EricK Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Q: how can you pick out an asexual man in a nudist colony? A: it's not hard. Which reminded me of this:Q: Is it difficult to get an asexual to come to bed with you? A: No. Piece of cake. Link to post Share on other sites
Destan Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Person: asexuality is fake Me: did you hear that Person: what Me: it was me asking for your opinion Person: I dont hear anything Me: exactly "You're too hott to be ace/aro!" Yeah, and you're too annoying to still be breathing, yet here we are. (These are from twitter) Link to post Share on other sites
Retronaut Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 My AVEN meet for non-libidoists was a total failure, nobody came. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnn Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I just took a sexuality test. I aced it. Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Haha, I wouldn't exactly say this is a joke, but it's pretty funny nonetheless. So I found this meme... and it reminded me of this personality test that I took for AP Psych and I got a 0% for sexuality... I totally ACED it! But... it's a 0%, shouldn't that be an F? Nope... ACED it! I just took a sexuality test. I aced it. Is it so hard to read the previous page? ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Frozen Fairy Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I had this one night stand and I felt bad. So I got another one for the other side of the bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Randomchaos Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 What do you call male, homoromantic, asexual porn?BBC's Sherlock. Link to post Share on other sites
Gumby Jellybeans III Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I'm surprised this one hasn't come up yet, but; Q: You're asexual?! How do you cope? A: I don't give a f*ck. Link to post Share on other sites
Juzey Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Found this joke on Reddit a couple of days ago, thought you guys might appreciate it: There is a hurricane one day. A ship goes down and is lost. A man finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to five-star hotels, this guy has no idea what to do, so for the next four months he eats bananas, drinks coconut juice and longs for his old life. He fixes his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he is lying on the beach, he spots a movement out of the corner of his eye. It's a rowboat, and in it is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen. She rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' 'I rowed from the other side of the island,' she says. 'I landed here when my cruise ship sank.' 'Amazing,' he says. 'I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.' 'It's only me,' she says, 'and the rowboat didn't wash up; nothing did.' He is confused. 'Then how did you get the rowboat?' 'Oh, simple,' replies the woman. 'I made the rowboat out of materials that I found on the island. I whittled the oars from the gumtree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a coconut tree.' 'B-b-but that's impossible,' stutters the man. 'You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?' 'Oh, that was no problem,' replies the woman. 'On the other side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into the forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that,' she says. 'Where do you live?' Sheepishly, he confesses that he has been sleeping on the beach the whole time. 'Well, let's row over to my place then,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to the shore he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only state ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?' 'No, no thank you,' he says, still dazed. 'I can't take any more coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' the woman replies. 'I have a still. How about a pina colada?' Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave?' There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.' No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There in the cabinet is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end inside a swivel mechanism. 'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?' When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines - strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons him over to sit down next o her. 'Tell me,' she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'we have been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know...' She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he is hearing. 'You mean?' he replies, '...I can check Reddit from here?' Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 'You mean?' he replies, '...I can check AVEN from here?' FTFY ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Transcript of a Tumblr post I came across a few days ago: tiredrussian: Asexual bases First base: holding hands Second base: ritual sacrifice Third base: joining the illuminati and becoming the masterminds behind governments and corporations Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Transcript of a Tumblr post I came across a few days ago: tiredrussian: Asexual bases First base: holding hands Second base: ritual sacrifice Third base: joining the illuminati and becoming the masterminds behind governments and corporations I prefer a slightly different system: Base 1: 111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 Base 2: 1001110102 Base 3: 1021223 Base 4: 103224 Link to post Share on other sites
Skippy Squirrel Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Base 2: 1001110102 Is it bad that I just worked out in my head what that number is in base 10? It's 314, right? Link to post Share on other sites
EricK Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Base 2: 1001110102 Is it bad that I just worked out in my head what that number is in base 10? It's 314, right? No. What's bad is you only worked it out for the base 2 number! Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 It's 314, right? Yes. I chose this number because of 's username ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 It's 314, right? Yes. I chose this number because of 's username ;) And here I thought playing endless games of 2048 was useless, and that I would only rarely use the resulting ability to convert between binary and decimal in my head outside of the digital technology topic in IB HL Physics. ;) I've got a long flight coming up next week, maybe I should pick up more base systems (possibly by modifying 2048 to use powers of other numbers) just for the heck of it to keep myself entertained. :P Link to post Share on other sites
booksaremysexlife Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Asexual During Sex Ed, The Movie-Script: Before Asexual teen, only one excited: "YAY! I need to understand this thing called 'sex' " (<--said by someone prob. with no sex drive as well) 10 minutes in Raises hand to teacher= "How does it work? Why do people want it with only certain people, or at all? Is this natural?" 30 minutes in "Wait, people actually feel like they want sex with someone? I thought people just did it to continue the human population...." After WTH is going on.... Is everyone crazy except me? Credits: booksaremysexlife----writer Cast: To be found, 19 teenagers in high school range, one asexual teen, one adult that can portray a Sex Ed teacher without laughing every time we shoot, and someone that can wear a cake costume and jump in and start dancing at the end Link to post Share on other sites
Eccentricly_Awkward Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 This is not exactly a joke, but it's a funny gif. Someone said on Twitter: Me explaining being #asexual Is that...is that Peter Capaldi? Link to post Share on other sites
RHD95 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 As a romantic ace this describes me perfectly: Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Asexual During Sex Ed, The Movie-Script: Before Asexual teen, only one excited: "YAY! I need to understand this thing called 'sex' " (<--said by someone prob. with no sex drive as well) 10 minutes in Raises hand to teacher= "How does it work? Why do people want it with only certain people, or at all? Is this natural?" 30 minutes in "Wait, people actually feel like they want sex with someone? I thought people just did it to continue the human population...." After WTH is going on.... Is everyone crazy except me? Credits: booksaremysexlife----writer Cast: To be found, 19 teenagers in high school range, one asexual teen, one adult that can portray a Sex Ed teacher without laughing every time we shoot, and someone that can wear a cake costume and jump in and start dancing at the end When I saw this in my email, I thought it was serious. I'm no longer a teenager but I can pass for 13 maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Nymra Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 "Stop being a dick, I'm not into those." Still my favorite xD Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 "Stop being a dick, I'm not into those." Still my favorite xD I told this to my lesbian friend. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Vestal Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Is that...is that Peter Capaldi? Yes, he is. Thanks for answering. Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Skittlez Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Don't screw with asexuals; we're not into that. Link to post Share on other sites
Honey_Badger Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Not specifically an ace joke, but... I spent the weekend with an ex-roommate, helping her fix up her apartment: yesterday she was struggling to hang posters and frustrated to the point that she no longer spoke english. Her: I can't do straight things! I can't make it straight!Me: I have that problem all the time. Her: *throws a couch pillow at my head.* Link to post Share on other sites
GhostintheMachine Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 What do you call a heteromatic asexual with high grades? A Straight A student Link to post Share on other sites
Lover Of Cats And Cake Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 This is not exactly a joke, but it's a funny gif.Someone said on Twitter:Me explaining being #asexual That's genius! I love it! XD Link to post Share on other sites
Gonzo79 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Ooh thanks folks I really enjoyed this thread!! This is quite possibly the only joke thread in the internet without a single dirty joke in it lol, I mean seriously- there's almost nothing you couldn't show your grandma on here (except maybe the Capaldi video). Asexuals, you gotta love em!...but from a respectable distance, and only in a platonic way. Link to post Share on other sites
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