Asexual Men Musings

[Mezzo Forte]

15 hours ago, Jarle said:

We've been contacted by a researcher from the University of Chicago, asking specifically for perspectives from asexual men. If you're interested, details on the study can be found here. As research often focuses more on asexual women, this is a valuable opportunity to contribute to the literature base, and I encourage anyone who's interestedin having a look. 

Gave my info, but I didn't even start my gender questioning until I learned of asexuality in college, so I'm not sure my experiences are going to be terribly helpful, especially since everyone just collectively assumed I was a straight girl back then. >> I've been hosting a lot of interviews for my own research, and sometimes, I think it'd be nice to play the role of the person being interviewed if to better improve my own interview methods.

[daveb]

I did go to high school in the US, as a male, but it was a long time ago (the Vietnam war was going on). I can't remember any peer pressure about sex. Maybe because I was too much of a nerd? Or because I didn't have many friends? Or maybe I was oblivious?

[will123]

1 hour ago, daveb said:

I did go to high school in the US, as a male, but it was a long time ago (the Vietnam war was going on). I can't remember any peer pressure about sex. Maybe because I was too much of a nerd? Or because I didn't have many friends? Or maybe I was oblivious?

I only recall one episode where I was 'interrogated' so to speak over my four years of high school. Other than than I pretty much wasn't bothered by questions of a sexual or relationship theme.

[Jarle]

Yeah, sucks about the non-US part. 

I went to a all-guys high school, so my not being attracted to anyone obviously meant I was straight, right? :P

[Guest]

Were you guys ever shown a picture of a nude woman in your youth (dirty magazine or whatever) and thought how gross the genitalia looked? I'm wondering how common it is because it was my reaction and I thought I'd mature and start to like it but never did.

 

For that matter, are sexual men aroused by how a vagina looks?

[Bronztrooper]

Well, tbh, for me there were certain ones I was kind of grossed out by and others that I found oddly aesthetically pleasing.

 

For example, the ones where it kind of looks like it's starting to turn inside-out gross me out, while the ones that look closer to what you'd expect to see in, say, a medical textbook focusing on the topic of reproduction just get that kind of 'I just want to look' type of response from me (which, in all fairness, is a response I also get from watching stuff move through a warehouse/factory on conveyor belts).

 

I have no way to know for sure how heterosexual men feel when they see a vagina, but I would assume that it does elicit arousal for them.  Though, breasts seem to be much more likely to grab their attention.  🤷‍♂️

[Laplace]

12 hours ago, Princess Merida said:

Were you guys ever shown a picture of a nude woman in your youth (dirty magazine or whatever) and thought how gross the genitalia looked? I'm wondering how common it is because it was my reaction and I thought I'd mature and start to like it but never did.

 

For that matter, are sexual men aroused by how a vagina looks?

I knew the sexual anatomy of both men and women (well, at least the internal structure from science books) since like some time in elementary school. Coupled with the fact that when swimming you basically see someone in their underwear, I kinda didn’t have a reaction to seeing a woman naked for the first time. I was like, “Oh that makes sense,” and that was it. It wasn’t gross or exciting to me - it just...existed I guess 🤷🏻‍♂️. I feel like the fact that people are shielded from learning about nudity and sexuality until like adolescence is the reason why it gets weird. I had been desensitized long before then.

 

And, yeah, for most sexuals, it is arousing. All you gotta do to confirm that is to look at the content and comments of most porn videos.

[Divide By Zero]

19 hours ago, Princess Merida said:

Were you guys ever shown a picture of a nude woman in your youth (dirty magazine or whatever) and thought how gross the genitalia looked? I'm wondering how common it is because it was my reaction and I thought I'd mature and start to like it but never did.

Yes, and I averted my gaze in horror because I didn't want to look. I was shown swimsuit model pictures and I only looked briefly because I found that somewhat gross. I even find medical textbooks of anatomy to be kind of gross.

 

I do experience aesthetic attraction to women but I don't want to see naked or skimpily dressed women. I want to see well dressed women and minimal bare skin.

[will123]

23 hours ago, Princess Merida said:

Were you guys ever shown a picture of a nude woman in your youth (dirty magazine or whatever) and thought how gross the genitalia looked? I'm wondering how common it is because it was my reaction and I thought I'd mature and start to like it but never did.

 

For that matter, are sexual men aroused by how a vagina looks?

 

11 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

Well, tbh, for me there were certain ones I was kind of grossed out by and others that I found oddly aesthetically pleasing.

 

 

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For example, the ones where it kind of looks like it's starting to turn inside-out gross me out, while the ones that look closer to what you'd expect to see in, say, a medical textbook focusing on the topic of reproduction just get that kind of 'I just want to look' type of response from me (which, in all fairness, is a response I also get from watching stuff move through a warehouse/factory on conveyor belts).

 

 

 

I have no way to know for sure how heterosexual men feel when they see a vagina, but I would assume that it does elicit arousal for them.  Though, breasts seem to be much more likely to grab their attention.  🤷‍♂️

I simple slit in a female's pubic area is fine by me. When the labia get too noticeable, I'd rather not look.

 

And yes, breasts are more pleasing to my eyes.

[daveb]

I am not interested in looking at any genitalia (male or female). There's a reason one of the euphemisms for sexual intercourse is "bumping uglies".  

[Divide By Zero]

19 hours ago, daveb said:

I am not interested in looking at any genitalia (male or female). There's a reason one of the euphemisms for sexual intercourse is "bumping uglies".  

I'm not interested in looking at male genitalia either. I don't even like looking at my own private parts.

[Guest]

It's good to hear I'm not alone feeling that way! Thanks for the feedback.

[Adam Taurus]

Do other asexual men oftentimes feel uncomfortable during discussions about sex? I used to think it was just embarrassment over still being a virgin but now I think it was different. The guys I knew were not looking to make me feel uncomfortable about being a virgin they just thought the discussion should be relatable to me in that it was something I was interested in and it just wasn't.

[Bloc]

5 hours ago, Adam Taurus said:

Do other asexual men oftentimes feel uncomfortable during discussions about sex?

Yes, but mostly when straight guys are doing it. With quer folks I am much more comfortable.

[Bronztrooper]

19 hours ago, Adam Taurus said:

Do other asexual men oftentimes feel uncomfortable during discussions about sex? I used to think it was just embarrassment over still being a virgin but now I think it was different. The guys I knew were not looking to make me feel uncomfortable about being a virgin they just thought the discussion should be relatable to me in that it was something I was interested in and it just wasn't.

In general I don't like talking about the subject and if it's brought up, I find it off-putting.  If anyone tries to question me about my (lack of) experience, I sort of clam up and refuse to respond.  I don't even like saying the word 'sex' out loud regardless of the context.

 

Other people talking about it doesn't really bother me because I just view it as another subject I have no personal experience with or interest in.  It's when people try to get me involved that it gets uncomfortable for me.

[Laplace]

21 hours ago, Adam Taurus said:

Do other asexual men oftentimes feel uncomfortable during discussions about sex? I used to think it was just embarrassment over still being a virgin but now I think it was different. The guys I knew were not looking to make me feel uncomfortable about being a virgin they just thought the discussion should be relatable to me in that it was something I was interested in and it just wasn't.

In general, that sort of guy talk is just dull, unrelatable, and, oftentimes, uncouth to me. As someone who doesn’t care about losing his virginity, it just bored and bothered me cause it was something I had no active interest in, and the conversations often turned rather boorish. Perhaps some people enjoy talking about it but it’s definitely not for me.

[GutsyCowardLep]

22 hours ago, Adam Taurus said:

Do other asexual men oftentimes feel uncomfortable during discussions about sex? I used to think it was just embarrassment over still being a virgin but now I think it was different. The guys I knew were not looking to make me feel uncomfortable about being a virgin they just thought the discussion should be relatable to me in that it was something I was interested in and it just wasn't.

I can be embarrassed when people talked about sex at the time I never knew why but now I think part of it is I just don't think about it or find it important in my life.

[Divide By Zero]

On 8/16/2018 at 10:53 PM, Adam Taurus said:

Do other asexual men oftentimes feel uncomfortable during discussions about sex?

* raises hand *

[Guest]

Yes, it's particularly a problem in the workplace when working with other men. Somehow the conversation turns sexual all too easily. When working I always dreaded being asked sexual questions.

[will123]

Quite often we'll read of female asexuals that can't think of the idea of a male penetrating them. I was wondering if male aces have similar thoughts about intercourse with a partner?

 

After 'deconstructing' my only possibility of PIV I wondered why I would feel like this, I wondered why on one hand I wanted to have PIV but the idea of actually entering my friend was a non-starter. It was like I couldn't handle the thought of her (nothing against her personally) having me inside of her.

[Divide By Zero]

10 hours ago, will123 said:

Quite often we'll read of female asexuals that can't think of the idea of a male penetrating them. I was wondering if male aces have similar thoughts about intercourse with a partner?

My thoughts are "Eeeew! That would be so gross. Ick!"

[Bronztrooper]

On 8/22/2018 at 10:20 AM, will123 said:

Quite often we'll read of female asexuals that can't think of the idea of a male penetrating them. I was wondering if male aces have similar thoughts about intercourse with a partner?

 

After 'deconstructing' my only possibility of PIV I wondered why I would feel like this, I wondered why on one hand I wanted to have PIV but the idea of actually entering my friend was a non-starter. It was like I couldn't handle the thought of her (nothing against her personally) having me inside of her.

I'm sort of similar, tbh.  I feel like I'd be ok with it in theory, but I'm pretty sure that if it came down to actually trying, I'd back out of it and escape Jack Sparrow style.

[Pramana]

I must say that mammalian genitalia look like the product of design by committee. I've even heard popular atheist advocates put that observation forward as a serious argument against the existence of God.

[Qwerty123]

So, when I looked at 'porn' I would always stare at the model's face, and the rest was incidental? Like, if I couldn't feel they were actually in it and having fun, it made no sense to me? I will say that I prefer the female form to the male from an aesthetic perspective, and I don't have a visceral rejection of the human form (including genitalia), though it's not ?sexual? for me?

 

Like, I grew up in the Caribbean, and saw a bunch of folks sunbathing nude or topless growing up, and my family never gave a negative connotation about it, so I have always been more self conscious about my love handles than baring the rest of my bod lol... I just didn't (and don't) see it as this mythical special body part that brings sexual pleasure to see or play with?

 

Literally, my sexual encounters were all about just getting my partner 'there', and I would get very happy that they got 'there'... but I never did, and while I didn't dislike it, it was more of a chore like going to the gym or something? I will say that faking orgasm as a male was something that always made me giggle when I wasn't trying to hide the fact I HADN'T come. It's funny but getting caught faking it as a guy seems to be taken WORSE! Like guys can't fake it, though apparently all women do so every once in a while from what I hear.

 

 

[Skycaptain]

I remember an old Billy Connolly joke where he said "the scrotum looks like it was made from left over elbow skin" 

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

On 8/22/2018 at 9:20 AM, will123 said:

Quite often we'll read of female asexuals that can't think of the idea of a male penetrating them. I was wondering if male aces have similar thoughts about intercourse with a partner?

I'm one of those guys. A part of it is I don't want anyone doing anything with my genitals unless it's for some medical reasons.
I don't like being touched erotically, nor do I want to do any of that kind of touching.
I don't mind hugs or handshakes, but all that 'touchy feely' romantic/sexual stuff isn't for me.

 

On 8/22/2018 at 9:20 AM, will123 said:

After 'deconstructing' my only possibility of PIV I wondered why I would feel like this, I wondered why on one hand I wanted to have PIV but the idea of actually entering my friend was a non-starter. It was like I couldn't handle the thought of her (nothing against her personally) having me inside of her. 

Agreed, it just feels really wrong in a way I can't describe.
 

On 8/23/2018 at 10:50 AM, Bronztrooper said:

I'm pretty sure that if it came down to actually trying, I'd back out of it and escape Jack Sparrow style.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

11 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

I remember an old Billy Connolly joke where he said "the scrotum looks like it was made from left over elbow skin" 

And some chins are made from leftover scrotum.

Spoiler

 

[Bronztrooper]

20 hours ago, toedipper said:

It's funny but getting caught faking it as a guy seems to be taken WORSE! Like guys can't fake it, though apparently all women do so every once in a while from what I hear.

Because of the whole thing about guys having to always be willing to have sex while women aren't really supposed to 'want it' unless it's with their SO, otherwise they're a 'whore' or 'slut'.

 

It's just plain stupid.

 

18 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

I don't want anyone doing anything with my genitals unless it's for some medical reasons.

I'm the same in this regard.  Doctor checking to make sure everything is alright?  Ok, I'll deal with it.  Anyone else coming close to that area for any other reason (even it's unintentional)? Reverse pelvic thrust away from them until they need a 100ft pole to reach me.

[will123]

19 hours ago, toedipper said:

I will say that faking orgasm as a male was something that always made me giggle when I wasn't trying to hide the fact I HADN'T come. It's funny but getting caught faking it as a guy seems to be taken WORSE! Like guys can't fake it, though apparently all women do so every once in a while from what I hear.

I had never heard of that. I just figured if a guy was fully functioning 'down there', aroused and erect that he would ejaculate/orgasm what with all the physical stimulation between the two partners.

[will123]

20 hours ago, toedipper said:

So, when I looked at 'porn' I would always stare at the model's face, and the rest was incidental? Like, if I couldn't feel they were actually in it and having fun, it made no sense to me? I will say that I prefer the female form to the male from an aesthetic perspective, and I don't have a visceral rejection of the human form (including genitalia), though it's not ?sexual? for me?

I hope this isn't out of place. I'm kind of of the similar thinking. I'm more interested in the upper half of the female body. If I was to see a photo online cropped to show just a female's pubic area, I'll quickly click it off. Also I've probably only watched two VHS tapes/DVDs that showed PIV. I should've known wayyyy back when that my disinterest in watching a hetero' couple having intercourse may have mirrored my own thoughts. On the other hand I have quite a few Playboy DVDs of their models either solo or girl on girl (soft core). I guess it's just watching them touch each other is pleasant to watch.