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Asexual Men Musings


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24 minutes ago, Tuple said:

I find some male body parts annoying. In particular, the "dangly bits" because they can flop around. Facial hair can also be annoying, although I've solved that problem to some degree by growing a beard (I still have to shave my cheeks and neck about every 3-4 days and I trim my beard about once a week).

I’m lucky cause the hair that is not on my head grows rather slowly and sometimes not at all (pretty much no chest and neck hair and minimal hair on my arms and legs). Can’t say I appreciate having an integrated crippling weak point into my genitals though. 

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Bronztrooper

The only facial hair I have grows on my chin in a semi-limited amount, along with a moustache (pretty close to a goatee).  No chest/neck hair to worry about, though.

 

This is kind of contrast to my dad since he has to shave his face once every few weeks and my 'beard' and moustache stop growing after a certain length.  Meanwhile, the hair on top of my head is pretty thick.

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1 hour ago, Bronztrooper said:

he has to shave his face once every few weeks

Once every few weeks? Is that a typo or for real?

 

I have to shave just about every day (can sort of get by a 2nd day, but looks scruffy up close). At least I don't have dark whiskers and 5 o'clock shadow an hour after shaving like some of my male relatives.

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I've generated a healthy enough beard to allow shaving every 2-3 days without looking too dishevelled, can't see me going clean shaven again as its too much work

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Bronztrooper
2 hours ago, daveb said:

Once every few weeks? Is that a typo or for real?

 

I have to shave just about every day (can sort of get by a 2nd day, but looks scruffy up close). At least I don't have dark whiskers and 5 o'clock shadow an hour after shaving like some of my male relatives.

It's for real.  His facial hair doesn't grow all that fast and he doesn't mind the scruff too much, so he can get away with that.

 

I just don't bother shaving because, like I said, my facial hair is very limited in volume and somewhat limited in length.

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Divide By Zero

I used to have to shave my face every day, which is the main reason why I grew a beard. I started sprouting facial hair around 14 and at about 15-16 was shaving daily.

 

I've got hair all over my body - chest, back, shoulders, hands, fingers, thumbs, toes, etc. It grows like crazy and being so hairy is somewhat annoying. I have a fairly thick head of hair too, although not as thick as it used to be and my hairline is starting to recede in front.

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I can get away with shaving every other day. My father worked in an office and shaved Monday thru Friday. I used to say that by the time Sunday evening rolled around he looked like a rummy.

 

I used to grow a beard in the winter and kept it trimmed with a #2 trimmer attachment. Last year was '97 when there was a LOT of grey (though none of my hair was grey) in it.

 

I've never been a fan of the stubble look or the perfectly coiffed hipster beard. Either style looks like too much maintenance for my liking.

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One of the few good things about IHH is that I only shave twice a week. When I broke my electric razor I tried to let it grow and see what happened. After three weeks the few hairs there were dying of loneliness :P

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Hmm, reflective thoughts, let me see... I always thought my male peers were weird because they were so obsessed with porn (spellchecker just changed “porn” to “pork”, which might also be true to be fair). I also never understood the fascination with one night stands (seems rather unhygienic).

 

As for being asexual and male, to me it seems quite normal. I guess that’s because it’s “my normal”, I just have a word for it now.

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2yr2hg.jpg

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Nine of Spades

I just realized I've fantasized way more about having a happy and fulfilled life than anything to do with sex. 

I'm pretty sure most men my age don't even think about that lol

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Bronztrooper
26 minutes ago, Nine of Spades said:

I just realized I've fantasized way more about having a happy and fulfilled life than anything to do with sex. 

I'm pretty sure most men my age don't even think about that lol

I fantastize more about cuddling with someone and having a stable life than anything, tbh. :ph34r:

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IDK if I’ve ever really fantasized about being in a relationship. My faith in marriage was damaged pretty bad when I was young, so all my dreams were either oriented around living comfortably by myself or doing something cool.

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chairdesklamp

I'm demi, homoromantic, and trans. And the kind of guy I'm looking for is apparently rare anyway; someone who stands up for people worse off than him at risk to himself. I lost my social work career whistleblowing on things like a shelter putting all the Latinos in a back room or refusing help to Muslims. And I'm not a hero, just decent.

 

But in dating, it's 100% exclusionist cisgays who care more about celebrity divorces than their neighbour being killed by cops.

 

AND everyone's only there for "if you don't sleep with me .005 seconds after I said 'hi,' forget it!" 

 

All the bigotry aside (where I'm mixed race, disabled, and trans) there doesn't seem to be ANYONE who cares at all about matters of the heart (be it protecting others/opposing bigotry or just trying to get to know someone) and just cares about matters of the junk. 

 

I'm sex-favourable with the right person, even if it won't usually occur to me. But not .003 seconds after we've met! Your face tells me nothing about you except usually your race(not always with mixed people), age range, and maybe fitness level. Which is sausage to me. But that and various bigotries you might not see (is not trans, for example) are apparently The Only Criterion That Matters. How the heck do allos even have good relationships basing it on that!?

 

And so, I'm just really worried about ending up alone. I'm no spring chicken. I've spent years apiece in abusive relationships because of how afraid I am of being alone. 

 

But just everyone here only cares about sex while also being selfish and awful. 

 

It sucks.

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Sir Lancelop

Man, I’m so bad at reading social queues.  I can’t tell you how many times someone’s been like, “dude she was totally checking you out,” and I was just like “Oh, really?  I had no idea.”  Same thing for dates.  Parents always ask how it went, and if I think they like me and I’m like “I dunno.  They’re nice though.”  Of course I thought everything went great, but I guess you’re supposed to go for the kill? Tried that before and it felt wrong, so eff that.

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On 5/9/2019 at 12:19 AM, Sir Lancelop said:

Man, I’m so bad at reading social queues.  I can’t tell you how many times someone’s been like, “dude she was totally checking you out,” and I was just like “Oh, really?  I had no idea.”  Same thing for dates.  Parents always ask how it went, and if I think they like me and I’m like “I dunno.  They’re nice though.”  Of course I thought everything went great, but I guess you’re supposed to go for the kill? Tried that before and it felt wrong, so eff that.

Same except I don’t date. My mind is somehow off in some sort of Lala-land where nobody makes any advances or engages in flirtatious behavior towards me. Even if I was romantic, I feel like I’d be a bit passive; I just feel like making any sort of pass at anyone just feels...creepy I guess? IDK 😐. It’d just feel like I’d be stepping out of line. Guess that’s not the “manly” way of thinking but IDGAF. Unfortunately, in that case, I’d be in a lose-lose situation considering how clueless I can be 😅. Wouldn’t be giving off any signals and wouldn’t be noticing any incoming ones either 😂.

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8 hours ago, Laplace said:

Even if I was romantic, I feel like I’d be a bit passive; I just feel like making any sort of pass at anyone just feels...creepy I guess? IDK 😐. It’d just feel like I’d be stepping out of line. Guess that’s not the “manly” way of thinking but IDGAF. Unfortunately, in that case, I’d be in a lose-lose situation considering how clueless I can be 😅. Wouldn’t be giving off any signals and wouldn’t be noticing any incoming ones either 😂.

Before I identified as asexual and had female friends, I could hug them when greeting them but that was the limit of my physical contact. I really liked them but I felt that if I touched them in any other manner it would be taken the wrong way :(

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21 hours ago, will123 said:

Before I identified as asexual and had female friends, I could hug them when greeting them but that was the limit of my physical contact. I really liked them but I felt that if I touched them in any other manner it would be taken the wrong way :(

One day I will understand the social parlance of the kiss on the cheek and not be awkward about it

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Mezzo Forte

Transitioning definitely showed me how much more intense the touch barrier is once you're perceived male. It sucks because getting rid of dysphoria helped me discover just how tactile I am, so I crave (platonic) touch now more than ever. I'm lucky because my dear friend and I have a bit of a mutually beneficial arrangement. He enjoys my massages, I enjoy engaging him on a tactile level, and we both can trust that it's all 100% platonic. It feels like something we have to keep strictly secret though, because if others saw me engage my friend that way, we'd get assumed gay, and we're not exactly living in a part of the world where that's always going to be a banal assumption. 

 

I'm extra tactile when I drink, so it takes a lot of mental energy to stop myself from engaging my dear friend with platonic touch while drunk. (When it's just the two of us, I just let myself get super affectionate, but group settings are another story.) We were recently at a party where getting assumed gay could have led to trouble, and I found myself engaging my friend's sister instead, basically massaging her arm while she rested her head on my shoulder. (She knows I'm ace and recognizes my touch as platonic.) I still had one comment from some kid assuming that there was some "attraction" at play, but most people didn't even bat an eye otherwise. Double-standards are agitating, to say the least. >>

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Sir Lancelop
On 5/10/2019 at 10:26 PM, Laplace said:

Same except I don’t date. My mind is somehow off in some sort of Lala-land where nobody makes any advances or engages in flirtatious behavior towards me. Even if I was romantic, I feel like I’d be a bit passive; I just feel like making any sort of pass at anyone just feels...creepy I guess? IDK 😐. It’d just feel like I’d be stepping out of line. Guess that’s not the “manly” way of thinking but IDGAF. Unfortunately, in that case, I’d be in a lose-lose situation considering how clueless I can be 😅. Wouldn’t be giving off any signals and wouldn’t be noticing any incoming ones either 😂.

I say that I’ve been on dates, but really they were all close friends.  I’ve only ever been on one legitimate date, (and I’m 24) and nothing happened.  I felt no sparks flying, requested a hug at the end and felt like a jackass (just trying to follow procedure I suppose).  Now I really don’t give a f*ck.  Not sure if Aromantic or Demi or what, but I’m comfortable saying I’m ace and am definitely on the spectrum.  Always felt like other dudes were different and the way they talked to women disgusted me.  In middle school, I had this girl coming

on to me pretty strong and she talked about kissing and how she wanted “toys” (the raunchy kind) for her birthday, but I was totally disgusted and got tf away immediately.   ...And now I’m rambling...

Anyway, you’re not less manly for not being flirtatious.  Women actually like that, and most of my best friends have been female as a result.

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  • 1 month later...

does anyone else find they tend to get nocturne emissions more often when they are stressed? 

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5 hours ago, ben8884 said:

does anyone else find they tend to get nocturne emissions more often when they are stressed? 

No. I've only had one in my life and that was when I was a teen.

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@ben8884, also nope, but I believe in DIY from time to time so there's probably no build up 

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On 6/24/2019 at 5:37 AM, ben8884 said:

does anyone else find they tend to get nocturne emissions more often when they are stressed? 

Hmm. I never really thought about when I get them. The strange this about mine are when I do get them I always dream I  need  to use the bathroom really bad and I don't make it in time. 

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I rarely get sex-related dreams but I never have the emission part thankfully. Even my subconscious mind knows those dreams are fake AF  so it doesn’t even generate an automatic response 😆.

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1 hour ago, Laplace said:

I rarely get sex-related dreams but I never have the emission part thankfully. Even my subconscious mind knows those dreams are fake AF  so it doesn’t even generate an automatic response 😆.

I've had two sex-related dreams in my life that I could remember upon waking up. The first as a teen (with ejaculation) and the second last fall (fortunately without any emission). That dream I chalk up to some cold meds I was on as I had a couple of other 'bizarre' dreams.

 

Spoiler

Quite often I do wake up in the morning with an erection/'morning wood'.

That is kind of peculiar as it has been several years since I've gotten an erection when I've been awake.

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Last year I prefaced answering a friend's question about whether I felt part of the LGBTQ+ community by coming out to his significant other. She was understanding in my asexuality, but expressed reservations of the pride movement. Time didn't allow me to question her about that at the time.

 

However I did tell my friend that I didn't feel better than him because I was asexual, nor did I think less of him since he was sexual. Fast forward a couple of months and I was talking to Sandra. I asked her about her pride comment. She didn't understand the way some people celebrate their identity in a very public setting. That being said, she had no reservations with members of the LGBTQ+ community as she dealt with them in her work and had an aunt that was a lesbian.

 

Then to last month a comment from a friend about pride month (she knows I'm asexual) got me thinking about my own feelings about pride. On Monday I asked my male friend (that started the whole conversation) if Sandra had mentioned the chat we had (it was pretty in depth about sexuality/asexuality and relationships). He said yes and that was fine. I said I had a couple of things to add to what I had told him last year. I don't feel any pride in identifying as asexual nor would I say that I'm proud to have no sexual attraction towards others. To quote myself, "To me my asexuality is just a characteristic of me, no different than my height being 6' 2" or that I have brown hair and eyes".

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I would say 90% of my sex dreams are of me masturbating and having fantasies while masturbating. Then are are ones of me just fantasizing and then occasionally ones of me having sex with someone but honestly, those ones are rare.  

In terms of facial hair-loads. I've been able to grow a beard since I was around 15. I am basically a hairy individual. 

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Divide By Zero
9 hours ago, ben8884 said:

In terms of facial hair-loads. I've been able to grow a beard since I was around 15. I am basically a hairy individual. 

Ditto. I started growing facial hair around 14 and it wasn't long before I was shaving daily. Eventually I got tired of shaving every day and decided it was easier to grow a beard because the maintenance is less. I have hair sprouting all over my body in almost every conceivable place - chest, back, shoulders, fingers, thumbs, toes, feet, etc. With each passing year more hair sprouts in new places. My friends and I joke about how I must be a descendant of some great hairy creature like the Sasquatch or the Yeti. :P All the hair is rather annoying but there's nothing I can do about it so there's no use complaining.

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Sir Lancelop
On 6/29/2019 at 2:26 AM, sexless. said:

Hmm. I never really thought about when I get them. The strange this about mine are when I do get them I always dream I  need  to use the bathroom really bad and I don't make it in time. 

That’s how it always happens to me too.

I hate it.

Never had a sexual dream.

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