ghoul Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I'm not sure if this is the right board to ask about this on.. But how does one exactly identify their queer platonic attraction? And people who have experience with queer platonic relationships or attractions, want to possibly share your stories, experiences or feelings/emotions are queer platonicism? How exactly is it like being in a queer platonic relationship and what do you tend to do with the other person that would differentiate it from for example a friendship or even a romantic relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Lilly D'White Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hi! well, in my case, i can tell you that this person is really dear to me, he's closer to me than my bff, i care a lot and feel sexual attraction... we've shared a lot of important things and have strong feelings. i can only say that he's defferent from my friends in a really special way. maybe this isn't helping you, sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Kuromi Akumura Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Well i am very platonically loving, when i meet someone a couple of times i start to want to be their friend and get a squish on them, i usually am very nervous around my squishes because i don't want to stuff up the friendship. It only becomes a QPR when they either have strong platonic or true romantic feelings ( not puppy love, infatuation or lust) and they well care about me ect. I am aesthetically, emotionally, sensually and intellectually attracted to people, but for a QPR it has to be all of them and most of all i find intimacy though sapio and emotional connection when that person and i have a strong empathy. Being on the similar intellect level ( or quite smarter then me). I do like affection but it is not need for me just a bonus. I need similar hobbies, similar opinions to be close with someone. It's hard to find a allo who can be on this level with me, no romance no lust. It's hard because i have high standards and not many people can become very close to me i kinda don't allow many to be close to me or get attached to. Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I don't think I have ever had any relationships with men that quite fit your definition, mostly best buds forever type stuff. I seem to form better emotional platonic relationships with women. Well, more like really close friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
EggplantWitch Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I think the definition of 'queer platonic' and what that entails is different for everyone depending on what they're comfortable with. I'm pretty touch-averse so I would never hug a friend, but I do want to hug the guy I have qp feelings for, and the idea of snuggling up next to him and watching a movie or playing a video game or something of that ilk is sooo good - but again, not something I would do with a friend. They can sit at the other end of the sofa, OK, that way I get to stretch out and take up loads of space. Going the other way, I would never want to kiss or hold hands with someone unless I had romantic feelings for them. It all depends on personal boundaries! Link to post Share on other sites
Kuromi Akumura Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 well being aromantic i can cuddle, chaste kiss, hold hands with friends or QPP. and i also see it as best besties for life but with companionship and commitment. i look at it abit too deeply tho. Usually i make not exclusive or committed to me but atm i just want someone loyal to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Whispearl Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I've never been in a QPR, but I think I'm very attracted to a friend of mine, platonically, but very strongly. We're very close, and basically a part of each other's families. The only reason we're not more physical, as he's a touchy guy, is that he's known me as quite touch-averse for quite some time and he doesn't realize how much it's changed, but I'd definitely be open to hugging and things of that nature. And I suppose what did it in for me was that he told me that if marriage or romance doesn't work out for either of us when we're much older, he'd be very open to marrying me for the benefits and moving in together. We share a lot of similar interests and I enjoy being in his company, so I don't think I'm necessarily in a QPR, but the platonic feelings I have for this guy are definitely crazy strong, and I'd do it in a heartbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I hug but don't like to hold hands or anything. I definitely don't snuggle or cuddle. I'm still getting used to some of this terminology, much of it new to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 For me, it's just kind of a matter of...resonating with each other, I suppose is the best way to put it? Like I recently said on another thread, we started as best friends and it just sort of evolved past that, just not in a romantic or sexual way. He's definitely more touchy-feely than I am, mostly just hugs and monopolizing my arm on the band bus and stuff, whereas I've always sort of been the more stoic one. We don't do the ~*~profound declarations of love~*~ or anything sappy/romancey like that, so I guess it's closer to a really strong friendship than anything romantic, but at the same time not *just* friends. Kuromi mentioned intellectual attraction, and that's definitely a strong component of it because we have lots of deep conversations and such. He's alloromo and I'm aro, and so it's not exclusive in the sense that I'd feel that he was doing something wrong if he got a girlfriend or anything (we actually had kind of a hilarious exchange regarding that at lunch today, I'll post it over in Incredibly Aro Moments later)--I know that's something he needs, and there was never even the slightest expectation of anything of that nature between us, so it's all good. Idk, maybe it's not quite what most people would call QP, but that's what I think of it as. For me, it's just kind of a matter of...resonating with each other, I suppose is the best way to put it? Like I recently said on another thread, we started as best friends and it just sort of evolved past that, just not in a romantic or sexual way. He's definitely more touchy-feely than I am, mostly just hugs and monopolizing my arm on the band bus and stuff, whereas I've always sort of been the more stoic one. We don't do the ~*~profound declarations of love~*~ or anything sappy/romancey like that, so I guess it's closer to a really strong friendship than anything romantic, but at the same time not *just* friends. Kuromi mentioned intellectual attraction, and that's definitely a strong component of it because we have lots of deep conversations and such. He's alloromo and I'm aro, and so it's not exclusive in the sense that I'd feel that he was doing something wrong if he got a girlfriend or anything (we actually had kind of a hilarious exchange regarding that at lunch today, I'll post it over in Incredibly Aro Moments later)--I know that's something he needs, and there was never even the slightest expectation of anything of that nature between us, so it's all good. Idk, maybe it's not quite what most people would call QP, but that's what I think of it as. Link to post Share on other sites
Miav-desu Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am not sure if my post would be usefull since I am so bad with telling the diffrent attractions apparts but i'll give it a try. When I was younger I moved from the city to the countryside where I lived on a boarding school for almost a year. During that period of time I got alot of friends and I general found connecting to people easy since we all basically lived around each other 24/7 not like normal schools where you study and go home afterward. I became good friend with one guy which invited people to movie nights pretty often. at the begining it was just casual friendship with a bunch of people who enjoyed comming over wathing movies, having sleep overs and such things. at a time I also started to sleep over at his place pretty often (for various reasons such as me living above the party room with alot of noise and often being in his room and just talking each other to sleep or falling alseep in a movie) He claimed to be straight (today he would say bisexual) even being popular he did not want a relationship because he had broken up with his wife and felt pretty bad, I told him my experience with relationships wasn't that good either, so well we just became like good friends and neither of us wanted a relationship we just kinda wanted to have fun. at a time we also became sexual invold with each other. people would tease us alittle specially because we where pretty close and almost always together. In many ways what we did was beyond the norm of normal friendship. I mean, I do like to do many things with friends which are not consider the norm. I like holding hands, sex, kissing with certain friends, but with him I did break multiply norms at once, he was both the friend I had sex with but he was also still the friend I would snuggle with, get drunk with, hug and kiss, in many ways our friendship seamed more "couple like" (I hate that therm) than friendship but on the other hand it was not a relationship. We had both said from the begining we did not want a relationship and the guy which back then thought of himself as in the closet would deffintly not be in a relationship with a guy if it happent to be so. I was fine with that exept the fact I thought he should come out of the closet but that was another debat. anyway, we called each other "best friend" we did not see each other as being in a relationship. Many couples at the school would go around call each other "honey" prepear "romance surprizes" and get angry if someone had looked at there girl on a party and stuff like that. we called each other "assholes" our surprize parties was often something like getting a buttplug for present and we had both sleept around with other people during the parties and we could even share opions with each other who we found attractive, wanted to date or sleep with and such things which people generally did not share with there bf/gf. So it was not romantic either.. at a point my friend actually asked me "what are we?" and we had no word for queerplatonic back then so I just said "I guess we are friends with benefit" which we agreed on but if I had known today I would probably call it queerplatonic. anyway to the point of the story I really enjoyed this time but eventually he grew romantic feelings toward me and I did not want to go into a romantic relationship with him even when I loved him very much and we where best friends every. I am not quit sure what that would have ment to go into a relationship but I guess it something like taking it to the next level and not being satified with where we where. Since I did not return his feeling he found a girlfriend which could satify his romantic needs. after this time I started feeling very broken specially cause this is not the first time I had lost my friends after refusing to go into relationships with them. I thought I could just suggest us going into an open relationship because it seamed pretty close to how we lived our life and many thought we where acting like a couple anyway?. however today I feel the only reason I did so was because I did not want to lose him as a friend. if he was satified there would be no need for me to go into any type of relationship, being in this non-romantic stage was actually the best kind of relationship I have had without having one. but then it broke down because he wanted someone romantic and I cant fullfill this need and even when we can still be friends I cant be the most important person to him anymore and I cant be friends in the same way we used to be. Romance forbid people like me to become too close to him, so I have to choose either I must go into romantic relationship to continue having the same type of relationship with him or also I would lose power in our friendship and I must accept I cant be his best friend or most important person anymore. So I want queer platonic because I want deep emotional connections with are beyond the norm which I can love pretty endlessly, but I dont want to be faced with the choice of either forcing myself to go into a relationship and having certain labels on me and expectations I never wanted to have or losing my best friend. I think what those romantic expectations is depends from person to person, I knew one guy which was super emotionally he wanted to be monogamyous and give him attention all the times. the other guy I mentioned from the countryside would probably be cool with an open relationship but I still dont think he would be satified. he did want kids and a famely life I guess is more traditional than what I would give him, I mean I could try being romantic for him or saying like "okay fine Ill do it" but it would not be pleasent. Link to post Share on other sites
News_Junkie Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Any House of Cards fans in here? Does anyone read Claire and Frank's marriage as more queerplatonic than romantic? Although there is a sexual element to it, it's so downplayed, and they are rarely physically affectionate with each other. But their devotion to each other is beyond anything I've ever seen in most media. Link to post Share on other sites
Flyaway4me Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I call them squishes-- here's a link to a previous post of mine ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
KevCo Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I've never used the term queerplatonic but I have what I think is about the same. Where I grew up is a very isolated area of the southwestern United States. Very oldschool ways of existence and tightknit groups- native groups, cowboys, Latino farmers... all very clannish and "us against the world". That's how I feel toward " my people," whoever they are. I haven't wanted to marry a person yet but I love to dote on my friends, spoil them, take them places they will love, reinforce our relationship as one of the important things of life, figured out what it takes to keep things real between us Link to post Share on other sites
SMW22792 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well i am very platonically loving, when i meet someone a couple of times i start to want to be their friend and get a squish on them, i usually am very nervous around my squishes because i don't want to stuff up the friendship. It only becomes a QPR when they either have strong platonic or true romantic feelings ( not puppy love, infatuation or lust) and they well care about me ect. I am aesthetically, emotionally, sensually and intellectually attracted to people, but for a QPR it has to be all of them and most of all i find intimacy though sapio and emotional connection when that person and i have a strong empathy. Being on the similar intellect level ( or quite smarter then me). I do like affection but it is not need for me just a bonus. I need similar hobbies, similar opinions to be close with someone. It's hard to find a allo who can be on this level with me, no romance no lust. It's hard because i have high standards and not many people can become very close to me i kinda don't allow many to be close to me or get attached to. That fairly accurately describes me. Anyone I'm emotionally close to, I can easily form a squish with. I wouldn't consider myself romantic, but whoever I'm friends with, I feel it's a closer relationship then just being friends. The relationship encompasses every feeling besides sexual. I'm very emotionally invested in every friendship/relationship I'm in. I doubt that will change because I wouldn't want to be around someone I wasn't emotionally close to. I'd rather be with myself at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.