Trans Moments?

[nerdperson777]

I don't hate my given name, so I still answer to it. I just shorten it when I go play games and it's a perfectly valid IGN.

I think last night I dreamt that I had to see an academic advisor to start T, not sure why, but I did. And then I wasn't told I was going to have a physics quiz until a few hours before. I hadn't read the book at all yet so I thought I had to quickly get back to my room and study it.

The last couple days I have been looking in the mirror to see how much mustache I'm growing even though I'm not on T yet.

And lately, I feel like I'm deceiving people when they ask for my name. I tell them my birth name, and then if I meet them again, it'll be awkward to tell them I'm going by a different name. And I think about this every time I introduce myself.

[nerdperson777]

I have class in the morning twice a week and on those days I have a 4 lectures to go to, which is about 6 hours of class. Since my first two are morning back to back, I come back to my room in between classes to nap. The past two days I decided shirts were overrated and went to sleep without my usual t-shirt. (I didn't say I was topless, I still wear undershirts.)

[Certified Cake Decorator]

My grandma thinks i am binary trans because that is easier than explaining Neutrois, and yesterday she said on accident

"You are such a nice guy" and i thought "thats so sweet!"

She quickly corrected herself though and clarified that "and anyone can be a nice guy. I am a nice guy too." Because she doesnt want to "encourage" me to 'think' im trans or anything :P

[Valiant]

Went to the Department of Transport today with my mother and her partner so she could renew her licence. Decided to grab an application form for my own and a medical report (only way I'd ever get clearance to drive). Since I needed to go to the counter to get the report I had to go through the grabbing a ticket, sitting down and waiting, then being called to the desk. Got called to the counter not long after, and I explained why I was there. The person I was speaking to seemed a bit confused (I'm horrible at explaining stuff when I'm nervous) until another clerk that I had spoken to earlier came to the counter I was at. They took one look at me and said "This person needs to be put through the system", then I said I had a Photo ID Card issued in the same state so that was avoided and I got the report.

It was an awesome feeling to not be misgendered, Even better that the person defaulted to using the word person and not guessing as they had a high chance of getting it wrong (I feel like I don't pass that well).

[littlepersonparadox]

Being more confident because I shaved my face even though i have not facial hair. (never went on T or anything like that.) Yet it causes me to come walking out with swagger.

[butterflydreams]

Being more confident because I shaved my face even though i have not facial hair. (never went on T or anything like that.) Yet it causes me to come walking out with swagger.

Is it weird that this same thing also makes me feel better? You can only do so much with shaving, but if I have anything at all showing, I feel like I'm just phoning it in. When I was younger (I know this will sound silly) but I thought if anyone saw it they'd be like, "hey, get the pitchforks...that person is a dude!"

[iff]

Being more confident because I shaved my face even though i have not facial hair. (never went on T or anything like that.) Yet it causes me to come walking out with swagger.

Is it weird that this same thing also makes me feel better? You can only do so much with shaving, but if I have anything at all showing, I feel like I'm just phoning it in. When I was younger (I know this will sound silly) but I thought if anyone saw it they'd be like, "hey, get the pitchforks...that person is a dude!"

i am terrible at shaving my face :(

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Being more confident because I shaved my face even though i have not facial hair. (never went on T or anything like that.) Yet it causes me to come walking out with swagger.

Sometimes it's just the little things like this that get you through The Life, yanno? If gender dysphoria is like the rain, this is like being a candle in that rain that just refuses to be extinguished by it. You keep the hopes lit by keeping that candle lit by doing the little things.

[littlepersonparadox]

Being more confident because I shaved my face even though i have not facial hair. (never went on T or anything like that.) Yet it causes me to come walking out with swagger.

Sometimes it's just the little things like this that get you through The Life, yanno? If gender dysphoria is like the rain, this is like being a candle in that rain that just refuses to be extinguished by it. You keep the hopes lit by keeping that candle lit by doing the little things.

You got that right ZenPlacebo. The littlest things can make you so happy sometimes.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Being more confident because I shaved my face even though i have not facial hair. (never went on T or anything like that.) Yet it causes me to come walking out with swagger.

Sometimes it's just the little things like this that get you through The Life, yanno? If gender dysphoria is like the rain, this is like being a candle in that rain that just refuses to be extinguished by it. You keep the hopes lit by keeping that candle lit by doing the little things.

You got that right ZenPlacebo. The littlest things can make you so happy sometimes.

I think I cope with my never being able to transition with these types of metaphorical imagery. The little things are a like a rope bridge over the raging river beneath the abyss of gender dysphoria, and the little things make me feel as sure-footed as sleek mountain goat traversing the ravine with skills.

[nerdperson777]

I met an ace MtF one day and then a few days later I saw her again taking the same recreation class as me. At first I wasn't sure because she was wearing sunglasses when we met and I didn't see how her eyes looked like. Then the name on the PE shorts she was wearing was really faint but it looked vaguely like the name I remembered. I asked if she was the person I met the other day. She confirmed it by asking if I was [male name that I introduced myself as]. My reply was yes, but no one in the class knows me like that. So we were in a gymnastics room and we were learning how to get up on the lower parallel bar. The coach said that we needed a lot of shoulder muscles for it, which I definitely have, but still can't do it. I was probably the only one that understood what the MtF meant when she said, "I used to have shoulder muscles."

She also has the same given name as me but spelled differently. She previously wanted to exchange numbers so in her contacts was my male name so she wouldn't get confused.

[nerdperson777]

It's time for Trans problems.

I'm playing games online with a bunch of cis guys. Only one person actually knows I don't identify as female, and is pretty sore on the fact that I can't be his gf. But I picked up a pump action shotgun. So I naturally said that I found a shotgun. When we're waiting at the trader and I said that, one of the guys said, "Did a girl say pump action?" I felt the need to facepalm.

[nerdperson777]

I feel like I'm the only one posting now. Apparently there are a lot of C/Kat's in my school's ace group now.

So there's me, Catherine -> Calvin. Then there's an MtF called Katherine, I'm guessing original name also started with a K. Now I assume a questioning one, don't know the spelling except starts with a C. Having fun confusing trans* people, go!

[Certified Cake Decorator]

Came out on facebook (i only have 5 friends there so not a big deal) for my great aunt to see. She immediately responded, pm'd, and texted me saying to take my post down because "that kind of stuff stays with you. And what if your boss sees. You dont really know." And then eventually she was just like "fine, get the surgery to be a man. I dont care just think about your damn future we've all been through this so just stop!"

And then "and you dont even act trans. You were awful awful awful girly when you were little."

Key word -awful-!

So yeah. And what i had posted is this: word for word:

Neutrois.com

Yeah, i'm trans. Please do research before talking to me about it.

She obviously didnt even click the link because the first thing it says is NEUTROIS; NEITHER MALE NOR FEMALE

And also there is no trans way of acting. And your presentations doesnt always match your feelings. And i've identified as this for the past year, feeling the same but not having a label for my whole life. My facebook is super fake, so my boss wont see it. I only use it to keep tabs on a rat owner group, because i own rats.

Also, no not everyone questions gender. She and my grandma BOTH told me that everyone questions their gender. No. They dont. Cis people do not do that, because they dont need to. Usually if you question your gender you are probably trans. Or in my case, when you DECLARE you are trans. You are trans!

Having a trans label "follow you around" the rest of your life isnt like a death sentence. Its not like i posted something supremacist or something weird like that or something. I'm a good person. I should be ashamed of myself if i wasnt even the one to decide that i would be born.

I think of it as like, when i was born, my parents gave me a name and made up a persona about me BEFORE THEY EVEN MET ME. Who does that?!

How could they expect me to turn out exactly how they thought? Human brains are notorious for being bad at predictions. So its not anyones fault i turned out unexpectedly. It was statistically going to happen.

So yeah, rant over. I unfriended my great aunt. Deleted her pm's, and stopped replying to her texts. She is on my no-talk list. If she thinks i am hurting her by being myself, then i will just get out of her life as soon as i can.

[llamajesus]

I feel like I'm the only one posting now. Apparently there are a lot of C/Kat's in my school's ace group now.

So there's me, Catherine -> Calvin. Then there's an MtF called Katherine, I'm guessing original name also started with a K. Now I assume a questioning one, don't know the spelling except starts with a C. Having fun confusing trans* people, go!

This is kinda funny because I'm trying out a K name on this website too. My birth name is Kali (pronounced Kaylee), and Kayden just kind of popped into my head and I'm just rolling with it on here and seeing how that goes. I guess C/K names are pretty popular?

[cosmosredshift7]

I was not out to anyone in my family at the time, but it was nice to hear my aunts talk about 'this boy who feels like a girl sometimes and dresses like one' so calmly. It kind of made me feel better about coming out to different parts of my family. I mean, three of us are out as being queer, but no one has said anything about gender stuff yet. I actually told one of my aunts how I feel the same as him; I asked her not to tell anyone else, and she took it well, but yeah. Someone in my family knows now.

I'm just super glad that some people in family are alright with it.

[nerdperson777]

Came out on facebook (i only have 5 friends there so not a big deal) for my great aunt to see. She immediately responded, pm'd, and texted me saying to take my post down because "that kind of stuff stays with you. And what if your boss sees. You dont really know." And then eventually she was just like "fine, get the surgery to be a man. I dont care just think about your damn future we've all been through this so just stop!"

And then "and you dont even act trans. You were awful awful awful girly when you were little."

Having a trans label "follow you around" the rest of your life isnt like a death sentence. Its not like i posted something supremacist or something weird like that or something. I'm a good person. I should be ashamed of myself if i wasnt even the one to decide that i would be born.

I think of it as like, when i was born, my parents gave me a name and made up a persona about me BEFORE THEY EVEN MET ME. Who does that?!

How could they expect me to turn out exactly how they thought? Human brains are notorious for being bad at predictions. So its not anyones fault i turned out unexpectedly. It was statistically going to happen.

So yeah, rant over. I unfriended my great aunt. Deleted her pm's, and stopped replying to her texts. She is on my no-talk list. If she thinks i am hurting her by being myself, then i will just get out of her life as soon as i can.

I have like 40 friends, even I think it's a bit much, but it's just going to accumulate because people are just going to keep finding me. I have yet to come out. My gender is listed as androgynous and transmasculine with male gender pronouns but I know no one is actually that interested in my profile so I can do that. Also I decided to make my gender public so if someone from high school thinks it's me, I hope I can deter them with my male gender pronouns. :P

I was never that girly as a child and my cousin actually once reasoned with me that I wasn't trans because I didn't act particularly masculine. At that point of my journey I did say I was transgender, nothing in between, because I hadn't known anything about non binary genders yet. She was trying to help, but at the same time she was invalidating my identity.

Looking through my chats...

Cousin: Do you like girls?

Me: Gender identity and sexual orientation are independent of each other

Cousin: Geez just asking if you like girls.

Me: I'm a boy not a man

Cousin: Technically you're a man, you're past 18.

*Asking about the age I feel*

Me: I'm 10

Cousin: Not 12-13?

I should decide what age I feel...

I feel like I'm the only one posting now. Apparently there are a lot of C/Kat's in my school's ace group now.

So there's me, Catherine -> Calvin. Then there's an MtF called Katherine, I'm guessing original name also started with a K. Now I assume a questioning one, don't know the spelling except starts with a C. Having fun confusing trans* people, go!

This is kinda funny because I'm trying out a K name on this website too. My birth name is Kali (pronounced Kaylee), and Kayden just kind of popped into my head and I'm just rolling with it on here and seeing how that goes. I guess C/K names are pretty popular?

It's possible. I just chose Calvin because I was always fascinated with Calvin and Hobbes. I had a group of 4 girls in high school and we gave ourselves male names sometimes. Nancy was Nathan, Jennifer was Jake, Katherine was Keith, and then there was me. I guess only I really turned out to be who that was. Stalking on Facebook gives me Nathan and Jake still the same girls I knew them as. And well, I saw Jake a month ago. Keith doesn't seem overly girly but probably cis. I think I gravitate towards androgynous and cisgenderless DFABs subconsciously, or those who aren't overly girly.

I know I shouldn't be guessing people's original names, but I keep thinking the MtF Katherine might've been Kyle since that's the first K name that came to mind.

[llamajesus]

I feel like I'm the only one posting now. Apparently there are a lot of C/Kat's in my school's ace group now.

So there's me, Catherine -> Calvin. Then there's an MtF called Katherine, I'm guessing original name also started with a K. Now I assume a questioning one, don't know the spelling except starts with a C. Having fun confusing trans* people, go!

This is kinda funny because I'm trying out a K name on this website too. My birth name is Kali (pronounced Kaylee), and Kayden just kind of popped into my head and I'm just rolling with it on here and seeing how that goes. I guess C/K names are pretty popular?

It's possible. I just chose Calvin because I was always fascinated with Calvin and Hobbes. I had a group of 4 girls in high school and we gave ourselves male names sometimes. Nancy was Nathan, Jennifer was Jake, Katherine was Keith, and then there was me. I guess only I really turned out to be who that was. Stalking on Facebook gives me Nathan and Jake still the same girls I knew them as. And well, I saw Jake a month ago. Keith doesn't seem overly girly but probably cis. I think I gravitate towards androgynous and cisgenderless DFABs subconsciously, or those who aren't overly girly.

I know I shouldn't be guessing people's original names, but I keep thinking the MtF Katherine might've been Kyle since that's the first K name that came to mind.

That was actually a thing with one of my friends too. Her name is Jenna, but her guy name was Jeffrey. I wasn't creative at all in that moment and I named myself Alfred, but that's besides the point haha. It's been about five years since we came up with those names and we still use them more often than any other name. I actually feel less comfortable with my birth name than I do with Alfred at this point, at least when it comes to her. A lot of the time, people either just don't really use my name, or else they just call me dude, so that's a thing. I feel like I tend to be the same way with that gravitation. I either gravitated toward them or toward guys in general though. I never clicked with girly people.

[nerdperson777]

That was actually a thing with one of my friends too. Her name is Jenna, but her guy name was Jeffrey. I wasn't creative at all in that moment and I named myself Alfred, but that's besides the point haha. It's been about five years since we came up with those names and we still use them more often than any other name. I actually feel less comfortable with my birth name than I do with Alfred at this point, at least when it comes to her. A lot of the time, people either just don't really use my name, or else they just call me dude, so that's a thing. I feel like I tend to be the same way with that gravitation. I either gravitated toward them or toward guys in general though. I never clicked with girly people.

Unfortunately, at this point, I don't think my friends remember these guy name stuff. Once I texted my friend and called her Jake and she didn't remember it until I explained it so I'm just assuming they all forgot. Plus I just went Facebook stalking after my earlier post and "Nathan" is a true girl now. Her profile pic is her in feminine formal clothes with a lot of comments calling her hot. I'm never going to understand this concept of "hot" but okay.

I have been going by Calvin part-time with the people in the LGBT resource center so that's coming along well.

Also that reminds me, the school psychologist is in the LGBTRC some days and in the Women's Center on the other side of the stairs on other days. I signed into the Women's Center as Calvin so I think that's probably the only male name on their sign in sheet, or only one of a handful. When the trans* meetings have a sign in sheet, it says full name so I decided that I was going to write Calvin [feminine birth middle name] [last name], because I can.

[llamajesus]

Unfortunately, at this point, I don't think my friends remember these guy name stuff. Once I texted my friend and called her Jake and she didn't remember it until I explained it so I'm just assuming they all forgot. Plus I just went Facebook stalking after my earlier post and "Nathan" is a true girl now. Her profile pic is her in feminine formal clothes with a lot of comments calling her hot. I'm never going to understand this concept of "hot" but okay.

I have been going by Calvin part-time with the people in the LGBT resource center so that's coming along well.

Also that reminds me, the school psychologist is in the LGBTRC some days and in the Women's Center on the other side of the stairs on other days. I signed into the Women's Center as Calvin so I think that's probably the only male name on their sign in sheet, or only one of a handful. When the trans* meetings have a sign in sheet, it says full name so I decided that I was going to write Calvin [feminine birth middle name] [last name], because I can.

That's disappointing that they don't remember the name thing. I'm guessing it's been a while since you actually used those names?

I'm glad the name thing is going well for you! I'm considering trying out my name in more places where I'm more comfortable, but I don't think I'm fully ready for that yet.

You're so lucky that you have a place like that to go to though! I'm not sure if I have one nearby, and I'd be way too nervous to go there regardless. Did anyone say anything to you about the name you put?

[nerdperson777]

That's disappointing that they don't remember the name thing. I'm guessing it's been a while since you actually used those names?

I'm glad the name thing is going well for you! I'm considering trying out my name in more places where I'm more comfortable, but I don't think I'm fully ready for that yet.

You're so lucky that you have a place like that to go to though! I'm not sure if I have one nearby, and I'd be way too nervous to go there regardless. Did anyone say anything to you about the name you put?

Yeah, kind of. The group of 4 only existed for freshman year and a fraction of sophomore year. Then some people wanted to hang out elsewhere during break and I stayed with the people a grade younger that were a little farther off.

Well, if you had a friend who was part of the community longer, they might force it upon you to use what name you wanted. It just takes a first step. I've been going as Calvin for maybe 10 months now. Just needs a a little push.

Well no one actually reads the sign in sheet when people come in so no one has stopped me. Plus when I'm still seen as female in daily life, they don't expect a female name written on the sheet.

[butterflydreams]

Came out on facebook (i only have 5 friends there so not a big deal) for my great aunt to see. She immediately responded, pm'd, and texted me saying to take my post down because "that kind of stuff stays with you. And what if your boss sees. You dont really know." And then eventually she was just like "fine, get the surgery to be a man. I dont care just think about your damn future we've all been through this so just stop!"

And then "and you dont even act trans. You were awful awful awful girly when you were little."

Wow. That's really lame. Sorry about that :( I can definitely feel a lot of my own parents coming through what your great aunt said here. My only suggestion would be to consider what her life might've been for her to react that way. I know for me, with my dad, those reactions come from a place of deep caring, and fear that I might no live up to his imagination of my potential. If you spin it down to a matter of being happy as yourself, that might help her get on board. It's up to you though. If you don't feel it's a relationship worth salvaging, then it is what it is.

How could they expect me to turn out exactly how they thought? Human brains are notorious for being bad at predictions. So its not anyones fault i turned out unexpectedly. It was statistically going to happen.

Hehe, yup! Sometimes I think about statistics with this stuff, not that it matters, but it does make me feel a little better sometimes. Exactly zero people in all the family and relatives I have are anything but cis and straight (at least...outwardly so). I wouldn't dismiss the idea that some of my die-hard christian extended family is just buried so helplessly in the closet. Somebody had to draw the short straw. That somebody was me.

[littlepersonparadox]

Over the holiday break this past two weeks were sitting in the car driving back from driving up a mountain. We pass by 3 strangers and the one in the middle is dressed mega androgynously and my dad goes "Look at that one in the middle Is that a guy or a girl? *some laughter*"

mom: "joins in with some laughter too* "I know"

Dad: "I mean how are you supposed to tell"

me: (trying to mutter so they don't hear me but they do ): "You can ask for pronouns"

At which point i had to explain pronouns and argue that they is a perfectly valid pronoun without coming out. Apparently my parents don't want to ask about pronouns becasue it would be "a rude thing to ask" becasue "Then they know that you can't tell" Yes becasue everyone is cisgendered and conforming in presentation.

Alternatively my uncle and aunt seem to be really trans* friendly. Back on my trip to montreal earlier this month my Uncle had a photo of bradley my little (and most rambunctious) cousin in a feminine skirt and top. My uncle was nervous around showing me acting as if he was afraid of how i would react. I know he's ok with bradly doing that kinda stuff cause I saw him smiling at the photo. So i reminded him that i sleep in boxers (said sleep becasue my parents were close enough to over-hear our conversation, If my parents would have not been there i may have used that moment to come out to them and go "Don't worry, i'm totally cool with it. I'm trans* so i don't see this as any kind of issue. If anything that would make me the worlds worst hypocrite."

[llamajesus]

Yeah, kind of. The group of 4 only existed for freshman year and a fraction of sophomore year. Then some people wanted to hang out elsewhere during break and I stayed with the people a grade younger that were a little farther off.

Well, if you had a friend who was part of the community longer, they might force it upon you to use what name you wanted. It just takes a first step. I've been going as Calvin for maybe 10 months now. Just needs a a little push.

Well no one actually reads the sign in sheet when people come in so no one has stopped me. Plus when I'm still seen as female in daily life, they don't expect a female name written on the sheet.

Ah, that's disappointing. Unfortunately, I don't really have anyone that's really close to me that's part of the community. Though I do have a group of friends that would probably be chill with it. I rarely see them anymore, but I could probably change that.

[lowena]

I'm the only trans woman and one of two AMAB trans people (the other isn't around much) in my college's Queer and Allies group. All the others are gay guys, cis women, and AFAB trans people. There is occasional transmisogyny and naturally no one takes me seriously when I speak out against it, which I am always sure to do. It's really fucking annoying.

Also, am I the only one that really hates the terms MTF and FTM? I never was a "male" and I didn't suddenly, magically "become a female". I thought I was supposed to be a man/boy because that's what everyone implied and said I should be, but I never was. I just hate the words "male" and "female" in general, except in the acronyms AMAB and AFAB. And I find saying something like "the MtF" as a noun very offensive, it's just as bad as saying "a transgender".

[Certified Cake Decorator]

Some people prefer the terms MTM and FTF for "i was male before but now im transitioning" and "i was female before but now im transitioning"

Does that help?

It like, you were always that gender, just now you will be dressing and acting and living your life more in accordance with it. Does that make sense?

[lowena]

Yeah, that makes sense. :) I don't think I'd use that for myself, but I see nothing wrong with that.

Some trans women, for example, actually did identify as men before transition, like someone I know. I don't think that's the case for most, though, and I think MTF and FTM reinforces the misconception that we were "born in the wrong body" or "born in a boy's/girl's body".

[littlepersonparadox]

I'm the only trans woman and one of two AMAB trans people (the other isn't around much) in my college's Queer and Allies group. All the others are gay guys, cis women, and AFAB trans people. There is occasional transmisogyny and naturally no one takes me seriously when I speak out against it, which I am always sure to do. It's really fucking annoying.

Also, am I the only one that really hates the terms MTF and FTM? I never was a "male" and I didn't suddenly, magically "become a female". I thought I was supposed to be a man/boy because that's what everyone implied and said I should be, but I never was. I just hate the words "male" and "female" in general, except in the acronyms AMAB and AFAB. And I find saying something like "the MtF" as a noun very offensive, it's just as bad as saying "a transgender".

That must be annoying. In my group at school we actually have 3 MTFs! I'm good friends with 2 of them and there is a AMAB genderfluid person at one meeting but I didn't get to talk to them. My date-mate actually wasn't happy with one of the guys at their collages queer group. Apparently they have lots of venom against cis-men and will still say negative things, even if a cis-male is in the room. hopefully when they come to my group next year their wisen up. (he's switching schools) Our's isn't a pure queers only space we try to make it open for everyone.

[butterflydreams]

I'm the only trans woman and one of two AMAB trans people (the other isn't around much) in my college's Queer and Allies group. All the others are gay guys, cis women, and AFAB trans people. There is occasional transmisogyny and naturally no one takes me seriously when I speak out against it, which I am always sure to do. It's really fucking annoying.

Also, am I the only one that really hates the terms MTF and FTM? I never was a "male" and I didn't suddenly, magically "become a female". I thought I was supposed to be a man/boy because that's what everyone implied and said I should be, but I never was. I just hate the words "male" and "female" in general, except in the acronyms AMAB and AFAB. And I find saying something like "the MtF" as a noun very offensive, it's just as bad as saying "a transgender".

I've seen it very evenly split actually. Some people really prefer it and embrace it (presumably because it aligns with their individual experience), and others like you really dislike it. As you said, you were never "male" so it makes sense that the term would feel weird applied to you. I'd let people know that you don't prefer it to be used in reference to you, or in general. Hopefully those around you will respect your wishes.

Very much agree with the thinking that you were supposed to be a man/boy bit though! I had myself pretty darn convinced up until recently. I'm just starting to take steps to rectify the situation :) Me personally? I'm not sure how I feel about MtF or FtM. If others want to use them, I'm ok with that. I don't think I'd ever prefer it be used in reference to me though. I've got an awful lot of baggage from years of negative messages about trans people piled onto the fact that to the best of my knowledge, I've never met a trans person in real life. That's my burden to plow through though. One day at a time.

That must be annoying. In my group at school we actually have 3 MTFs! I'm good friends with 2 of them and there is a AMAB genderfluid person at one meeting but I didn't get to talk to them. My date-mate actually wasn't happy with one of the guys at their collages queer group. Apparently they have lots of venom against cis-men and will still say negative things, even if a cis-male is in the room. hopefully when they come to my group next year their wisen up. (he's switching schools) Our's isn't a pure queers only space we try to make it open for everyone.

<_< for realz? Ugh!! It's almost like they're passing judgement on someone because of traits/identification they were born with. Hmm...now where have I heard that was bad before?

Seriously though, this kind of thing has massive ramifications, especially for people like me. In high school or college, I would've said I was a "dude by default" or at best, "male in body only." Why would I voluntarily place myself in that kind of a toxic environment? Surprise, I didn't. So for years I fended for myself. Not understanding why I just wasn't making it, but closing off an entire avenue of possibility. In college, I actually resented GSA-style groups. I had no one, no group, helping me figure things out, or defending me, so why should anyone else? Not the most mature attitude, I know, but that's the kind of thing that can happen.

Really hope your date-mate is able to find some better space to be a part of. No sense in adding more toxicity to the world :( They're lucky to have someone like you who can help block for them a little bit :)

[Kappamaki]

Google advertisements, in all its wisdom, has recently tried to sell me breast forms and a binder at the same time, with one ad atop the other. Apparently they've noticed me taking interest in trans stuff. Creepy capitalists.