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Serran

Is this something normal for sexuals?

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

I'm starting to feel glad my partner doesn't have boobs to show off to people, or that people can stare at lol. If he did have boobs, they would be all mine and I wouldn't want them shared with anyone else haha *is possibly a little possessive over partners non-existent boobs*

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Skullery Maid

I'm starting to feel glad my partner doesn't have boobs to show off to people, or that people can stare at lol. If he did have boobs, they would be all mine and I wouldn't want them shared with anyone else haha *is possibly a little possessive over partners non-existent boobs*

Hahaha I was all for it!

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Serran

I'm starting to feel glad my partner doesn't have boobs to show off to people, or that people can stare at lol. If he did have boobs, they would be all mine and I wouldn't want them shared with anyone else haha *is possibly a little possessive over partners non-existent boobs*

Lol my ex once had me take a pic of his penis to post online for the general public to rate (on one of those hotornot sites but for genitals). :p Men have things they like to show off too

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

I'm starting to feel glad my partner doesn't have boobs to show off to people, or that people can stare at lol. If he did have boobs, they would be all mine and I wouldn't want them shared with anyone else haha *is possibly a little possessive over partners non-existent boobs*

Lol my ex once had me take a pic of his penis to post online for the general public to rate (on one of those hotornot sites but for genitals). :P Men have things they like to show off too

haha even I will never see my partners penis (he is dead-set against that ever happening and I'm fine with that ^_^) so I literally have no concern that anyone else may ever see it :P .. boobs on the other hand, if he got some of those, I can imagine he'd feel more comfortable sending pics of them to other people haha (ie ''wow look at these amazing boobs I just grew'') in which case, I may get a little possessive over them :P .. lol I really hope he doesn't read this, he will be mortified :lol:

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I'd be too concerned about pics with no face attached (penis or hypothetical boobs) as long as no one knew who it was, but if people knew him and were seeing those parts, I think that's when Possessive Pan may come out :evil: LOL

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Sally

I'm starting to feel glad my partner doesn't have boobs to show off to people, or that people can stare at lol. If he did have boobs, they would be all mine and I wouldn't want them shared with anyone else haha *is possibly a little possessive over partners non-existent boobs*

Lol my ex once had me take a pic of his penis to post online for the general public to rate (on one of those hotornot sites but for genitals). :P Men have things they like to show off too

And you say he's insecure? Woooo.

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Serran

Haha well, I think he would like your possessiveness :D even if it is over nonexistent boobs! And if he sees this, sorry D! Lol

I'm starting to feel glad my partner doesn't have boobs to show off to people, or that people can stare at lol. If he did have boobs, they would be all mine and I wouldn't want them shared with anyone else haha *is possibly a little possessive over partners non-existent boobs*

Lol my ex once had me take a pic of his penis to post online for the general public to rate (on one of those hotornot sites but for genitals). :P Men have things they like to show off too
And you say he's insecure? Woooo.
Hm? My ex did that , not my partner. My partner doesn't even let me see him naked, I don't think he will be wanting racy photos of himself this century. Lol

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ponz

I'm prepared to be hated for saying this:

I guess I can't relate to the monogamous thinking anymore, but I don't think there's enough ground to say his intentions aren't monogamous. Sure, it's not normal, but things considered not normal aren't necessarily bad. The way I see it is: He knows this woman has a high sex drive and her husband can't completely satisfy her, so he gave her sex toys for her to enjoy herself. Why does it have to be "he's interested in her orgasms"? Why can't it simply be "he wants to give her a gift that can bring her pleasure"? If I give a friend a video game as a gift, does it mean I must want to watch them play it or play it with them? No. I don't see why sex toys are magically different. I do think the social norm "giving a friend sex toys is weird" reflects a certain degree of sex negativity.

However, he does seem to be comparing you with this woman and hoping you to be more like her, and that would make me uncomfortable as well. And his refusal to talk about it with you is a bigger red flag than the act of buying sex toys for her.

Is playing video games with someone other than your partner considered cheating? Nope. Is playing video games as intimate and "special" as giving someone access to your body? Nope.

All I wanted to say. XP

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Lucinda

The newly wed couple could be humoring your partner because they take his inappropriate gifts as part of his social ineptness. Otherwise, if they actually took him seriously, I would think the husband-coworker would be slightly insulted. Any husbands have an opinion on this?

How in the world would he know what size to buy? No need to answer .... please!

What I find fascinating is that he states you are "repressed" in a defensive sort of way. While I can understand that the selection of a sex toy is "personal" for the user, I'm not so sure the extent your partner views sex as "personal". In fact, your descriptions as to his approach towards sex ("let's do it", bjs, doggie style, fully clothed, unaffectionate) sounds highly impersonal to me. And, of course, using a sex toy on someone who you know doesn't even like it doesn't sound very intimate to me either. So could the pot be calling the kettle black in that he is repressed in his own way --- maybe intimately repressed?

Does it seem to fully register with him that you are uncomfortable with this?

Perhaps he is trying really really hard to fit in at work and doesn't realize he is actually embarrassing himself?

How will you discuss this with him? Or maybe let it pass? This is a toughie!

Lucinda

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Philip027
And no the skype group is NOT a bunch of guys hitting on me. And no Titania is NOT a guy, it's perfectly OK for me to plan to run away to Hawaii with her.

Yes, yes, this is perfectly okay. o_o

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Notte stellata

Is playing video games with someone other than your partner considered cheating? Nope. Is playing video games as intimate and "special" as giving someone access to your body? Nope.

All I wanted to say. XP

Well of course playing video games with someone other than your partner is (generally) not considered cheating, while having sex is. But my point was giving someone a sex toy doesn't necessarily mean wanting to have sex with them (let alone actually having sex with them - it's the action that counts), just like giving someone a video game doesn't necessarily mean wanting to play it with them.

I've been thinking of some things that some other posters have implied: Maybe Serran's partner does have a different idea about what's "personal" and what's threatening or inappropriate in a monogamous relationship. From Serran's posts in the past, it's clear that he's very much capable of separating sex and love, and he has no romantic interest in the woman he bought sex toys for, so maybe it really didn't occur to him that it could be a big deal for other people. For most people, complimenting a member of the opposite sex is much more "innocent" than giving them a sex toy, but maybe he sees it differently. It may also have to do with the circle he hangs out with, like the woman's husband who wasn't bothered by the gifts at all. But of course, if this is the case, he should be okay if his partner gave sex toys to another guy as well.

In any case, he comes across as pretty self-centered to me. I'm sorry if you don't like to hear this, Serran, but you're always trying to accommodate to his needs and feelings, while his behaviors don't measure up to that by a long shot.

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Serran
And no the skype group is NOT a bunch of guys hitting on me. And no Titania is NOT a guy, it's perfectly OK for me to plan to run away to Hawaii with her.

Yes, yes, this is perfectly okay. o_o

So, I should tell Titania we have an ally in our plan? :D

I sent him a long letter today, since he wouldn't let me talk to him about it face-to-face last time I tried to bring it up. He apologized for "being an idiot" ... suggested we could keep the dildo (EWEWEWEWEWEWEW) or throw it away if I didn't want him to give it. But, throwing it away after already purchasing seems wasteful, so we agreed on letting this time slide and next time if he wants to buy someone a sex toy, to buy a gift certificate to the sex shop and letting them pick it out themselves.. and to actually run "non-traditional, possibly past the line" actions past me before just going ahead with doing them.

As for the repressed and negative thing, he said he didn't mean those as insults (though, if he didn't, he SERIOUSLY needs to work on his wording) but meant that people he knows don't consider it a personal activity and most enjoy it. How "sex negative and repressed" means that, is beyond me. But, whatever.

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SithGirl

Not even being concerned with it being odd with him buying her sex toys since my friend who is really horny would do that for a close friend as well, but his reactions to your questioning him seems horrible. I'd be worried more about that.

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Serran

Oh yes, I forgot to add to my last post :

Thank you all for the support and advice. :D

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Grayd Ace

Ace here but I know enough about sex etc to know this much: if they get freaked out on you talking to someone or 'i know you want to go fuck that guy/girl', and you are NOT doing anything of the sort, but they keep acting as such,


it means THEY are getting their freak on with others and feel guilty and are projecting it to you so they don't feel as bad.

Dump the sicko and go go go. It's better to be alone than taken a fool <3

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Skullery Maid

Ace here but I know enough about sex etc to know this much: if they get freaked out on you talking to someone or 'i know you want to go fuck that guy/girl', and you are NOT doing anything of the sort, but they keep acting as such,

it means THEY are getting their freak on with others and feel guilty and are projecting it to you so they don't feel as bad.

Meh, some people are just jealous.

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Tarfeather

Ace here but I know enough about sex etc to know this much: if they get freaked out on you talking to someone or 'i know you want to go fuck that guy/girl', and you are NOT doing anything of the sort, but they keep acting as such,

it means THEY are getting their freak on with others and feel guilty and are projecting it to you so they don't feel as bad.

Meh, some people are just jealous.

Yeah, to elaborate on that, some people have been cheated on in the past, and so certain situations might make them think that they're about to be cheated on again, even if it's totally irrational. It could theoretically go as far as "X looks similar to the guy/girl my ex cheated on me with, so my current partner probably finds X attractive, too, and is going to cheat on me". Not the only explanation of such behaviour, just one example.

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