Asexual Men Musings

[chatha]

Hey, we all need to let off steam to those whom we know will understand. That's why we're here. You're among friends.

[SMW22792]

I remember when I was younger (6th grade), I really admired Hayley Williams. I loved how talented she was with her vocals. People accused me of only liking her for her body, and that bothered me a lot. Why should that have any bearing of whether I like someone or not?

[Skycaptain]

Hang on here. Teenage males accusing other teenage males of only being attracted to a female for her looks?!

I thought that was the norm.

[Nevyn]

It is the norm. That and mocking other males who don't conform to the alpha of the group.

[zoidberger]

I think for the most part being extremely less sexual or asexual isn't much of a factor when it comes to other guys. There are always some conversations, people, or questions that end up putting me in an awkward position though.

You get asked questions like "who would you fuck?" "Dammmn that's hot" (someone checking out another person right in the middle of conversation), and other random things about how they've had a bunch of sex or really need sex. It's stuff that just completely doesn't compute. It's not even certain guys really, it's almost every one of them at some point.

Anyway, during those kinds of conversations all I can do is nod and hope I don't look completely awkward. I imagine teatotallers might feel somewhat similar at times, given how common it is to drink or do some form of light drugs.

[Indecisive]

Yeah, I agree. Is it strange that I have no love for sex, yet I still know a lot about it and laugh at a lot of sex jokes? I always thought that was a little weird.

I just think sex is extremely awkward, and most people don't realize it because their thoughts are clouded while "in the mood". Like looking at porn outside of the context of wanting to be aroused usually makes people more grossed out than otherwise, because people just see how silly and cheesy it looks/sounds. I've always hated sex scenes in movies, they're usually just awkward and pointless. One of the only sex scenes I've ever thought had a point were the ones in American Psycho, other than that, I've never NOT felt awkward during sex scenes.

[chatha]

A lot of scenes in movies aren't even logical. For example, some couple survives some catastrophe and immediately starts making out (like at the end of Twister). In reality, the body's anxiety levels would cause all not-immediately-needed-for-survival desires to be suppressed: for ex., wouldn't be interested in eating, sleeping or mating.

It was awkward, too, when someone friendly who knows I'm ace told me they were expecting a child. He was excited but he was telling someone who doesn't do what he did. Trying to be happy for him but really can't relate. For another sexual, I suppose he'd remember his own escapades and could appreciate successfully placing an order. For me, I dont have any personal memories like that. Awkward.

Plus, hearing about it and seeing scenes in movies is like being reminded there's this club I'm not part of that everyone else is in.

[Skycaptain]

chatha, remember, we are in our own club.

[The ace in space]

I usually get this form of confusion or disbelief whenever I say I don't like sex. People think I'm just joking and it's not possible for me to hate sex because I'm male. My repulsed reactions were even some kind of comic relief for other people at one point. It's confusing how some people endorse us to be sexual, and those of us who aren't are surely just "going through a phase." If it's any indication, I used to call myself a prude just so other people wouldn't make fun of me (this was before discovering asexuality).

[Skycaptain]

G-ace, the problem as I see it is simple. A lack of sexual desire has differential diagnoses, whereas to be hetero, or on the LBGTIQ spectrum is seen as permanent. So people automatically assume that we will change. Personally after 43 years I think that that is unlikely

[The ace in space]

Personally after 43 years I think that that is unlikely

I agree. It's kind of difficult to graph lack of attraction, so I think people just knock it off as a stage. But I kinda want to stay this way, I like it :)

[RobPal]

Yep, I agree. After 36 years of no sexual desire/attraction or need for either I doubt that things will change, and if it did I wouldn't have a clue what to do with it.

[TheLycanthrope]

Most of my male friends (well, all of my friends are male) are either gay (I would say 80% of them) and the rest I either don't discuss sexuality with or I know that they are asexual like me, so I never really have gotten much exposure to the hyper-sex drive that men had until I got into a fraternity.
I don't have much to base their sex drive off of besides my almost non-existent drive and those of my gay friends, but the conversations and almost "obsession" with sex that some hetersoexual men seem to have is different than those of my gay friends.

Being asexual I simply don't discuss sex much unless it is prompted by my friends, and when it is I usually do not say much on it and usually listen to them speak about it. While being in a fraternity I have been surprised, honest to god surprised, by just how much sex runs people's lives. Everyday my fraternity brothers are discussing a girl's tits, her ass, her hips, her friends, other experiences revolving around them etc. Many leadership meetings just turned into stories about sex! I just sit down and listen, but I can't really contribute besides for the handful of times I have had reluctant sex.

I know that fraternitiy guys are not exactly percieved as being the best standard to judge other men, especially with sex drives, but I am just going off of my experiences I have had in my life so far. Just obsessing over sex is odd to me, so hearing it a lot is just. . . weird. I'm sort of rambling at this point (hehe, it's 2:13am FINALS WEEK!) so what I am saying is that I just find people's obsession with sex odd and hearing people obssess over it in real-time just makes it that much more odd. I just. . . don't get it. Sex doesn't even feel that good. Hell, i'd go as far as to say that masturbation feels better than sex, even with just my hand! Its just. . . it's weird.

[TheLycanthrope]

Also, as i've read through this thread it seems as if a lot of asexual men lean towards females as friends. I seem to be the exact opposite.

In HS I was like that, however. For my freshman year I had nothing but female friends, but sophmore year they all turned on me for some reason and proceeded to turn the whole school against me. . . long story.

Fast forward today and I have nothing but guy friends. I can relate to them very easily, they are easier for me to talk to, hang out with, discuss stuff with, understand etc. Women basically annoy me. I don't want to come off as misogynistic but it's to the point where I see a woman and I just see, like, hate or annoyance in her eyes. The way women act and their subtle nuainsess put me off as well. . . yet somehow I used to find them sexually appealing haha. It's weird. Especially in college where I am, by societal standards, supposed to be just obsessed over girls, sex, and relationships 24/7-- but that is the LAST STUFF on my mind haha!

Nowadays all I can do is perhaps find illustrations online of some furry porn or hentai aesthetically appealing, but that is about it. I almost feel like the odd one out in this thread :P I get sexual innuendos, i've had sex before (reluctantly), and, if need be, I can discuss it and make a few jokes about it although I prefer not to.

[marki]

Is this weird.......I seem to be attracted to the way certain outfits look on girls way more than I am attracted to the girl. Like I sort of view women like models and I just love the way a really well designed outfit can look on them, they have such great bumps and shapes!

I sort of was obsessed with the style channel for a long time......I'd rather see a fit girl rocking a badass outfit than her naked.

Am I f'ed in the heads?

[Indecisive]

To TheLycanthrope:

You're not really alone, because I've found that a lot of asexuals don't like talking/hearing about sex at all, but like you, I've never really felt one way or the other about it. My experiences with hypersexuality are much different though, because I've grown up around people who talk about sex a lot, and I've always been perceptive of sexuality in media.

To marki:

You're not weird, the majority of asexuals find people aesthetically pleasing, they just don't have any desire for sex. That was one of the most confusing things for me when I realized I might be asexual, because I still liked the way some people looked. As for liking their clothing, it can be just that you like the clothes, cause that stuff can look very good sometimes.

[chatha]

No. I don't think you are at all.

Maybe we think he/she/this/that is good-looking because the culture has told us so? I think a '63 split-window Stingray Corvette is the most beautiful vehicle I've ever seen. It supposed to be attractive. Doesn't mean I want one though. It's just nice to look at.

Some movie with... Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn?.... she thinks she looks unattractive in sweats. He says she looks sexier dressed like that. (I didn't understand what he meant At All when I first saw that. Still don't really get why people light up talking about lingerie either.) You're not alone, though, methinks.

[marki]

Lingerie is hilarious....let's get girls to spend money on clothing that actually is designed to not be worn! But I do like it!

[Skycaptain]

has anyone else seen the advert on the London Underground featuring a woman in a bikini advertising something or other, and not noticed what the product is?

[Rwkropf]

has anyone else seen the advert on the London Underground featuring a woman in a bikini advertising something or other, and not noticed what the product is?

Are you talking about the ad from Protein World?

I have heard a lot about this despite being in Canada. From what information I have heard, this caused outrage which created more advertisement for the company than the ad itself ever did.

[Techie]

I have a pretty strong bladder too and it always surprises me when others have to go so often, particularly men. For some reason I have always associated a small bladder with being a woman.

I am in the process of catching up on responses I missed over the past several weeks. In this regard, I often go frequently. There are two factors involved. First I am a little over a month shy of being 53 and that annoying prostate gland is doing what it does to a significant number of men my age; enlarge. Second, I make it a point to drink a lot of water during the day at work. Sometimes up to four quarts. I started doing that about two years ago when I noticed on routine blood tests some odd kidney numbers that had me worried. Dehydration was brought up as a possible issue so I started making sure I drank more water during the day as I realized I was in a dry air conditioned office which didn't help. At my next test three months later, the numbers were back in the normal range and have stayed there since then. So consuming all that extra water does require it be "recycled" a lot more often.

[Skycaptain]

Rwkropf, yes, that is the one. That's the whole point of what I was saying, I have seen the ad several times, but couldn't tell you what it was for.

[marki]

Wait....how is that a controversial advertisement? Just some grey chick in a standard looking bikini!

[Hobbes!]

It's about body image. Don't really want to get much further into it in this thread, since female body-image kinda has loads of places, while this is a male musings thread

[Rwkropf]

Rwkropf, yes, that is the one. That's the whole point of what I was saying, I have seen the ad several times, but couldn't tell you what it was for.

I see ads like this all the time, I never notice what they are advertising, which to me, seems to defeat the purpose.

[IBendTheLine]

Accidentally called out my asexuality to someone I was talking with from maths class.

He asked for clarification (I'd said that sex always seemed too tiring/sloppy/messy etc.) asking if I felt it at all

I said no, said I was asexual

He seemed pretty cool with it, saying that relationships must feel strange in that case, before also saying that it must be convenient sometimes where that stuff could get in the way

Pretty insightful guy, all around. No real questions beyond that. Felt nice :)

[Sage Raven Domino]

That's a really cool reaction to coming out

Rwkropf, I guess it's better for the company if people get curious at some point and read the ad more thoroughly and learn what it's about than if people don't notice the ad at all. Sexualisation / aestheticisation sells, deal with it.

Women basically annoy me. I don't want to come off as misogynistic but it's to the point where I see a woman and I just see, like, hate or annoyance in her eyes. The way women act and their subtle nuainsess put me off as well. . . yet somehow I used to find them sexually appealing haha. It's weird.

You're not alone, I'm with you on this matter

Ironically, I'm currently bitten by BABYMETAL's 'Megitsune' earbug :P that's reminding me that many women are slaves of their assigned gender :( It can seem stupid to some, but the vast majority of people approve of, or are OK with learning to cope with, the elusive way females are supposed to act.

Edited May 12, 2015 by Naosuu
Merged double posts

[Verb]

Another male reporting in :D Haven't seen a thread that caught my interest this much in a while.

On the subject of Friends & Acquaintances:

• Since leaving high school, my friend group has largely flipped from exclusively male to almost exclusively female.
• I feel uncomfortable when having to socialise with other males until I get to know them; at that point you get an idea of how likely they are to introduce the topic of sex. Generally I just modify my behaviour around them accordingly, I'm pretty good a winging being an average guy :P Well, no I'm not, I'm awful at it. But it hasn't cost me yet!

On the subject of Sex & Relationships

• I'm very uncomfortable with the stereotype of males as sex-obsessed reproduction machines with little to no self control. I detest even more the notion of people perceiving me this way.
• Despite the fact that I don't want sex, don't desire it and never have done, I am terrified of experiencing the stigma that surrounds being a virgin in later life. When I was younger, I'd always assumed I'd have lost my virginity by 16/17. I'm now 24 and still a virgin, and more importantly I'm happy that way. But I don't ever expect wider society to understand that; I'll forever have the label of the weird loner who couldn't ever really be fulfilled.

One the subject of Bodily Functions

• Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
  • No, really, ew :P For some reason I can't stand discussing any bodily function. Digestion, excretion, salivation. mucous....ew no.

[Dawg4280]

Is this weird.......I seem to be attracted to the way certain outfits look on girls way more than I am attracted to the girl. Like I sort of view women like models and I just love the way a really well designed outfit can look on them, they have such great bumps and shapes!

I sort of was obsessed with the style channel for a long time......I'd rather see a fit girl rocking a badass outfit than her naked.

Am I f'ed in the heads?

No, I am the exact same. It is kind of ridiculous how much I know about women's fashion, because of this. lol

[marki]

I went to an art museum and was looking at all the clothing....wow models are skinny at the waist! But I was in my defence actually there to look at awesome cars!