Asexual Men Musings

[Arodash]

It's kind of like blaming video games for violence there are tons of studies that show that they don't influence these things honestly what influences you is your upbringing and your own mindset you don't need to be properly educated to be able to see something and know it's not okay. If that makes sense

[Bronztrooper]

5 hours ago, Arodash said:

Okay so guys I have a question. Idk if this is an ace thing, a sex repulsed thing. But am I the only who, honestly, feels sick if a woman says lude things? Such as

 

  Reveal hidden contents

"I am so wet"

 

I also feel this way when men use similar terms when relaying info about their stuff

Never heard anyone actually say anything like that, but in the occasional times I've read smut and see the female character in it say something like that, I cringe.  It doesn't make me feel sick or anything, but it does make me feel uncomfortable.

 

2 hours ago, Homer van Simpsegem said:

"Media" and "society" just happen to rank high on the list of people's favourite scapegoats.

Yeah, though, society is a bit more relevant, imo.

 

Really, the media reflects the culture, not the other way around.  A lot of the behaviors portrayed have existed well before radio and TV were even concepts, so to blame it on the media is nonsensical.

[will123]

37 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

 

Yeah, though, society is a bit more relevant, imo.

 

Really, the media reflects the culture, not the other way around.  A lot of the behaviors portrayed have existed well before radio and TV were even concepts, so to blame it on the media is nonsensical.

OK. What I.meant about media is the 'talking heads' that blame everything on males (usually on the afternoon talk shows here in North America). They obviously are sending a message that caused the poster to feel bad about being male.

 

Just because Harvey Weinstein is a (fill in the blank) doesn't mean all males are nor should we all be made to feel guilty because of what is between our legs.

[Laplace]

The combination of vocal modern anti-men movements and the vocal male supremacist factions is giving me a headache. One of my friends had a GF in high school who literally told me men were like slaves to their ***ks and would do pretty much anything for sex. I’m just like, “Uhhhh ***** no, that’s not how men work.” Sure there are a fair amount who are sorta like that, but that’s bypassing a lot of nuances to arrive at that sort of generalization. 

[will123]

16 minutes ago, Laplace said:

The combination of vocal modern anti-men movements and the vocal male supremacist factions is giving me a headache.

And both groups take up all the oxygen in the room so to speak.

 

I vaguely remember when the 'leader' of the incel movement died. My reaction was more or less another idgit on a killing spree and continued on my merry way. Then after last year's van attack in Toronto when the term incel was used to describe the suspect, I did some research. OMG, I couldn't believe what I was reading. People actually think this way?  

[Liana]

3 hours ago, Laplace said:

The combination of vocal modern anti-men movements and the vocal male supremacist factions is giving me a headache. One of my friends had a GF in high school who literally told me men were like slaves to their ***ks and would do pretty much anything for sex. I’m just like, “Uhhhh ***** no, that’s not how men work.” Sure there are a fair amount who are sorta like that, but that’s bypassing a lot of nuances to arrive at that sort of generalization. 

Knowing the people in my school, some probably are. That definitely isn’t 100% of men.

[œddy]

4 hours ago, Arodash said:

Anyone who says that all men will do anything for sex basically invalidate men who are asexual and thats not cool

 

 

And also many, many men who aren't asexual

[Homer]

2 hours ago, œddy said:

And also many, many men who aren't asexual

The vast, overwhelming majority.

[will123]

8 hours ago, Arodash said:

Anyone who says that all men will do anything for sex basically invalidate men who are asexual and thats not cool. Not to mention how offensivly sexist of a statement that is. News flash world, sexism can go both ways

 

 

A couple of years ago Ontario had a PSA about workplace harassment. Several little clips of males acting inappropriately towards women. Two take aways for me, not all men act like this and there are other forms of harrassment (which were never mentioned in this ad or any others) besides sexual.

[will123]

1 hour ago, Arodash said:

Does anyone remember the Gillette ad that threw that  blanket over all men as being toxic and bad? 

I recall the chatter, but never saw the ad.

[Bronztrooper]

12 hours ago, Arodash said:

Does anyone remember the Gillette ad that threw that  blanket over all men as being toxic and bad? 

I remember the ad, but it didn't come off as implying that all men were toxic.  Rather that the most toxic behaviors among men tend to be ignored (whether through just saying nothing or by saying stuff like "He's not that bad when you get to know him.") by other men rather than the ones exhibiting them being called out on it.  Which tends to happen quite a bit.

[acematt]

On 8/18/2019 at 10:14 PM, Arodash said:

I have never been called an incel. Whats been said to me when I come out asexual is, from guys "well thats just weird your missing out" trust me. I know im not missing out. And from women some have said "but your a guy, guys want sex" no ma'am not every single man is the same. Just like not every woman is the same. I feel like there is this, sociatel expectation that as a man I NEED to have sex in order to be a man. Why? Why do I need it???

Tell the guys that you're not missing out. Tell the women to get over their ignorance. Lots of guys don't care about sex. Tell society to go to a nice hot place. There. I think I covered everything. 

[acematt]

16 hours ago, Homer van Simpsegem said:

The vast, overwhelming majority.

Just as many asexual men as women. They just don't reveal it as much. 

[acematt]

On 8/20/2019 at 9:36 PM, Arodash said:

This is very wrong and Incredibly sexist I would bring it up to your guidance counselor that you feel offended by this policy everyone should be treated the same the fact that they are basically accusing you of doing something strictly because your email is utterly ridiculous

 

 

On 8/20/2019 at 9:26 PM, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

One of my teachers this year has a policy of yelling at all boys to stay seated when the bell rings until all of the girls has left the classroom. Today when one guy tried standing up he got told “hey don’t stalk the ladies!” by the teacher. I am glad that it is my last class of the day because that could easily screw me over if my classes were in the set up that they were last year. Two classes of mine last year were on opposite sides of the school and I barely got to the second class before the late bell rang (if you enter afterwards you are counted as tardy and after a certain amount of time you get detentions) when I went straight to that class without stopping to talk to anyone or do anything. I’m not going to say that this is the same extent of problems as what some of the women on other channels have talked about, but this is still something that feels wrong to me.

That is bs. The teacher should be fired or reprimanded (preferably the former). No wonder MGTOW was formed. Guys are sick of this crap. This will hurt women in the long run but oh well. That is their problem if they don't step up to the plate and do something about this nonsense. They want equality fine but you can't have it both ways. 

[acematt]

On 4/7/2019 at 11:56 AM, Bronztrooper said:

Not so much nervous as out of place.  Most of my male friends tend to be guys who generally don't talk about sex, but when I talk to guys I don't really know (which isn't often), I keep hoping that they won't start talking about sex.  A lot of times, they do anyway, and I just sort of zone out of the conversation.

 

I'd much rather talk about video games.  

I'd much rather talk about anything other than sex. 

[will123]

9 hours ago, acematt said:

Tell the guys that you're not missing out. Tell the women to get over their ignorance. Lots of guys don't care about sex. Tell society to go to a nice hot place. There. I think I covered everything. 

When I've come out to my friends (and told them that I was still a virgin), the were very understanding. No comments about I didn't know what I was talking about, et cetera...

[Homer]

I only had that happen once, with romance instead of sex. Friend asks for input on a romance-y issue. I deliver, friend doesn't like the answer and says "You don't really have any experience anyway." "You know this and still asked for my opinion though..."

 

People are strange. Also I find romance so much weirder than sex. Sex I can wrap my head around with a bunch of analogies, but romance? That's some next level creepypasta.

[will123]

@Homer van Simpsegem I've been asked for relationship advice from a person that was keenly aware that I had no experience on the matter. I was in my 30s and said, "I've never had a girlfriend so why are you asking me of all people?"

 

@Arodash Yes my friends had questions about asexuality, but nothing like 'you're a late bloomer'. If I heard that I'd be telling them "Cripes I'm in my 50s!" "I was never looking for the the right person, I just plain wasn't looking period".

[Zash]

10 hours ago, Homer van Simpsegem said:

I only had that happen once, with romance instead of sex. Friend asks for input on a romance-y issue. I deliver, friend doesn't like the answer and says "You don't really have any experience anyway." "You know this and still asked for my opinion though..."

A lot of the time people want you to say what they want to hear, and they are thinking you, not knowing much about romance, would just smile and nod.  Other times, people honestly do ask ace/aros stuff because we have a different point of view.  You have a different point of view from outside the box, and can see truth that people can't when they are inside the box.  Of course, you can also completely miss the point from outside the box too, but, different perspectives can help.

[Homer]

4 hours ago, Zash said:

A lot of the time people want you to say what they want to hear, and they are thinking you, not knowing much about romance, would just smile and nod.

My folks know that I'm crap at "telling them what they want to hear"  

[DryRain]

On 8/26/2019 at 1:43 PM, Arodash said:

It was bad. So bad they lost nearly 8 billion dollars. Attacking the people you try to sell to, doesnt work out well. The backlash was so bad they switched gears in advertising

The ad was fine, the reception not so much especially with the backlash from right-wing media (mostly men) who saw this as a personal slight and devoted all their resources to attack the ad. Worthy of note is that literally every instance of a man being wrong in the ad was corrected by ANOTHER man, which would clearly go against this "blanketed all men as toxic" argument.

 

One point that is definitely true however, is that a company making this kind of ad, while nice, shouldn't be overly praised either because it's still produced for the express purpose of making more money and not to further social justice & equality.

[Bronztrooper]

6 minutes ago, Arodash said:

But I also disagree that all the backlash came from ring wing media, Im center left, And I felt the ad was in bad taste

That's not what he said, though.  @DryRain was saying that the back lash was especially bad from the right wing media, not that it was the only source.

[Liana]

I know that my dad would not approve of it do to me being the last male of his families line. It’s probably considered valid to the same extent as females overall, but isn’t seen as valid for different reasons than females.

[Iam9man]

5 hours ago, Arodash said:

I have a question for my fellow male asexuals and bear in mind this comes from my personal experiences and things I have perceived hence why I'm asking question do any of you feel that what's up what I'm looking for do any of you feel like because we are male that people view our asexuality has more invalid then say women or do you think that it's roughly about the same its overall not really considered a valid orientation no matter what the gender is because for all I know this could just be the people in my circle of friends and family

I suspect female asexuals get labelled “prudes” and male asexuals get labelled “closeted homosexuals” 🙄

[N8ty L3asT]

38 minutes ago, Iam9man said:

 and male asexuals get labelled “closeted homosexuals” 🙄

And or have given up on getting laid, the one friend I’ve told I’m ace said that and I looked at her like “ are serious we’ve met before right “ but then I think she remembered that we dated for a hot second in high school and started laughing 

[Liana]

7 hours ago, Iam9man said:

I suspect female asexuals get labelled “prudes” and male asexuals get labelled “closeted homosexuals” 🙄

I’ve been called a prude a few times 

[Iam9man]

9 minutes ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

I’ve been called a prude a few times 

And I’ve had female friends try to warn potential dates that I’m gay.

[Homer]

Just now, Iam9man said:

And I’ve had female friends try to warn potential dates that I’m gay.

Wait, what? There's stupid and then there's this...

[will123]

Four of the people that I'm out to are female and three are male. None of them have reacted in a negative way.

 

When I've explained asexuality to them, I tell them "I'm not straight nor am I gay. I'm not sexually attracted to girls or guys, and yes, I'm still a virgin". They've been fine with me telling them that and accepting me as who I am, not what I am.

Edited September 6, 2019 by will123

[Bronztrooper]

I'm selective about who I come out to, so I haven't had to deal with people trying to invalidate me, but like @Darth Plagueis the Wise said, it probably happens just as much to guys, but in different ways for different reasons.  Like, women aren't "supposed" to be sexual while men are "supposed" to be very sexual,  so while women often get treated like it's normal and will change when they meet "The One TM", men will tend to hear stuff like "But men need sex!" or "So, you're gay?"

 

Mindbogglingly frustrating really