Ellegirl?

[nonentities]

Could someone please hunt down a copy of the article in the November issue for me? I just got PM'd about it and I had no idea it was even published. :shock:




2014 Mod Edit: Thanks to post #13, where the text has been copied and pasted, I've found a copy of the article here.

[MetalMentality]

My friend just saw it literally the day after I told her I'm an asexual. She tore it out for me, and I'll probably get it from her Sunday.

[AmoebicMe]

The story was published? What? Someone put it up! The girl who wrote it said she'd let us know when it was comin' out... Psssh.

[nonentities]

I know! I had no idea it was published until a girl PM'd me. And now I want to read it because I forgot what I told the author, haha.

[feef]

Ooooh, I'd like to see what they put in there. It's the type of magazine girls my age read, although not the type of magazine my friends read. Or would admit to reading. :D

[AmoebicMe]

I'll see if I can get it, or something. I don't even remember what I said either... Except that I hope I was articulate. :roll:

[Silly Green Monkey]

November's next month, what are you talking about?

[nonentities]

I have no idea. I'm just repeating what someone PM'd me. :?

[Jesh]

Yeah, but don't issues usually come out a month before their month? So the November one should be out this month

[Lady Heartilly]

My friend just called me this morning and read me the article over the phone because she said it reminded her of me. It's a really good article; I liked it a lot. She said she's going to try to send me a copy but she doesn't know how long it's going to take her and it might be a while. If she does, though, I'll post it here.

[MetalMentality]

Damn. My friend was gonna give me the article today, but she forgot it.

Otherwise I would have typed it out here. :?

[maco]

what what? What's this about an article?

[jessyk1065]

Here:

"NO SEX, PLEASE: Raging hormones and relationship drama? Not this crowd. Rebecca Onion talks to teen and twentysomething 'asexuals' who just don't wanna hook up.

All of Kate Goldfield's friends dated in high school, except for her. She never even had a sad unrequited crush on a boy. "I decided that I had to be a lesbian," says the 21-year-old from Cumberland, Maine. "Because if I didn't like boys, I must like girls." But after nine months, she still hadn't had a crush on a girl either. "I told my mom, 'you know all those gay bumper stickers I have up on my wall?" she recalls. "I've decided I'm not a lesbian. I'm an asexual."

Some of the more hormone-addled among us may not understand, but a growing number of people in th eU.S. are declaring themselves independent of sexual attraction. Through websites like the three-year-old AVEN (The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, asexuality.org), they support each other, discussing topics like attraction (or lack thereof), parental disapproval and how to "come out" as an asexual. At last count, AVEN had 4,441 members, and more are joining every day, says David Jay, 23, who founded the site. He used to have a small personal web page about the topic, but after he got e-mails from interested people, he realized there might be more asexuals out there than he thought, ad decided to expand.

Before AVEN and other asexuality websites became popular, asexuals didn't have an organized community. The Internet has made it possible for them to find each other. And, as David and Kate make clear, the main goals of the movement are simply visibility and awareness. "For me, it was such a struggle to find this label to identify with," Kate says. "I just want to send out the message that we exist. You're not alone. There are peole like you."

IS IT HEALTHY?

Asexuals insist that the fact that they don't want to have sex doesn't mean they're weird, crazy or, as David says, "broken." They're sort of defensive because some psychologists and sex therapists are pretty negative about the concept. "When somebody says, 'I'm not interested in sex,' my question is, 'What has happened to them?'" says Barnaby Barratt, PhD, President of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. "It's sad, because I think sex is basically a huge blessing to human beings."

Theories aside, there hasn't been much scientific study on the phenomenon. John DeLamater, PhD, a sociologist and sex researcher, thinks that's because the sexuality studies that usually get funding are aimed at solving social problems, like teen pregnancy or STDS.

Some experts suggest that asexuals may have suppressed a traumatic event that's making them think sex is gross. Kate didn't have any sexxual encounters before she decided that she wasn't interested, though, and most of the AVEN members I spoke to talked more about lackluster experiences than terrible ones.

"I don't mind kissing, but it doesn't excite me in the least," says Chess*, 20. "I find it boring." Erika, 17, has explored the sexual world "out of sheer desperation, to understand why it interests other teenagers so much," she says. But it didn't appeal to her. "Right in the midst of sexual activity, I found myself thinking, This is it? This is waht people obsess about?"

Another notion is that asexuality is just a phase that some people go through, like being a vegetarian or an atheist. "Things can change depending on a multitude of experiences people have as they grow uo," says Dr. Barratt. But AmoebicMe*, 20, like most of the asexual girls I heard from and a majority of the people on AVEN, doesn't think it's possible to switch back and forth from being asexual to sexual: "I don't think you can 'become' asexual. Can you 'become' gay, or have you always been gay?"

Dr. DeLamater advocates taking asexual people at face value when they say they don't experience sexual attraction. "If there are people who feel a lot of sexual desire, there must also be people on the other end of the spectrum," he says.

SEX-FREE RELATIONSHIPS

Some asexuals are interested in relationships-they just don't want them to involve sex. Esther Dail, 24, from Colorado, is even married, in what she calls an 'almost platonic' arrangement. "[My husband, Kenny,] understands," she said. "We get along so well, and we're really comfortable together, so we decided to get married."

Kenny sees their arrangement as "unique," but it sounds like he's waiting for Esther to change when he says, "I knew that sex would not be easy for her, and it may be a long time before she's comfortable with it. I am patient."

Still, Erika notes that asexual relationships tend to have a low drama quotient: "I've ha dno fights with my very close asexual relationships, and I think the removal of the sex factor has something to do with it."

It's also not like asexuals shun all physical contact. Some of them, like David, tlak about how much they like cuddling-but just cuddling, period, with no kissing, wandering hands or hidden agendas. "I still like touch," he says.

I wonder what it would feel like to be what the asexuals call a "sexual" on the other end of an asexual relationship. David used to just tell a flirty girl that he was asexual, and they'd stop hanging out, but now, he says, "If someone is flirting with me, I'll flirt right back. Eventually, I say, ' Oh, by the way, sex won't be happening, but here are all these other things that can happen.'" (He's talking about hanging out, going places and cuddling.)

Having seen a picture of David, I know he is cute, and mighty personable to boot, and I wonder how these hopefuls take it when he drops the bomb. "There are people who are interested in [an asexual] relationship, and people who aren't," he says.

ASEXUAL IN A SEXUAL WORLD

Parents of asexuals have a range of reactions. Kate's, she swears, don't care at all. Chess says, "My mother keeps telling me that I'm not really asexual and will change once I meet the right person. It's a set of frustrations that most pepole can't even really imagine-it's not condemnation or hatred, it's simply flat-out disbelief." AmoebicMe adds that "coming out" as an asexual will involve "terrifying quantities of parental sadness" once her parents figure out that her asexuality means she won't be delivering grandkids.

As for telling strangers, AmoebicMe says, "The entire idea of having to explain to someone that you're not interested in sex is terrifying, espicially since so many people are completely fixated on sex and the idea of not wanting it is completely foreign to them, an dbecause it's foreign, it's bad and needs to be fixed."

Although the wold might try to fix asexuals, asexuals think that it may be the sexual world that's "broken." Kate and a couple of others on AVEN's boards rant a bit about the cultural emphasis on sex. Although, interestingly, she enjoys some romantic comedies, like You've Got Mail, Kate thinks that in general America is too obsessed with couples. "Like The Breakfast Club. That's a great movie, but at the end, why does everyone have to get together?" she says.

David Jay says that he wants sexuals, as well as asexuals, to think harder about why people have sex: "There's an assumption in the sexual world that sex needs to be part of your relationships and your life, and osmetimes it'll be good and sometimes it'll be bad, but you don't have a choice. And I thiknk that that's not true. At the end of the day, sexuality is a way to have fun, experience pleaseure and connect with someone. But it's not the only way to do those things.""[/i]

[ghosts]

Another notion is that asexuality is just a phase that some people go through, like being a vegetarian or an atheist.

Vegetarianism and atheism are phases? :?

[maco]

Another notion is that asexuality is just a phase that some people go through, like being a vegetarian or an atheist.

Vegetarianism and atheism are phases? :?

hahah That's what I thought too :lol:

[MetalMentality]

Another notion is that asexuality is just a phase that some people go through, like being a vegetarian or an atheist.

Many really skeptic people think everything's a phase. It gets old pretty fast.

[nonentities]

Thanks for posting this, MM. :)

[AmoebicMe]

I remember when she asked me if asexuality could be a phase, and all I could think of was how historically, homosexuality was seen as being a phase for young men in which they merely needed to explore before settling down to a life of monotony. And how that was one of the greatest challenges (and well, it still is) facing homosexuals. I kinda like how she put everything together, as it seems more accepting than some other articles written about asexuality. Some parts still made me bristle though.

Thanks for posting it!

[Silly Green Monkey]

Poor Ken, everyone keeps putting intents into his words... I think he'll eventually give up on reporters.

[bard of aven]

I know. I pretty much have.

boa

[VivreEstEsperer]

Thanks for posting this, Jessy! Didn't know it was out.

I have to remember to buy this when I'm at a bookstore next...

Wow. She quoted me a LOT. I think that's the most I've ever been quoted. Cool! ..... .She used some suggestive/leading words that I could take issue with but she was true to the intent of what I said for the most part so I'm satisfied....will be cool to see that in print.

Kate

[Guest]

At the end of the day, sexuality is a way to have fun, experience pleaseure and connect with someone. But it's not the only way to do those things.

I'll remember these sentences, they're a great way to tell people I don't want sex!

[bearded]

I've just managed to get a copy of the magazine in the UK. It's just a shame that they didn't put something on the front of the magazine. About a year ago a UK magazine called 'Real' had an article in, but it had on the front 'Asexual and alone', I read it and found AVEN. I wouldn't have read it if it wasn't on the cover as it isn't a magazine i read.

[Dixie]

That's excting..but that line about sex being a blessing..what bs. That ticked me off.

The more I think on this article, the other people they quoted, like that doctor guy is making me more and more aggravated.

[VivreEstEsperer]

I got the magazine, it's kind of trashy but it's a decent article.

[Shadow girl]

Could someone please hunt down a copy of the article in the November issue for me? I just got PM'd about it and I had no idea it was even published. :shock:

Your in luck I have that article. If I can find away to get it to you I'll gladly do it.

That's where I found out about asexuality.

[Shadow girl]

Another notion is that asexuality is just a phase that some people go through, like being a vegetarian or an atheist.

Vegetarianism and atheism are phases? :?

I don't think so I myself am a vegetarian.

[ghosts]

Yeah, I don't think so either! :) I'm sure my friends that are vegetarian and/or atheists aren't going through any phases.

[rainyrose77]

this may be a little late ... but i totally saw that article of Asexuality in ElleGirl! I was sooo glad to learn about it! that drew me to this site, too! but now i can't find the issue of ElleGirl that it was in ... it aggrivates me... :(

ah well.

[Aangie]

lol, being an atheist is a phase, is it? I call religion a phase then!