[potential TMI] "true" sexual arousal and "sexual itch"

[chair jockey]

I just realized that the sexual attraction I've experienced exactly two times in my 49 years, once at age 12 and once at age 26, also reveals what true sexual arousal is like for me. It's really like being under the influence of mind-altering substances.

More often I have something that I call "glans itch," which feels just like irritation inside the tip of the penis that can cause an erection and spread sensations to other parts of the genitals.

But what just occurred to me is that glans itch is NOT sexual arousal. As I said, true sexual arousal is like being under the influence of mind-altering substances.

Anyway, does anyone want to discuss their own experience with these things?

[butterscotchwm]

[i have some TMI stuff as well so we're all in the same boat here ^^;]

I'm still not entirely sure what you mean by "true arousal." Arousal is kinda just a bodily response in which blood rushes to your genital area.. Like for people with penises, you get an erection, and for people with vaginas the clitoris might get erect, and everything will start feeling "wet." (There's sometimes this throbbing sensation for both genitalia). Sometimes this results from sexual attraction, and other times it's not.

As an asexual person with a fluctuating libido, I've been aroused many times, and although I don't mind it, it doesn't make me desire sex, and it doesn't come from a desire for sex. It just happens.... Because I am a homosapien with a sexual reproductive system.

As of feeling like you're being "under the influence" I guess I could say it's kind of like that if I'm REALLY horny for whatever reason. I've had days where my libido was so high that I just felt hot and restless all around - but of course it was completely directionless, and I would take care of it myself.

[Star Bit]

Not true sexual arousal? No, sexual/genital arousal is strictly that; your parts turning on... by "mind altering drugs" i assume you mean the sudden desire to do things you didnt previously want to do, then THAT is sexual attraction; being turned on and desiring to have sex. I've heard another asexual mention their rare, gray-asexuality, is like being under an influence too.

[mischevious_koala]

I see you pondered this further after I brought up something in the chat. I asked whether you can have sexual thoughts without an erection. I have a small fetish and when I feel my libido spike, I get that genital itch inkonsitent is talking about but I don't really get 'hard' even when I think about it when I want to relieve it. It sounded strange to me

[Sockstealingnome]

Yeah...can you further describe the feeling of sexual attraction? I'm trying to understand what it feels like but I don't mess with drugs either so that's not really an analogy that works for me either.

[butterscotchwm]

I once tried to ask my boyfriend what it's like to feel sexual attraction towards someone. His response was, "I don't really know if I could explain it... if Sigmund Freud couldn't accurately explain it, then I don't think I could either! He just said 'It is what it is!'"

[binary suns]

Not true sexual arousal? No, sexual/genital arousal is strictly that; your parts turning on... by "mind altering drugs" i assume you mean the sudden desire to do things you didnt previously want to do, then THAT is sexual attraction; being turned on and desiring to have sex. I've heard another asexual mention their rare, gray-asexuality, is like being under an influence too.

if someone's parts are turning them on, how is that different from their parts completely taking over? It is said that libido is different from sexual attraction, I don't see why the intensity of libido would change that.

It may be possible that someone feels overcome by libido, and in that moment actually does feel sexual attraction... but I would not say that "losing oneself" to a strong moment of libido would necessarily show the person is not asexual. After all, they've lost themselves... who they are is not who they are in this moment, if that makes sense xD

[chair jockey]

I don't think anyone was trying to say that I'm not asexual just because I've experienced two brief instances of sexual attraction over the course of 49 years of life; but even if they are, fine, because I identify as "extremely dark gray-a" anyway (with the grayness getting darker as you move toward pure asexuality and ligher as you move toward pure allosexuality).

And I'm sorry if people got confused by the fact that I (misleadingly) seemed to be making absolute statements. Being under the influence of mind-altering substances is how _I_ experience sexual attraction. Thinking about it, I've realized that sexual arousal is to me not really different from sexual attraction, and what I've experienced much more often and dismissed as "glans itch" is something I consider a non-sexual phenomenon akin to an itch. That's all subjective and relates strictly to me. There's nothing to say that other people don't get truly aroused in a way that can be described similarly to my glans itch--or even that some people get sexually _attracted_ in a way that can be described similarly to my glans itch. Everybody is different.

[Star Bit]

Not true sexual arousal? No, sexual/genital arousal is strictly that; your parts turning on... by "mind altering drugs" i assume you mean the sudden desire to do things you didnt previously want to do, then THAT is sexual attraction; being turned on and desiring to have sex. I've heard another asexual mention their rare, gray-asexuality, is like being under an influence too.

if someone's parts are turning them on, how is that different from their parts completely taking over? It is said that libido is different from sexual attraction, I don't see why the intensity of libido would change that.

It may be possible that someone feels overcome by libido, and in that moment actually does feel sexual attraction... but I would not say that "losing oneself" to a strong moment of libido would necessarily show the person is not asexual. After all, they've lost themselves... who they are is not who they are in this moment, if that makes sense xD

Hmm, true; if it weren't for my libido spikes i wouldn't masturbate. So i am "taken over" to do something i wouldn't otherwise do, but that just depends by each asexual, or sexual even; some fap for the pleasure and not a hormonal spike.

[Star Bit]

Yeah...can you further describe the feeling of sexual attraction? I'm trying to understand what it feels like but I don't mess with drugs either so that's not really an analogy that works for me either.

From what I've deducted, it's genital arousal due to the existance of another person (not solely because of a fetish or turn on spot, but for the person in general) and the desire/impulse to do sexual things to them or with them.

[Sockstealingnome]

Yeah...can you further describe the feeling of sexual attraction? I'm trying to understand what it feels like but I don't mess with drugs either so that's not really an analogy that works for me either.

From what I've deducted, it's genital arousal due to the existance of another person (not solely because of a fetish or turn on spot, but for the person in general) and the desire/impulse to do sexual things to them or with them.

I used to think that's all there was to it but the more I hear of it, the less I'm convinced it's that simple. There seems to be a different reaction between people.