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My experience is the complete opposite :D I'm not interested in "dating" (whatever that even means) and I'm pretty open about that. Many of the women I know like that because it's kind of reassuring... we can just hang out and nothing will happen. It's relaxing.

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My experiences have always been the same as @Just like Jughead's. It's good to hear other people have had better experiences but I don't expect things to change for me. Women might briefly meet with me for a hour or two but I don't feel like they'll want to spend any longer than that in my company.

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J. van Deijck

I suddenly feel there are too many people who find me attractive in that you-know-what way. there are even  some straight guys who say they would turn gay for me. O.O"

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In my musician circles as of late, I think I've actually been hanging out with more women than men, but I'm basically attached at the hip to one of my guy friends, (we're roommates and tend to make all our social plans together,) so we tend to hang out in more of mixed-gender settings. Pretty sure all the women we hang out with are actually in romantic relationships too.

 

That said, my social circles seem to phase between male and female dominated over time. Most my childhood, I primarily hung out with whoever my twin sister befriended, and she has terrible luck befriending women. (Heck, of the few dear 'female' friends she has had, three of us turned out to be trans men. :lol:) In undergrad, I think I had better luck befriending women, but my social circles became rather male-dominated during my second master's program. Yet here I am now, mostly hanging out with women, go figure. :P 

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J. van Deijck
On 25/12/2017 at 10:49 PM, [noize:injekktion] said:

I suddenly feel there are too many people who find me attractive in that you-know-what way. there are even  some straight guys who say they would turn gay for me. O.O"

still this. and they're all like wtf when I say I'm not interested. because "real men like sex", apparently ._.

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I always thought that "real men" do whatever the hell they want?

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1 hour ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

still this. and they're all like wtf when I say I'm not interested. because "real men like sex", apparently ._.

Wow, I'd say "fuck that noise," but then I remembered your username and realized that wouldn't help matters. :lol: 

 

Still, I shut off at any mention of "real men do ___" sentiments. The "real men like sex" mentality played a huge role in postponing my gender questioning, and I resent that I spent so long thinking I could only be a woman because of my relationship with sex. People have already used my trans identity to basically claim that I'm not ace (or that medical transition should be 'fixing' that,) so I could see people using my asexuality to claim that I'm not really a man, and fuck that. >>

 

Sorry to hear that people are so forward with you though. I was uncomfortable enough when straight guys used to to hit on me, so I could only imagine how frustrating it is when you add the expectation to be overly sexual on top of that. Women have flirted with me from time to time, but often in innocent ways where I don't feel obligated to do anything, so it's usually just flattering.

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I'd prefer hanging out with females.  As a shy guy I don't fit in well with the macho, high testosterone type of guys, they just make me uncomfortable.  Of course thanks to my shyness I don't really hang out with anyone very much.  I'm okay with that.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I hang out with the social clique of the "Outcasts amongst the Outcasts"- and I don't give a rodent's donkey 'bout it.

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Also I only post here because I'm AMAB and stuck male for now.

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On 12/24/2017 at 5:55 AM, Just like Jughead said:

It’s been my vast experience in life that women will only hang out with a man for dating. Sometimes they will have a gay friend, but only if that friend goes shopping with them and constantly compliments them on their looks. Why do you feel you need to hang out with them if you have male friends to keep you company?

I have always wanted a girl bestie, I think the gay guy/ straight girl stereotype has always seemed appealing to me. Even when I thought was straight I was jealous of it. I now know it is problematic, but still, I want to go on girl shopping trip some day. I LOVE girly shit, I like how fabulous I feel when talk to my girl buds about their hair and stuff. And also I just hate feeling like I should not become friends with girls, because won't actually ever want to do anything with that friendship. Even simple gender neutral things.

 

Still my girl buds in college know that I liked holding their purses for them, I have proudly held 2 at once before. They knew I liked giving them compliments, they knew that I liked to sit with them and listen to them talk or "girl talk" with each other. Idk why they were defensive about me spend time with them outside school and work, but think it was because they thought their BFs would not think of me in the same vain as a gay guy. I always wanted to be the one harmless guy in a group of girlfriends, and I was pretty close in college. I really do like most women a lot, I just don't think they are sexy. Idk, maybe I am just weird. And even though it is not prefect I love my girl buds, and I love that I don't have to try to be masculine around women.

 

 

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On January 10, 2018 at 10:20 PM, Tortuga said:

Also I only post here because I'm AMAB and stuck male for now.

I get the feeling. I spent the first 23 years of my life perceived as female, and haven't even spent 2 years perceived as male. Even then, I've only just now entered a social situation where I'm somewhat stealth: my work as an adjunct professor. That said, I spend way more time in the company of my students than my fellow professors, so most of the social situations already take on a different power dynamic. I don't know if my students suspect anything, but it just isn't relevant to the classes. A lot of the posts on the ace men/women threads have a lot to do with how other perceive you, and I can often relate to different topics in the ace women thread because of that.

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Why do people think that there are only the buff guys who all the ladies swoon for or whatever... and if not you get called at best weak or wimp. 

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EccentricAsexual
On 3/28/2015 at 7:51 AM, RobPal said:

I just came on the forum to post my views as to where this pinned thread would best fit, and there it is already in place. :-)

So to get things started I'd like to find out if other make asexuals find it difficult to be among other men who are sexual. Personally I feel like there is an unspoken link between the sexual males, regardless of whether they're hetero, homo, bi etc... and this tends to make me feel excluded even if it's not intentional. Maybe it's just because I'm an introvert, but it would be interesting to know what other guys here think.

 What is it the fact that we don't twist our heads around every time a decent-looking female happens to walk past or the fact that they are obsessed with the T&A? 

    I oftentimes throw in a comment just to blend in but I can totally relate to this feeling of exclusion... 

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14 minutes ago, EccentricAsexual said:

 What is it the fact that we don't twist our heads around every time a decent-looking female happens to walk past or the fact that they are obsessed with the T&A? 

    I oftentimes throw in a comment just to blend in but I can totally relate to this feeling of exclusion... 

I do have an aesthetic attraction to females, but even if I was ever in a social setting with them, I had no interest in actually having sex with them. I'd probably say the same as you to blend in as well, but no real urge to think about it otherwise.

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The sexuals are amazing. I was sent an unsolicited dick pic(big) and I didn't fall down and worship it I suppose. So the guy goes into a rage and ends saying "good luck finding perfection". Does this kind of rage happen to others when you don't respond appropriately to sexual advances?

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4 minutes ago, douwd20 said:

The sexuals are amazing. I was sent an unsolicited dick pic(big) and I didn't fall down and worship it I suppose. So the guy goes into a rage and ends saying "good luck finding perfection". Does this kind of rage happen to others when you don't respond appropriately to sexual advances?

Well I haven't had that happen to me, yet. Mind you I did get asked if I had a webcam while exchanging messages about masturbation. I firmly said no and added another comment. Never heard from the person again.

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5 hours ago, will123 said:

Well I haven't had that happen to me, yet. Mind you I did get asked if I had a webcam while exchanging messages about masturbation. I firmly said no and added another comment. Never heard from the person again.

They usually bail very quickly is my finding. 

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7 hours ago, douwd20 said:

The sexuals are amazing. I was sent an unsolicited dick pic(big) and I didn't fall down and worship it I suppose. So the guy goes into a rage and ends saying "good luck finding perfection". Does this kind of rage happen to others when you don't respond appropriately to sexual advances?

All. The. Time. 

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Has never happened here.

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8 hours ago, douwd20 said:

The sexuals are amazing. I was sent an unsolicited dick pic(big) and I didn't fall down and worship it I suppose. So the guy goes into a rage and ends saying "good luck finding perfection". Does this kind of rage happen to others when you don't respond appropriately to sexual advances?

 

I find it bizarre that people would do these things, although it's not the first time I've heard it. On the other hand, if I post a picture of a giant cake, I will totally expect you to worship it.

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Haha, yes, cake... The true meaning of life! (well there is a lot more, but cake is a lot of it too)

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Tyger Songbird
On 1/21/2018 at 5:56 AM, timewarp said:

 

I find it bizarre that people would do these things, although it's not the first time I've heard it. On the other hand, if I post a picture of a giant cake, I will totally expect you to worship it.

Is it chocolate cake? Then yum.

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Tyger Songbird
On 1/20/2018 at 9:17 PM, douwd20 said:

The sexuals are amazing. I was sent an unsolicited dick pic(big) and I didn't fall down and worship it I suppose. So the guy goes into a rage and ends saying "good luck finding perfection". Does this kind of rage happen to others when you don't respond appropriately to sexual advances?

I say yes. However, not just with sexual advances, but they tend to use little favors as an exchange program for sex as well. I've heard guys say that because I give girls attention, nice things, and treat them nicely, then they should give me something back in return. People feel like they should be "rewarded" with sex like that.  It's almost like paying a cabbie his fare after driving you to the show. Guys do this, but it's not just guys but some girls too.  Then they get mad at you when they feel you refuse to conjugate with them.  They'll beg or something first, but then they'll insult you and say they are entitled and expected for sex, especially as a relationship. Yeah.

 

I feel like those issues are even worse in relationships, though. It's one thing if you don't have a relationship, but people feel entitled to sex in relationships,  like it's a reward for dating you.  Ugh. So much for love. I want no part of that.Then again, I don't like to go on dates really. So...

 

 

 

P.S.

 

Call me conservative, but I just think sexting is unsavory. I don't know why people even want to do it. Certain things should just remain private, in my opinion. And if it were up to me, everyone would always be covered up. I don't want to see anybody's privates at all. Boy, I feel people already calling me a "Puritan".

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Divide By Zero

I have no idea what's with people and sex. Our sex crazed society is so confusing. Also, I find relationships extremely confusing and complicated and I don't really understand them.

 

As I get older, with each passing year, I am more and more thankful that I'm asexual and aromantic and have no desire for sex and relationships. I've had people say things to me like "That's so sad that you're asexual / aromantic" or "I can't imagine what that must be like not to want sex or a relationship" and my answer is always something like "I"m glad that I'm asexual and aromnatic. I have no idea how people deal with sex and relationships. It sounds so confusing and complicated." and then they look at me like "WTF???".

 

 

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On 1/26/2018 at 12:01 AM, tygersongbird said:

I say yes. However, not just with sexual advances, but they tend to use little favors as an exchange program for sex as well. I've heard guys say that because I give girls attention, nice things, and treat them nicely, then they should give me something back in return. People feel like they should be "rewarded" with sex like that.  It's almost like paying a cabbie his fare after driving you to the show. Guys do this, but it's not just guys but some girls too.  Then they get mad at you when they feel you refuse to conjugate with them.  They'll beg or something first, but then they'll insult you and say they are entitled and expected for sex, especially as a relationship. Yeah.

 

I feel like those issues are even worse in relationships, though. It's one thing if you don't have a relationship, but people feel entitled to sex in relationships,  like it's a reward for dating you.  Ugh. So much for love. I want no part of that.Then again, I don't like to go on dates really. So...

 

 

 

P.S.

 

Call me conservative, but I just think sexting is unsavory. I don't know why people even want to do it. Certain things should just remain private, in my opinion. And if it were up to me, everyone would always be covered up. I don't want to see anybody's privates at all. Boy, I feel people already calling me a "Puritan".

Funny you mention 'exchanges'. I met a girl back in '03 via the 'net. I thought it would be her and assuming a boyfriend were going to meet us at some snowmobile races near here cottage. She showed up solo. She was friendly and I gave her a ride back to where she had parked her car. We ended up going for dinner on our way back to the city. 

 

We still keep in touch. It turns out that she had been engaged but broke it off two weeks before the wedding. Talking to her cottage neighbour (senior citizen), he figured that she had suffered a broken heart and would probably remain single.

 

Now to the exchange scenario. The occasional time that we've gone out for dinner, she's very adamant  about paying her share. It's maddening, because I don't have an ulterior motive. It's as if she thinks I'd keep track of expenses and then expect 'something' in return. That has to be the furthest thing in my mind. At times I'd like to tell her this, but haven't had the chance nor the courage.

 

I found out about asexuality two years after we met. After coming out to one friend last year, I'd like to come out to her to let her know why I've said some of the things I have since we've known each other.

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Tyger Songbird

You know what's amazingly appalling? It's always weird whenever people tend to think that because expect you to be married or having a child simply because you are an adult now? I don't know why people expect you to be married with a wife and children because you are above age 18 or something. It always amazes me. It always does. 

 

I don't know why that is the painted picture of masculine and success as a man?

 

After all, what if I were gay and weren't interested in women? Would I be considered a failure to them, despite being a well-rounded, good person? I guess I would, wouldn't I?

 

So be it.

 

I knew that I was already a majorly different male because I am not a drinker or smoke. Being asexual seems like nothing. Although I can't understand how asexual men aren't exactly the "real man" stereotype, seeing as we have the same hormones. It's funny we as a society like to think we're "progressive", yet still try to force people into being perfect "models" of societal structure. IDK.

 

"Hey, this person is unmarried! He is a threat to our social order, and he must be married before he goes and terrorizes town as a rapist serial killer! Unmarried men are dangerous, you know!"

 

It just seems so puritanical a thought, really.

 

It just amazes me how people just love to think everyone is supposed to be like them and fit their mold. Then when you don't, they will claim that there is something "off" with you, as if they know your mentality better than you. They claim to know what's normal and proper in terms of normatives. So, that gives them the right to call your life abnormal or broken. Or better yet, they think that their life is right and yours is wrong. Oh, will they have a field day with you then?

 

 "Man, I know you must be having lots of fun partying every weekend! Boy when I was your age!"

"What, you don't have a girlfriend or anything? What's up with you, man? What seems to be problem here that's making you miss out?"

 

Key word: Problem. Yeah, we're a problem. You hear that?

 

Maybe we asexual guys should just say we're gay, so they get off our backs. It's better than being a problem, right? <sarcasm>

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, tygersongbird said:

Maybe we asexual guys should just say we're gay, so they get off our backs. It's better than being a problem, right?

No. Because it's not the truth (not for me anyway).

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Has someone changed the way the majority of people on this planet think, and being homosexual is no longer "a problem"? :P:lol:

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