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Asexual Men Musings


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At times I've posted that I wished that I had found out about asexuality at an earlier age. That being said during a walk yesterday I wondered if that is such a good thing. Had I known that I was asexual sooner, would I have isolated myself from females (precluding meeting a girl that I'm still friends with 16 years later)?

Edited by will123
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@will123, I'd view it from the opposite angle, if I'd known about asexuality 30 years ago I wouldn't have wasted twenty-five of them running away if a female tried to be "friends" 

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I've thought about this quite a bit. I spent quite a few years navigating life trying to figure out what I did and didn't want, before by chance reading of asexuality. I view that figuring out for myself stage as important, and had I been able to put a label on myself earlier I'm not convinced it would have been better in terms of relating to other (mostly allosexual) people. I'm really glad to know that other asexual people exist now though.

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Not much would’ve changed if I knew about asexuality sooner. I was dense and uninterested in romance and sex since the dawn of time and knowing I was likely asexual would not have raised my awareness at all. I’d still be clueless and apathetic about romance.

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I understand sex, but I don't understand romance. Nothing about it seems even remotely desirable to me.

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I wasn't going to post here, out of desire to respect that it's a space for men. However, I felt I should address this.

@will123 There is nothing wrong with wanting sex without a relationship. Objectification is when you dehumanize a person, whether by completely disregarding their beliefs, feelings and desires, or what have you. As long as you and she are on the same page, you should be fine.

Edit: sorry, I tried to quote the post and it didn't work

Edited by Anommamous
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1 hour ago, Anommamous said:

I wasn't going to post here, out of desire to respect that it's a space for men. However, I felt I should address this.

@will123 There is nothing wrong with wanting sex without a relationship. Objectification is when you dehumanize a person, whether by completely disregarding their beliefs, feelings and desires, or what have you. As long as you and she are on the same page, you should be fine.

Edit: sorry, I tried to quote the post and it didn't work

@Arodash (too)

 

To me it felt like I was coming across that I was looking for a "wham bam thank you ma'am" situation...

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@will123 There's nothing morally wrong with that! Now if you led someone to believe you were looking for something you weren't, that would cause problems. It's much easier to just be honest about what you're looking for. I'm sure there are plenty of women who are up for one-night stands. (Or one-hour stands or whatever..)

Edited by Anommamous
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5 minutes ago, Anommamous said:

@will123 There's nothing morally wrong with that! Now if you led someone to believe you were looking for something you weren't, that would cause problems. It's much easier to just be honest about what you're looking for. I'm sure there are plenty of women who are up for one-night stands. (Or one-hour stands or whatever..)

That's not a concern since any interest in sexual activity of any sort on my part disappeared back in 2005 when I found out about asexuality.

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I'm not sure why but I'm even less interested in women than I was before, and I was barely interested as it was. Even aesthetic attraction seems rather meh now and I can't say I feel any desire to get to know women. I just want a few male friends and that's about it now. It feels like as I get older any interest becomes less and less. I'm OK with it so it's just an observation.

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I had a vaguely sexual dream last night, which left me feeling uncomfortable again. I haven't had many sexual dreams in my life but they've never been pleasant. In this dream I had just got a new job and my male boss started stroking my face. Yeah, not that sexual exactly but along the lines of him showing sexual interest in me. I remember thinking in the dream that I needed the job and so didn't feel like I could stop him. I know in real life I'd have punched him lol. I don't fancy men so don't know why men sometimes appear in my dream like that. Women have appeared in my dream too and it has been equally as gross to me.

 

How do you men feel about anything sexual in your dreams?

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7 hours ago, Invisible Man said:

How do you men feel about anything sexual in your dreams?

Usually uncomfortable if it's involving anyone else, if it does its very rare. My sexual dreams are very much solo, which is how i prefer things! 

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9 hours ago, Invisible Man said:

How do you men feel about anything sexual in your dreams?

In every sexual dream I've had, there's always been this sense of detachment from everything.  It feels more like I'm watching everything through someone else's eyes rather than experiencing it myself.

 

Other than that, nothing really.

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11 hours ago, Invisible Man said:

How do you men feel about anything sexual in your dreams?

As far as I can recall I've never had anything sexual in my dreams.

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On 10/18/2019 at 2:42 PM, Invisible Man said:

How do you men feel about anything sexual in your dreams?

Dreams are dreams. I can't say enjoy sexual dreams that much (not that they happen much anyway). Then again I don't enjoy being pursued by monsters, losing something important and not being able to find it, or falling down a chasm either.

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On 10/19/2019 at 11:45 AM, Catserole said:

Dreams are dreams. I can't say enjoy sexual dreams that much (not that they happen much anyway). Then again I don't enjoy being pursued by monsters, losing something important and not being able to find it, or falling down a chasm either.

Yeah I prefer largely harmless sex dreams over being hunted down and killed, being imprisoned, or experiencing having a nice day suddenly go horribly wrong. 

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I have never had a sex dream, at least that I remember. Compared to all the lovely dreams I collectively term as "Death & Killing Dreams" I have had lately a sex dream sounds pleasant.

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17 minutes ago, Aebt-Ætheling said:

I have never had a sex dream, at least that I remember. Compared to all the lovely dreams I collectively term as "Death & Killing Dreams" I have had lately a sex dream sounds pleasant.

Spoiler

As long as it's not a wet dream...

 

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2 hours ago, will123 said:
  Reveal hidden contents

As long as it's not a wet dream...

 

I can happily say I have only had one of those ever, but I did forget about that possibility.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've had dreams that were kinda sexual in nature, although it was more about nudity than anything sexual happening.

Never had a wet dream in my life, I'm glad about that one

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My dreams are romantic more often than sexual. I dreamed a few nights ago that I happily married the guy who had peer reviewed my paper 😂 There was another years ago in which a guy who I grew up with came to me, crying, and I embraced him until he felt better

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Two dreams a week ago about having some personal property stolen.

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I'm lucky, my dreams are either watching a movie or taking part in it. I have full colour with sound very realistic dreams 

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Nope never had one of those dreams. I felt like I was the only guy in school that didn't have one of "those dreams" I was completa dry during that period of my life. If only I knew that it wasn't me that wasn't broken but the rest of hetero normative society that was broken.

 

-Tre 

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7 minutes ago, Arodash said:

I wouldn't exactly say they are broken either those dreams are dependent upon the person and their sexual orientation just like if we don't have them that's not really indicative of us being broken

no not broken from our context. Broken from societies context. As men we are expected to follow the hetero binary script. Although, its dependent on geography and social group so YMMV 

 

-Tre 

Edited by TreMartEyes
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7 minutes ago, Arodash said:

Ohhhhh thats what you meant! My apologies sorry, in that regard your correct I take issue with. Many. MANY of society's expectations about people for their gender/identity. If people wish to conform to said expectation, thats cool thats their choice but we live in a world where if men dont do "manly things" they are chastized. If women dont do "womanly things" they are chastized. 

 

What I tell people is. Do what makes YOU happy and ignore everyone's expectations for what you should be

Apologies accepted although no need to be sorry. This isn't a good medium for dialogue. It is interesting the worlds we have to navigate. In one context I am the atypical society driven definition of a man. I hunt, fish , love sports, and I can drive most heavy equipment and wear boots. Although, when the conversations change to relations and sex I find that I no longer identify. As you said I do what makes me happy and I don't worry about the petty BS that is the expectations of a straight hetero guy 

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13 minutes ago, TreMartEyes said:

Apologies accepted although no need to be sorry. This isn't a good medium for dialogue. It is interesting the worlds we have to navigate. In one context I am the atypical society driven definition of a man. I hunt, fish , love sports, and I can drive most heavy equipment and wear boots. Although, when the conversations change to relations and sex I find that I no longer identify. As you said I do what makes me happy and I don't worry about the petty BS that is the expectations of a straight hetero guy 

My interests are similar except the heavy equipment part. While I've been driving for over 40 years, I can't drive a standard.

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2 minutes ago, Arodash said:

I am in the very same boat I enjoy fishing I love shooting I do many things that many would consider manly things to me I just consider them self reliance skills that everyone should learn I wear boots for two reasons 1 I live a very muddy rainy snowy state so they're practical I'm also and Outdoors kind of person it's also I have to wear special boots for my job I have to wear composite toe EMS boots

 

My not so "manly" things? I squeal when I see cute animals. I am taking horse riding lessons (here is a very female driven thing) I also know how to stitch. Ironically more older "men" say its a woman's skill but I dont meet women my age who know how to mend their clothes, I feel there are just certain skills dieing off. Like polishing shows, saddle soaping leather garments, sewing, over all taking care of personal property

I  am 33 and I have never had a live in partner. I feel as a man that being single for over a decade I have to bridge many skills. If I don't learn how to cook, bake and decorate my house then it will be a desolate bachelor cave. 

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2 minutes ago, Arodash said:

I only recently learned to drive standard. I wish that it was taught during drivers education

I bought an H pattern Mazda B2500 when I was broke I had to learn or walk. With New England winters you learn to drive. 

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