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"Lust at first sight" - Just me?


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The way my grey-A sexuality seems to work is that in order for me to want to be with someone sexually, I have to be immediately attracted to them. It's in general this one moment upon meeting someone, where my head goes "who are you?", "I wanna know everything about you", "you are so attractive".

All my previous relationships have started that way. I met them, got to know them and then (if I also had the emotional connection to them) entered into a relationship. I never once fallen for someone or become sexually attracted to them after knowing them for a while. Definitely wouldn't classify myself as demi either sexuality or romantically.

Funnily enough, I can easily find lots of people attractive. I definitely am able to see physical beauty in people. But for me to want to be with someone sexually, they have to have that certain something from the start.

But even then, I am normally only sexually interested in that person in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship.

I've recently come across the terms burstsexual/romantic and fraysexual/romantic (both from http://mogai-archive.tumblr.com/orientations ) Don't think I can identify with either fully. It's more a mix of both.

Anyway, I'm getting away from myself. I am actually really just wondering if there is other grey-As out there who experience their sexuality similarly to me.

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That's very interesting. I am asexual but it is very interesting hearing how other types of asexual experience attraction.

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your link doesn't work

I also haven't heard of those sexualities before, although i just looked them up.

I was wondering what those Grays were going to be titled, glad they got a name. ^-^

Yay, reverse-demi has an official title now.

But by identifying with both, do you mean you experience sexual attraction initially but it fades after you know the person and comes back in random bursts?

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Can't relate but that sounds really interesting. I'm the "love at a million sight" type lol Does that mean you feel less sexual attraction towards someone over time? or you need to find a person immediately attractive or you will never find them attractive at all? Sorry but I'm a little bit confused.

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Star Bit - I tried amending the link now, but it still won't bring you to the actual page I want. However, once you enter mogai archive, just click on "orientations" and it will bring up a whole bunch of different ones :) .

It's actually quite frightening, the amount of orientations listed.

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Fire & Ice - Yeah, in essence, I experience what you could probably call "normal" sexual attraction towards someone at the start. I meet them, and I need to feel some spark towards them immediately. Only those people I want to kiss, touch, have sex with. Still probably not to the same level as a allosexual, but I'm definitely more interested sexually at the start. Once I know them and have built an emotional relationship, the desire for sex pretty much evaporates. I can still find them physically attractive and acknowledge that I find them "hot", but I would be perfectly fine with sex every few months. Whereas in the honeymoon phase, that might be once a week. I'm talking mainly from experience in my two big relationships I've had. I still wanted to hug them, and cuddle with them, and yes, kiss them. But anything more always felt like a chore. And something I had to do to keep the relationship going. Not sure if this explains it better. Hope it does.

So yes, I need to find them not just immediately attractive enough to want to be with them sexually, but they also have to just literally blow me away.

I have never fallen for someone after knowing them for a while. Which is normally how Demi works.

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Fire & Ice - Yeah, in essence, I experience what you could probably call "normal" sexual attraction towards someone at the start. I meet them, and I need to feel some spark towards them immediately. Only those people I want to kiss, touch, have sex with. Still probably not to the same level as a allosexual, but I'm definitely more interested sexually at the start. Once I know them and have built an emotional relationship, the desire for sex pretty much evaporates. I can still find them physically attractive and acknowledge that I find them "hot", but I would be perfectly fine with sex every few months. Whereas in the honeymoon phase, that might be once a week. I'm talking mainly from experience in my two big relationships I've had. I still wanted to hug them, and cuddle with them, and yes, kiss them. But anything more always felt like a chore. And something I had to do to keep the relationship going. Not sure if this explains it better. Hope it does.

So yes, I need to find them not just immediately attractive enough to want to be with them sexually, but they also have to just literally blow me away.

I have never fallen for someone after knowing them for a while. Which is normally how Demi works.

Sounds like you're the opposite of demi :) I don't know about other demis but my romantic feelings grow stronger over time because I get more and more emotionally closer to my partner as time goes by and these romantic feelings were non-existent when there was no deep emotional connection.

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Then Burstsexual sounds inaccurate. Aesthetic and sensual attraction are not sexual attraction, nor is willing to have sex once a week despite having no sexual attraction.

Aesthetic attraction: having a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannersms. It can be felt romantically or platonically.

Sensual attraction: the desire to cuddle, kiss, etc., but does not include sex. It can also be felt romantically or platonically.

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Then Burstsexual sounds inaccurate. Aesthetic and sensual attraction are not sexual attraction, nor is willing to have sex once a week despite having no sexual attraction.

Aesthetic attraction: having a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannersms. It can be felt romantically or platonically.

Sensual attraction: the desire to cuddle, kiss, etc., but does not include sex. It can also be felt romantically or platonically.

You are definitely right, burst sexual doesn't fully work. I haven't really found anything yet that fit, but then there might just not yet be a name for it out there. And if there isn't, that's okay too.

I definitely experience aesthetic attraction. For me that would be romantically in most cases. Sensual attraction occurs within the relationship. Again, romantically only. As for sex, I'll just be grey-A. Simple as.

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I have always been like that for what few times I've been attracted to anyone. Suddenly I will look up and see this person walking into the room and I will feel an instant attraction to them, especially if I actually interact with the person. For instance, there was this one time where I was at work and this guy who lived across the street from the store where I worked came in to talk to the boss. He came up to me and talked to me, and it was lust at first sight, instantly. I developed a huge crush on the man. That's kind of the story of my life when it comes to attractions. The only exception is the man I am currently involved with. When I first laid eyes on him I had absolutely no attraction to him at all, but as I got to know him I fell for him. I used to think I was the opposite of demi, and now I'm not sure at all.

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I relate so strongly to this...

Every relationship I've been in has been so sexual the first week or two, then very quickly tapers off... And that's usually where the relationship falls apart <_< they'll still be into me while I was only there for the "Ooh lemme touch! Pokey poke!" Makes me feel like a terrible person :( somehow I always think "Maybe I'll stick with this one!"

The inverse (as a demiromantic) happens all the time too: I'll fall for a friend but have literally no sexual desire for them.

Relationships are hard.

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^_^ Yup, Gray-A is perfectly accurate. But i think you were right with Fraysexual; if I'm reading your posts right. Is there a reason that doesn't fully match?

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I have always been like that for what few times I've been attracted to anyone. Suddenly I will look up and see this person walking into the room and I will feel an instant attraction to them, especially if I actually interact with the person. For instance, there was this one time where I was at work and this guy who lived across the street from the store where I worked came in to talk to the boss. He came up to me and talked to me, and it was lust at first sight, instantly. I developed a huge crush on the man. That's kind of the story of my life when it comes to attractions. The only exception is the man I am currently involved with. When I first laid eyes on him I had absolutely no attraction to him at all, but as I got to know him I fell for him. I used to think I was the opposite of demi, and now I'm not sure at all.

Gotta say, I'm so happy to read I'm not the only one :)!! As for your current relationship... Maybe that'll happen to me too. At some point. It's definitely a "Never say never" with pretty much any situation.

I relate so strongly to this...

Every relationship I've been in has been so sexual the first week or two, then very quickly tapers off... And that's usually where the relationship falls apart <_< they'll still be into me while I was only there for the "Ooh lemme touch! Pokey poke!" Makes me feel like a terrible person :( somehow I always think "Maybe I'll stick with this one!"

The inverse (as a demiromantic) happens all the time too: I'll fall for a friend but have literally no sexual desire for them.

Relationships are hard.

You really don't know how happy this made me. Finally not the "only" one :).

And yeah, relationships are hard. I have to say, I got very lucky with my last one. That one lasted for 6 and a half years. But we were well matched. He had quite a low sex drive too. Unfortunately, we had terrible communication in the relationship and that really was what ended the relationship in the end.

^_^ Yup, Gray-A is perfectly accurate. But i think you were right with Fraysexual; if I'm reading your posts right. Is there a reason that doesn't fully match?

Had to read the definition for fraysexual again. I think I know what you mean. It's stated as "Someone who is only sexually/romantically attracted to someone that they are less familiar with, and lose interest when they get to know the person.". I think I felt it didn't fit, as I was still physically/romantically attracted to my exes, but just didn't want sexual intercourse. But having the definition of sensual attraction, you provided, makes a lot of sense.

I think describing myself as fraysexual with sensual attraction would work very well.

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