptain

@will123, I'd view it from the opposite angle, if I'd known about asexuality 30 years ago I wouldn't have wasted twenty-five of them running away if a female tried to be "friends" 

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Catserole

I've thought about this quite a bit. I spent quite a few years navigating life trying to figure out what I did and didn't want, before by chance reading of asexuality. I view that figuring out for myself stage as important, and had I been able to put a label on myself earlier I'm not convinced it would have been better in terms of relating to other (mostly allosexual) people. I'm really glad to know that other asexual people exist now though.

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Laplace

Not much would’ve changed if I knew about asexuality sooner. I was dense and uninterested in romance and sex since the dawn of time and knowing I was likely asexual would not have raised my awareness at all. I’d still be clueless and apathetic about romance.

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Homer

I understand sex, but I don't understand romance. Nothing about it seems even remotely desirable to me.

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Anommamous

I wasn't going to post here, out of desire to respect that it's a space for men. However, I felt I should address this.

@will123 There is nothing wrong with wanting sex without a relationship. Objectification is when you dehumanize a person, whether by completely disregarding their beliefs, feelings and desires, or what have you. As long as you and she are on the same page, you should be fine.

Edit: sorry, I tried to quote the post and it didn't work

Edited by Anommamous
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Arodash
22 minutes ago, Anommamous said:

I wasn't going to post here, out of desire to respect that it's a space for men. However, I felt I should address this.

@will123 There is nothing wrong with wanting sex without a relationship. Objectification is when you dehumanize a person, whether by completely disregarding their beliefs, feelings and desires, or what have you. As long as you and she are on the same page, you should be fine.

Edit: sorry, I tried to quote the post and it didn't work

Seconded

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will123
1 hour ago, Anommamous said:

I wasn't going to post here, out of desire to respect that it's a space for men. However, I felt I should address this.

@will123 There is nothing wrong with wanting sex without a relationship. Objectification is when you dehumanize a person, whether by completely disregarding their beliefs, feelings and desires, or what have you. As long as you and she are on the same page, you should be fine.

Edit: sorry, I tried to quote the post and it didn't work

@Arodash (too)

 

To me it felt like I was coming across that I was looking for a "wham bam thank you ma'am" situation...

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Anommamous

@will123 There's nothing morally wrong with that! Now if you led someone to believe you were looking for something you weren't, that would cause problems. It's much easier to just be honest about what you're looking for. I'm sure there are plenty of women who are up for one-night stands. (Or one-hour stands or whatever..)

Edited by Anommamous

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will123
5 minutes ago, Anommamous said:

@will123 There's nothing morally wrong with that! Now if you led someone to believe you were looking for something you weren't, that would cause problems. It's much easier to just be honest about what you're looking for. I'm sure there are plenty of women who are up for one-night stands. (Or one-hour stands or whatever..)

That's not a concern since any interest in sexual activity of any sort on my part disappeared back in 2005 when I found out about asexuality.

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