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Autochorissexual/Aegosexual? Heard of it?


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waterenthusiast

Okay, my first post in an autochorrisexuality thread, here we go. 

 

I have figured out I would best be categorized as biromantic, homo-graysexual (autochorissexual; though most always aroused to some extent by making out with, cuddling, feeling up my partner IRL but that’s it). Most of my sexuality is comprised of my fetishes. 

 

Rather than get into an elaborate introduction unpacking my sexual identity (can you guys say Confusing!?), I thought I’d make it fun by throwing out some key themes comprising my sexuality and sexual confusion thereof, and see if you can relate, share these yourself, and see what associations you have to these in general: 

 

- kink: Erotic Hypnosis (hypnotized guys) 

- kink: (Male) Feet

- identity, related question: Autochorrisexuality—does a graysexual individual who is almost always turned on by erotic content related to their fetishes fit this category, or is there a better subcategory for their sexual identity?) 

- psychological (nurture/environemntal) etiology of kink, complex PTSD, and related questions (for those who identify as or know about how autochorissexualty works): 

My kinks came about as a direct result of verbal and emotional abuse at ages 4,5; by chance, I came across related content on the tv screen and found great comfort in the notion of magical control amidst the abuse I was undergoing, and the groundwork for what would later become a compulsive fetishistic-disordered sexuality was cemented. Can any of you relate? Is anyone also interested in the origins of their kinky interests and find them to be intertwined with complex trauma? Do you know any literature on this that you can recommend? 

- acting out your BDSM-related or other kinks and finding it is never the same in real life (fantasy is better!): this is definitely me. Takes many preconditions for me to enjoy acting out my fetishes in real life. That’s why I identify as gray, autochori. ;) — is this the same for any of you? 

- (For those of you whose sexual identity is still disorganized or confusing and/or is yielding difficulties in finding a partner) feelings of social isolation: what are your thoughts/can you relate to/do you also experience feelings of alienation, isolation, demoralization in that you are in constant limbo / are not figured out? That your asexuality got in the way of love/good relationships? That the ace dating pool hasn’t yet proven itself to House your match?

 

I realize this is a loaded one, lol, so here’s some more contextual fodder for ya: I myself would love a family as I’m a true “family guy” (not Peter griffin thankfully hehe); now as I approach the end of my 20s, I would like more than anything to find my life partner. I’ve dated amazing sexual people for good chunks of time, two of whom I was in love with and they me, but slowly on their end my sexual “issues” made them “fall out of love” with me and this is devastating to me. I’ve tried dating aces, but could not quite connect as they were somewhere on the autism spectrum (a non-issue for me in theory! But in practice, so far, their social difficulties prevented a true connection on both ends I feel), and/or our personalities and interests didn’t mix (all four of them were meganerds lol, and I couldn’t quite get into cosplay etc.) 

 

OK, so this post ended up being super verbose and not as easy breezy, fun, and game-like as I imagined. But I hope it gets some good conversation going! 

(Feel free to ask any Qs for clarification, as I realize it’s a lot and not sure I explained it all adequately). 

 

Cheers,

Water 🙂 

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So I am graysexual because I have schediaphilia, which is a type of fictiophilia that involves cartoons. I consider it a kink, because cartoons are not real, but it involves fake people. I am not turned on by all cartoons, however, in fact I'm turned on by very little, only specific characters or styles and almost all sex involving it must be drawn out by me. It's based off of artistic aesthetics, and almost no porn will turn me on otherwise if I don't draw it myself. I'm also autochorissexual because I cannot imagine myself in sexual situations.

 

You can have fictiophilia and still wish to have sex with a character, even if that's impossible. I feel disconnected from my body and either fantasize in 3rd person or imagine myself as someone else entirely, not even my own gender. I RP as a character in my head sometimes, switching back and forth between other characters, and this is how I end up writing out stories. I have a very hard time self-inserting myself into any of my fantasies, because I don't feel like I even fit in my body when I do that. It feels wrong if I try, like dysphoric.

 

So to me, autochorssexualism is not just not wanting to have sex, it's identity dissonance involving sex. You aren't anywhere in the picture.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/24/2018 at 10:54 AM, waterenthusiast said:

I have figured out I would best be categorized as biromantic, homo-graysexual (autochorissexual; though most always aroused to some extent by making out with, cuddling, feeling up my partner IRL but that’s it). Most of my sexuality is comprised of my fetishes. 

[...]I thought I’d make it fun by throwing out some key themes comprising my sexuality and sexual confusion thereof, and see if you can relate, share these yourself, and see what associations you have to these in general: 

 

- kink: Erotic Hypnosis (hypnotized guys) 

- kink: (Male) Feet

[...]

- psychological (nurture/environemntal) etiology of kink, complex PTSD, and related questions (for those who identify as or know about how autochorissexualty works): 

My kinks came about as a direct result of verbal and emotional abuse at ages 4,5; by chance, I came across related content on the tv screen and found great comfort in the notion of magical control amidst the abuse I was undergoing, and the groundwork for what would later become a compulsive fetishistic-disordered sexuality was cemented. Can any of you relate? Is anyone also interested in the origins of their kinky interests and find them to be intertwined with complex trauma? Do you know any literature on this that you can recommend? 

- acting out your BDSM-related or other kinks and finding it is never the same in real life (fantasy is better!): this is definitely me. Takes many preconditions for me to enjoy acting out my fetishes in real life. That’s why I identify as gray, autochori. ;) — is this the same for any of you? 

- (For those of you whose sexual identity is still disorganized or confusing and/or is yielding difficulties in finding a partner) feelings of social isolation: what are your thoughts/can you relate to/do you also experience feelings of alienation, isolation, demoralization in that you are in constant limbo / are not figured out? That your asexuality got in the way of love/good relationships? That the ace dating pool hasn’t yet proven itself to House your match?

 

[...]I myself would love a family as I’m a true “family guy” [...] I’ve dated amazing sexual people for good chunks of time, two of whom I was in love with and they me, but slowly on their end my sexual “issues” made them “fall out of love” with me and this is devastating to me. 

[....]

Cheers,

Water 🙂

WOA OK HERE GOES^^

SO,(introduction - personal) I have been a member for a bit here, without writing anything. I wondered wether I were Ace or not yet decided against it for reasons you might suspect. 

  I entered my first ever relationship - sexual and romantic that is - in 2015 after having decided it was time and I was ready. Never had sex, yet "always" been into it(sociophilosophically speaking). I had difficulties imagining myself as a sexual object but went ahead with it all. 

  FF three or so years and here we are: still in the relationship and more f***ed up than ever. Bought books on my kindle about asexuality, found this new term "autochorissexual", found this thread.

  The waterenthusiastic gentleman above touches upon quite a few facinating points. Many here do. Yet I have wondered about many of those things myself. Did some unknown childhood trauma cause an interesting development leading to this? I have a theoretical interest in sex yet when push comes to shove I'd rather do the dishes. Could it be I just don't fancy my boyfriend? I did once, and it didn't make sex any more interesting. If I break up - VERY tempting, dear strangers - would it be any diffrent with someone else? I don't feel like it is ok to deprive this hypersexual man of what is a big thing, he says it's ok but really I believe it is as damageing to deny as to force, in a way... 

  Simply put I don't know what to do, to think, to seek answers to. I am a mess. No idea where to turn! And if only I had done what many do; shagged about for a year or so, then at least I'd know wether I am ace or if this is personal! Yet I fear it would make no difference. And to be honest I had from my cognitive awakening a vision of a platonic and beautiful marriage with kids and all that. Even as I gained sexuality(of sorts) and a libido(matching the definotion of auto-) this vision did not fade. 

  

 

Monsterpost, ridiculous! I make no sense, do I?

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A continuation on my desperate posting..

 

I have experienced romantic and sexual desire as long as I can remember, though only after puberty I recognised them as such. As a child I didn't know what these feelings and urges were, they just existed and it was ok. I fell in love with girls and boys until I started school when my interest turned to boys only - yet I absolutely found girls beautiful and still do, attractiveness is genderless to me, however sexual attractiveness is something I find in men(also female to male trans-people who seem to fit my brain's attractivity-schema, read: not penis-dependent at all). 

 

All my sexual fantasies have, though, been lacking one element: me. I'm never in them. I never were. Whenever I try to force myself onto myself mentally, it fails. And this has been so regardless of my level of selfesteem. Somehow I thought it was normal till I found a boyfriend and discovered that sex is so incredably boring and utterly unsexy. Porno, erotica, fantasies about others - all make me hot and I have my mastu-sessions(in the dark). I even enjoy flirting, love cuddling, yet once sex is the upcoming part of the program I lose all interest. We've tried working around it by enjoying porn and some mutual masturbation but that just isn't doing it. I force it and end up having a migraine or at best a regular headache. 

 

Though it is tempting to think it would change with a different man, I fear it wouldn't. Ideally I would have a nice liberal union. Love and cuddles and flirtation and that but he'd have someone to sleep with. I am not the possessive/jealous type. When I love you I want you to be truly happy, and sexually fulfilled. I want to share everything except sex. Which most find seriously disturbing. What I find disturbing is how some people have relationships where sex is all they have. That is weird to me. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
TheWorldIsQuietHere
On 1/17/2015 at 10:34 AM, mayve said:

"Autochorisexualism" is the word you're looking at, not "autochorisexuality". I don't believe to term was created to make a whole new sexuality but rather a word to describe the state of "disconnection between their identity and a sexual target/object".

I suppose people could create that into an identity, but do we really need another obscure term that we demand people must know? I mean, I experience autochorisexualism but I don't call myself an autochorisexual. I call myself an asexual. I think we need to embrace that asexuals are diverse without trying to find a new word for every single feeling. Sure, it may shorten explaining it, but only if people are previously aware of what the term means. I'd rather that, if I want someone to know the kind of asexual I am, I explain it without all the jargon. I find having too many labels and sublabels slightly ridiculous. /unpopular opinion

Hi yes so I see your point but the thing is most people would like to have a word for their sexuality so it’s easier to explain (and if you don’t want to be labelled that’s perfectly fine) but some people (me) don’t really feel like an asexual bc they do experience sexual attraction 😊have an nice day!

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  • 8 months later...

I don't know if this is how things work around here, but here is my take: (Edit: this post is largely me trying to make sense of it for myself?)

if asexuality is not being attached to PEOPLE then... I feel a good question is When you look at the person/character is that what turns you on? I think I kinda get the 'attracted to the situation not the person' thing, but-
is it like a form of role play? Not being into the pizza delivery guy, but being into (i'mma take a guess here) spontaneous sex with a stranger? (this is terrible example i know but it's the first porn plot I could think of) If you look at a particular pizza guy and you'd wanna 'bone' that guy in any context, THAT is different then getting turned on by the situation/fantasy.

On the 'fictional characters' side of things. I think anime / romance novels always felt safer to me? I'm free to re-read and pour over an image, no matter the reason for that scrutiny, and not be judged. Wanna take a second to ponder the verbiage used, or the way an expression is drawn? Do it. The media itself won't stop you.

Possible TMI

Spoiler
 
 
 
 
 
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Sounds weird, but pictures (drawings) of BIG guys cuddling tiny girls- kinda gets to me?
I'd say my husband is bigger, but I'm not tiny- so those exaggerated proportions- the situations of 2 very specific body types is what 'does it' - the situation. It doesn't have a place in reality- and seeing bigger guy in real life, my husband included, doesn't do it for me it needs the context of the relationship. 
Now I will say I'm new - and I'm not 100% sure how the kink is defined here but, I feel like my example is too.... inactionable to be a kink? If that makes sense?
Like even thinking about it now- It's the idea that if those two people are going to be around each other big dude needs to be gentle, tiny gal has to trust big dude a bunch.... a whole story behind that image in my head is what 'gets' me I think?  Ore Monogatari!! (My Love Story!!) the anime is just my cuppa tea, but not even in a sexy way? Jeeze.
Cool, now I'm questioning myself again. Lovely
TLDR:
Sex is confusing. And I hate how much thought I have to put into it. 
There's a weird fear there too- like so much of Asexuality makes sense to me. It resonates with my experiences. BUT feeling 'turned on' in any way always requires over analyzation. As if it would disqualify everything else if I step 'out of bounds'. 


 

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@Graceless, that comment about height attraction, it's not uncommon for short people to be attracted to tall potential partners, and the reverse. (being carefully gender neutral here as it's not just a male-female scenario)

 

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11 minutes ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

@Graceless, that comment about height attraction, it's not uncommon for short people to be attracted to tall potential partners, and the reverse. (being carefully gender neutral here as it's not just a male-female scenario)

 

apologies for the gendering, that was just my example, and thoughts behind why.
However I personally have no Height attraction. It isn't the height of the human, it is the instant visual story that dynamic makes me think of. (again, I think that is it)
I think this post is about Autochorissexual/Aegosexual, and what this might entail? It was a thought that hadn't occurred to me, so I was trying to make sense of it. At least in the way I thought it might apply to me.
 

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@Graceless, the gendering comment wasn't aimed at you, 🎂 🎂, its just a subject that applies to everyone :P:P

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  • 2 months later...

Honestly, I'm not sure it falls into the ace or grey categories, it's one of the reasons why I have the (grey?) next to my name. Because fictional characters and erotica do arouse me and are the only things that do. And I'm not sure how it applies to the sexuality/greysexuality scale when it doesn't really matter.

 

I remember a conversation with Dreamsexual (I miss you) about objectum and fictosexuality and about effective asexuality. How they're not attracted to flesh and blood people so how do their experiences apply when they're not attracted to people and therefore are both asexual and not asexual?

But autochorissexual fits into the definition of asexuality when it comes to sexual attraction being the desire to engage in sexual activity with other people. Where fictosexuality and objectum have a more grey area of the ability to engage in sexual acitivty and if "people" means only humans or the object of our desire. 

 

As for autochorissexual, I feel it applies to me. I've always thought of it as voyeurism though and don't really see it as different. If you find the term voyeur, please explain so I can change my mind about it. I don't want to offend anyone. 

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It falls under ace because if you do not want to bang anyone for real, that is all that matters. Simple as that.

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I kinda identify with it myself, but I rarely mention it towards others because the term is so uncommon and rarely heard about. I just recently noticed that I sometimes have "phases" in which I have sexual fantasies (sometimes even involving me and another, real person), but would only enjoy this kind of stuff as long as it stays in my "thoughts", if you know what I mean (It means I am repulsed by sex in real life), now matter how attractive a person might be.

 

As for which term I prefer, I definitely like aegosexual much more simply because the word is shorter and has been coined by someone who is actually asexual themselves. But as I said, I usually don't mention it because 99 percent of people wouldn't know what it means. When someone asks or the topic naturally comes up in a conversation, I prefer to just say I am ace or gray-ace, since that's the terms where aegosexuality falls under anyway. To add to that, I don't really like these microlabels since they often make things more complicated than necessary.

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  • 4 months later...
  • 5 months later...
On 1/16/2015 at 6:58 PM, mayve said:

Getting slightly disturbed by the fact people are trying to discredit my asexuality because I experience autochorisexualism.

Couldn't agree more. IMO this just another form of "gatekeeping" or "policing" within the larger Queer community. 

 

For the last several months, I've been trying to determine where I am on the ace spectrum and I think I've finally found that autochorissexual describes me best. That's for me and me alone to decide, no one else, OK? It's bad enough that we have to put up with gatekeeping from others in LGBTQIA community - ie; gays, lesbians, bis, trans, pans, intersex etc. telling aces/aros that we don't belong in the community. It's adding insult to injury when OTHER aces/aros start doing it too - policing who is ace and who isn't, who gets to call themselves something and who doesn't. Could we stop it please?

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This was the first thing that really lit a light bulb in my head, as it was the fantasies and the enjoyment of pornography that made me believe there was no way I could be a part of the ace spectrum, despite not desiring sex for myself. If I hadn't discovered this term, I would never have joined this forum. 😛

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Purple Red Panda
51 minutes ago, Raindrops said:

as it was the fantasies and the enjoyment of pornography that made me believe there was no way I could be a part of the ace spectrum, despite not desiring sex for myself

Similar to me, I basically just assumed I desired sex but though I had major hang ups about it. On the relatively few occasions I've had sex it was always a bit weird and not really like how sex existed as a fantasy in my own head, it's taken from me from puberty until about four months ago to work out I'm ace.

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Lately in some of my sexual fantasies (which aren't that often but anyway) I preferred just watching, instead of being part of it. Does that count?

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  • 1 month later...

Autochoris is what opened the door in my mind that I could accept myself as an asexual. The want and drive for the porn and release there never seemed compatible with me to the concept of being Ace and I was deeply deeply confused about it all for a long time. When I found Autochoris/Aego on the spectrum it was like 9000 light bulbs going off in my head and I could finally embrace it. 

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  • 3 months later...

So if i’m correct, it is when you experience arousal to a situation but don’t want it to be done to you? Because i feel like that might be me. I can experience arousal, but it isn’t connected to me want to have sex or do the thing that is arousing me

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On 2/9/2021 at 5:37 PM, Nav said:

So if i’m correct, it is when you experience arousal to a situation but don’t want it to be done to you? Because i feel like that might be me. I can experience arousal, but it isn’t connected to me want to have sex or do the thing that is arousing me

Pretty much. I recently realized that I'm really aroused by gay men (but not gay women or straight couples), but I'm afab, so I literally can't be involved in a situation like that. It really confused me until I found this term in another thread.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/9/2021 at 5:37 PM, Nav said:

So if i’m correct, it is when you experience arousal to a situation but don’t want it to be done to you? Because i feel like that might be me. I can experience arousal, but it isn’t connected to me want to have sex or do the thing that is arousing me

Yeah! It quite literally means your 'self' is not connected to your sexuality - you aren't aroused by imagining/don't imagine yourself actually having sex, you don't desire partnered sex irl. However, you do experience subjective/psychological arousal in response to particular things.

 

The way Bogaert used autochorissexualism (and the way people who identify with the aegosexual label seem to use it) was not to mean 'being turned on by third-person fantasies', which seems to cause some confusion around here. It was to describe the phenomenon of asexuals who had a persistent pattern of sexual fantasies that they found subjectively arousing (which tend to be third-person).

 

That said I feel like in terms of the way I relate to other people, 'straight but not into sex' is a better description than ace. I wouldn't dare talk about aegosexuality irl

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  • 5 months later...
  • 2 months later...

Hi All, I'm alone and feeling sad, because the idea of dating (as an autochorrisexual) seems complicated.  I could use your advice about that.  Also I just figured out I'm Ace at age 56, and lots of people of my generation don't even know what Ace means, much less autochorrisexual.   What I'd really like to ask all of you is this:  How do those of you who are autochorrisexual handle dating and relationships?  Do you:  1) just tell potential partners that you want companionship but not sex, or 2) you agree to sex with them to meet their needs, then satisfy yourself when they're not around and have to keep it a secret,  or 3) do you find another autochorrisexual and both of you masturbate together with the help of porn etc, or 4) do you just avoid relationships because your orientation makes you feel separated from other people and like nobody would understand?  Can relationships even work for us?  Thanks.

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On 8/24/2021 at 2:46 PM, noo said:

These comments fucking suck, looking for community and people just want to argue haha

I totally agree! It sucks that there are asexual people here who believes that aegosexuals aren’t asexuals. I mean come on not all asexual people are the same! Can’t we just accept each other?

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On 11/4/2021 at 8:19 PM, Lavender Liz said:

Hi All, I'm alone and feeling sad, because the idea of dating (as an autochorrisexual) seems complicated.  I could use your advice about that.  Also I just figured out I'm Ace at age 56, and lots of people of my generation don't even know what Ace means, much less autochorrisexual.   What I'd really like to ask all of you is this:  How do those of you who are autochorrisexual handle dating and relationships?  Do you:  1) just tell potential partners that you want companionship but not sex, or 2) you agree to sex with them to meet their needs, then satisfy yourself when they're not around and have to keep it a secret,  or 3) do you find another autochorrisexual and both of you masturbate together with the help of porn etc, or 4) do you just avoid relationships because your orientation makes you feel separated from other people and like nobody would understand?  Can relationships even work for us?  Thanks.

I’m aromantic so i don’t need to worry about relationships/marriage because such things are actually repulsive to me(meaning that i’m repulsed by the idea being in a relationship/being married myself, but i respect and accept that many people want that. Not everyone wants to be single).

 

 

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👋 from Scotland. I’m only now coming to the conclusion I’m asexual and aromantic. You would think that 32 years of never having met someone I wanted to have sex with or be in a romantic relationship with might have clued me in but I really didn’t understand what it meant to be asexual and I didn’t know aromantic was a thing! A friend once asked if I was asexual and I said no because I do feel physical desire (just not towards any other person) so I didn’t think I was at the time.  I experience sexual and romantic fantasy and physical desire I’m just never protagonist of those fantasies so aegosexual (and aegoromantic if it’s a word) resonate with me. I don’t feel attracted to fictional characters but my fantasies include fictional characters as if it was a movie or a book. I am finding all the different terms confusing but helpful as otherwise I might have continued to think I wasn’t asexual because I didn’t realise other people had some of the same experiences as me. ☺️

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