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Asexual Men Musings


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1 hour ago, Laplace said:

I counted myself lucky if girls interacted with me for any other reason other than academics 😅. I wasn’t an abhorrent individual but I was solitary and apparently intimidating to speak to sometimes so I didn’t resonate with many. I was too focused on being as sociable as possible to even consider anything else.

My circle of friends was male and female. I was more or less a fifth wheel...

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14 minutes ago, will123 said:

My circle of friends was male and female. I more or less a fifth wheel...

My friends were and are mainly guys. In school, I largely didn’t meet any girls that enjoyed video games, anime, and really dry or sarcastic humor. People came to me for academic advice but generally more hesitant to speak to me outside of class. ☹️

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  • 2 weeks later...

For those of you that have come out as asexual to people other than your family, how was their reaction? Did the reaction differ between genders? 

 

I've come out to two male friends/acquaintances and three female friends. All were fine with me identifying as an asexual male. Two of the female friends were very understanding and supportive when I explained to them what asexuality is and the fact that I had no sexual attraction to others (I did say female and male) and was a virgin.

 

I was kind of taken aback (in a good way) by their comments. "As long as I'm happy is all that matters!"

 

I was kind of worried that they may have made some comments about my 'masculinity' that society is so concerned with concerning guys. The one girl (who I've known since before I found out about asexuality) said she's never been concerned about what society thinks, so it wouldn't colour her thoughts about me. ☺

 

Have other guys received the same reaction when they've come out?

Edited by will123
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I've only really came out to my friends and they're very open-minded and accepting, so I had nothing but support from them.  Said friends are a mix of male and female.

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3 hours ago, will123 said:

For those of you that have come out as asexual to people other than your family, how was their reaction? Did the reaction differ between genders? 

 

I've come out to two male friends/acquaintances and three female friends. All were fine with me identifying as an asexual male. Two of the female friends were very understanding and supportive when I explained to them what asexuality is and the fact that I had no sexual attraction to others (I did say female and male) and was a virgin.

 

I was kind of taken aback (in a good way) by their comments. "As long as I'm happy is all that matters!"

 

I was kind of worried that they may have made some comments about my 'masculinity' that society is so concerned with concerning guys. The one girl (who I've known since before I found out about asexuality) said she's never been concerned about what society thinks, so it wouldn't colour her thoughts about me. ☺

 

Have other guys received the same reaction when they've come out?

I’m glad you coming out to your friends went well.

 

Was there any difference between how your male and female friends took the news?

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4 hours ago, will123 said:

For those of you that have come out as asexual to people other than your family, how was their reaction? Did the reaction differ between genders? 

 

I guess it was kind of a different reaction...my friend group these days is almost exclusively female (by chance, not design), and they're supportive in that it's never a thing. When I told them it was more of a "Oh, cool. So where are we going for coffee?" sort of deal.

 

The one guy I told, it was before I knew the term asexual (or even that there were others like me) and I was trying to explain to him that I just don't feel attracted to people. His response was "Well, that probably means you'll last longer then!"

 

...I felt he kind of missed the point there. But I still see his response as positive overall, he didn't deny that what I said was true or anything.

 

Incidentally, not out to my family. But they don't ask, so...yeah. They probably suspect.

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The guys were OK with me identifying as asexual, but two of the girls were quite emphatic in their response to my coming out. 😎

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1 minute ago, will123 said:

The guys were OK with me identifying as asexual, but two of the girls were quite emphatic in their response to my coming out. 😎

Oh actually yeah, I forgot about the random woman I met in a nightclub wayyy back when. We had a good chat, eventually got around to the subject of not feeling attraction...which was taken as a challenge :redface:

 

Shame really, I was enjoying the conversation up until then :lol: 

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5 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

I've only really came out to my friends and they're very open-minded and accepting, so I had nothing but support from them.  Said friends are a mix of male and female.

That's great to hear! The friend I came out to first is very open-minded (he introduced me to nudism) and when I knew I would come out as an asexual, I knew he would be the first that I'd tell.

 

My coming out was brief and a bit dramatic (I've posted about it elsewhere on AVEN). The next time we were together I got into the how and why.

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I haven’t really explicitly stated I’m asexual to any friends, but whenever I expressed disinterest in sex and romance, I get mixed results. I only really have conversations about this stuff with guy friends (cause they bring it up) so I can only give their responses, but some know that it’s in my nature and some think I’m just not comfortable around women and inexperienced. I’ve never brought up anything related to romance or sex around female friends I used to have or women cause I don’t want to sound like I’m making some indirect advances on them by bringing up the subject.

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I haven't told any male friends and I think I assume the chance of a negative reaction is higher in male circles. I've told two female friends though and one's reaction was that she felt it was obvious and the other's was 'That's cool, here's a million questions I have' but that was fine as we have an anything goes kind of friendship and I know way too many details about her sex life so I answered all of them.

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Quite often we'll read of female asexuals that say that the idea of being penetrated during sex repulses them.

 

I have wondered if at the time (many years ago) if I had a similar subconscious 'feeling' when a female friend asked me if I could see the two of us having sex (which I assumed to be intercourse). Up to that point I thought I wanted 

Spoiler

to fuck her

but when push came to shove (sorry about the phraseology) I didn't want to. Thinking about it the last year or so, I think I couldn't handle the thought of me being inside of her or her actually allowing me to be inside of her.

 

Are there any other male aces that if you're hetero-romantic that the thought of PIV or homo-romantic that the thought of anal sex is the absolute last thing you would EVER do?

 

Before I found out I was asexual I thought I would have sex at one point, but now I'm content to know that I'll be a virgin when I die.

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8 hours ago, will123 said:

 

Are there any other male aces that if you're hetero-romantic that the thought of PIV or homo-romantic that the thought of anal sex is the absolute last thing you would EVER do? 

Being non-binary assigned male at birth, the thought of me penetrating is just so wrong and also the idea of being penetrated is weird, but not as wrong as penetrating. If I will have sex it will be non-penetrative sex. The first time I recognized it was even before I realized that I was grey ace or non-binary. I was in a sex shop and all the masturbation toys (especially fake vaginas) for men where so weird to me that I could not understand how anyone would buy them. Vibrators on the other hand I like when they are not designed for penetration.

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8 hours ago, will123 said:

Are there any other male aces that if you're hetero-romantic that the thought of PIV or homo-romantic that the thought of anal sex is the absolute last thing you would EVER do?

I’m likely aro ace but the concept of anal sometimes makes me think the human race was a mistake. Like no offense to sexual people but why there? Unless you require a medical procedure, nothing but your s*** should ever be in there. And I imagine (🤢) many use some sort of procedure to...clean out that location before the act but still it just seems wrong. I’d rather keep my genitals far away from anyone else’s solid waste disposal system thank you very much.

Edited by Laplace
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10 hours ago, will123 said:

Are there any other male aces that if you're hetero-romantic that the thought of PIV or homo-romantic that the thought of anal sex is the absolute last thing you would EVER do?

Any kind of touch in the area of my rear aside that which is needed for medical examination is very much a no-go for me, and I doubt that'd change if I was homoromantic.

 

As for PIV (assuming I even got to the point where that was an option), it's in a bit of a weird area for me.  On one hand, the concept itself doesn't seem weird mainly because of the way society treats sex.

 

On the other hand, the thought of... well, part of me being physically inside of someone else is very off-putting.  It's like... I can understand the concept, but once hypothetical-me gets tossed into the equation, everything sort of goes out the window.

 

Not sure if I can explain it any better than that.

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7 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

 

On the other hand, the thought of... well, part of me being physically inside of someone else is very off-putting.  It's like... I can understand the concept, but once hypothetical-me gets tossed into the equation, everything sort of goes out the window.

 

Not sure if I can explain it any better than that.

Thats pretty clear to me. To expand on my feelings is that the thought of me being inside of a female isnt the issue. It's the thought of their vagina 'enveloping' my penis. I just cant handle that concept. Way toooooooo intimate for me.

 

Spoiler

I know it sounds fucked up but thats the only way I can describe it.

Pretty disheartening when at the time I thought I was heterosexual 😞

Edited by will123
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Dunno. The deep platonic friendships I have (had) were close enough to make ay physical stuff appear mediocre at best.

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8 hours ago, will123 said:

Thats pretty clear to me. To expand on my feelings is that the thought of me being inside of a female isnt the issue. It's the thought of their vagina 'enveloping' my penis. I just cant handle that concept. Way toooooooo intimate for me.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I know it sounds fucked up but thats the only way I can describe it.

Pretty disheartening when at the time I thought I was heterosexual 😞

Yeah, that's the way it is for me too.

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Yeah I dunno...sounds kinda gross too like, I like the look of a woman but the idea of actually having sex and doing that kinda grosses me out. I like the idea of foreplay though with maybe a mutual "taking care of business' afterwards.

As for coming out, both genders have been cool but the only unhelpful comments I got did come from a man. 

To that end I have a question for my fellow male "libdists"out there-do you find there are times where you have like, zero libido? I go through phases, sometimes my rate of arousal can be pretty high other times despite still have nocturnal emissions and functioning there is nothing.  As I never desire sex this doesn't bother me but I am curious.

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Divide By Zero
6 minutes ago, ben8884 said:

To that end I have a question for my fellow male "libdists"out there-do you find there are times where you have like, zero libido? I go through phases, sometimes my rate of arousal can be pretty high other times despite still have nocturnal emissions and functioning there is nothing.  As I never desire sex this doesn't bother me but I am curious.

My libido fluctuates too and as I've gotten older it's gradually declined. It's incredibly annoying so hopefully it'll decline to nothing someday.

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@Tuple do you mind if I ask roughly how old you are? Feel free not to answer that. I am 34. Just wondering if thats the age where it starts to happen

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Divide By Zero
2 minutes ago, ben8884 said:

@Tuple do you mind if I ask roughly how old you are? Feel free not to answer that. I am 34. Just wondering if thats the age where it starts to happen

I'm in my mid-thirties (where have the years gone???). I'm not sure when exactly my libido started declining but I think it was mid to late twenties (which incidentally is when my hairline started receding and my waistline began expanding).

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4 hours ago, ben8884 said:

To that end I have a question for my fellow male "libdists"out there-do you find there are times where you have like, zero libido? I go through phases, sometimes my rate of arousal can be pretty high other times despite still have nocturnal emissions and functioning there is nothing.  As I never desire sex this doesn't bother me but I am curious.

Mine is a bit weird, tbh.  Sometimes it's something I end up having to take care of daily, but if I ignore it for long enough (between a day and a week), it'll stop spiking entirely for a while.  Longest I went without it spiking was... 7-8 months, I think?

 

Not really sure why it's like that for me.  And honestly, nocturnal emissions are a rare occurence in my case, but they still happen.

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13 hours ago, ben8884 said:

Yeah I dunno...sounds kinda gross too like, I like the look of a woman but the idea of actually having sex and doing that kinda grosses me out.

 

To that end I have a question for my fellow male "libdists"out there-do you find there are times where you have like, zero libido? I go through phases, sometimes my rate of arousal can be pretty high other times despite still have nocturnal emissions and functioning there is nothing.  As I never desire sex this doesn't bother me but I am curious.

On the first part yes I can find a female very attractive, do I want to have sex with her? No.

 

I dont recall when my sex drive disappeared, maybe my late 30s? 

Spoiler

My reason for masturbating is because I enjoy the physical aspects of it and the resulting orgasm. I'm not dealing with an internal urge to do so.

 

I have nocturnal erections but the 'spontaneous' ones are few and far between when I'm awake. When I was younger I'd have a few each day.

 

I'm 57, a virgin and have identified as asexual since I was 44. If you have any questions feel free to ask me here or via PM.

Edited by will123
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  • 2 weeks later...

I’m uncomfortable with everyone I know talking about sex like it’s just a common occurrence. I’m ashamed of feeling like a prude with my friends, especially since I keep my social media always SFW. What’s wrong with me?

Edited by Unuson
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  • 1 month later...

ugh,

Spoiler

2 nocturnal emissions in 1 night and I was at my Uncles so clean up was especially difficult. Said it before and I'll say it again, I hate having testicles at times. 

 

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4 minutes ago, ben8884 said:

ugh,

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2 nocturnal emissions in 1 night and I was at my Uncles so clean up was especially difficult. Said it before and I'll say it again, I hate having testicles at times. 

 

:(

 

Luckily I've only had one nocturnal emission in my life...

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Bronztrooper

I rarely have them, but they do happen.  Clean-up is an annoyance

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A couple of questions/comments about nocturnal emissions.

Spoiler

Do they tend to subside/fail to happen by a certain age? Does the fact that a person masturbates reduce the occurrence of them? Mine happened in my early teens and I have masturbated regularly since I was 18. I had a 'sexual dream' last year when I was 57, so I'm just curious.

 

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