Asexual Men Musings

[Dizzard]

I've never seen the appeal of nightclubs. I'm ok with pubs, parties and the like but that whole clubbing scene just makes me really uncomfortable.

[IBendTheLine]

I don't really consider nightclubs and such normal settings (nor would I be involved in those considering my age), but in normal settings locker rooms and gyms terrify me. One because of other males' natural competitive demeanor in those areas and also because ew locker rooms.

Also I think I've run into a good set of friends, in lieu of recent drama. At least on the asexual standpoint, they're accepting of such, with good-natured joking and checking if I'm comfortable with their more intimate-subjected conversations (girls talk about sex a lot once they're not in public, I find)

[RobPal]

My question for the ace guys is: in what environment are you most comfortable? And least?

I'm most comfortable on my own at home. This is more to do with being an introvert than being asexual though.

I'm least comfortable in crowds, but again this is completely a part of my introversion.

In terms of being ace, I can cope with locker rooms better these days than when at school, but I still don't appreciate seeing others be a little too open when they're getting changed, although this is not that common. I haven't gone to the gym for nearly a year though, not because of this though, just the busyness of it and the cost involved too.

I don't mind listening to friends talking about sex and laughing at sexual jokes, but it gets extremely uncomfortable if the focus gets put on myself in the same terms. I'm starting to get better at seeing it coming and removing myself from the situation before it happens.

[Amazing_Ace]

I run into the problem of people assuming that I am a hyper-sexual person just because I fall under the "Masculine" appearance. I'm also a grappler and people seem to omit the idea that non-heterosexual people have the ability to throw someone around as well. LOL. I'm not completely open about being ace due to adverse reactions in the grappling community.

[Northwest]

I've never seen this many asexual males in one place, virtual or otherwise. Awesome!

[Dizzard]

I think there might have been people in my secondary school who thought I was gay. It didn't help that I almost exclusively hung out with this other relatively quiet guy.

There was one guy who would always be making kissy faces at me whenever I looked at him, he might have just been trying to annoy me though...Then there was other guy who was always seemed to be staring at me and frowning, I think I saw him shake his head once.

I know I saw those things, but it's possible I might have interpreted them wrong.

[The Ace Otaku]

I think there might have been people in my secondary school who thought I was gay. It didn't help that I almost exclusively hung out with this other relatively quiet guy.

I've been accused of being gay multiple time (note although I am demi-panromanic now this has only happened recently) through out my school life mostly for the face I was that quiet guy who sat in the corner. Funnily the my main accuser is now one of my best friends and openly bi, so ha karma

[Skycaptain]

I have been asked if I am gay/homosexual, but, in my view, "accused" is a touch harsh. If anyone is still sufficiently narrow-minded and bigoted as to make any non-hetero orientation an accusation treat them with the contempt they deserve

[Platitude]

Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

I'm fine with both, but it seems that girls are a bit more accepting or relaxed around me concerning my sexual and romantic orientation... I think that a lot of heterosexual males immediately assume that every gay or bi or pan guy is trying to make a pass at them...

[Skycaptain]

It works both ways, I have always been scared of talking to women for the same reason

[The ace in space]

Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

I guess it's somewhat true for me. I'm really comfortable with all genders, and I love to express my affection for people like telling them I love them, constantly hugging them, giving them nicknames, ect. The only thing is woman tend to be more open about it, so I usually show more affection for them than anyone else. I would be the same way with men, but a lot of the men I know really aren't comfortable with other men being so affectionate towards them, with only one being an exception, so I tone things down a bit. So I guess in a way I am more comfortable around girls because I feel more free to express myself, though saying that might be a bit exaggerated given I'm generally comfortable around anyone as long as they're nice.

[marki]

Girls always are mean to me.....why do they think teasing me is acceptable?

[Midnight Star]

I get along with most men fine. A few have problems but not the majority. As for women, I get along with them fine up until the point they find out I'm asexual. Then they tend to distance themselves from me.

[Dawg4280]

The only times that someone had serious questioned whether or not I was gay to knowledge both had to do with me struggling with what I now know to be my asexuality. I once told my dad when I was about 12 that I was not sure if I was attracted to girls. This because I was trying to think about sex with girls while masturbating and it was not working, I did not say this though He asked if I was gay, I told him that it was more like I was not attracted to girl all of the time. I do not know why I worded it like that, but I did not like that gay was the first place he went and I what to make him think that I was not. I was scared, because I was not gay and I felt like I may be something "worse". Either way, it convinced me not to try to talk about "it" anymore.

The other time was when I was super depressed around 13 and my mom asked me. the reason why was because I was closet crossdressing. The attraction that I do experience towards girls has more to do with accessories and their bodies, so I guess CD seemed curious to me. I ended up fetishistizing it, although I still could not think about sex while masturbating. I still could not figure myself out, but I feared I might be Trans, or something worse. When she asked. I said no. I she said oh thank god your not gay, half joking. My head dropping, thinking of what she would think if she know I was something worse than gay. Then she did a 180, saying that it is ok if I am gay, and I had to tell her again that I was not.

btw, has anyone else experiment with Crossdressing. and if so, why?

[The ace in space]

The only times that someone had serious questioned whether or not I was gay to knowledge both had to do with me struggling with what I now know to be my asexuality. I once told my dad when I was about 12 that I was not sure if I was attracted to girls. This because I was trying to think about sex with girls while masturbating and it was not working, I did not say this though He asked if I was gay, I told him that it was more like I was not attracted to girl all of the time. I do not know why I worded it like that, but I did not like that gay was the first place he went and I what to make him think that I was not. I was scared, because I was not gay and I felt like I may be something "worse". Either way, it convinced me not to try to talk about "it" anymore.

The other time was when I was super depressed around 13 and my mom asked me. the reason why was because I was closet crossdressing. The attraction that I do experience towards girls has more to do with accessories and their bodies, so I guess CD seemed curious to me. I ended up fetishistizing it, although I still could not think about sex while masturbating. I still could not figure myself out, but I feared I might be Trans, or something worse. When she asked. I said no. I she said oh thank god your not gay, half joking. My head dropping, thinking of what she would think if she know I was something worse than gay. Then she did a 180, saying that it is ok if I am gay, and I had to tell her again that I was not.

btw, has anyone else experiment with Crossdressing. and if so, why?

I remember I dressed up as a princess like two times when I was a kid. No fetishes were gained though, it was just for fun. It was either to make people laugh or it was because I always wondered about girl clothes. Nowadays I really like woman's clothing. I think a lot of it is really cute and I'm actually jealous girls can freely wear them. I can't see myself wearing girl clothes though, I just like how they look on girls is all.

[That asexual guy]

I don't consider myself feminine. But I'm also not all that masculine either. I'm somewhat in the middle. Am I alone?

[Dawg4280]

I don't consider myself feminine. But I'm also not all that masculine either. I'm somewhat in the middle. Am I alone?

I would say I feel around the middle maybe, but it is more like both. I tend be more masculine around guys and more feminine around girls.

[Skycaptain]

I've given up trying to be male, just being a nothing in particular is natural for me and a lot less stressful

[Dizzard]

Gender isn't something I've ever really thought about until now. I pretty much just saw sex and gender as the same thing. To be honest it's kind of surprising to learn that a lot of people out there feel very masculine or very feminine. I thought there was a lot more grey out there.....

I don't see myself as very masculine at all, but I also don't really think I'm particularly feminine either. (although an ignorant person might see how I act and attribute me to being more feminine than masculine)

btw, has anyone else experiment with Crossdressing. and if so, why?

I've had experience from when I was a kid. Does that count?

To be honest though I've largely forgotten why I did it or what it felt like. (It must have been nice to be a kid who didn't understand gender norms yet) So I guess I can't offer any real insight.

I have really crappy memory. :P

If I had to guess I'd say there probably wasn't a reason, it was just another thing to try on an ongoing list of things to try.

[Sage Raven Domino]

Based upon the 2014 AVEN Survey (page 6). The statistics are as follows for Aces:

Woman/Female: 62%

Other: 26.1%

Man/Male: 11.9%

I've just discovered that the survey site has published the sex-at-birth stats that weren't included in the preliminary results PDF. According to them, 13.3% of the ace respondents were males at birth, only 0.9% are bio-males of a non-standard gender, while 23.1% are bio-females of a non-standard gender.

That makes sense because periods are a valid and frequent reason for bio-females to hate their sex-at-birth, while bio-males have far less hassle with their bodily fluids.

I was always surprised to find out that one or another agender person is female-at-birth; but given these stats, I'll regard it as a usual thing from now on.

The 2015 census of the Spanish-speaking AVEN is not over yet, and the sample size is too small (a bit over 500), but it's remarkable that as many as ~25% of the respondents were born male (incl. trans-females - ~1% of the respondents):

Translation:

Replies: 516

Summary

Biological sex at birth

Born with female genitals 367 71.1%

Born with male genitals 126 24.4%

Born intersex (hermaphrodite), with ambiguous genitals 4 0.8%

Born with male genitals, though I feel like a woman 6 1.2%

Born with female genitals, though I feel like a man 13 2.5%

But even with this sample size, assuming that the percentage of duplicate answers is low, we can conclude with 95% confidence that >22% of the Spanish-speaking ace community were born males (only asexuals are asked to respond). Maybe that's because male aces are pressurised more to have sex in those countries and thus forced more often to question their orientation, i.e. the rate of self-outcome is bigger.

However, the percentages of people with gender dyshoria are significantly lower there, which puzzles me. Most probably some of the trans respondents didn't read the list of answers to the end and chose just 'born with male / female genitals'. (I failed to see the trans options myself when answering, though they don't apply to me.)

[divided_sky]

My question for the ace guys is: in what environment are you most comfortable? And least?

I'm most comfortable on my own at home. This is more to do with being an introvert than being asexual though.

I'm least comfortable in crowds, but again this is completely a part of my introversion.

In terms of being ace, I can cope with locker rooms better these days than when at school, but I still don't appreciate seeing others be a little too open when they're getting changed, although this is not that common. I haven't gone to the gym for nearly a year though, not because of this though, just the busyness of it and the cost involved too.

I don't mind listening to friends talking about sex and laughing at sexual jokes, but it gets extremely uncomfortable if the focus gets put on myself in the same terms. I'm starting to get better at seeing it coming and removing myself from the situation before it happens.

Never understood locker room behavior. In high school, I was in and out of there as fast as possible. But so many guys would happily hang out and chat, nearly naked, in a dank, smelly room with other half naked/naked men. What? What about that is appealing in any way to a straight guy? I do think there is something homo-erotic about it, but good luck getting a teenage guy to admit it. I can't fathom any reason why you'd spend a second longer in there than you had to. Man, and when someone would actually try to talk to me or make a comment while I was changing... I'm changing my clothes here, guy! Can it wait till we're outside? I hope to never be in another locker room my entire life. I jog outside and I don't have any use for an actual gym at the moment. Filthy. I hate public bathrooms too, but am forced to use them on occasion. I'm also a shy, uh, pee-er, and when someone tries to talk to me while at a urinal... my head explodes. Again, whatever you have to say to me, no matter how important you believe it to be, can it not wait? Can I just get this over with, please, without being interrupted or made to feel even more uncomfortable?

[Sage Raven Domino]

The boys' locker room is one of the few places in a school where girls aren't allowed to penetrate, and it's less smelly than the restrooms. Sometimes boys need a talk that's not for girls' ears.

[RHD95]

Never understood locker room behavior. In high school, I was in and out of there as fast as possible. But so many guys would happily hang out and chat, nearly naked, in a dank, smelly room with other half naked/naked men. What? What about that is appealing in any way to a straight guy? I do think there is something homo-erotic about it, but good luck getting a teenage guy to admit it. I can't fathom any reason why you'd spend a second longer in there than you had to. Man, and when someone would actually try to talk to me or make a comment while I was changing... I'm changing my clothes here, guy! Can it wait till we're outside? I hope to never be in another locker room my entire life. I jog outside and I don't have any use for an actual gym at the moment. Filthy. I hate public bathrooms too, but am forced to use them on occasion. I'm also a shy, uh, pee-er, and when someone tries to talk to me while at a urinal... my head explodes. Again, whatever you have to say to me, no matter how important you believe it to be, can it not wait? Can I just get this over with, please, without being interrupted or made to feel even more uncomfortable?

I never got the locker rooms thing either, always felt awkward and uncomfortable at the idea of changing clothes with other people around, I've only begun to tolerate them when I got used to it. Now that high school is over I'm glad I don't have to use one anymore. Oh I can relate to the public bathrooms thing as well :redface: , I'm really pee-shy and for this reason actively avoid urinals, always stalls, I just can't stand the thought of someone else peeing right besides me or watching me doing it, how on earth can other guys not be bothered by this? It's a very private thing for me I guess.

[Skycaptain]

Locker rooms and communal showers = meh

I gave up football and rugby at adolescence because I wouldn't use them. If you are in anyway slightly different from everyone else they are not a good place to be.

[Splatacus]

I never got the locker rooms thing either, always felt awkward and uncomfortable at the idea of changing clothes with other people around, I've only begun to tolerate them when I got used to it. Now that high school is over I'm glad I don't have to use one anymore. Oh I can relate to the public bathrooms thing as well :redface: , I'm really pee-shy and for this reason actively avoid urinals, always stalls, I just can't stand the thought of someone else peeing right besides me or watching me doing it, how on earth can other guys not be bothered by this? It's a very private thing for me I guess.

I can't agree enough. I absolutely despise changing with other people present, and only do it when there's no other way. I can't remember the last time I used a urinal, I'll always stand and wait for a cubicle, even if the urinals are all free.

[marki]

Yup.....peeing next to others is just odd......

[Nevyn]

[Hobbes!]

Yup.....peeing next to others is just odd......

Yes! Yes yes yes! I've said it before and I'll say it again, communal pissing is barbaric

[R_1]

Locker room? I'm glad I'm out of that. I hate it when others can see my body.

[nerdperson777]

The only times that someone had serious questioned whether or not I was gay to knowledge both had to do with me struggling with what I now know to be my asexuality. I once told my dad when I was about 12 that I was not sure if I was attracted to girls. This because I was trying to think about sex with girls while masturbating and it was not working, I did not say this though He asked if I was gay, I told him that it was more like I was not attracted to girl all of the time. I do not know why I worded it like that, but I did not like that gay was the first place he went and I what to make him think that I was not. I was scared, because I was not gay and I felt like I may be something "worse". Either way, it convinced me not to try to talk about "it" anymore.

The other time was when I was super depressed around 13 and my mom asked me. the reason why was because I was closet crossdressing. The attraction that I do experience towards girls has more to do with accessories and their bodies, so I guess CD seemed curious to me. I ended up fetishistizing it, although I still could not think about sex while masturbating. I still could not figure myself out, but I feared I might be Trans, or something worse. When she asked. I said no. I she said oh thank god your not gay, half joking. My head dropping, thinking of what she would think if she know I was something worse than gay. Then she did a 180, saying that it is ok if I am gay, and I had to tell her again that I was not.

btw, has anyone else experiment with Crossdressing. and if so, why?

I thought I had something to contribute but then I realized wrong assigned sex at birth. My mom occasionally let me buy boy shirts which I would eagerly wear instead of the skimpy female ones with nonexistent sleeves. I felt really good in the cargo shorts my dad bought me. I guess I was too afraid to be different so I didn't crossdress much. I just wear androgynous clothing most of the time.

And that topic about locker rooms. I didn't know why people were so comfortable in the locker rooms like that, even on the female side. That one girl in middle school probably thought I was weird because I was always looking her way when I was changing. Also I'm normally the slowest person ever but in the locker rooms, I had no one to talk to I'd easy get in and out in a few minutes instead of talking next to the bathrooms for the next 20 minutes, or coming in late to the locker rooms or something. I realize now that my gender isn't female but at the same time, I wouldn't feel comfortable in the men's locker room either. I guess there's just some fear about being a weak female in that things can be done to me, especially when I haven't done any medical transition yet.